The cold hard truth

[tgrimes]

Well, I just can't stop thinking about this... I got a call from the school on Tuesday from Theo's art teacher (he is homechooled and going only to art) who wanted a phone conference, and a four minute conference boiled down to:
"Can you not bring him in anymore, we think he would be better off in scouts or something."
It really caught me off guard it was an half hour before we had to leave to drop him off. She is very scared of something he did last week, which was basically run out of class after I had dropped him off, but I saw him and talked to him, and he went back in and did fine.
Now they know our family and the situation, and they do know he does better at the community center functions than anywhere else, so this is not some bizarre suggestion.
But coming from the school, it's just kind of sad, and I'm having a hard time getting my mind off it.
I don't know if posting it will help or make it worse!

[peglem]

I know exactly how you feel- kinda like they rejected your kid? At Allie's IEP meeting last month, the 1st order of business was for one of the school officials to "put everyone on notice" that if Allie doesn't start showing some real gains then its time to look for a different program for her. He said a lot of other stuff and I personally think they could have either been more diplomatic or been very blunt. I got the feeling there was some hidden agenda... But what I came away with is: "Your kid isn't good enough for our program" She goes to a private, self contained, cross categorical sped school that specializes in behavioral and language disorders. This is the beginning of her 6th year there. I didn't even know what to think or feel about this information- came from out of the blue! I've always loved this school, worked closely with them and know that they've done great things for her. Yes, I knew she was having problems, particularly with behavior...but that's what they do! Now I feel like they've decided to just bide their time until she's gone...home/school communication has gone way, way down and I'm very uncomfortable dealing with them.

[Braindrain]

These people are supposed to be education professionals, but they don't
seem to be acting in a professional manner:

what gives an art teacher the right to say what students s/he will teach?
I could see calling a conference if the class was being disrupted, but it
wasn't. The fact that he calmed down and went back to class should
have been the end of it.

And, these "officials" who are basically saying: "Shape up or ship out".
Who do they think they are?? Aren't they getting paid to deal with
special education students? And, another thing: if it's taken them
6 years to come up with this crap, something else must be going on
that they're not telling you about. There has to be a reason for this
attitude and you have the right to know what's going on.

I hope that you both get some answers soon.

[Mother's Heart]

it hasn't been six years. He just started back to the school this Fall...has been homeschooled the past few. the other poster referred to six years.

tgrimes. I guess I just have (((hugs))) cuz i have the same shattered feeling you must have. I can't help but wonder if the running off was just the opening she was waiting for to say she was uncomfortable, but didn't have a good reason to bring it up before.

[peglem]

Well, Allie will be moving to a different school as soon as there is an opening there. Her placement here is an out-placement by her regular school district(requested by me when her kindergarten year in district schools proved to be an improper placement) I have been very happy with this school. She's been having problems w/ strep related stuff the past couple of years and her progress has, at most, stagnated. Part of the problem here is that this school has only one program (they only accept students after several observations to be sure it is a good fit for them) and has a very good behavior mod program. Well, some of Allie's behaviors are highly resistant to behavior mod- (more like complex tics-no identifiable antecedent). If they had said, "We are no longer seeing the same success with Allie that we have in the past and believe that her complex needs would be better met in a school that has the resources/programs to address them." But, the way they went about it, was more like there was something wrong with Allie, like she was just not getting with the program. They talked about the school's programs and objectives, not about Allie's needs. Also, they don't believe that her behaviors are not always voluntary (at least I don't think they do-this was implied but not directly stated). Anyway, bottom line, I don't want Allie in a place where she is not wanted, so we'll move on- Looks like the new school will provide lots of opportunities for her, has a vast variety of available services and tons of experience with children who are more like Allie. Still, I feel like they don't love her anymore and that kinda hurts.

[tgrimes]

Looks like alternate placement is hard for everyone. This poor kid has had so many teachers give up on him, he just thinks of himself as a 'bad' kid that no one can handle. I just am so thankful that this time he's not going to know about it. I asked him how he felt about maybe switching art class for something at the community center and he said that was ok. I don't have the heart to tell him he is not welcome at the school anymore. I don't think he would even remember that incident last week, I stressed how well he did in class, not the thing that happened before. And I want him to have positive memories of when he did go.

[Mother's Heart]

I'm glad you broached it with him so well. Sounds like you've protected him and given him a sense of choice in the matter. Good job.

I know it hurts....feels like rejection or failure...but what it is frankly, is the teachers' failure, to teach him in the way he needs, and to cope with his behaviours/abilities. When I was a therapist I made it a practice to have the first thought I had whenever a child did not progress or 'get' what I was asking them to do was that *I* had not found the right way to teach that child...not that the child had failed (or refused). This allowed me really be aware of what was happening and to revise my approach until the child benefited. I try to remember this now, as mom.

[Isabelle]

I think that's what these authorities want to do with Allie, Vince and Theo, they all are close to that age. Their "hidden agenda" is to declared them as "difficult to place", "a complex case", a psychiatric case and best to be away from the family and into a group home where they will received "education" in a "structured" environment.

[milivica]

How aweful (((( )))). It must feel like getting a knife twisted in a wound that's already got salt in it. It's so hurtful for a mother, especially out of the blue like that. I'm glad at least he won't know the reason why he's switching. But you have my heart on this one. I can imagine how you feel, and I'm so sorry that happened.

((((Mili))))

[paulmoosberg]

seems the beast in question would be equal to how most people just want to make thier life easier and thier choices easier. i imagine that goes the same for people trying to teach kids with autism. seems that there have been a few posts about how teachers would rather get rid of the kid because they don't understand what or why he/she is doing what they are doing. and without even trying to understand they try to protect themselves instead of doing what is right and helping the kid. but not to be devils advicate, it is difficult to handle children on the spectrum. so kinda like a catch 22.

overall though i would say that these people are suppose to be able to handle special needs cases. and if they can't then they should be open to learning about the disfunction of a certain student so they may handle situations with that student better in the future. like i know a mom in austrailia that held a meeting to teach the teachers her kid was going to school at about autism and the different situations that can occur for kids on the spectrum. she found out that not many people understood the spectrum and that her meeting was very informative.

not to say you have to have a meeting everytime your kid does something with someone. but just as an option that worked for someone i know.

i do know but generally i am too nice. i don't know why others don't want to learn about how to interact with people with disabilities. but seems a lot of people deal with this about autism, or at least i have seen a few thread of similar nature about people not wanting to deal with autistics so they just make rules and or recomend for the kid to go away so that way it is not thier problem. you know, the not in my back yard people. you know the people that say help autism, and help people, just don't do it around me. i hate those people.