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kennethhoff
02-03-2007, 10:10 AM
I just wanted to let someone out there know that severe anxiety, agoaphobia, social anxiety, etc.. can be overcome. Mine started at 18yrs old and now I'm 46. I carried it all my life until about 40 at varying levels.
This issue is all about control. The need for it, the feelings of lack of it, and so on.
There are many ways to fight it from psychotherapy, medications, books/tapes, etc... But the first main thing to know is it CAN be done. So please take that alone. If one person could do it, it IS possible. Don't refuse any treatment that may work, it may be just the one to get you going.
The very first step of Alanon is admitting our powerlessness over alchol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
This applis to anxiety to. The greatest gift I recieved is the knowledge, understanding, and complete transformation in accepting this.
We ARE powerless over everyone and everything except our own feelings thoughts and actions. So the real answer lies within us. That powerlessness can be over alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, and yes, people.
Except your powerlessness over others, what they will think say or do, and that you do not and will never have power over them. Never!
My way to recovery is to start real small. Baby steps. It adds up fast over time and is quite amazing. If it's the mall, just drive there and turn around. Then drive and park. then go to the door. then open the door and go in and go out. keep doing this with small things and your confidence goes up. Even in setbacks, which there will be no doubt, your to be given credit for simply trying. In alanon the slogan is "Progress, not perfection".
Forget perfection, it never existed in the first place. The need for control, trying to be perfect, this is what causes the anxiety feelings. And as long as you can think, you will always have the control over your feelings thoughts and actions.
When my mom died, I just didn't care anymore about anything. Nothing really mattered. And it was like a lightswitch for anxiety because if I didn't care anyore, I might as well try. So I traveled from NJ to Va and got out of my zone in a long long time. Then little things I began to do because it just didn't matter anymore. It all adds up.
My biggest sadness now is that I didn't know about Alanon and try the program when I was a teen or my early twenties. ADMIT your powerlessness, and the process of acceptance starts then. If your really powerless over others, you take control back of what you really ARE in control of and have always been: YOURSELF.
Never give up. Small steps make a long journey, and each step counts. Even when you don't see it.
The direction you choose is yours alone. Don't end up 80 years old saying I wish I had tried more. Unlock your life one small step at a time. It works!!!
- Ken

remmie1
06-14-2009, 09:19 PM
Hi Ken

Thank you so much for your advice. I know it makes sense - completely. There is no such thing as perfection.

I have gradually suffered more and more with agoraphobia and relying on my husband and what you say helps so much.

Try not to be perfect just be. Give it a go. Stop being so hard on yourself. I know this mindset works I just have to put it into practice.

The little things work, like going to the gym with my husband and having 'the nerve' to separate from him and enter a different room without him. I am doing that and it makes me feel confident for a while. I will continue to do more challenging things.

It's the little things that count isn't it?

Thank you for your wise words.

Are you totally recovered? No symptoms at all? Sorry to pry.

Remmie1