Wednesday Roll Call

[Kaiti]

Good morning all!
Went to bed last night and it was beautiful. Snow had fallen nice big flakes, enough to cover the ground, but not enough to cover the roads and cancel school Yes, I'm a little kid at heart, um, besides working in a school gotta wish for an unexpected day off sometime

I hope today brings a peace with everyone inside and out

[houghchrst]

Morning Kaiti !! I am new here, well kind of, I guess I have finally decided to become involved. I am afraid of rejection and unsure of where I would fit in on the BT site (quite a few things going on so there are other forums too) but I do enjoy coming here so I decided maybe I could use some outside comaraderie (jeez did I spell that right?). My 14 year old says I need some friends and has been trying to get me on My Space lol. I am a recovering addict, started rehab in about late '97 for a crack addiction thinking I could quit that but keep everything else. Pot, booze, LSD and powder coke. Well that idea got shot down. Just not possible. Well it took about two years in outpatient rehab before I finally got it and on New Years Eve of 1999 I went on a binge and hated myself even while I was doing it and that was the last time so I have been clean and sober for 7 years. Yes I still have all kinds of mental issues but that is for another forum but now I know some of why I was addicted and now I am trying to deal with getting my mental state taken care of. I hope that maybe I can be of help here so if anybody wants to ask a question I am not afraid of sharing.
Hope to hear from some of ya.
Christina

[Kaiti]

Hey Christina, good to hear from you. I don't think it matters what board you are at as long as you are here for a need and want to be supportive as well....that is all the better.

I'm afraid of rejection too, don't worry, but the way I figure it is if i see that little red "x" in the top hand corner that I want to push to close out, I am more then welcome to then i just pretend i didn't read something OR look at it a little more closely to see why I might not want to read it.......hmmmm, get the old thinker going sometimes.

Well, I can't say I have been sober for as long as everyone else, actually, today is one month.....which doesn't seem like long to me, until I think about it, then I think about it a little more, and start not liking numbers, so I just take it as I can, with a cup of coffee and a smile.

I read somewhere that most problems, no matter what they are, didn't take a day to happen, so it will take more then a day to solve the problem. I like that saying.....it gives me a bit of a boost in the ole self esteem that even though it might look like a mole hill, it was a mountain to me at first.

Have a great night everyone!

[houghchrst]

One month sober !!!!!! That is wonderful !!!! Congratulations I know it is hard, there are days you breeze right through and then there are the days where every moment is excrutiating but it gets easier. It is the most wonderful thing you can do for yourself and for those around you. You must be very proud of yourself as well as you should be. Keep up the good work!!! Thanks for the welcome. If you need me for anything then just yell.
Christina

[Kaiti]

Thanks, not as proud as I should be seeing as I had tried to start before, it just got inturrupted

thanks for the support I have to brag a little, and even though this past weekend was rough for our family, my hubby said he was envious of me because he couldn't see how he could do it, but since he saw me do it, he is thinkign about it too.

I was trying to help him fix himself the last time I tried until a friend told me to fix me first.....so I am having to go with the logical choice of a friend

[houghchrst]

Everyday that you make it through is something to be proud of. Are you doing any kind of program? Your friend is right. My fiance was in inpatient rehab (little trouble with the law) and I was kind out here trying to get clean and sober doing outpatient which was hard because I would come home from class and be right back in the same environment. Don't know how many times I would do good for anywhere from a couple of days to up to a whole month and then go right back to my old ways. Even now being clean and sober for 7 years I have moments where I kind of miss smoking a joint of going to the bar. (not to mention all the other things that I used to do) The remembrance of the taste of a really cold beer (which is kind of funny because I kind of hated the taste of beer) hits me every now and then but these are momentary flashes and they get smaller and farther apart the longer I stay clean.They will for you too. The benefits far outweigh the bad days. Supporting each other in you sobriety is a great help. Just don't let one manipulate the other into falling off the wagon. Not hard to do.

[Kaiti]

Oh it isn't hard at all to do the manipulating.....I think about 4 yrs ago I started to quit what happened is well, nothing. Like you, I'd go for a little, then get back on, then off, then on.....but things just took their toll this time for some reason and it clicked.

Before the new board came to be, I had been here a few times. My hubby's uncle said it best and I remember a few of the members said they were wise words. There is no controlling alcohol. No matter how much you think you can, it will always control you.

I thought about it in passing here or there. I'd make the same remarks as I always had.....I can handle myself, under the legal limit, better then going to get meds, etc. Then I lost it and woke up feeling like a not very good person. The WD wasn't as bad physically as it was mentally.

I was/am looking to find me again......which I think I have found, for the most part.....not as much patience as I used to have in some ways, more patience in other ways.

Anyhow, sorry for rambling
Have a great night