bedtime of horror... please help!!!

[megansmom]

She seems to have such a hard time going to sleep in her bedroom at night that i am at my witts end... I have tried so many different things that nothing seems to get through to her and no matter what we take away or how many times we close her door she is so frightened or something to sleep in her bed. The best thing that I tried was put a cd radio in her room and played lullybye music and that worked great for over a month, I really thought that we were done with these horrible nights. But she started up again a few nights ago and could care less about her radio. She fights us and will not fall asleep sometimes until 2 or 3 am. I don't know what us to do, she doesn't tell us whats wrong or why she won't sleep in there, the only thing i can conclude is that she is scared from being away from us. For the longest time she slept in our bed and i was able to wean her from that, now all she wants to do is sleep on the couch.

Anybody else have these problems... it's really affecting the household and her behavoir if she doesn't sleep all night. I think it is also scaring our 4 year old. What do i do now??? ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

Tracy

[Roman]

When I was little I was afraid of closed and of curtains in my room. I had a lot of dreams where closed began to walk and each time it was close to me I had a sense of electricity of the air around it. Also it often happened in my dreams that I was paralized and werne't able to move or walk away from the closed. Someimtes I had a dream of some "enemies" comming from curains to get me. Even when I was able to walk away from the room, all kinds of strange stuff happened in hallways etc.

So I was basically afraid to fall asleep becaues of these dreams. Also I had to keep looking at the closed to make sure nothing is happening. NOW THIS STRICTLY HAPPENED IN MY ROOM. Whenever my parents were visitting friends or whatever, I had no trouble at other people's rooms. I strictly developed fear of MY OWN room, nothing else. So could it be that he is also just afraid of his room, or some of the things IN his room?

[LIZARD]

Does she have a night light? I was scared of the dark until about 6 or 7 yo. That's probably the most common childhood fear. You might also have a bedtime ritual of looking for "monsters" beforehand and showing her that nothing lives under the bed.

The other possibility I can think of is that the texture of her bed is different from yours. Yours (and the couch) may have a firmness that she craves. Drew slept on the floor next to his bed for something like a couple of years before we could get him to sleep in the bed. Now he won't get out of it! :D :rolleyes:

Good luck. :) This, too, shall pass. I'm confident of it. :)


LIZARD :)

[milivica]

Can you go ahead and let her sleep on the couch? Do family noises keep her awake or let her fall asleep feeling more secure, kind of like babies fall asleep in the midst of noise.

Can you make the bed more like the couch...one of the reason I knock out on the couch, is cause of that pressure against my back of the cushions. When my daughter comes into bed with me (when dh works weeknights) I wake up feeling great cause she mashes her warm body against my back.

If the family noises make her fall asleep, can you put her bed right next to her door opening even if it looks weird? Maybe make a recording of you telling her stories or what ever she likes to hear, if that would comfort her.

What about one of those pillows that are shaped like a U so she has sort of a cuddled feeling? Just a guess. I to that with an extra cover and/or pillows cause I'm too cheap and lazy to get the U pillow. I know some mom's have them for themselves here.

Just figure out the difference between the couch and her room, think simple not some complex reason.

Just some random thoughts and ideas :)

[RathyKay]

What about leaving her bedroom door open and the hall light on? Maybe the noises and light in the living room (couch) are comforting, and her bedroom is too dark and quiet?

Any recent med changes? Maybe this will pass when she adjusts to the changes?

Is she sick? Sinus pressure, ear ache, etc?

[Mammaw]

We have had a big problem with Eli getting to sleep at night also along with poop smearing issues. What has helped the last couple of weeks is that I put together a "fidget basket" for him because we decided it was more sensory than anything else. In the basket we put a number of the squishy balls, light up toys, little flashlights, different little brushes, all the kinds of things you find for sensory therapy. At night he takes the lights or the textured things to bed with him. That has seemed to help with both issues. Of course the fact that he has been seizure free for three weeks tomorrow has a lot to do with it I'm sure. Fingers crossed. Also, does your daughter have a TV in her room? We found that Eli's favorite videos seemed to keep him awake but he sometimes watches things we watch in our rooms--HGTV. QVC, and Food Network. He talks about House Hunters and Rachel Ray a lot. Those things seem to just quiet him enough to let him get drowsy but not get him excited like the Barney songs for example. Keeping one step ahead of them is a challenge!

[megansmom]

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I'm not sure yet what I am to do next BUT she is in bed now with almost no problems and is talking to herself but staying in her bed and room. I'm wondering why some days are harder than others... I even had nights where she says she is ready to go to sleep in her bed and walks in there on her own... go figure FYI... She does sleep with her door open and the light on. The only time that we close the door is to punish her for leaving her room when she is supposed to be in bed. It is hard to let her sleep on the couch because my 4 year old gets jealous cause she can't and doesn't understand yet that Megan is different.

Thanks I will keep trying with this...

Tracy

[LIZARD]

It is hard to let her sleep on the couch because my 4 year old gets jealous cause she can't and doesn't understand yet that Megan is different.

This is a tough line to tread. I know it well. The trick, I think, if there really is one, is to explain as early and as simply as possible, why it's necessary to do what you need to. Eventually, as long as you're open and honest about it all, she'll learn to respect it, and ultimately, to appreciate it. My daughter used to get jealous of the attention her brother received when he started to get home-based therapy, but as soon as she was old enough to start forming a social life of her own, it became a non-issue. :) Also, make sure you include time here and there to do things with Michelle alone, even if it's just for a few minutes a week. At her young age, she'll appreciate it more than she can tell you. :) (My own sister told me this! :) ) If Megan is getting services, there should be some time in there to do that.

I also think it's a lot harder when you have only one typical child, as there tends to be more isolation. Kids who come from larger families have other sibs to commiserate with, and when you don't have that, especially when your friends are all from families of typical kids, it can be a lonely life. If this persists as a problem, consider getting her into a sibling group.

http://www.siblingsupport.org/

Re Megan's bed routine...Do not "punish" her by insisting on closing her door when she won't stay in bed! This is compounding the problem. If she's getting up because the dark is frightening to her (which it most likely is), this is only making it worse. Find an alternative.

Be careful how much you push the idea of Megan's "difference," too. This was something my parents went out of their way to avoid, but I also got a lot of mixed messages, and so did my sibs. Even if you think she doesn't understand, explain to her why she has to do certain things, why she can't do some other things (i.e. is not allowed to), and why there are consequences for inappropriate behavior, and make sure to follow through. Our kids thrive on consistent discipline and will be lost if they don't know what to expect. Michelle will be glad, too, because she'll see that she's not the only one who has to meet expectations.

I hope this helps! It's a juggling act, but it can be done. :)


Good luck!

LIZARD :)

[mc4_a]

My girl is almost seven and I still sit by her bed every night to help he calm down. She'd probably do fine on her own, but I'm usually on my laptop anyway at that point, so why not?

I've found a lot of this improves with maturity. My wife spent many nights up until 2 or 3am. Usually it takes her 30-45 minutes to calm down, but it's much better than it was before.

In addition, we put our daughter on Risperdal around 18 months ago and it has a side-effect of making her sleepy. We'll probably cycle her off the medicine over the next few months, so we'll see.

[N&L]

I give my son melatonin 2 mg sublingual 30 minutes before bed. It works great. You can get it at a healthfood store or GNC. I take it myself. It works very well.
N&L

[LIZARD]

I give my son melatonin 2 mg sublingual 30 minutes before bed. It works great. You can get it at a healthfood store or GNC. I take it myself. It works very well.
N&L

Does he have epilepsy? I have heard that children who have seizures shouldn't take Melatonin. I'm 40, and I refuse to, since hearing that.


LIZARD, just curious :)

[Lara]

Lizard, you might want to ask or recheck with your Doctor about that.
Freeman and Jan report differently about this on their article... I don't know about Jan, but I know that Dr. Freeman has been studying and using Melatonin for years and years. His knowledge is very extensive in this area.

Based on a small, uncontrolled case report,58 caution was
advised in the use of MT for children with epilepsy, suggesting
that pharmacological doses of this hormone had proconvulsive
properties. This has since been contradicted and MT
is now used in the treatment of certain seizures because it
has anticonvulsant actions.59,60


782 Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology 2004, 46: 776–782
http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=255857
Full PDF url won't work for some reason. CLICK on where it says PDF (139 KB)there to the right


Melatonin therapy for circadian rhythm sleep disorders in children with multiple
disabilities: what have we learned in the last decade?

James E Jan MD FRCP(C),
Professor, Child Neurology,
Mental Health Research Unit;

Roger D Freeman MD FRCP(C),
Clinical Head of Neuropsychiatry Clinic,
BC’s Children’s Hospital, University of British Columbia, Canada.

[Lara]

p.s. my son has always had trouble sleeping and for various different reasons. He's 19 now, but still appears to have a totally different sleep cycle than most other people. Makes it difficult for him to function well if he's got classes or something else early in the mornings. He's a perfect candidate for melatonin I think, but he won't take it. School holidays are the worst. He'll just get into a good routine with sleep and then it's holiday time and he gradually changes back to not being able to sleep at night and then crashes most of the day. Then he has to switch it all around again so he can cope with regular hours after the holidays. The only way he can do that is to go a whole day without sleep and finally crashes at night and then his cycle seems ok again. It must put awful stress on the body and brain.

Leslie Packer has a few tips on her TS plus website about sleep habits. Not sure if they're applicable at all, but I'll post them anyway.
http://www.tourettesyndrome.net/Files/sleep_habits.PDF

[N&L]

Does he have epilepsy? I have heard that children who have seizures shouldn't take Melatonin. I'm 40, and I refuse to, since hearing that.


LIZARD, just curious :)

I don't know, but it is always best to ask a doc. or health care professional.

N&L

[tgrimes]

Benadryl is great, too, for kids and adults. It's non-prescription, and comes in tablet or liquid.

[LIZARD]

Benadryl is great, too, for kids and adults. It's non-prescription, and comes in tablet or liquid.

Benadryl helps me. :)


LIZARD :)

[Keggy]

I didn't read all the replies, but... it seems as though your child is scared. I think you need to take a good look and the room, and do an intervention to help ease the fears.
Stuffed animals and dolls around can be very intimidating. Is the light on? Because that light on is not a way to improve sleep hygiene. It also creates shadows, which can be very freightening to a child.
My dd used to use a sleep mask to sleep, one of those pretty silky ones they make and sell at the drug store. Our kids are supersensitive to light, so the mask helps there. I would also find away to figure out what could be scary in the room, talk with the child about removing it... she may understand even if you think she don't. A good scare remover spray could help, and a good, solid bedtime routine as well.
... just took a peek at your last post. Never, never use her bedroom for punishment. Her bedroom should be a place of refuge and very safe. Even if she is misbehaving in it, don't do something to her in that which reflects punishment. A child who is getting out of bed because she is scared does not deserve to be punished.