What do I do now?

[cookie5]

Hello Everybody,
This is kind of long, if you would take the time to read it I would appreciate it very much.

I have been in chronic pain since 1994, finally could not
make it at work anymore and had to quit in 2000.

I had a laminectomy L5-S1, haven't we all??
which only created more intense pain.

I have tried every med know to mankind and every procedure , although I did
not give the methodone a good try as I couldn't get past the stigma and got scared of the drug so quit after 2 wks.

As a last resort my Dr. tried to insert the cath. for a pain pump and could not get the catheter to go past t-10.
Why that far up , He has never told me , even thou I have asked him many times.

I recently decided to give it another try, I saw a new neurologist who totally blew me off.
I Saw a new ortho who totally blew me off.
I think after a certain amount of time, when you see a new Dr. after so many failed attempts
they just do not want to deal with you. They pretty much said well what do want me to do?jThere is nothing I can do for you, sorry. Needless to say I cried at both appts.

Then I found a Pain Dr. who specializes in pumps. And I thought I would give that another try.
This Dr. wanted a new MRI and New emg. He said
no problem putting the catheter in , and also said the
Dr. who could not get in put in, was going up to far
where there are too many nerves and you cannot push it
thru there. But, he was very positive about being able to put the cath in , he said no problem at all.

But , he said perhaps it is more a nerve problem and after the tests came back we would talk more and maybe decide a scs would be a better option. I have not
read many success stories re: the scs so really do not want to go there.

Anyway, sorry this is long.

I get the tests , go back for the follow - up. I am excited
maybe I can finally get that cath in and get a pain pump.

I go in and sign in, then the girl says take this paper and go outside and down 3 doors. Now I 'm confused, I see
the Dr. name on the sign in sheet and I know he is there.
I saw him in that office before and did not have to go somewhere else. Sso Big RED Flag. What is up?

I get down there sign in again. Then i go sit in my room
and some other Dr. comes in and says he is doing the follow up. I said is the other Dr. here, Yes he is but, he is too busy.
So this guys hums and hahs and says , NOthing showed up on either test. O.K. no big surprise. Although disappointing. So he says there is really nothing they can do, Now I am really upset and really MAD.
I told him what the other Dr. said and he said well what do you want to do?
I was so upset I could not even remember that I CAME there just to see if I could get the dang catheter put in for the pain pump.
I can't even talk I am so upset.

So my husband , whose was with me for the 1st time.
was reading this brochure he saw in the office re:
some laser procedure and he says can we try this before trying any surgeries like the scs or pain pump.

And the Dr. says sure if you want to, we can try that.

Now it is a few weeks later and aI am sitting here saying to myself , WHAT IN BLAZES HAPPENED??

JEEEZ.

Now I don't know what I want to do, I just want to be out of pain like all of us. But, now I'm like , do I really want to be hooked up to a pain pump? Where my life will never really be mine. Because you have to keep going for refills.
But, I don't have a life anyway cause I don't want to go anywhere cause of the dang pain.

I am so confused. Any comments, appreciated, I am so, so lost.
Thanks, Cookie

[BrokenBladder]

Cookie5 ((((HUGS))))!!!!!! I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I think the main thing is to do what will make your life as good as possible. If you have tried everything else, or almost anyway, then you have to make that personal decision about your pain.
Take a deep breath and relax!!
There will be others to come along and give you better help on the pain pump.....I'm not knowledgeable on that one!!

[Mark N]

cookie, unfortunately some of us reach a point that we need to make our lives as good as possible but that may be not much of a life. I fought my pain and deteriorating spine for 15 years before my body couldn't take it any more. The last two years even I had no business working. Now I am in the house most of the time unable to get out and do anything other than to keep my pain levels down as much as I can. It takes a change of reference to do this. I have accepted my condition and the limited life it gives me. I am still hopeful for a miracle or a breakthrough in medical treatments.

I know you don't really want to consider this kind of life but I can hear the frustration in your post. How you don't know where to turn because you want to be fixed. I hope you are able to come to terms with your condition and still be able to investigate things that could help you. You have had plenty of doctors say nothing can be done and if you did find some surgeon the surgery could make life worse for you. I hope in a few days you will get over the hope that the PM gave you [a pretty rotten trick they played on you, at least the original doctor should have told you to your face] and re-evaluate your life and make the best path for yourself.

[BrokenBladder]

Cookie I'm bumping this for you, maybe someone else can give you some feeedback. Also there is a spinal disorder forum in here which might get you a few more answers. Take care and I hope you're feeling better.

[Mark N]

Cookie,Lisa is right about trying the spinal forum as they coud have ome ideas on treatments. Here I think you wil get more responses just dealing with the pain without going into detail about the cause. You could get some good info on meds and the effects from them if you try to focus on that here.