Frustrated with AA group in my town!

[JAVISI]

I don't know what to do or where to go!

My son is in jail for DUI, flight to avoid arrest, hitting a patrol officer and then injury to an officer. His blood alcohol was almost 3 times the legal limit:( He said that he asked for someone to talk to him from AA. When I talked to the Detention center they said that no one comes there.

I did a bunch of calling and finally got ahold someone and they said that they would do what they needed to do to go see him. It has been 1 month. Now he is talking about drinking again. Earlier he wanted help and I was so afraid that he would give up on it eventually. And now he has. I am so afraid that he has given up on getting help.

Their is alcoholism on both sides of the family. I know he has a problem. And almost everyone that I have talked to their kids are in jail on drug or alcohol problems! Why doesn't anyone want to help??

Thanks for allowing me to vent!
Javisi:(

[Kaiti]

Javisi, I am sorry to see this pain still for you.......I don't know enough about the legal system, but with all of the chargers against him, I would think that sometype of couseling or meetings would be a requirement for him to attend.

Call the center again. Ask for whoever is involved with substance abuse and counseling......if they say they have no one, ask for the person that is above the one you are talking to until you get answers.

I know that around here, there are either classes or courses that are taken for substance abuse/alcohol abuse. Your son may have to pay for them, but they might be there.

Keep us updated.
Keeping you In my prayers
Kaiti

Can I ask, is he being held in detention now, or is he out until his hearings?

[sp000ge]

I don't know what to do or where to go!
Hi. What city do you live in?
Did you call directory assistance for AA central office?
Call Los Angeles Central Office and they can give you a number of an AA meeting in your area.
323.936.4343
This is the first and only step you should be concerned with. Without that connection nothing will change, except bad to worse.
Please let us know!

[JAVISI]

Dear Friends,
He is being held in the county jail. I will call again about getting someone there to see him. I know that the majority that are in jail with him are in there with drug or alcohol convictions.

I just want some help for him soo bad it hurts. I don't want to have him give up because I told him a month ago that I was going to get some counselling for him and nothing has been followed through:( !

He is hurting so bad, and I don't know how to help him! I have never had a problem with any type of abuse. his dad had quit drinking for almost 18 years and has started again. That is irritating to me.

Thank you so much for your support and allowing me to vent! The court bound him over to district court on the 8th of this month. He goes to court again in march on the 7th. I will keep you updated!

Personally I think this county makes a lot of money off of alcohol charges so they really don't care if they get help or not!:mad:

With Sincere thanks again, Laurie
From Nebraska:)

[zep4141]

Laurie -
I hear people from Nebraska are very friendly... It Pains me that you and your son are going through this experience. I recommend you get to Al Anon for support for yourself.

[JAVISI]

Zep and friends!
I was disheartened when I seen my son yesterday. He said that he is not even going to put in to talk to someone from AA!:( . HE SAID HE HAS PUT IN 15 REQUESTS!

Now, the Sherriffs office says it is going to try to hire someone to do this! How long will this take?:mad: . I am so afraid that he has lost all hope in the system. Why don't they try to help these young kids when they are truely wanting and asking for the help!

How do you teach your children to be respectful to the police, when the treatment that they get is terrible. Last week, the kid visiting with his mom next to me, had a huge swollen and very bruised ankle. I could tell just by looking at it that it was broke. They made him walk on it for 24 hours before they found out that it was broke!

My son's roommate is on Parole. In court LAST tHURSDAY HE WAS FOUND NOT GUILTY OF HIS CRIME! But they are still holding him in jail yet awaiting a date to go before the parole board.

I guess I was naive about the criminal justice system but am learning the hard way!
Please keep my son in your thoughts that he gets help soon before he just gives up completly! I am so scared:confused:

Peaple in Nebraska are generally very friendly but in the town, I beleive that we ghave a corrupt justice system, My youngest son got an MIP, not to long ago, they had to drop the charges because the cops that brought him in were drinking themselves and were fired.

Then another officer was bringing in a prisoner and shot off his gun i9n the Sally Port, They are also investigating, unlawful use of their cell phones. It is a feasco!
Thanks for all of the support, you do not kn ow how much it helps!
I will try to go to an Al-anon meeting, the last time I tried to go, no one showed up. I really needed support at the time.
Dreaming Big, with hope for Inner Peace,
Laurie:)

[houghchrst]

Javisi, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I am well aware of how the jails are run as my fiance was in jail about 8 years ago and had an ear infection that was so bad that his ear bled pretty much non stop most of the time he was there. It is not just your town that is this way it is all over. Have you tried to get an appt to see the judge that is handling your son's case. A lot of times the judge is more willing to help. He may be able to get the ball rolling a little faster. Don't let your son give up, he may say he doesn't want to talk to anybody because he is feeling hopeless right now but I am sure that if someone actually showed up then he would be more open to talk. Try going to an AA meeting locally and find out who is there that has a long time sober and is willing to be a sponsor then have your son put them on his visitor list. They can sponsor him even if he is in jail. Go to more than one AA meeting if you have to. You don't have to have someone directly from AA just have someone who is willing to be a sponsor. Anybody can do it, but make sure that they have been clean for a long time and that they are male.
Christina

[zep4141]

Javisi -
Have you been to a recent Alanon meeting yet? If not please make an effort to go. You are powerless over your son's predictament and you can save yourself from this tragedy you are experiencing as a parent of an alcoholic.
Praying for your recovery....
zep

[steve m]

There are unfortunately some areas where AA is not that strong..Where I live in R.I. there are approx 700 AA meetings per week..We have 2 prison facilities, and I made 2 AA related visits myself over the past 2 months..We have an AA prison facility committee here in R.I..All I can say is that if I lived in your area I would personally make it a priority to pay your son a visit if asked

[JAVISI]

Steve,
I finally did get a man to come and visit my son during visiting hours. Their are many AA meeting and my son's name and visiting has been brought up numerous times. My son has told me that the guards tell him to forget it, no one will come here!

I really don't understand:confused: . I live in a town that is approximatly 13,000 people. But the people from AA say that they are treated poorly by the guards. They have problem prisoners that just want to get out of their cell's and talk, and argue with the AA GUEST. I don't understand why a guard can not be in their and if anyone gets out of line they would be escorted back to their cell. Easy solution to me:confused: .

I will tell you of all of the injustices I see and I would like your opinion. He has requested AA and not received it, His arm is still going numb from whip lash, He had no heat one night, they turned it up but forgot to turn it back on:mad: ! He has talked to me about problems with anger and depression and I know this has been something has been dealing with for the last couple of years. They say they will not let him get prescribed antidepressants because they are too expensive!! I would pay for them if I had to.

His room mate is in jail on a parole violation, went to court last Thursday and was found not guilty, he is still being held in the county jail:confused: . Another young man was brought in he told them that he thought his foot was broken, they said it was a strain, made him walk on it for over 24 hours before they got x-rays done and it was broken.

I have called everyone that I could think of and complain, I either get passed on to another person or I never get called back! Just in the past year my son was picked up for an MIP, they had to drop the charges because at the time of the arrest the officers were drinking and fired for that, so they had no one to testify in the case. Another patrolman shot his gun off in the Sallyport where they transport the prisoners and now they are being investigated for unlawful use of their cell phones.:eek:

I am not disputing that my son should be in trouble but they also I beleive hurt themselves they put up a road block on an icy side street in town, their is evidense that he tried to stop (skid marks) He hit the patrol car, bounnced back and went forward again because he has a stick shift, He was unconscious breifly, He awoke to a gun shot being fired and lodging in his car 6 inches from his head.

I think the whole thing is a big joke and that he is being mistreated in jail because he hit a patrolman:mad: .

I am just so afraid that the golden opportunity that he really wants help will disappear before he gets any help. His grandfather and dad are alcoholic and I have a long line of alcoholism in my family. I thank God I never fell into that trap but I continued that viscious cycle of marrying one. I feel like I hurt my kids by doing that. I have now gotten divorced but I am afraid it is a little to late. The trauma and drama was with them a portion of their lives and I can't change that!:(

Thank you so much for your support, keep doing all you can and the rewards for you will be wonderful!

[houghchrst]

javisi that is really terrible to hear and I am so sorry. You said that you did get someone to visit your son but you never said how it went.

Christina

[JAVISI]

Christina,
The talk with the gentleman from AA seemed to go well. I called him and thanked him for going to see him. He sayed that he thought that he had his head on straight and was aware of what will happen to him.

He reminded him that he won't be in the county jail for much longer and he will keep himself updated with my son so he makes sure that when and where ever he goes he will make sure that he will get into a group. All of the people from AA I have talked to have been so nice and so understanding. I could not ask for a better group of people:D

Sorry I got off task and rambled about what is going on in the jail where he is at. I just get so frustrated at the system. And I just feel so helpless. I just want the best for my son.

I appriciate all of your help, care and concern. It sure helps to ventilate sometimes. I worked as a Registered Nurse for over 15 years and I be leive in fair and equal treatment among people in any situation. I didn't care if I cared for someone that was rich or had no money at all. We all have something that we can give to society, if allowed and deserve respect!
Many Thanks to all of you!:)

[houghchrst]

I am glad to hear that you found someone to talk to him and that he seemed receptive. I know what you mean about treating people fairly and equally but the police and those in authority don't think that way and it has been that way for hundreds of years and will probably, unfortunately, always be that way. Well the meek will enherit the earth and then we will show them. ( Iknow that's not how it is supposed to work but it felt good to say.)

[Kaiti]

Laurie, glad to se your son has someone to talk to and visit with him.

How's everything holding up now? I can't say from personal experience with jail and stuff, but from what I have heard, just tell him to keep his nose clean. The officers seem to know which ones skin they can get under. and if yoru son is serious about straightening out and being sober, this is one of his tests.

Prayers to you
Kaiti

[JAVISI]

Kati,
My son is probably doing better than I am. I feel so helpless. But I am working on that. The frustrating part is that it is affecting my illness and immunity. I am on the verge of pneumonia. I just keep monitoring my temperature. I have not been sleeping well due to this awful cough:mad:

The guards and even some of the officers of the law say that I shouldn't worry, that he is a good kid, that makes me feel somewhat better.

I am really glad that I did get someone from AA to see him. He was very receptive and well aware that he will most likely get prison time. I hope not. I guess I am looking for the worst but hoping for the best!

Thanks for everyones care and support! Laurie:)