are you ready for children?

[joy]

How To Know Whether or Not You Are Ready to Have Children

Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.


Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you maysubstitute roofing tacks) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)


Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.


Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.


Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.


Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.


Physical Test (Women):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.


Physical Test (Men):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.


Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

[The Dude]

Very informative :D

[Buttons2]

This was a good one! Got me to chuckle anyway.....

[houghchrst]

This is great, it is funny that now that I read it can I change my mind? Just kidding, never.

[joy]

The good thing is, usually by the time you are a grandparent, it is funny all over again and without as much hassle and a lot more sleep.

[satman next generation]

and we enjoyed all of that so much, we had 5 :eek: and 3 of them are teenagers :eek: :eek: :eek:

God Bless In HIS Service....Dan

[joy]

Oh goody, then you get to start enjoying grandkids! To me it is very enjoyable. So much so that when the neighbor asked after the first one - well is it as good as you thought it would be? I answerded without a beat, well I know why they call them grand Kids now! ;) And for a first time treat ever, I have both of mine tonight ! Nothing makes me want to hang in here and keep trying to live like those grandkids, I have to say.

[satman next generation]

Well, my oldest is 20 and my youngest is 11, so I guess it isn't that far away. I still want to get each of them through the college thing, :eek: before they get to the parent thing. :eek: :eek: . My mother-in-law loves to say, if she'd have known grandkids were this fun, she would've had them first. She also says that it's her job to make sure OUR kids give us more headaches than my wife gave her as a child. I always respond....we're in for a lot of trouble then, considering. My wife hits me in the arm, I don't understand why :rolleyes: . I may joke and whine about the trials and tribulations of parenthood, but I wouldn't trade it for a minute. :o

God Bless....In HIS Service....Dan

[joy]

Every child deserves to be felt that way by parents or parent figures. It is such a shame that all are not.

[satman next generation]

Joy:
That would resolve a lot of todays issues, wouldn't it?

God Bless....In HIS Service....Dan

[lor]

My DD is 19. I have always told her, when we hear or see something 'unfortunate' about a kid, "Kids are alot of trouble but worth it." I tell her that cuz her cousin had a baby at age 18. I want her to see what life would be like if she had a baby as a teen. But still she knows how happy I am to have her (I had her in my late 20's).

[joy]

I'm sure she knows you love her. We are still finding things we would do different if given a chance. Our daughter (33yr) still has a lack of self appreciation of her worth at times the best we can do. No one ever said it was easy did they?

[satman next generation]

I have a cousin who is a Doctor of Psychology, specializing in "Developmental Psychology". From cradle to grave as she so profoundly puts it. When my oldest 3 were toddlers, my daughter needed outpatient eye surgery and my "Developmental Psychologist" cousin offered to care for the other 2 even though the closest she'd ever been to child care was in the classroom setting and she doesn't even have any children. Ohhh she had the day all planned out for them :rolleyes: and based upon how close they were in age "statisticly, their personalities and therefore their interests should be correlationally compatable", (the same). :eek: Uh huh :rolleyes: . My daughter kicked, scremed and cryed going into surgery, and I was holding her as she came out of her anesthetic and she let out such a scream I think she emptied out the morgue. Even still, I think we had an easier time than my cousin did. She was a humbled woman that day. I kid you not, today she is a professor of Geriatric Psychology, :D Now whether or not that day had anything to do with it, I don't know, but I'm sure it had some impact. (She still doesn't have any kids.) :confused:
God Bless....In HIS Service....Dan

[Buttons2]

My youngest son Mark was always into adventures:

At age 1 1/2 he decided to take a stroll to the grade school across the street,after family,cops, looking for him ....he was finally spotted playing with the wheels on the bikes @ the school! A 6' fence took care of that!

At age 5 he was missing @ a campground,got all the adults there searching for him......when I saw him clinging to the edge of a clift I thought I'd have a heart attack on the spot!

At age 10 he was sneaking upstairs with a 5 gal bucket full of snakes! Of course I had no clue about this until the next morning when he finally confessed that all his snakes were missing!:eek: :eek: :eek:

Also at age 10 (since he couldn't keep the snakes), he got a cameleon,now I had no fear of lizards (but am horrified by snakes),he had to go to the pet shop to buy MAGGOTS to feed this thing,well I was first one in the kitchen one morning & discovered MAGGOTS everywhere cause he'd forgotten to close the container!

I learned early on that he had to be free to explore,so totally different than my other son! Mark would just look at me & ask why I was worried when he took off on his adventures.....he always claimed he knew exactly where he was & how to get home!!

Aw,the memories.......Buttons