A poem "THE GUILT OF A MOTHER"

[JAVISI]

The Guilt of a mother

I have made so many mistakes in my life!
What has this done to my kids?
I feel so bad that I am the guilty one'
The weight on my shoulders feels like a ton!
I am reminded daily of my failures that I inflicted upon them!
The bad choices that they make me burn like the light glaring from a shiney new gem.
I oh so wanted them to to have a good and happy childhood filled with fun, to be the child I was never allowed to be!
I did my best but does that really matter when the choices they make come flooding back on me?
Alone only I can take the blame
Even though I thought I was doing my best, that rational seems so lame.
How do I get over this deep seated guilt? I do not know!
It feels like an arrow in my heart shot from a bow.
I feel lonely in this world.
I feel like I didn't prepare them for what life has hurled.
I have pondered this question so many times.
I wanted a fairy tale life for my kids, the kind in story books and rhymes.
The paim that I feel can be so intense!
Now none of this makes any sense!
I wish I could go back in time and change my mistakes.
The trouble is I don't know how to go back and change so many things, I did the best that I could and did what I thought it takes.
If I could only get rid of the guilt, and they start making better choices I could feel that I have won!
Life is so hard and I know that I can not go back!
But why do I feel such guilt and feel such judgement for the things that I lack?