I have thought about suicide

[jennifer]

My name is Jennifer and I have congenital hydrocephalus and I have thought about suicide, because I don't have a lot of friends due to my race and my mild mental disability and my hydro, so sometimes I think the only way out would be to take my life, I go to church and people say well GOD is your friend, but he isn't someone you can go hang out with and do things with, and it gets me frustrated.

[Lara]

Dear Jennifer, I'm so very sorry you've been feeling so down today. I said hello to you the other day on another forum. It's good to talk about how you're feeling but if you're feeling really badly please talk to your parents if you're living with them, or call 911 if you're feeling really desperate and don't know what to do. You can also ring the National Hopeline if you have no one else to talk with. You can call them anytime. Many people are concerned about you so please check in and let us know how you're doing.

"If you are not in immediate danger of committing suicide,
but need someone to talk with about your suicidal thoughts,
please do not hesitate to call the National Hopeline Network:

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

You may call this number from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day.
People are waiting to help you. Call right now ."
or

KENTUCKY Crisis Hotlines (http://suicidehotlines.com/kentucky.html)

{{{hugs to you Jennifer}}} I hope you finally got some sleep and please do check in when you can to let me (and everyone else) know how you're doing.
take care there,
Lara

[Buttons2]

Hi Jennifer, how are you doing today? We can really only take it one day at a time.....

What can we do to help? We care, so please come back & let us know how you're feeling OK?

Take care & BIG cyber hug!
Buttons

[Cry Tears]

Jennifer....I'm so glad that you are reaching out to us here on Braintalks. A lot of us here have health and or mental issues and we completly understand when you say these things...that you feel worthless and life looks hopeless.
I think I've posted you when you wrote on the art forum? Not sure, my poor brain cant remember that much....I don't have hydro like you do...and I don't have any retardation....that I know of! LOL!
Maybe they forgot to tell me of this!
But you know what....you are worth loving because you are alive!
Be proud of who you are....be proud of your race.
Who says which race is perfect?!?!
I struggled with the race issues while growing up because I'm not totally 100% purebred~!
But I'm proud of who I am because this is the way God made me!
So I totally understand your struggles with this because you are young and also feel rejected because you're adopted and have health issues.

I also understand when people just say meaningless words such as "God is your freind, Jesus loves you"....all seem so meaningless when you feel so alone in this world! People say this because they don't know what else to say and want to make you feel better. Its not really an answer that makes you feel good when you're lonely and needing a real flesh and blood freinds!

I lost my wonderful job of selling Real Esate...I was a top seller, made lots of money....then bam! I got ill all in one short month. Now I'm just getting social securty checks.....a month check is what I made in a few hours!

I lost all my "Freinds"....all my co-workers didn't have time to listen to my whining and crying about feeling so ill. No one can understand unless they've been thru the same thing.
Same with my family....even my own sister shuns me as she hasn't talked to me in over 4 years.
I know exactly how you feel in wanting someone to talk to, someone to pal around....someone your age you can relate to.
Have you talked with a pastor, counsilor, youth leader there in your church or school about wanting freindship?
Have you thought of reaching out by helping others?
I'll bet there's a way you can reach out and help others.
Can you find a group you can join with outreach?
I have found a lot of meaning in my life in helping others...even though I'm not always feeling up to it.
But at least it keeps me busy and helps keep my mind is off myself and my problems. Its not 100% perfect...and I continue to want freindships.

Can you volunteer at a hospital as a candy striper with a mentor?
The hospitals where I have volunteered thru have such a program.

I think the Good Will store also has lots of programs you may find meaning in some sort of work. Have you thought of doing something like this?

Maybe you can find some freinds who will accept you for who you are!
I'll bet there's some girl out there looking for a freind like you.
I do hope and pray you find such freinds you're looking for.

Call the Crisis Hot line in your area....they have lots of resources to help you and perhaps can give you information and leads in helping find a good friend.
I've struggled with not wanting to live because of pain and poor health, sad family issues and such.
If the person you 1st speak with isn't helpful, call back and ask to speak to someone else. Not every person answering the phones are helpful....and they may have thier own struggles as well!

I've made freinds with some here on BT and we post message each other often. I look foward to turning on my computer cuz I know at least one of them has PM'd me....and I write back to them every day.
If you want...I'd be happy to PM you often....long as you write me back:p cuz I don't like writting to myself!
I'll send you a post message after I post this....so go check out your private messages....look up in the upper right cornerm just under your name where it says Welcome, Jennifer....just click on the blue PM option.
Blessings to you...I'll keep saying a prayer for you...that the Lord will send you a freind you can share with.
Hugs to you, cheryl
They have so much fun in helping out.

[KathyM]

Jennifer

I just saw this post, and your situation troubles me because you feel the added burden of racial oppression.

I know it's not easy. My son is half black/half white, and it was very difficult for him growing up. We had to move back to my old neighborhood when he was 7, and it's a neighborhood that's well known for being racist against African Americans. He was left out of a lot of activities and attacked for no reason - well, no valid reason. :(

The fault lies completely with the people who don't like you based on your race. They are not worth your time, so do your best not to let them get to you - you wouldn't want shallow people like that as friends anyway. :rolleyes:

It helped my son to have an outlet - to do something, and to do it well. In his case, it was music (piano/music production). It not only provided an outlet to release his strong emotions, it made him feel better about himself. Along the way, he picked up some good friends who share a similar passion and celebrate their differences.

[clouds z]

hi jennifer

suicide is a bad choice

things will get better-just keep trying
i also seem to have zero friends lately-sometimes friends are more trouble than theyre worth anyway

[Leslie Joe]

I agree with Clouds Z.... suicide is a bad choice.

Jen... you are a child of God, you have made that quite apparent in your posts. Think of it this way, "Who do you think you are?"... God has created this beautiful creature, named her Jennifer, found her loving parents to care for her, then you decide that she is not "good enough"... think about that.

All the challenges that you have had in your life, make you the person that you are today. I for one think you are a very nice young lady. There are several young people, and older ones as well, that never "get it". You "get it". So in my opinion that just gives you the upperhand in the world. To know and to understand things at such a young age...

Friends... that is a tough one. One that I understand completely. When I was young I didn't have many friends. By the time I was 10 I was 210 lbs, had glasses, braces, BRIGHT red hair, freckles, I stuttered and... yes not exactly "the norm", and I was treated as an outsider most of the time. I remember very well what it felt like to be "alone", "different". But now, even though I have had a few struggles in my life, I am good.

There are several people around me that used to be the "good ones" or the "pretty ones" or the "smart ones" that are not all that anymore. My papa used to say that "Cream Rises To The Top, if you just have the patience to wait for it". Be patient dear, you are well on the way!

It seems to me, that you have found some "good friends" right here at BT. I know that we can't hang out, and go to the mall etc with you, but I do believe that you are cared about... that is a good start!

Know that you are in my daily thoughts, and prayers as well.

LJ

[jennifer]

I would love to continue to talk, I don't know what to say, but if you ever need to talk, I be there, I haven't been on here lately because I feel that there is no reason for me to be on here if no one is going to talk to me.

Jennifer

[Mott]

I would love to continue to talk, I don't know what to say, but if you ever need to talk, I be there, I haven't been on here lately because I feel that there is no reason for me to be on here if no one is going to talk to me.

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,

I was in chat when you came in Monday and talked to you. We would all love you to come to chat (all we do there is talk) and you're more than welcome. There is usually someone there any time of the day or night. You're more likely to find someone to talk to in chat than on the boards right now.

BrainTalk is still trying to recover from a crash and not everyone has, or will, come back. Membership is still down but there are still a lot of nice people that come here and a lot of helpful information to be found even if you just lurk.

Thoughts of suicide is a topic that we can discuss if you feel the need. The thought used to rarely ever leave my mind, I just never acted on it. Now I have a potentially fatal disease so I don't have to do anything except not seek treatment, which I don't.

You can PM or email me from my profile if you'd like, but I'd like to see you in chat. :)

Mott

[Leslie Joe]

Jennifer, don't leave. BT is a good place to be. Mott has given you some very good advice, go into the chat, it is a good place to be. I remember when I first came to BT that is where I spent the majority of my time. Like Mott, you can also email or pm me as well. I still have limited time on the computer so it may be a day or two before I could get back to you, but I will respond as soon as I am able to.

I continue to keep you in my daily thoughts and prayers as well.
LJ

p.s. as far as "knowing what to say"... Hello, how are you today, it a real good start... So Jennifer, Hello, How Are YOU today?

[clouds z]

I would love to continue to talk, I don't know what to say, but if you ever need to talk, I be there, I haven't been on here lately because I feel that there is no reason for me to be on here if no one is going to talk to me.

Jennifer

hi again jennifer
maybe ill write more later

i guess im tired

ill talk if i have time

[clouds z]

i have a niece in ky and she wont talk to me i guess because i voted for kerry maybe

[Chat Moderator #1]

Hi Jennifer. As others have said, please come into the FlashChat chat room. There are almost always people in there who are willing to talk and to listen.

The only time the chat room is empty is usually between about 3:00 am and 7:00 am eastern time. Other times, you will usually find someone in there to talk to.

Please come into the chat room and chat with us.

Chat Moderator #1
FlashChat