Discipline question

[Mayzoo]

My 5 year old daughter has in the last 36 hours begun to pull the dog and cats tails again. She stopped doing this over 2 years ago. I have tried the explaining the pain issue to her, I have put her in the corner, I have talked until I am blue in the face--now I need some advice.

With her Chiari, we do not believe she should be swatted on the bottom, due to jarring of her neck/head. I am considering swatting her on the back of the hand. Any advice or alternate solutions?

[LIZARD]

Swatting the hand--just enough to get her attention--should do the trick. I would also re-direct her.



Good luck!

LIZARD :)

[Mayzoo]

Yeah, I would definately be gentle but firm....get her attention, and re-direct.

Any other suggestions for what how to modify this behavior? I am very determined not to allow this to continue any longer than it HAS to! I do not want her to grow up thinking it is ever okay to hurt another--this is the begining of a potentially serious problem.

She is a gentle soul by nature--so this is out of character. I guess she still doesn't understand that she is hurting them, despite me explaining it to her.

[tgrimes]

I dunno - some kids don't understand punishment that well, so you have to make the action something they don't want to do, but not a reaction they could use against someone else in the future. (ie. she will learn to slap the hand of someone that does something she doesn't like)
Have you tried yelling "OuUUCH!!!!" really loud for the cat every time, she might dislike that more.
Does she have anything you can ground her from, like a game or something? If you save that for the worst offenses, like agression, then maybe you can cut down on it.

[milivica]

Hurting my child (spanking, hand slap) while yelling for them not to hurt another - seems like a crash course in being a hypocrite, seems illogical, and I've rarely gone there but when I have feel totally stupid afterward.

Of course, the ultimate is finding out why your child is doing something like that. Maybe she likes the animal's reaction. Maybe she is trying to figure out what the tail does. Vince who is 11, was only verbal enough as of a few years ago to tell me many stories. He can remember being three and me taking him off of the dogs ... see when the dogs would lay down, he's sit on them sort of like you'd sit on a horse and bounce. I thought he was trying to make the dog get up so he could ride him. He told me what he was thinking was, "Hey, what does this thing do?"

So what I'm trying to say, is be very open minded about what your child is trying to do. I know it hurts the animal and I'm not saying let her do it, I'm just saying, what if she has a very innocent reason, or, even thinks the animal enjoys that and is trying to be nice - then gets her hand smacked. It's just something to think about. It's not the end of the world if you discipline her wrongly, I don't think it will make or break her to slap her hand, I'm just wanting to share my mistakes I guess - but not saying you are making one. I remember one of the biggest impacts on Vince regarding animals, was when I told him his hamster (who had bit him) loved him. He thought she hated him, so bit him, cause he had been mean to her. Don't ask...I felt awful, the hamster wasn't injured or anything but plenty scared. Anyhow, I emotionally spoke to the hamster, when he was there, I kept saying "Poor Dianne, you must have been so sad and so scared, wondering why doesn't Vincent love me, I love him so much, I thought he was my daddy". Anyhow, when I spoke 'for' the hamster and to the hamster, he was especially captured by the idea that she didn't hate him, he assumed she did. That seemed to make all the difference for him. So, I'm wondering what your daughter assumes to pull the tails - or - is it just as simple as she's not putting lots of thought into it, just does it for reaction (the animals and yours???)

Just a bunch of guesses and a story, that's all I can say really. When Vince was 5, I would have probably slapped his hand cause the message seems clear. Pull tail = slapped hand. Then probably would have been sorry I didn't think of a better solution.

[LIZARD]

Any other suggestions for what how to modify this behavior? I am very determined not to allow this to continue any longer than it HAS to! I do not want her to grow up thinking it is ever okay to hurt another--this is the begining of a potentially serious problem.

How high is her functioning? How about a Social Story? I know she's 5, but if she sees and hears it enough times, it may sink in, since many of our kids are visual learners. Drew was reading at 5, even though his comprehension was weak (and still is, at times), and we started with Social Stories around that time. They have helped immensely.


Good luck!

LIZARD :)

[Keggy]

BT did a weird posting thing...

[Keggy]

Swatting her dosn't teach her not to pull tails, it teachs her to hit to get what she wants. Our kids in particular are very concrete, punishment is a very abstract concept... don't expect her to get it....most people do not.

Try using a positive reinforcement instead. Praise her when she is not bothering the pets... make a chart to show her how long it is since she has done so, and establish rewards. Rewards must be immediate. "Sandy, I just noticed that you have not been bothering the pets, thats wonderful that ypu are being so kind, have an m&M".
The real way to do this is to monitor for awhile how often she does it and chart it, then decrease the behavior... but if you do all that the poor pets will be tortured or she will be hurt.

Rewards must be small cheap and immediate, and on the chain of rewards edible is best and first (Consumable =C= could be an m&m) at first. I don't have much time to explain, but anyone who knows cmpatsi can explain it.
Positive thoughts and actions breed postive things.. Negative breeds negative... don't teach her to hit, otherwise you will be here asking how to get her to stop hitting!! And don't make the mistake of thinking she dosn't understand you.

[Keggy]

by the way my daughter has a chiari as well.. have we ever spoken? is she decompressed?
www.geocities.com/keggy11789