feeling stupid

[tenacious]

hello everyone,

my abuser is now in jail; he went late saturday night, and he doesn't have a bond, so for now i am safe.

nevertheless, when i look back over the past couple years, and the abuse i received, i realize why some call me stupid for not getting out long ago. i am ashamed to say that i think one of the reasons i didn't get out is because of my disability; it isn't easy for me to live alone.

although i am well aware of the stages i will go through will the loss of a relationship in my life..........i just don't want to hurt anymore. i will no longer hurt physically, but i need to get out of the area. i just don't want anymore hurt. i know i sound like a baby, but enough is enough.

[JAVISI]

Tenacious,
I am glad that your husband is in jail. I left my Ex so many times and always came back. After my best friend came back for a visit sha asked me a simple question, If you were to die in a year would you want to be living this way?? My answer was a definate NO! I really had to weigh things out because I knew I would have to live with my parents that fight all the time because of my mom's alcoholism.

I did it and am so happy that I did!

I can understand the people that are so judgemental. When I worked in the ER, women would come in so beaten yet the would say but I love him!
Most of the Nurses would say how it was so dumb of her to stay. I told them that they must have never been in that situation, lucky for them but bad for the abuser laying in the bed crying.

I could take the beatings a lot better than the emotional abuse, they isolate you and tell you that you are not worth anything and no one would ever want you! So the brain washing plays such a major role. No one can tell you when to leave. I just hope it is soon. I was almost killed by my ex. I divorced him and when he went to dry out and was clean a year we got remarried. Now that was dumb of me but I thought without the alcohol he had change. His spirit was still mean drinking or not!

I waited embarrassed that I made the same mistake twice! I finally left when my kids were grown and out of the house. But I am so much happier without him! Once I left this time I never turned back and have no regrets!

Plus he is afraid of my dad so I feel secure here. He liked to beat on women, never any men.

Good Luck in what ever you do. I will never judge you for what you decide, I would like it if you would leave but it really has to be when you are ready!
Dream Big, Javisi;)

[tic chick]

tenacious....

you are not a baby for not wanting to hurt anymore. i think about it in the form of slamming a car door on your hand...how many times do you have to do it before you realize it's gonna hurt every time? there is a point of no return, where we cannot go back to what was before. we all have to reach that point on our own timetable, in our own souls.

be thankful you have decided to no longer slam that door.

sending you my good thoughts...jeannie