cocaine withdawel

[jemma3]

Hi,
I have an injury and require painkillers. I recently started going out alot socially with friends which distracted me from pain but unfortunately left me comming into contact with other things.
I have began using cocaine recreationally recently and there and it has began to become a habit. Though I don't use much I want to nip it in the bud now as its also too expensive and I know Its addictive. If I stop taking it after using near 2 grams per week on average will I have side effects????:confused:
I am not a binger as I get headaches after a while and need to stop. I also have sleep problems so I aviod it late at night.
I feel I can't win as I begin having less releance on pain killers only to feel I may be replacing it with another addiction:(
Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks,
Jem

[houghchrst]

I am a recovering addict and cocaine was a big one of mine, mostly crack but cocaine none the less. You probably will have side effects but because you say you haven't been using long they will mostly likely be psychological which will manifest itself physically. There will be anxiety which can cause cold sweats, anger, depression and a couple of others. You haven't been using very long so yours will not be as bad as mine were. You must always remember that at that moment of longing it is only a moment and those feelings will pass. Here is a link for you to go to to get an idea of what is going on. www.cocaine-effects.com/ You really need to get some kind of help because if you have an addictive nature you could very easily trade one addiction for another. Stay away from those so called friends who are helping you get into trouble with this, otherwise you will continue the cycle. Please feel free to come here and ask any questions. I will try to help and support you any way I can. I have been clean and sober for over 7 years so I know it can be done.

What kind of painkillers are you taking? How long and what kind of injury?

[jemma3]

Hi,
Thank you for your response. Its really helpful to know others out there that have got throught this. I have a whiplash car accident 10 year old injury and have had 2 spinal surgeries. I still have treatment and injections for continued chronic pain and take oxycodone, tramadol and valium as well as effexor for depression:( .
I find I am also prone to this pain med addiction also and had to wean off high levels of valium that made me feel really weird. I wen through the throwing up, anxioety and paranoia for sime time after my surgeries.
I am a type that becomes easily addicted and have even taken up smoking:eek: after a 5 year break the last year or so since doing cocaine. I got to the point where it was every day (daytime only unless I go out) though not much unless its the weekend. None yesterday which is my first good day after the last few weeks of increasing my using. I know it is controlling me along with the pain meds. I looked at the website thanks.
Is it normal to get a cold like effect initially when withdrawing? I am scared but want to keep away from it somehow so I hope you don't mind if I write and 'go on' no doubt as I experience who knows what.
Is there any advice for the first week of going cold?:confused:
Don't feel too great right now and after a day procedure on my spine I am on pain killers but miss my other so called friend:mad: .
I thank you for any advice as I try to battle through my mind that seems non stop with an overcrowding of thought!

Jem

[houghchrst]

Hi Jemma, glad to hear from you and sorry you are going through so much. It is hard to be an addictive person and have health problems that require you to take meds that are addictive. By the way does your doctor know because he may be able to find some things less addictive for the pain. As for the cold like effects, I did, I felt like I had the flu. Runny nose, coughing, sneezing, body aches, the works. I think it is our bodies way of trying to help get rid of the toxins. I don't know if you have any kind of psych doc or see anyone and I don't know what your feelings are on outpatient therapy but you can usually get something to take the edge off of the anxiety that you feel, I know, seems like just one more med but it helped me it might help you. You must talk to your doc because you are mixing very serious meds with dangerous street drugs. There is no weaning off of these drugs, I thought I could, you know quit the crack and coke but still drink, smoke pot and eat acid but I had a rude awakening and realized it didn't work like that. I was devastated, thinking what would I do for fun. There was a point where I can remember sitting in the corner of my kitchen and crying because I wanted a hit so bad and knew that I didn't dare and my brain wouldn't shut up. I had my little mantra that I would repeat even if I had to say it a hundred times until the urge passes. I know that at times the thoughts will become obsessive but they will pass. Keep a journal, take up a hobby and remember that you alone in your head is your own worst company. You need some outside help. Keep in touch, I will try to help as much as I can but really it is up to you.

[houghchrst]

Haven't heard from ya in a while. Just wondered how you were. :)

[jemma3]

Hi,
Thanks for your support. I just forgot my password amongst other things and tried to write the other night as I did not do so well on the going cold, in fact the opposite!:( . I increased my usage after an emotional situation gone wrong.

I know I have a problem and it seems to be worsening. The RF surgery helped as I had many levels done and ended up on phentonyl feeling quite alot of nausea.
However, I get back to normal life and seem to need more. I have a husband, daughter nearly 2 and loads of friends, yet I find I still feel alone. I adore my daughter, my husband is not a communicator(MAJOR PROBLEM!!!) and I find myself often stuck in pain with an injury and not much support from him as its been going on so long(10 years, 2 surgeries, multiple injections/RF's and possibly another ADR).
He wants more children and I am not sure I could cope with a pregnancy. So he resents me and I feel the same.

I do see a pain Dr/Psychiatrist and was thinking of going onto another antidepressant like prozac that helped me once years ago as effexor doesn't seem to be helping.

I even told my Mum about the addiction, who is very supportive of my pain and understands why another child would be so hard for me. She wants to help and I felt I needed to break the secret and admit I am not doing so well which I did. She lives a bit far but if need be I could stay with her.

I just started back at work part time(we have our own company)as I would usually be at uni/work or something being a mad thinker/creative type and have studied economics and psych but feel I would rather start my own business which I am in the process of doing if I can manage to control this problem somehow. There are a few other things going on also and I am really scared I am not facing up to my own reality.

Is it best to wean off these drugs rather than go cold? I know I need to with all the pain meds but having not done recreational things for so long(10 years at least)I don't know the best strategy:confused: .

Any thoughts?

Jem

[houghchrst]

Well Jem it sounds to me that you have a huge, wonderful amount of potential and great life ahead of you if you can just take the right steps. First weaning off the recreational drugs just doesn't cut it. You have to stop cold. I thought I could do that too but it didn't work. If I were you I would make a plan as to what you need to do. If you have to write this out. Make a list of the things that you want to do. lIke first would be quit rec drugs, then get off pain meds etc. After you make your list get in order of most important first and go down the list and write next to each thing what you need to do who you need to talk to to accomplish these things.

I noticed with my drug usage that the more I knew i needed to quit the more I used. Almost as if my addiction went into panic mode and had to have as much as possible before quitting. Is this how it is with you?

I do not want to tell you what you need to do or how you should do it because you have to do it your way but this is how I would do it.

Find out if there are any drug treatment meetings, outpatient treatment anything like that near you. (I have no idea where you live so I don't know what your options are.) Just for the info for now.

Talk to husband and let him know what is going on and demand marriage counseling if he refuses then you must decide what to do because he will have to be an integral part of you becoming clean and sober and it sounds as if your marriage needs help. It sounds as if you are considering leaving him but if I were you I would tell him what is happening and give him a chance. Maybe he would be willing and is just waiting for an opening.

Would your mother be willing to take your little one if you decided to do an inpatient treatment program?

After you have found out what is up with your husband and whether he is willing to support you you must take whatever action you have planned to start drug treatment. You will also need individual counseling and your psychiatrist can help you with meds to make withdrawl and anxiety less while you are doing your program and may be able recommend a program and therapist. Most people who are addicted to drugs have underlying mental issues and are self medicating. After I got clean I was diagnosed as BiPolar II with bouts of depression and anxiety.

As you are working you program you need to stay away from the people that are keeping you in your addiction. You may think that they are your friends but your true friends are the ones that are left after you are clean and respect your need to stay away from the drugs. When I was in the midst of my addiction we had parties every weekend where there were no less that 20 people here at my house, my friends, sometimes up to over 60 in and out. Now I have 1 friend and my fiance left from those days. You will make new friends !!! Better, more stable friends.

While you are getting off the rec drugs tell your doc that you want to start weaning off of the pain drugs or at least start taking something that is less addicting. Be careful because you can switch one addiction for another as I am sure you know.
When you have been clean for a little while start working on your dreams, the things you really want to accomplish like your own busines. It will help keep your mind occupied and give you a sense of pride.
You need to surround yourself with positive people and others who are struggling with the same problems, find someone you can call when things get real bad. That is why meetings are so important. When I was in rehab the motto was 30 meetings in thirty days.
You may have moments when you think you can't do it, they will pass. Do something to distract yourself and often you will find that that hard painful craving has passed. For me it wasn't just one day at a time it was one minute at a time.
You can do this, just keep your family in your mind and the things you want to accomplish. Write a journal!! Whenever you get mad you can rant and rave there or even when you are stressed.

You have the ability to make a wonderful life for you and your child. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

[jemma3]

Hi,
Hi, I Had forgotton my password and could not seem to get in so finally i am here and in need. I did have an initial relapse after trying to cut back and after weeks of then seeming to use more I began a withdawel that was going ok but just went to a wedding all weekend and being around that crowd I was doing too much.
I really want to stop and need advice. If i stop cold I am worried about the side effects -how bad?? as I use it everyday and my usage of the last few months crept up to the daily level before I freaked and and decided I wanted out.
I have been cutting back but this is not easy. Any ideas. How did you do it? Is it bearable? Would valium help ? as I take often this after to stop due to the edgyness. I also can't stand the nose pain and sniffing so I know I must stop.
I have been monitering everything in my so called slow withrawel attempt and its less and less (and one step back):eek: I am making progess but I a, finding it hard this way .
I would love to hear from you.

Jem

[jemma3]

P.S. I have been taking your advice re the journal, new interests etc so thank you and I really appreciate the support. I need it!

[houghchrst]

Jemma, I am so glad to hear from you and glad to know that you are making an effort. I know this is hard. Relapse is not the end of the world. Are you going to any meetings? Have you made all your friends aware that you are trying to quit? You must create boundaries. If these people are your real friends they will not use around you. I am sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I am usually on the BiPolar forum and haven't been checking in here as often as I should. You can email me or private message me anytime by just clicking on my screen name in my message above. It is about 6:40 in the morning and I am getting my kids ready for school so I am going at this time but I just wanted to do a quick one to let you know I am here and I will be back later this morning when the last child is off to school.

[houghchrst]

I am happy to hear that you have been following some of my advice. One of the problems it seems that you are having is that you are so focused on the withdrawl part of quitting that it may be keeping you from stopping or do you think maybe that is an excuse. The withdrawls are nothing compared to what will happen if you don't stop and the longer and more often you use the worse they will be. It is not always like in the movies. Most of your withdrawls are most likely to be mental. The cravings, the depression, things like that. You may suffer from some cold sweats, nausea and a few other minor things but it is not going to be like you were a heroin junkie that has been strung out for years on an all day everyday habit and suddenly decided to quit. Most of my symptoms were tiredness, depression, nausea when I thought about doing it from the craving, and these symptoms pass and if you get some kind of medical help you can get meds to help treat some of your symptoms like the anxiety and depression. Every craving passes, you just need to ride the moment out, distract yourself. I smoked crack for years and my withdrawls were not as bad as you are imagining them to be. They were plenty tolerable. If you join some kind of group or best of all an outpatient rehab you will learn all kinds of tricks to get through the cravings and they will help you get medical treatment to help with the withdrawls. You cannot cut back!!! You must stop. There are anti-anxiety meds that can help and join some kind of group, you can discuss everything from how you feel that day and how to get through it to what your triggers are. You really need new friends.There is strength in numbers. Did you make your friends aware that you want to quit? If so and they still bring it around you then they are not your friends. At meetings you will make clean friends. Keep trying, you are on the right path and keep me updated more often, there are others here that may be able to offer other advice. :)

[joeworkflow]

I love the advice you're giving here Christina! Awesome use of this forum...

A little bit of my history...

I had an ACDF at c6/7 back in '04 and since then my neck and arm pain have continued. (really...I will just cut to the chase, now). I chased the pain to the point that I was absolutely over medicating myself to take care of some (other) underlying issues that I am in the midst of dealing with by seeing a really good counselor (he's the former Director of Hazeldon here in Minnesota), awesome guy! I also attend a Celebrate Recovery group with my wife every Tuesday evening at a church not too far from our home and you are right, it's helped a LOT being around people who can understand and support you in this new start!

I ended up being on the maximum amount of Fentanyl a person is allowed by the DEA, copious amounts of breakthrough meds, anti anxiety meds and sleeping pills...I was a SHIPWRECK! No matter what I tried, I couldn't seem to get my pain under control. Well, I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I totally want a life. Sooooooo....well, last Saturday I totally went cold turkey. BUT! Following this thread, as you mentioned in an earlier post, Christiana, I did binge like crazy before I ran out. (what in the world is that?!?):confused: What should have lasted for another week and a half was gone in a couple of days. I went crazy feeling like, "well, this is it! It's going to be a nightmare from here on out, so let's go out with a BANG!

It took 4 days for my skin to stop crawling off my bones, and I can say that now it's not as bad as I was preparing myself for it. I still toss-n-turn all night, have, well, you know...loose stools! :eek: and am pretty lethargic at work, but I've been honest with the people here and told them I wanted off the meds I was on for the past several years and it may take another week or so for me to start feeling slightly more normal.

I probably wouldn't advize doing what I did, but with the help of your Dr's, Mom, husband and daughter, YOU CAN DO IT, TOO! My kids are quite a bit older (late teens) and they've basically lived w/o a dad for a few years while I took a little detour in life thinking it was something it might not have been.

Today, I can say that my pain is very managable with only the Cymbalta I take, as well as Ibprophin...amazing...I can't tell you. I was convinced I was going to be disabled 3 weeks ago. oh, I should also add, I've struggled with alcohol all my life, and yes, on top of all of those meds I was also using vodka to try and numb the pain. However, I've learned my struggle is really against a different pain. One I may never be fully healed from, until I finally meet Him face to face...but "all things are possible", right! ;)

You can really, really do it! It does take courage and it does take time, but it is possible!

Blessings,

Joe

[houghchrst]

Welcome Joe and it is wonderful to hear that you are doing so well. It is hard work but as you are learning well worth it. Sorry to hear about your pain and I am glad that the Cymbalta is working, I take it too. There will be a lot of sleepless nights (about 2 years here before I became a little more regular) and I know all about the, ahem, loose stools. :rolleyes: Getting a taste of what it is like to be clean and sober is almost like a drug in itself, a good one, that you get a craving for. Most addicts have underlying issues and self medicate whether it is drugs, food, or sex. I too am still in therapy and have been diagnosed with other mental issues. Won't bore you but you may ask. It is wonderful that you found a good T, good therapists are hard to find. Don't forget to also keep your physician up to date on what is going on with you. May get a little help with the sleep problem. I take Ambien occassionally. Non addicting :D

Thank you for the compliment about use of this thread. I hope others are finding help here. It makes it worthwhile when I hear from people like you. I know that there are others that lurk here because I see the views and while I wish they would stop in and ask for help if they need it I at least hope they are taking away something useful from what they have read. I hope you stick around and ask what you wish. Keep us updated on how you are doing and enjoy the new you.

[joeworkflow]

It is hard work! But I am just so ready to be back in the game again...tomorrow will be a week and as I said earlier, my skin has stopped crawling, but I am so weak, and the sleeplessness...ugh...I'm not even going near prescription sleep aides, unless it gets really, really overwhelming. I took a couple of Tylenol PM's last night and did sleep (lightly) for a few hours. We just laid in bed until 8:30...ahhh...Good Friday! Ya gotta love it! The 3 day weekend will help me, I know. The bathroom thing is a little odd... :o

I have to say I lived in so much denial for the last year, and yet I knew what was going on (at least in a limited way). What I couldn't reconcile is why in the world my neck and arm kept hurting so much, no matter how much I threw at them. It was then I realized, I was totally chasing the pain, and it was time to stop everything all together and see how I was able to function. It is almost unbelievable that post-one week, my pain levels have SIGNIFICANTLY reduced...That is so strange...(in a wonderful way!) :)

I'm also learning how to act responsibly (again). After work last night I was totally exhausted, and I just knew if I got in my car, I would most likely stop at a liquor store on the way home to try and help me sleep. So I didn't even try. I sent an email to the 4 friends that are sticking with me in this, and called my wife to have her come get me. Small victory, but a victory nonetheless...

You know I will check in here often as I will rely on you, and any other's who post, for support. It's nice to be able to jump on line any time of the day and post a quick call to HELP!

Thank you Christina!

[houghchrst]

You are more than welcome and I am so proud of your victory over your urge by calling your wife. It is wonderful to have someone who is understanding and supportive at your side. I am lucky also. You may email or private message me anytime too. It may take a little time but I am here and there are usually others lurking in the early morning hours. Tomorrow you should celebrate your one week by doing something great for yourself. Go to a movie, take your wife to dinner, buy a favorite cd, or just lounge around in your jammies and enjoy your family.

have a great weekend and congratulations.

[Laura]

It is almost unbelievable that post-one week, my pain levels have SIGNIFICANTLY reduced...That is so strange...
I really don't have an explanation for you, but you hear that alot in drug rehab from people who have been in chronic pain. Once they get off everything the pain either goes away or becomes manageable with OTC meds. Congrats and keep up the good work! Yeah, and stay away from the alcohol. A large number of relapses on narcotics start by using alcohol, with the justification that they have never had a problem with alcohol or enjoyed drinking. Be careful out there, it's a sneaky disease.

Anyways, I am very happy for you that the pain is better. The insomnia is tough, it is the last symptom of withdrawal to get better. Figure it will be at least a month. If you really need something, ask your doc about desyrel/trazadone. It is an antidepressant that for some works great as a sleep aid (but is a lousy antidepressant, nobody uses it for that anymore), and is non-habit forming and you don't build up a tolerance to it.

[Matuboo]

[QUOTE=jemma3;62850]Hi,
I have an injury and require painkillers. I recently started going out alot socially with friends which distracted me from pain but unfortunately left me comming into contact with other things.
I have began using cocaine recreationally recently and there and it has began to become a habit. Though I don't use much I want to nip it in the bud now as its also too expensive and I know Its addictive. If I stop taking it after using near 2 grams per week on average will I have side effects????:confused:
I am not a binger as I get headaches after a while and need to stop. I also have sleep problems so I aviod it late at night.
I feel I can't win as I begin having less releance on pain killers only to feel I may be replacing it with another addiction:(
Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks,


I started using cocaine in 1991 when I was 20 years old. I remember very distinctly the very first time, it was crack and it didn't have much of an effect on me at all. However, the next time was different, I was hooked immediately. The rush hit me like nothing I'd ever experienced before and it would be nothing I'd ever experience again, it was all about the chase.


The next 18 months lead me down into the basement of hell, stealing, getting high every single day (only after going out and drinking 15-20 drinks) and using marijuana regularly. Meth has gotten all the press over the last ten years but cocaine (in the short term) is just as dangerous when it comes to your body. In fact, the risk of sudden death from smoking cocaine, especially when you have been drinking, is much higher than meth, although the latter is said to be more addictive. Thank God, meth was not around when I was using heavily (or at least-it was not common) or I would have used that as well.


I recall my last week of using crack very clearly, even though it was 14 years ago. I rented a motel room and bought an eight ball, I smoked it all up within 16 hours while I sat and got drunk by myself. After that, my dealer came by and sold me another one, I did the same thing. I had just stolen about 1500 dollars from my own father, something I could/would never have done if not for cocaine and my decision to use it.


The last night I ever used cocaine is etched in my memory like it occured last week, even though it was 4 October, 1993. My friend (I'll call Troy) and I started off drinking heavily at around 6 pm. We had just gotten ahold of some very powerful marijuana and were smoking joints like cigs, by the time midnight rolled around, we were both totally wasted. I must have had at least 15 or 16 drinks that night (beer and liquor) and that, in combination with the weed should have been enough to call it quits, but I didn't. Instead, I went over to my dealers house, one of the worst neighborhoods in a large city and purchased a teen (gram) of powerful crack. Troy and I smoked it very quickly but something was different this time, I started to feel sick and dizzy and I began to panic. I told Troy we needed to get the hell out of there and he told me I had to drive. I took the wheel (more bad choices) and made my way back to Troy's house, all the while, becoming more dizzy and sick. My heart was racing and I started to feel like I was going to pass out, my pulse was probably, at that point, near 200 BPM. The combination of the strong weed, alcohol and powerful cocaine were straining my young body to it's limit.


I told Troy we needed to pull over because I couldn't breath and that I felt like I was going to die. We pulled over on the freeway (this was about 2 am) and everything went blank, I OD'd. I wandered on out into the freeway and Troy had to pick me up and pull me into the ditch, where I fell down. Soon, a squad car pulled up and asked Troy what the problem was. Troy cared enough to explain to the cop exactly what was going on and he summoned an ambulance, I was barely conscious but alert enough to realize that I was in trouble. I wasn't even thinking about the cop but my own life, was it slipping away? I don't recall much about the ride to the hospital, except the fact that I had vommited four or five times. By the time I arrived, my pulse was well over 200 and I was sure I was going to die. Doctors and nurses immediately went to work, doing what little they could, providing oxygen, supportive therapy and diazepam. Gradually, over the course of the next few hours, I began to recover but I was sick has hell. I have not touched cocaine since, to me, that was close enough to death and it was no panic attack, my body was in bad shape.


You may not be a "binger" or even a crack user but make no mistake about it, cocaine is a deadly drug. For some people, it doesn't take much to make that fatal mistake and it may be less than you normally use that could cause this, or, your heart could simply stop beating, like it did for Len Bias (former basketball player who had his whole life in front of him.)


Make the right decision today, not tomorrow.


M

[houghchrst]

Thanks Matuboo for that. I hope that there are those out there that are listening. There are many other similar stories out there that would help make a strong case against even starting drugs. I think I will have my 14 yr old son read yours.

Congratulations on the clean and sober!!

[Matuboo]

Thanks Matuboo for that. I hope that there are those out there that are listening. There are many other similar stories out there that would help make a strong case against even starting drugs. I think I will have my 14 yr old son read yours.

Congratulations on the clean and sober!!



Thanks for your kind words. The fact is, I did not completely sober up after that episode, I continued to use alcohol and marijuana for years after that. It wasn't until I hit 30 that I quick drinking and taking illegal drugs all together. For several years after, every time I had a drink, I had extreme cravings for cocaine and occasionally, they would come without warning, even when I was stone-cold sober. I could smell it for a long time, probably four or five years, sometimes I would simply imagine the smell. My mind played cruel tricks on me, it took me a long time to stop craving crack (cocaine) all together. Let it be said that once you are addicted to crack, it's an extremely difficult drug to get off of, right up there with meth (I believe.) I've known both crack and meth addicts and many have shared their experiences with me.


Yes, my original post was not really directed at Jemma but to anyone who's reading this thread. Most cocaine users do not experience what I did but I can tell you that it changed my life forever, causing severe panic attacks that I still get to this day.


M

[houghchrst]

it's been a little over 7 years for me and I still find it hard to watch a movie or news show where they show someone smoking crack. Just recently the nausea at just the thought has started to lighten up and I don't have drug dreams as often. I don't so much have cravings as memories and fortunately they don't have the effect of making me want to use but they give me a sick dirty feeling. I think that is what helps me stay clean and sober. Every once in a while when things are going bad I might have the thought that I sure could use a joint or I might miss the socializing that comes with drinking but on the heels of that comes the memories of what my life was like and would be like again if I did either of those things. There is no controlling it. I don't know how many times I heard people say "I can quit whenever I want". Just not true if you are an addict and chances are if you are saying that then you are an addict. I don't go to any meetings but I am seriously missing the socializing and have considered going back. I only went a few times when I first got clean. For seven years our social life has been limited to family and maybe 1 or 2 friends. If I wanted to have a party it would all be family. That's kind of sad, lol.

[Matuboo]

it's been a little over 7 years for me and I still find it hard to watch a movie or news show where they show someone smoking crack. Just recently the nausea at just the thought has started to lighten up and I don't have drug dreams as often. I don't so much have cravings as memories and fortunately they don't have the effect of making me want to use but they give me a sick dirty feeling. I think that is what helps me stay clean and sober. Every once in a while when things are going bad I might have the thought that I sure could use a joint or I might miss the socializing that comes with drinking but on the heels of that comes the memories of what my life was like and would be like again if I did either of those things. There is no controlling it. I don't know how many times I heard people say "I can quit whenever I want". Just not true if you are an addict and chances are if you are saying that then you are an addict. I don't go to any meetings but I am seriously missing the socializing and have considered going back. I only went a few times when I first got clean. For seven years our social life has been limited to family and maybe 1 or 2 friends. If I wanted to have a party it would all be family. That's kind of sad, lol.


I had a wider circle of friends when I was younger, I think a lot of us did, college and of course, high school. I've always been a true introvert and that is a huge disadvantage to a world dominated by extroverted type A personalities. An introvert finds peace of mind by himself, an extrovert gets energy and finds peace of mind through interaction with other people. That doesn't mean I enjoy being alone all the time because I don't; but I do enjoy being alone much of the time. People have often perceived me to be "stuck up" or "snobbish" but this is not the case at all. Anyway, this type of personality is more of a curse than a blessing although people will say otherwise. As far as it's relation to addiction, I used drugs to BE more outgoing and talkative, I think a lot of shy or introverted people do. Crack was not one of those drugs though, it actually made me quiet, almost like Heroin or something, which is strange.


I do not attend AA or NA meetings either as I don't believe they are the only solution and that they work for everyone. They are very solid and many people have found a new life as a result of 12 step programs but they simply are not for me. I gave it a good shot though, 90 meetings in 90 days and went for 18 months after that!


Yeah, alcohol was the drug I used to socialize and meet women, no question. Pot just made me paranoid and as I said, cocaine left made me more quiet (although content.) The thing about drugs is, and I think this is true of any mood altering substance, is true euphoria is only a temporay side effect although the physical and mental damgage only gets worse. Especially for opioids and speedy drugs. After a while, I simply stopped getting stoned when I smoked pot, I would get a slight buzz but that was about it, I figured, what's the point!


M

[houghchrst]

I basically also prefer to be alone. But I was the party house every weekend and that was pretty much when I drank, to be the social butterfly. Too many embarassing, shameful, moments in that period of time. I found that I was usually the last one standing. i rarely drank alone and that may have been a couple glasses of wine or beer most likely in the hopes that someone would stop by and see me drinking and decide to party. This was mostly during the backlash of a bad break up and impending divorce that I was not dealing well with. I still prefer to be alone except for family because I find that making friends and keeping them is a lot of work and I tend to attract the needy clingy type. I don't mind being a support but I prefer people who are willing to also help themselves and I don't have much tolerance for dumb or mean people. I still every once in awhile wish I had someone to run out and shop with or go have coffee with or just hang out.

I did 2 yrs of outpatient rehab with the 12 steps and you are right that the 12 steps is not for everyone. I am all for whatever works for whoever to help them get and stay clean and sober.

As for pot it just made me stupid and tired near the end, OK long before then. Crack made me jabber like a blithering idiot amazingly enough but I prefered to do it alone because,you know, more for me. I still regret wasting 20 years of my life on drugs but in rehab they eased that by telling us, if you believe, that we are right where God wants us to be at that moment. So maybe there is a reason for it all and we will help save someone through our own experience. That is one of the reasons that I come to this forum even though it isn't my main one. Maybe I can atone for my sins by saving someone else.

[Matuboo]

I basically also prefer to be alone. But I was the party house every weekend and that was pretty much when I drank, to be the social butterfly. Too many embarassing, shameful, moments in that period of time. I found that I was usually the last one standing. i rarely drank alone and that may have been a couple glasses of wine or beer most likely in the hopes that someone would stop by and see me drinking and decide to party. This was mostly during the backlash of a bad break up and impending divorce that I was not dealing well with. I still prefer to be alone except for family because I find that making friends and keeping them is a lot of work and I tend to attract the needy clingy type. I don't mind being a support but I prefer people who are willing to also help themselves and I don't have much tolerance for dumb or mean people. I still every once in awhile wish I had someone to run out and shop with or go have coffee with or just hang out.

I did 2 yrs of outpatient rehab with the 12 steps and you are right that the 12 steps is not for everyone. I am all for whatever works for whoever to help them get and stay clean and sober.

As for pot it just made me stupid and tired near the end, OK long before then. Crack made me jabber like a blithering idiot amazingly enough but I prefered to do it alone because,you know, more for me. I still regret wasting 20 years of my life on drugs but in rehab they eased that by telling us, if you believe, that we are right where God wants us to be at that moment. So maybe there is a reason for it all and we will help save someone through our own experience. That is one of the reasons that I come to this forum even though it isn't my main one. Maybe I can atone for my sins by saving someone else.


Well, since I was hammered to the hilt every time I smoked crack, it probably affected me differently. The two just seemed to go hand and hand, alcohol and cocaine that is. Actually, using the two together is much more dangerous which is probably why I had the experience I did.


We all have regrets but unfortunately, we can't gain back time. I too wasted many years of my life getting stoned, not doing anything productive and getting into trouble. Always looking over my shoulder and even couch camping when I didn't have the money for my own place. Thank God those days are gone. I couldn't imagine dealing with that at 36! I've been through rehab a few times, parents tossed me in at 17 for smoking weed and went through shortly after my cocaine incident and again in my mid 20's. Met some very good people there, some of whom I still talk to. I am glad the 12 steps exsist because I know many people who have benefited greatly from them, including my own grandfather.


Glad you are here and it's good to see this group up and going again!


M