Ugh, i feel like crap

[Silent_Torture]

:( :(

I was abused by my step father for 4 years, verbal, and sexual.
He used to touch me and try to kiss me when my mother wasnt looking, he sat me down next to him and watched **** while I was there and told me that I liked it, he made me feel things I was too young to feel, yet today I still question if it was my fault, if I did the wrong thing by calling the authorities. My mother still after 4 years doesnt believe me. She thought I did it to get rid of her boyfriend and make her miserable. When she slept alone in her bed by herself, without a partner I blamed myself for her crying herself to sleep. Her new boyfriend's son has a crush on me and he keeps touching me, and I told my mom it was bothering me and she screamed at me saying I think everyone is out to get me and that I think everyone is going to **** me and im freaking crazy. Today in school. Somthing embarassing nad horrible happened. I was doing my work when suddenly I felt a hand on my arm and I screamed and ran against the wall and started crying and said "dont touchme " uncousciously I jsut kept saying it. My teacher just accidentally bumped into me. All my classmates saw this. The man that abused me used to tellme I was faining weight, im 100 pounds and im 5'6 and he did this to me, I cant eat and I cant sleep without being afraid someone will touchme , I wake up at night if I feel one little thing on me and I get scared my mom is right I do think eveyrone is out to get me. It jurts even more that she doesnt beleivee me. I just dont know what to do. :(

[Tootsie]

None of the things that have happened to your have been your fault. Your mother does not protect you, for whatever reason. It is apparent that her own problems are too overwhelming for her to resolve.

You do not indicate where you live, or how old you are, for any of us here to advise you. Please keep in mind that these forums are used by people all over the world, not just in the USA.

There are agencies and counselor who help people like yourself, deal with these traumatic incidents,so that they are able to move on in their life. I am glad that you are in school. Is there someone there you can tell or ask for help? They could put you in touch with those agencies and counselor that are skilled in dealing with situations such as yours.

In the USA there are parts of county governments called Child Protective Services where you can report your living situation. Cheerio.

[The Dude]

Welcome to our home!!!

I am so sorry this has happend to you...... I will pray that your mother will become closer to you and begin to help you thru this!

Peace and love to you my friend :)

[Tootsie]

There is a forum here at Braintalk called Survivors of Sexual Abuse. If you scroll down the the lower right corner you will find a box called Forum Jump.
Click on the arrow and the listings come up. There are two sets, one for general topics, and the next one lists things alphabetically by diagnosis. The Survivors of Sexual Abuse is in the latter one. Cheerio.

[Buttons2]

Hi, many of us here on BT can relate to what you've gone through-you are not alone & people do care about you.

If you're interested (and it's age appropriate), there's a forum called Teens helping Teens, also Eating Disorders, just keep scrolling down until you find them.

If you live in the US you should certainly have access to a counselor @ school,this person has an obligation to investigate any type of abuse by a parent-and report it to the proper authorities,in this case I'm referring to your mother. Step-father is out of the picture now right?

As far as not being able to accept anyone touching you,brushing against you-these are issues that certainly need to be looked into. You need counseling,perhaps group therapy with other's in similiar situations.

You state you weigh only 100# and it's your step-father's fault. If after 4 years you cannot eat or sleep properly & your mother shows no concern for these issues-someone needs to intervene. Your mental well being as well as your physical health are at stake here.

Please come back & share more of your story. Sounds like you are in a bad situation & need help with getting on with your life. More information might allow us to have a broader picture-then we can try to help more.

If you feel uncomfortable telling anything about your situation.....feel free to send a PM.

Take care today!
Buttons

[Boopers]

Oh Silent Torture,
My heart aches for you. I am so sorry this is happening to you.
Just remember, THIS IS NOT your fault. I am so sorry that your Mother is being this way.
As far as I'm concerned, it's child abuse and nothing less.
Please tell everyone that will listen to you on what has and is going on. Someone will know what to do.
Good luck,
Hugs,
Boopers

[Nana4&cntn]

Hi There,

I have to tell you this s NOT your FAULT!!

I am 49 years old and was sexually and verbally abused by my step father from the time I was 11 thre 17 y/o. I also was forced to watch *****, and was told I liked it, along with the torture he did to me and my body. He had me convinced me my mom would send me away if I told because she loved him more than me. In my mind this kind of rang true because my father had abandoned me.
I agree that you should call child procective services or talk to a counselor at school. No one is going to think less of you for doing so. It is obvious that mom isn't going to help. She needs help herself. So what if she cries because she sleeps alone. This is not your fault.
I finally told my mom when I was 25, she was devastated.

I have gone through several years of therapy for this. I have had several abusive relatonships. No longer do I have a relationship with the man who abused me nor the others that did. I had horrible night mares, a low self esteem and would get physically ill with any type of intimate contact.

Please start the process now, don't wait like I did. To thos day I have flash backs, they don't happen often but they do happen.

Please feel free to pm me or email me, I would be happy to help you get the help you need. NO one has thr right to touch you unless you consent. And No ADULT is allowed to touch you period.

I don't know where you are but I will do anything you need to help you get out of this situation. I am serious about this!

Take care and post often, pm me, or email me, to let us know how you are.
I will keep anything you say to me confidential, and will help you no matter what.

Kathy

[houghchrst]

Welcome Silenttorture though I am sorry that you have to be here. I have very little experience with sexual abuse though I did have a stepfather that tried (???!!!), I know that sounds odd but it was an odd occurance, maybe I have blocked something out. Anyway, I agree that you should maybe start with a school counselor. See what your options are. You can't spend your life this way. Your mother is obviously not going to help you and it sounds as if she lives in her own world of misery. Maybe she lived through the same thing you are. I hope you get some help soon. Keep us in the loop and come here to vent anytime.

[joy]

silent torture I'd rather call you Precious, if you don't mind. I call my granddaughter that and I see you as a precious person too. And don't doubt that you did the right thing in telling authorities. Do it 10 times 10 if it takes it. I know your mother has problems but it is not your responsibility to worry about her problems, it is hers to worry about yours! And it seems as if she is incapable, unable or whatever of doing so. She must be numb to feelings by now is most likley the reason. And I don't want you to become numb to feelings or wose yet, afraid to have relationships when you are old enough to.

If there is an aunt or even friend of any adults that you know well enough to confide in - do so, or go to counselors like others have suggested. I have had only minor troubles of which you speak and even minor has left me troubled. I am like the rest, I want what is best for you Precious. Please start asking for help from someone close to you or take up any of these offers of those that has said they know how to help.

Please stay in touch with us and start asking for help from someone close enough to you that can see you through this difficult time. None of this should have happened to you nor should it ever happen again.

[Nana4&cntn]

Silent torture,

We haven't heard from you in awhile, I hope you are doing okay, and have taken steps to help yourself. Please let us know how you are doing.

Take care,
Kathy