Relative with TBI being abused by wife

[Tat-Roo]

I do not wish to have a story to tell, but I do. My close relative is in his 8th month of living with the results of a Traumatic Brain Injury. I believe the act that ended up causing the TBI was the result of undiagnosed depression and spousal abuse. ("a failure to diagnose" lawsuit seems possible if one had access to his med reports leading up to the accident)

Long, long, long story short; his wife does not love him and has not loved him for a long time. She has cut off his family (mother, aunts, uncles, cousins)and his friends from seeing him. She is keeping him locked in the lower level of their home. She has kept his wallet and cellphone from him.

His brain injury has affected his initiative and memory. He does not like his living conditions, but he does not seem to be able to change them. At home, he failed to remember to take out the trash, so he can't watch TV. The phone has been removed from his area. We don't know if he has access to books - which he devours.Family attorneys and counselors say that the wife has all the power and there is nothing any of us can do - unless abuse is witnessed. No one has access to him at home to witness it. How do I know what is happening? He has been able to tell his therapists these few things.He is going to therapy twice a week. She cut out the third visit per week.

We have read that the first two years of recovery are the most important. He is alone most of the time. He has a family (I'm not referring to his immediate family - wife and kids) that loves him and would absolutely care for him as much as possible. Especially, to facilitate the best recovery chances possible.

This is my first forum - posting - etc ever. His mother is hitting walls when trying to find out how to help him. I cannot answer WHY the wife is like this - I just need to find out if there are any options for 1) us getting access to him 2) any agency looking into this situation (the rehab admin/therapists/workers only listen to the wife and tell her everything we ask or say to the therapists) 3) getting him away from his wife!

Thanks.

Tat_roo

[dizzyintx]

I don't know where he lives, but there should be an Adult Protective Service that will look into allegations of abuse, neglect or exploitation. They do this for the elderly or disabled, same as for children.

Good Luck!

[Tat-Roo]

See Traumatic Brain Injury Forum

[Nana4&cntn]

HI,

Adult protective services will make a no notice visit. A family member usually is welcome. Be prepared to provide a different living situation for him. If abuse is apparent the wife can be arrested on the spot.

I was a SocialWorker for disabled adults and ran into simular situations. Make sure you have some documentation, like showing up to see him, with another person, a tape recording is a good device to have evidence of wifes deamner. Phone calls can also be taped. These are not typically useful in court, but, are enough for the APS worker.

I am in Nebraska, I don't know where you are but am here if you need further help.

kathy

[macoutlaw@mac.com]

This has happened to me, myself.
My TBI occured in '98. My attorneys missed a deadline, I was self insured for 5 million.
I was a "walking zombie for many years, and only wanted to sleep".

My wife stole the proceeds from two business' and emptied my bank accounts. (I was a wealthy man). She forced my children out. (They were being groomed to take over the businesses). She forced me from my paid for home, her name is not on it.
Now, finally after more than a decade, with a TBI, and RSD, she is asking the court for my house, and my money.
She is also taking a thousand dollars/month from my disability.

She claims, that I abused her!
She actually ran me over, with my car. Thank God, I was carrying a bucket that lifted the front (drive wheel) off of the gravel. I was under the car, my face a mere foot from the tire, and she had her foot to the floor, I couldn't breathe for the smoke!
I still have the scars on my legs.
WE both called the police, she told them I accosted her with a GUN! (I don't own or possess a gun!),
Who got handcuffed? Me.
What did they do to her? Nothing.

Now, after being too broke to afford an attorney, I will see her in court tomorrow by myself. (The attorney I had, won't take my calls, he has my file).

Unfortunately, these things really happen. My children won't speak to me, they figure "I let her do this". I'm also a grandfather now, who doesn't know the child.
I cry daily. The depression and the pain (from RSD, and discs) are incredible.
I have PTSD as well.

I must put this in God's hands. He will get me through this.

Thanks for reading.

Pete

[vini]

Originally Posted by macoutlaw@mac.com

This has happened to me, myself.
My TBI occured in '98. My attorneys missed a deadline, I was self insured for 5 million.
I was a "walking zombie for many years, and only wanted to sleep".

My wife stole the proceeds from two business' and emptied my bank accounts. (I was a wealthy man). She forced my children out. (They were being groomed to take over the businesses). She forced me from my paid for home, her name is not on it.
Now, finally after more than a decade, with a TBI, and RSD, she is asking the court for my house, and my money.
She is also taking a thousand dollars/month from my disability.

She claims, that I abused her!
She actually ran me over, with my car. Thank God, I was carrying a bucket that lifted the front (drive wheel) off of the gravel. I was under the car, my face a mere foot from the tire, and she had her foot to the floor, I couldn't breathe for the smoke!
I still have the scars on my legs.
WE both called the police, she told them I accosted her with a GUN! (I don't own or possess a gun!),
Who got handcuffed? Me.
What did they do to her? Nothing.

Now, after being too broke to afford an attorney, I will see her in court tomorrow by myself. (The attorney I had, won't take my calls, he has my file).

Unfortunately, these things really happen. My children won't speak to me, they figure "I let her do this". I'm also a grandfather now, who doesn't know the child.
I cry daily. The depression and the pain (from RSD, and discs) are incredible.
I have PTSD as well.

I must put this in God's hands. He will get me through this.

Thanks for reading.

Pete

hi pete these people may be able to help you

http://www.biausa.org/stateoffices.htm

kind regards

[macoutlaw@mac.com]

Thanks to you Vini!

I will check this out.

Blessings to you!

p / aintsobad

[ASTAR78]

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation and please know you are not alone. I've been in a similar situation with my sister for over 2 years. After a 2 year battle, I just gained guardianship over my sister away from her abusive husband. His abusive behavior caused her brain injury and then continued until recently. He kept my family away as well. It was just like she had been kidnapped from us. There is really no laws that protect victims in this situation. I did everything legally possibly and it wasn't enough. The only reason I have my sister back is b/c her husband kept breaking the law and ended up abusing another woman so severely he is currently back in prison. His mother released my sister to my family and we will never let her go again.

I started a non for profit organization and held fundraisers to raise money for my legal fees of getting her home and now the money is used for her expenses. It helped to do something that I could control. Does your family member's wife have power of attorney or guardianship over him? If she does not have guardianship, there is no law that gives her all legal rights to him if he is not in the hospital. Yes, she can call the police if you come to her home, but there is no law that keeps you from seeing him. I was stuck in your same boat. Since the victim is in the home of the abuser its hard to get to them. It will be hard to prove the abuse but TRY. You can file for guardianship but I will warn you its very very hard. You need medical records and documents proving the wife is keeping your family away. They will appoint a GAL to talk to your family member. I just advise keep trying and never give up. I did everything I knew to do to get my sister back and it never seemed like it was enough.

I will pray for you and your family member. It is so important for him to be with family who loves him to help him get through this. I was losing hope for a while there but our faith, persistance, and love finally paid off and my sister is home safe where she belongs. This psalm from the bible helped me get through this and I believe it could help you too.

Jeremiah 31:16

Please contact me if I can help you in any way.

Alicia