new to all of this

[bianco]

Help, I feel so alone. I just had an aneurysm clipped on 09/26. I just don't feel like myself, no energy or interest in anything. I hate how everyone keeps telling me how great I look but they won't look me in the eye for more than a minute. My head squeeks and I am having problems reading. I know the words but it doesn't make sense.

[Brookside]

Hang in there Bianco,
My name is John, I'm 43 now and had my clipping 22 years ago...The squeeking was funky at first. Its alot louder for us ...others dont hear and feel it...Its one of several things that I did get use to though. The internet or computors wer'nt around back then so I had to go through this "et mono". You have found a place to vent your fears with us who just understand.
I have had many changes in my life like you are experiencing. Mine was compunded by my addictions , blind youth experiences of growing up as well. I look back and can say change has always, as hard as it is at the time, been a reward. everything and every change got me to today. For that I am truly grateful.
Time heals.....It gets better.
John

[Lyn]

Hi Bianco
Did you have a rupture or, like me did you have an unruptured annie clipped? Whichever way, there are some who say "Oh but you look so well....." and they just don't understand the trauma that you have been through.

It is a huge operation, and it does change your life. The squeaking you are hearing is most likely the bone plates healing. It is a long process and please feel free to ask about anything that is bothering you - that is what we are here for - apart from providing support and the voice of experience.

I had an annie clipped in 2004 - and it has taken the full two years to feel 'normal' again. Even now, I have my days when I am overwhelmed with people and information - be it auditory or visual.

Please keep in touch, you will never find a more wonderful and supportive group to be part of.

Cheers

Lyn

[Kitty]

I had a rupture and 4 clipped annies June 2005, and another surgery for 3 more clippings Nov 4, 2005. I am just now getting my energy and initiative back. I still have depression, and "lost" words part of the time. But I do have days that are great!! One thing that helped me was to put my life in "day tight packages". Just live each day, get done what gets done, don't worry about the rest of the stuff waiting, don't stress about what you can't or don't want to do. For a while after I went back to work, I would come home at 5:00 and almost immediately go to sleep. Now I am back to sleeping a normal 7-8 hours most of the time. I do still have trouble with too much conversation, too many people around sometimes.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, you've had brain surgery:eek: . Let your brain heal, get some anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds from your doctor if you need them. DO NOT feel guilty or anxious about what you can't do right now, be glad for what you can do;)
I was amazed at how people would tell me how good I looked, too. I felt like s##t:rolleyes: . But maybe it's just their way of trying to encourage you, or make you feel better. Whatever, it's really not important in the long run. The ONLY thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world!!
Be gentle on yourself, rest and heal. Better times are ahead. You are still at the very beginning of the healing process.:)
Kitty

[joannef]

Bianco,
You are definitely NOT alone. We're all here for you. I had a coiling after my rupture, so I can't help you with the squeaking you're hearing but I still get random sharp stabbing pains from the staples used to hold my ventriculostomy in place.

Many of us, ruptured or unruptured, had trouble concentrating enough to get back into reading at first. I was blind in one eye from my rupture, so reading was difficult anyway. I also had little interest in anything. Like others on this board, I'm being treated for depression, although it took me a few months to admit to my doctor that I had the symptoms (no interest in anything, no energy, feelings of hopelessness, etc.).

Please try to be patient. You just had brain surgery only a few weeks ago! It's really early to be doing much of anything other than resting, resting, resting. Drink lots of water, eat right and exercise a little bit at a time. You'll feel better eventually.

I was excited to see you're from Philly. I was born there and live outside the city now, in the western suburbs. Feel free to send me a private message (click on my name) anytime you want to talk.

Hugs,
Joanne

[hattyuk]

Hi Bianco,
I am just 1 year post clipping, 27.09.05 . when I look back on it all now I realise just how lucky I have been. When I came out of hospital I thought I would be back to my old life within weeks, I hadn't even heard of an anueurysm let alone any idea of what it was!! I was a teacher and my headteacher rang me 2 days after coming out of hospital and said in the nicest possible way we have written you off till next year (september 06), with the severity of the surgery you have undergone. I had no idea what I had been through .One year on and thankfully I have got early retirement, through my choice. Having been in your position exactly a year ago I think I know how you are feeling. It was my 1 year anniversary of being discharged yesterday and things are great, take it all slowly, rest loads, the brain takes ages to recover, but you will get there. I was only talking earlier with friends about it being 1 year later and it makes me remember how I felt then, recently I have been reliving my time in hospital and recovering at home and how I felt about myself then, must be the anniversary thing. Things will improve and you will feel more motivated, but it does take time, you have had major surgery. rest, rest and more rest is what you need.
Take care hatty xx:)

[annie2105]

Hi...I am Lisa. my rupture was 2*01*05 then again on 3*09*05. I am on Zoloft for depression. After a major brain surgery the chemicals in the brain just take some time to readjust! It will get better I promise. I also had a shunt put in....all of this in 6 months, I am still tired and am finally beginning to be interested in some of the things I used to. It takes 5-10 years for the brain to heal...you are only a few weeks out. I couldn't even type on the computer after mine so give yourself credit for that. I promise it will get better but it seems slow and frusterating at times! We are always, always here for you, to vent or whatever!!!!You will be in my prayers. Rest and drink lots of water! ANd, if it helps you...after my surgery I read some cards and they didn't make sense to me either but I just read them again the other day and I understood them! Let your poor little brin heal and find homeostasis again... it will happen, I promise!
Blessings,
Lisa

[Happydaze]

Dear Bianco - I am so sorry you feel so alone. Having an anuerysm and surgery is a life changing event but keep hanging in there. I am three years post rupture and I still have moments of complete confusion. It takes a long time to heal so try to take it one day at a time, it does get better. We are here for you so please ask any questions you may have and keep letting us know how you are doing. You're in my prayers.

_________________
Happydaze

[RUTHIE]

Hi,
We all understand completely what your going through. I am 1 1/2 year post rupture and clipping and still find some days a challange emotionally. It takes a long time to heal from brain surgery, and its amazing that you are on the computer after only 2 weeks!!! Good for you!!! and think positive and healing thoughts. Please don't feel alone, because you're not, post here anytime and share with us.The emotional toll that this type of surgery causes is huge, so give yourself time to absorb what has happened to you. Take care,
RUTHIE

[gafey]

Hi Bianco,

I had a rupture and then a coil and shunt. It's been about 10 months since my rupture. What I can remember is this: during the first few weeks, my 5 senses were totally acute, I was sensitive to site and sound, smell and taste and touch. It was almost as if everything felt magnified. I had to have earplugs in my ears most of the time to drown out any noise and wear sunglasses. After about a few weeks, my senses got better and I was able to tolerate the 'everyday' hubub. A few weeks after that, I noticed it was my emotions and thinking that were a little out of 'wack'. I was either very sensitive or had trouble making logical decisions in everyday life.

I look at the recovery of the brain as a fine tuning - first the physical then, mental and emotional. Now I am at the stage where more fine tuning is happening. Depression is setting in, I don't feel the same as I was before and it takes me longer to think things through - things that normally came easy before.

I used to work in a stressful job for over 15 years in computers. Now I can't even imagine if my brain can take the same stresses anymore! But regardless
I am thankful that I am here. I may not be the same, but I am learning to look at life in a simpler way - as if everything is happening all over again.

Give yourself time to heal and remember 'this too shall pass'..

Godspeed, Maria