New Oldie Checking In

[Annie B.]

Hello out there to all my old and new sober and struggling friends! It's been such a long time since I've checked in, but today for some reason, I felt compelled to stop by and say something.

I do make an effort to come by and read several times a week, but never. ever contribute anymore and I'm not really sure why that is. I'm still sober and free from the ETOH that nearly wrecked my life and the lives of my family. I'm 6 months away from celebrating 5 years and as of today have no reason to think that it won't happen provided that I continue to live one day at a time.

I've so missed checking in here. Of all the forums I visit on BT, this is the one that feels most like family to me. What is it they say about us--the world is full of drunks and other friends that we haven't met yet. My life is about the same. I'm still shopping way too much, but the reason is a good one--the 40+ pounds that mysteriously appeared on me several years ago has just as mysteriously started to come off quickly. I've gotta say, I do look good as I get back to my old size and I like the way I feel when I look in the mirror. (Is that so conceited? I don't mean for it to be!) I'm getting my old body back, but that means that the wardrobe has to be replaced. In 2001, I was a size 2-4, then ballooned up to a 16 by summer's end, and in the last 6 months am back down to an 8. (I know, guys, this means nothing to you!)

Better yet, I need to get to a seamstress to see how much she'd charge to make everything fit again. It can't be more than it would be to replace everything.

My biggest challenge has been at work. It's absolutely miserable and many times, the old Annie B. would have drank AT the people around her who bother her. I haven't wanted to do that, but I do feel myself and that restless, irritable and discontented feeling lots and lots. It's then I have to remember that there is something the matter with ME, and look for what that is and how to fix it.

I lost a sponsor under bad circumstances earlier his year. It's really hurt me and I find myself thinking about her over and over again. So, I'm inbetween a good sponsor, and although I suround myself with sober and struggling women through meetings that I'm dedicated to, it's not the same as having that one woman who knows everything there is to know about you.

Since the baby (now 2 yo and the reason for me finding BT 3 years ago) is getting bigger, I've found myself going to fewer and fewer meetings, relying on the BB and other literature. DH is 14+ years sober in AA, but you know what they say about sponsoring each other--not a great idea.

Hey you all, I didn't mean for this to be an epistle. Just wanted to reintroduce myself. I hope that nobody minds me venting and sharing in this forum for a little while. Circumstances are making real time meetings almost impossible. I'll get back to them soon, just not right now.

I really do miss you all--it's so good to see old faces/nicknames and the new. I hope that you find it in your hearts to take me back in as a contributing member of this forum. I really felt "a part of" before the crash, and now am having a hard time finding where I fit anymore.

I don't think I'm close to a drink. I just want to put one more wall inbetween me and the ETOH--the enemy. To drink means that this alcoholic WILL die--I have no doubt in that. I know that I don't have another recovery in me.

Love you all as only another alkie can,

xoxo,
Annie B.

[Laura]

Hi Annie!
I remember you! I don't usually post on this forum although I often read. Growing up in a family surrounded by addiction, I often feel like I am an addict, have so many of the behaviors, but have never abused drugs or alcohol, so I figure I'm not really welcome here since I am technically not an addict or alcoholic. But I like to read because I am still in a 12 step program, AlAnon (it is funny, recently I was looking for a new meeting, and some AA members who directed me referred to me as one of the "REALLY crazy ones", I laughed and agreed), and still work with recovering addicts/alcoholics professionally.

Anyways, enough about me. It is great to hear from you. You used to always sound so upbeat. Last I remember your daughter was just an infant. Isn't it amazing how quickly they grow up? I must say though, I am a little worried about you. Feeling discontented, no sponsor, not making the time for meetings............. I hope you aren't heading for a relapse. You know what they say. Most relapses start long before that first drink. It sounds like some relapse behaviors creeping in (baffling, cunning, and powerful comes to mind............ could always manage to find the time and energy to go get a drink), but I could be wrong, and I certainly hope so. Just something for you to think about as only you would know the answer. I hope you don't think I am beating up on you, I have always spoken my mind......... and I like friends who care enough to do the same with me. Maybe you are just down and venting, and Lord knows we all need to do that sometimes, but you just don't sound like the old Annie right now.

Congrats though on 5 years coming up. And losing that weight! I think I would go for the new wardrobe! Hey, a new look deserves some new clothes to go along with it. We are never too old to look hot, right? Take care of yourself and I hope you start posting more. You always had some good H.O.W. to share.

Laura

[citoig]

Yes welcome, Annie. I remembe you too, Don't be a stranger or a "lurker" say a little somethin each day. Unfortunately last year the forum was down a long time and a lot of the regulars just gave up. A few of us are trying to keep it alive.

Again, you are always welcome.

Citoig

[steve m]

Hi Annie..I havent been posting here much myself..but you just have to jump back in with both feet I suppose

Sounds like you are experiencing the usual ups and downs of life..As my sponsor would say.."Looks like a perfect opportunity to practice the priniples"..

[teddiebears]

Just popping in....

Hello to Annie B and Laura -- it's nice to 'see' you here again.

Have a peaceful day everyone.

[Laura]

It is great to see some activity again. I hope it continues.

See what you started Annie? You'll have to keep coming back now.

[citoig]

Just checkin in too. Things ae a little different here. My neighbor, John is in hospital so I've been taking care of his cat in his place. She's afraid of me and she's scared being alone. John's room mate is also in hospital (different from the on John is in). So ifeed her in the AM and in evening I turn on some lights and talk to her trying to reassure her. If anybody saw/heard they'd think I was ready for the funny farm. Happy Acres here I come LOL.

Have a great weekend.

Citoig

[batsinwonderland]

Welcome back Annie. May I suggest a womens meeting? They are good places for us women to go when we only have time for one meeting. They are a great place to find a sponsor too. I know I feel better when I am practicing the three S's Sponsorship, service and steps. Bright Blessings!