ErinENj
02-07-2007, 01:25 AM
First, the good news. It's always good to have the good stuff come before the bad. It's like getting a huge thing of your favorite coldstone ice cream (the best ice cream in the world!! french vanilla with gummy bears and extra peanut butter cups! Yum!! ) before you have a major stress-out week. Yeah, if you couldn't tell, I'm having a major stress out week, thanks to a huge Latin test tommorow, then a huge project due in another class on Thursday that I haven't finished the reading for so I can't start it yet, and senior pictures are tommorow, and I've got the remnants of this massive zit on my cheek. Lovely! But I got cold-stone on sunday night, so it's okay!
Okay, back to the topic: Good news. I have officially applied for graduation. That means that, to my school, I am graduating in May. Provided my academic audit doesn't show up in the mail and has me missing a class or a requirement. It shouldn't, and if it does, you'll see the nuclear mushroom cloud from my head exploding no matter where you live. There'll be a post on here, all in caps. But, I'm staying positive, because I'm 99.9% positive I have met every requirement, provided I manage to get at least a C in all of my classes this semester. So, May 16th will be my graduation. I'm getting my senior pictures done tommorow, so I get to put my cap and gown on for it, which is really exciting (the gown, not the cap. I don't think there is anyone in this world that looks decent in one of them unless it is specifically fitted to their head. I have a large head. I can't find hats to fit me. And I have never managed to look even remotely okay in one of those stupid looking mortarboards!!).
On to the not so good news. I heard from my older brother tonight. A little background: He's 4 years older than me (29), and has a great job editing a magazine. He has no background in journalism, even though that's what I, ME, have been going to school for for 7 years to do. And he won't give me any freelance work, even editing for his magazine. The requirement for his job was knowing how to fish. I don't fish. So I don't get work. We don't have the greatest of relationships. I wouldn't call him if I needed something. He'd call me, as a last resort, and I usually will do what I can for him simply because maybe, just maybe, this time he might actually be nice to me and even, goodness forbid, thank me for helping him. We've never been close, and it doesn't show any signs of getting better. He did seem to care that I was in the hospital the first time, and that I had my first surgery (It was really nice. I came home after surgery and went to get into bed, and found that he had made my bed and put a nice note on it saying "Welcome home Love Bryan, Erin and Codi. I hope you feel better soon!" That's him, his girlfriend - yes, we have the same first AND middle names - and then my doggie who was a puppy at the time. And it was in his handwriting, so I know it was from him. I still have it taped to the back of my door.) but since then, it's kinda faded into the woodwork with him. I think there have been many times when he has totally thought that I'm just making it up so that I don't have to worry about trying to find a job or move out of my parents' house, and that I'm a burden on my mom so she can't help him when he needs it financially. So I don't bother even talking to him about my back anymore. We had a conversation or 2 around christmas this past year about his back and withdrawaling from one of his meds, but nothing since then.
He's tall, I think 6'4" if he'd stand up straight. Because he was tall and was always picked on like I was, he started to stoop over to try and hide. He's done it for so long, he's got a hump in his back. Not a huge, hunchback of Notre Dam type thing, but there's a noticeable lump at the top of his back. It's impossible for him to stand up straight. He's been having trouble with pain, and he keeps getting these bruises on his lower back that match where his vertebrea are. He finally got health insurance recently, so he finally started getting it checked out. He had an x-ray, and there seemed to be some major concern that his disks and vertebrea were completely out of whack and alignment. So he got an MRI done. The results came back today.
He has now officially be diagnosed with kyphosis, which is basically doctor-speak for the hump. It obviously, throws everything else out of alignment. Now the docs have told him that there's nothing major wrong with the rest of his back. And they have sent him to pain management because there's nothing they can do to fix it.
As much as we don't get along, I don't want him in this situation. I don't want him facing the rest of his life in pain. I don't want him having to try every med on the market to find something to work, and then hoping that something new comes out so you can have some hope for something to work when the doseage gets so high the doc refuses to prescribe it any more because they're just too high. I don't want him having to go through this nightmare. I'm going to see if I can find him a great doc in his area (a little south of me in jersey) that is in a clinic that also uses complementary and alternative therapies, so he's not completely dependent on the meds like I am.
I just feel so sorry for both him and his girlfriend, just knowing what he's facing and about to have to deal with. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and I certainly wouldn't wish this on someone related by blood. But it does make me think that maybe, somehow, we were both genetically predisposed to this. Like maybe there's something in our genetic makeup that makes us more prone to CP than most of the world. Or that there's something wrong with our backs because of our genes. My parents don't have any problems, but it could be a gene that was unexpressed in them that combined to become an expressed gene in us. I dunno. I guess I'm just still looking for an answer to the question of how I ended up here and why I'm in this position.
But, there's some good news, and as it seems it usual in my life, it comes with some bad. Hopefully, I can find him someone good at a good clinic near his house that will treat him well, and conservatively, and give him a better chance for a future. I was hoping for at least a niece or a nephew, but if their dad can't walk, that might be a bit of an issue. I'm getting a little ahead. I just don't want to see him go through even the smallest bit of what I have.
Okay, back to the topic: Good news. I have officially applied for graduation. That means that, to my school, I am graduating in May. Provided my academic audit doesn't show up in the mail and has me missing a class or a requirement. It shouldn't, and if it does, you'll see the nuclear mushroom cloud from my head exploding no matter where you live. There'll be a post on here, all in caps. But, I'm staying positive, because I'm 99.9% positive I have met every requirement, provided I manage to get at least a C in all of my classes this semester. So, May 16th will be my graduation. I'm getting my senior pictures done tommorow, so I get to put my cap and gown on for it, which is really exciting (the gown, not the cap. I don't think there is anyone in this world that looks decent in one of them unless it is specifically fitted to their head. I have a large head. I can't find hats to fit me. And I have never managed to look even remotely okay in one of those stupid looking mortarboards!!).
On to the not so good news. I heard from my older brother tonight. A little background: He's 4 years older than me (29), and has a great job editing a magazine. He has no background in journalism, even though that's what I, ME, have been going to school for for 7 years to do. And he won't give me any freelance work, even editing for his magazine. The requirement for his job was knowing how to fish. I don't fish. So I don't get work. We don't have the greatest of relationships. I wouldn't call him if I needed something. He'd call me, as a last resort, and I usually will do what I can for him simply because maybe, just maybe, this time he might actually be nice to me and even, goodness forbid, thank me for helping him. We've never been close, and it doesn't show any signs of getting better. He did seem to care that I was in the hospital the first time, and that I had my first surgery (It was really nice. I came home after surgery and went to get into bed, and found that he had made my bed and put a nice note on it saying "Welcome home Love Bryan, Erin and Codi. I hope you feel better soon!" That's him, his girlfriend - yes, we have the same first AND middle names - and then my doggie who was a puppy at the time. And it was in his handwriting, so I know it was from him. I still have it taped to the back of my door.) but since then, it's kinda faded into the woodwork with him. I think there have been many times when he has totally thought that I'm just making it up so that I don't have to worry about trying to find a job or move out of my parents' house, and that I'm a burden on my mom so she can't help him when he needs it financially. So I don't bother even talking to him about my back anymore. We had a conversation or 2 around christmas this past year about his back and withdrawaling from one of his meds, but nothing since then.
He's tall, I think 6'4" if he'd stand up straight. Because he was tall and was always picked on like I was, he started to stoop over to try and hide. He's done it for so long, he's got a hump in his back. Not a huge, hunchback of Notre Dam type thing, but there's a noticeable lump at the top of his back. It's impossible for him to stand up straight. He's been having trouble with pain, and he keeps getting these bruises on his lower back that match where his vertebrea are. He finally got health insurance recently, so he finally started getting it checked out. He had an x-ray, and there seemed to be some major concern that his disks and vertebrea were completely out of whack and alignment. So he got an MRI done. The results came back today.
He has now officially be diagnosed with kyphosis, which is basically doctor-speak for the hump. It obviously, throws everything else out of alignment. Now the docs have told him that there's nothing major wrong with the rest of his back. And they have sent him to pain management because there's nothing they can do to fix it.
As much as we don't get along, I don't want him in this situation. I don't want him facing the rest of his life in pain. I don't want him having to try every med on the market to find something to work, and then hoping that something new comes out so you can have some hope for something to work when the doseage gets so high the doc refuses to prescribe it any more because they're just too high. I don't want him having to go through this nightmare. I'm going to see if I can find him a great doc in his area (a little south of me in jersey) that is in a clinic that also uses complementary and alternative therapies, so he's not completely dependent on the meds like I am.
I just feel so sorry for both him and his girlfriend, just knowing what he's facing and about to have to deal with. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and I certainly wouldn't wish this on someone related by blood. But it does make me think that maybe, somehow, we were both genetically predisposed to this. Like maybe there's something in our genetic makeup that makes us more prone to CP than most of the world. Or that there's something wrong with our backs because of our genes. My parents don't have any problems, but it could be a gene that was unexpressed in them that combined to become an expressed gene in us. I dunno. I guess I'm just still looking for an answer to the question of how I ended up here and why I'm in this position.
But, there's some good news, and as it seems it usual in my life, it comes with some bad. Hopefully, I can find him someone good at a good clinic near his house that will treat him well, and conservatively, and give him a better chance for a future. I was hoping for at least a niece or a nephew, but if their dad can't walk, that might be a bit of an issue. I'm getting a little ahead. I just don't want to see him go through even the smallest bit of what I have.