checking on Javasi and Kaiti

[dorothy from Oz]

hello fellow BTer's just checking in to see how you are both faring right now, had you in my thoughts and prayers last night. today my husband took me and my youngest daughter to the outdoor mall so I could pick out a valentines present, didnt really have anything in mind and were not talking expensive items here, since my daughter and I like american Eagle (were both very small) we went there and I found a pair of PJ bottoms very cute in red plaid and lightweight cotton so can wear through spring, they had ONE pair sixe xs on the clearance rack, and he got me a pretty blue very lightweight blue blouse on the same rack, we got our girl a bathrobe on that same rack so really good deals:) , I cried there at the mall because my sister worked there last year and we would come visit her there at times because you couldnt ever reach her (too drunk), I remembered the time we came and the boss (Bi***) pardon me but really thats what she was, well the other sales girl said" we tried to call her she hasnt come to work in a few days, and the boss says" I dont know where she is, she didnt even call me" in the NASTIEST tone, of cousre I KNEW why didnt show up for days but she was still my sister whom I adored and she had an illness, so I said" Well who would want to come work for you anyways lady!!!!!!!!!! for your CRAPPY paying job". Just had to tell you that because I started crying as I sipped my drink remembering it, she had more class in her PINKY!!! than that Horsefaced witch did:D .

I hope my sister is dressed in lovley White wings now with her long blonde hair and blue eyes I can REALLY see it clearly.

I sure miss her, I have NO ONE to talk to about her I found Alanon groups online or otherwise to be soo nasty at times, people telling other people what to do, cramming thier beliefs down throats and taking everything people say wrong, so un relaistic and non comforting, belive it or not this is the FIRST TIME since Xmas I have felt like I can acutally talk, and here it is just you 2 gals. Thanks so much for listening today, and even if you didnt I know I can just talk and share some memories without getting Alanon advertisement (which is a good place but not for me right now) or telling me what I should feel, her death and my greif are just as strong as they were the day she died before Xmas and I miss her 24/7 so much that Im wearing a heart monitor for the last month now.

thanks, God BLess

[JAVISI]

Dorthy,
I can understand the awful things people say that have never been in the same situation, I would like to trade lives with just for one day and let them feel the hurt and pain that are in my heart. I have found that the most judgemental people have no right to be! I don't know anyone who doesn't have skeletons in their closets.

I try to remember that we are all human and we all make mistakes and so do our family members, some more sad than others! I find that I can go from laughing to crying in a matter of seconds and the small things will set things off. I agree it is hard to find people that truely understand. Some say they do but thay don't. I hate it when people fake their understanding. I tried Al-anon. The first meeting I went to no one showed up and I never went back. It was a big step for me and I felt like I was kicked in the stomach.

My son has been in Jail for over 5 weeks I tried to get someone from AA to see him when he was asking for help. Now I find him not really caring any more. It is the county jail that is dragging their feet trying to get someone in to talk to these people who are in desperate for help. I am so sad because the time he wanted help is slowly leaving him and he just plain don't seem, to care any more! Why don't they wqant to help these people? It is like they think that they don't deserve it!

His time to get help and truely want it and it may be over! I am so frustrated and angry at the system ingeneral. This site is my saving grace. I feel close to the both of you also and feel a true and sincere sense of understanding and caring!

I will keep you both in my prayers
Love and Hope for Inner Peace To all!! Laurie

[NewName]

Javis,
My heart and prayers go out to you, I was in that same place a couple years ago. No one in jail wants to help anyone in there matter of fact I could not get the courts to help either. I went to the judge and told him what my husband needed treatment for his alcoholism in an in patient treatment center. The mental health center evaluated him and he knew the date his name who was the president and according to them he was not a threat to himself or anyone else:confused: I kept telling them he is a threat to himself!! It WAS a never ending battle with his alcoholism. The magic word is "WAS". It finally took his life. And ruined his whole family. I wish I could advise you on where to go for assistance. Maybe try the chaplin of the jail.

[JAVISI]

Newname,
I am so angry and upset at the jail system. I feel like that they are lying to me and covering up things. It is a fiasco there! I went to see my son on Sunday night. The Jailor pulled me into his office. He told me that people request things just to get out of the jail, like going to the hospital. Frankly my son is embarrassed at the way people look at him.

The reason they gave me for not getting him on antidepressants is that they are too expensive. He told me he thought that my son was playing me, wanting me to feel sorry for him!:mad: !! He always tells me mom, you worry to much, this is not your fault don't feel guilty or sad I will be okay!

I did finally get a man from AA to come and visit him during visiting hours. No one from the AA group wants to go into this jail. They are treated poorly by the jailors and some of the inmates. Why isn't a guard there and if they get of task, interupt or cause any type of problems, why are they not escorted back to their cells and not allowed to go again. Simple in my eyes but I guess not their's:mad: .

I really do feel that they don't want to give people the help because they make so much money off of alcohol offenses. I am not giving my son an excuse and he knows what his consequenses will be. I do not condone what he did! It was wrong and I don not dispute that but we all should be treated with some dignity. I know others wouls disagree with me but. When I was working as a Nurse I didn't care how much money you had or didn't have. I treated everyone the same and with dignity.

Thanks for allowing me to vent I agree with you 100%
Dream Big,With hope for all to have Inner Peace, Laurie:)

[dorothy from Oz]

first let me say nice t meet you Newname:) , but I was saddened to read your story:o , I fully felt your loss so easily as Im still feeling mine as it was recent, such tragedy and loss, as we sit hopeless and watch, you have my deep empahty.

Javasi, oh hon you dear lady, sounds to me like the system isnt working, what else is new!!!:mad: . This reminds me of something, last year or so when my sibling went to hospital (I called police she had fallen in her home while on phone with me), I undertook something I n ever want to again, TRYING TO GET HELP!!!, after being strapped down with me there trying to help her, the story is too painful and deep to talk about, but I finally had to have daughter take me home for short rest due to my health, when I came back with my hubby, she was gone!, her boyfreind took her home, I practicly screamed at doctor, we talked, he said they couldnt hold her anylonger, and I said, well this system doesnt work and on and on and finally went home with husband.

You realllyl Need a good advocate for him, AA rep is good idea that comes to visit, but you need someone within the SYSTEM. the only redeeming thing is that hes not out driving drunk on the road, BUT in there he is NOT going to get help, and he needs help, he is ill , this is not normal behavior to be an alcoholic, these are not bad people. Unfortuntanly they either kill themselves or someone else on the road and die, or that alcohol finallly kills them, unless they TRULY know they are ill with a problem and get help, or someone helps them who is TRAINED to help them with addiction of that nature.

I dont have all the ANswers obviously mine is dead and Im one TOUGH GAL! and even I couldnt get her help.

I have to HAve hope that somehow he sees it himself or someone talkes to him that acutally makes an impact, its uslally the first, him seeing it himself, I will pray for either and for you as hus mother.

SOrrry been away, beeen quite ill this week.

Lovee and hugs
DORthyf rom Oz

[NewName]

Thanks Dorothy.
I have learned through al-alon, that I was not the problem. I was an enabler. I tried everything to try to make him stop drinking. But as we all know nothing can stop the drinking unless they want help. Alcoholism is a family affair. It affects all members of the family. And still affects the family after they are gone. For this it makes me stronger. I am full believer that God only gives you what you can handle. Thank God I don't handle it the way he did and the way the rest of his family does. I have learned not to let little things bother me and get on with my life. I have a lot to be thankful for. The old saying "Today is the first day of my NEW life" Everyday I say that. It seems to get me through life.:) :) :)

[Kaiti]

I almost started to cry when i came in tonight. Not out of sorrow, but out of the fact that this weekend was really tempting for me (kids away for the weekend, nothing to worry about too much out of the ordinary) and I almost drank again, so I checked in here, and someone was checking on me, of all people. THANK YOU for your thoughts.

I know that we have all had our ups and downs, but I have never felt slighted when i have opened up and asked for support or help. I think that everyone here respects that fact and I have seen nothing but kindness around all the boards here.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight as a way of saying thanks fo rthinking of me too.

Bless you all
Kaiti

[JAVISI]

Kati,
Sorry I was gone so lone we had a snow/ice storm and the internet didn't want to let me on. But I was thinking about you three posting here. I get lonely without being able to get on line.

I am so glad that you were able to hold off on the drinking. Somedays I feel like drinking my frustrations away, yet I know that I at a high risk of becoming dependant so I stay away from it.

I guess I have always been more of a co-dependant type of person, than a drinker. They are both bad situations to be in. I am trying so hard not to be an enabler for my son. Imiss him so much.

People say that they are adults and they make the choices that they make and have to suffer the consequences yet, I feel partly responsible for not getting them away from an alcoholic household sooner. No matter how old my kids are they are still my kids and I hate seeing them suffer.

I hope you are feeling better, week-ends can be so long at times. I am going to see my son in jail this evening. I can't wait, it makes me sad but yet happy tyo see him.

We are supposed to have another storm tonight, so I don't know when this internet will work or when it won't!

Thank you all for being such good friends,
Laurie

[dorothy from Oz]

sorry I havent been writing back recently, been a rough week and weekend but I will be ok, I had to write my aneurysm buddies as I was feeling so low. Javasi Im SO glad you are hanging in there (hate that term acutally) but it works for this, because you really are holding onto hope more than you know, it takes a mothers love like for me a sisters love to just keep yourself! together and your doing it. I have prayed for your son and hoping daily he sees the light so to speak, soemtimes it only takes something like this to get through sometimes not, Im HOPING and praying it will. Kaiti, WOW GIRL Im SO proud of you that takes courage with your illness, it took me a long time to realize its an illness, but after going through it with one sister already I learned that easier, I was SOOO much younger when other one turned to alcohol and drugs, going with mom to alanon and saying" huh!?) well that was 30 years ago. it must be just horribler to have those urges, I can only imagine but I acutally CAN understand to a degree because I loved my sister who died SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much that I MADE myself try to understand, She still didnt, she denied it all the way, then would admit it then would deny, mostly deny, so hard to watggch. BUT YOU are not in denial and that takes huge courage, dont stop you just keep reading here when you feel that urge and know we just adorye you and wouldnt want to lose you, you have MUCH to live for, I spend each day trying to live so I can care for my kids (one is 20 other is 12) I want to be a granny one day.FIND anyhing you can to MAKe you hold on.

NEwname I as you know fufllly undestand your loss, Im so gALd you are here and know mine, lets all keep writinttg and support each other. NEWName My hugs to youuu today and love abounding.

LOVE to you ouall, hands are goingg again.
DORThyf rom Oz

[JAVISI]

[FONT="Georgia"][SIZE="4"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Dear Friends,
I am so glad I can come here and get such wonderful support! I have moved to the country and do not have internet access yet, but I will in about 3 weeks! I can't wait I stop by my parents house and check in as often as I can. I get so frustrated with the weather and not being able to get on the internet. But it is supposed to be nice all week.

I went to the pulmonologist, my lungs are not fully inflated and I also went to my Gastroenterologist, I have to have another EGD. My gastrostomy tube is sore and draining, I have also had blood in it a few times. My GI tract is being affected by this disorder. So I have to have another scope down my throat on the 14th.

Enough about me. My son got his drivers license back on a technicality, the police officer filled out some papers wrong. I don't know if that is a blessing or not. He goes to court on Wednesday. I beleive for his arraignment in district court. I will know more then. I hope he remembers how much trouble his drinking has gotten him into:confused:

I try to write him everyday and encourage him. He knows the Lord and I asked him to remember all of the things he learned while at church and that I pray for him and all of you each and every night!

Sweet Dreams, talk to you soon,:)