Hi everyone

[christopher2006]

I'm 33 years old. In 2003 I had 17 vertabras fused. It was a 15 hour surgery. They put in 21 three inch screws and two rods going from my shoulders to my tailbone. I have one three inch screw in every vertabra and four in my tailbone. I had a 70 degree curve countercurved by 60 degrees with my spine twisted 1/3 of the way. It took a full two years but I finally got SSI disability and finally I'm getting the pain medication down so I can function somewhat normaly, although there are many things I cant do. I'm writing today because I just quit Voc. rehab who was trying to help me go to school. The guy treated me like I was faking the pain and I just got sick of it. I feel like everyone from my neighbors, family and friends to Voc. rehab, my new doctor , finacial dept at the college, everyone has a problem with me being on SSI disability. Is there anybody out there who has run into the same problem. Is it unreasonable to think I could be on SSI disability for the rest of my life. I got turned down for grants for school because I got backpay in 2005 which put me over the limit for finaincal help. Im scared to take out a bunch of student loans I have to pay back. If anybody has any advice or just would tell me their stories of similar situations it would help me alot. thank you

[christopher2006]

I started this thread before reading any other thread. Nobody has to respond to this. Reading some of the other threads answered most of my questions. I would like to talk to anybody who has had a similar surgery though. just to see what kind of problems if any they are having.

[Cry Tears]

Hi Christopher....give people time to respond....remember there's also a time difference between some of us...some are on the other side of the earth, but we meet here to share stories about our pain and "fallout" thats incoured because of this. But I know it is disappointing when no one reaches out to you when you've poured your heart out here in public.
Most of us long time BT'rs log on usually skip down to our favorite forum and probably didn't even see your post.
We didn't mean to ignore you....but I want to welcome you to our "family" here where you'll find some of the support and validation you need.

I've not had back surgery...my pain comes from different sources, but non the less we're all in the same "raft" floating around a sea of pain.
I've also experienced condesending people who've made judgment about my pain, health issues and fatiue.
I even had family members shun me as I'm no longer the strong person they were used to be so dependant upon. I think it scares them.
IF you don't look like death warmed over and try to function at a somewhat normal level, you certainly will have many people make judgments.
I get criticized any time I do something others feel shouldn't be an acomplishment a chroniclly ill person should be able to do.
ITs like they delight in your being stomped on. Like survival of the fitest rule.

They don't see the "fallout" I experience anytime I "over do it", they don't see me when I'm tied to my bed because of pain and fatigue.

Pain cannot be measured by an outsider. Same with fatigue, depression or suffering. This can only be measured by the person experiencing this.
Even when someone has the same exact illness, their response may be totally different.
Its a matter of how one preceives what is happenng to thier body. They may have the same amount of pain and fatigue but one person may be able to function, the other my be totally overwhelmed and just given in to being bedridden.
You must have youth on your side at this time seeing you're still in an education mode.
Don't let others make a determination for your future welfare by trying to discourage you or try to control you by their attitudes.
I do hope you find someone you'll be able to relate with.
Blessings, cheryl

[Boopers]

Hi Christopher,

First, I want to welcome you to BT. I am really glad you joined.
Wow, it sounds like you have been through the wringer. I am so sorry that "society" looks down on you. It is truly a shame that they can't feel your pain just for a second, to know what you are going through and the suffering you have.

I have never had surgery. You will see that in my signature. The NS won't touch me. Too risky.

It took me three years to get SSI. I finally had to get a lawyer and went before a judge. Then it went through, no problem.

I am in constant pain, although, by looking at me, I am not what you would normally see, using a disabled placard when parking. Yes, I get the looks and the stares but they don't understand that I can't walk very far at a time.

When I go into a big store, say Wal Mart, I have to use one of the scooters that they provide for people who need them. I really get the stares then. I am a 52 year old female trapped in a ninety year old body.

So, yes, I know first hand the looks and stares we get because we don't look old enough or crippled enough to be on SSI. I don't let it bother me anymore.

I wish you pain free days ahead,
Linda