babyboomer
01-01-2007, 04:40 PM
HELP w/ roommate (who has bipolar I)
I've tried to find or maintain a friendship even though our interests, etc., are vastly different. Within the past four years we've lived together there have been SEVERAL times when there was a conflict and things rapidly escaladed into WWIII. I cannot recall EVER having a violent confrontation of the type I have experienced w/ this woman.
She wanted to 'do something' this New Years. We pick a $299/night suite. I use my CC.
Just before we were to leave, I asked her if she could get directions to the hotel via its' 800#
She got mad, said I "told" her to do it - that I was dis-respectful. I replied that *I* thought I had asked her if she could do it, and told her she could get the 800 number and call.
No dice. It was entirely my fault, and she got more angry.
I began to see 'the handwriting on the wall'... this, like many other incidents, would soon escalade into a tirade of her yelling at me, saying all sorts of rotten, foul things. Believe me, I do NOT relish the experience.
She wanted the bedroom and volunteered to pay the lion's share of the place (even though the entire price was currently on MY card). The first night ($299) was non-cancellable. She refused every suggestion I made (such as she could go and I would still pay my share). I finally said I would be leaving ... if she wanted to go w/ me I asked only one thing - that things remain civil between us.
We get to the hotel -internally I have this sense of impending doom, knowing how EVERY other conflict w/ her has ALWAYS enupted into her yelling explitives at me and mocking me when I suggested we attempt to talk quietly, listen to one another, etc.
Believe me, it is very hard to feel relaxed when you are fairly certain things are NOT going to get better. I tried, but my stomach was in knots.
Free happy hour - we go. I'm standing in line for a drink -... she appears peeved that I didn't go to another bartender and get something faster. I didn't wear a sweater to the happy hour because it was inside. She wanted to sit outside (she smokes) and when I got outside I said 'this is too cold - I can't sit outside'... she said I was 'acting like a *****' when we sat inside. I got up and left.
The hotel had some music, starting at 8:30. Jazz. I(1) wear hearing aides, so noisy places sound virtually painful to my ears - and I can't understand what anyone says, (2) don't care for jazz - have NEVER cared for jazz, (3) did not recognize the first music that was playing, and (4) was freezing - even after putting a sweater on.
We sat down. She was offended that I didn't know the music. She said 'you're acting weird' - I said (truthfully!) that I was shivering. Before we left she asked me to just stay at least 5 minutes 'for me'. After 2-3 songs had played, she said 'you can leave now', so I did.
She returned an hour later (I am guessing she had some drinks) - she was berating me for not staying. I tried to explain ... she never let me complete what I attempted to say. She just continued to get angrier. I suugested we drop the arguement - its not doing anyone any good - and leave one another alone.
3 minutes later, she is continuing the arguement re: my not staying and listening to the jazz. I again try to 'explain' - she continues the tirade and starts pulling anything/everything she can in her anger... as though she is quite literally taking an axe and trying to chop down/destroy any modicum of frienship.
Finally I said, 'I can't deal with this... I am leaving' and she REALLY went into over-drive - she came over to me and was loudly yelling, saying 'you F--'in C---! you were gonna LEAVE me!' She was yelling at the top of her lungs. She went and took my keys from my purse and said 'you ain't going ANYWHERE tonight' and shut the bedroom door.
That REALLY got me - I went to retrieve them, she was laughing hysterically as though I was some demon - she threw them and narrowly missed knocking over a lamp.
I was feeling absolutely sick, physically and mentally. I want to (1)leave and (2)get away from her.
I gathered my bags, etc., and started to go. She yelled YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME! and followed. I attempted to put my bags in the trunk and sit in the car to be away from her. She pounded on the window and screamed. I opened the door,,, she got in and said angrily, ok let's go...(expletive).
I just sat there and covered my head. She then yelled to anyone in the parking garage 'THIS DRIVER IS DRUNK AND WANTS TO DRIVE - CAN YOU HELP ME?' I asked her to stop - told her I FEEL SICK. She yelled it again.
I got up, took my purse and keys and returned to the hotel room to lie down, alone.
About 20 minutes later she came in, utterly enraged - she yelled YOU BETTER GO TO THE FRONT DESK BECAUSE I AM PAYING FOR TONIGHT - AND YOU BETTER CHECK YOUR '****' - IT'S ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT'.
My suitcases and stuff were lying in a haphazard heap next to the car. Both side doors were wide open.
I put the stuff in the car and climbed in. I fully expected her to return and continue the tirade. But I couldn't leave because I thought I would really be the bad person if I left her there (an hour's drive from home).
So I spent the night trying to lay low in the car. I was awake and upset the whole time. I didn't sleep a wink.
At 7:20 I finally got up and went to see if I could get into the room, in case there was anything still there of mine. The key wouldn't work - she quite literally had locked me out.
I went to the desk and learned she had changed the name on the account - all I owed was the parking fee. I paid, and then called the room to see if she wanted to at least go home with me. She said I had 'drumped' her there - I guess she failed to remember she told me to 'check my '****'' and changed the registration so my key was no longer good - and I couldn't get it - she had indeed locked ME out.
I think she was slightly speechless when I reminded her (1) she dumped my '****' out, and (2) she locked me out of the room.
She apparently didn't want to return with me (even though she could have at least returned to get her own car and drive back) so I left. I was civil and at least she didn't yell into the phone.
I have no idea how she got home.
When I got home, I called a friend to see what she was doing for New Years' eve. We got together, played cards, had some wine and were asleep by 10:30. At least getting out of the house was a genuine attempt at trying to not feel so dastardly about the previous 24 hours.
It's New Years day. Of course, we're not talking... I am absolutely convinced she thinks EVERYTHING was my fault - that I runied her plans for New Years.
Believe me, in the past I have tried - over and over again - to find some way for things to be resolved, for there to be some amicable mindset between us. I don't think that living in fear or hate of another person is very good, especially when you live with that person!
I like living here (not with her!). I looked at what was available on the rental market and there was nothing appealing - if it was, it was completely out of my price range. We're cosigners on the rental. Buying in this area is absolutely out of the question - condos, etc., start in the low $400,00's.
OK - now that I have, in essence shared what seems to be as hopeful of the Titanic's crossing of the ocean ... got any brilliant solutions? ANYTHING?
I've tried to find or maintain a friendship even though our interests, etc., are vastly different. Within the past four years we've lived together there have been SEVERAL times when there was a conflict and things rapidly escaladed into WWIII. I cannot recall EVER having a violent confrontation of the type I have experienced w/ this woman.
She wanted to 'do something' this New Years. We pick a $299/night suite. I use my CC.
Just before we were to leave, I asked her if she could get directions to the hotel via its' 800#
She got mad, said I "told" her to do it - that I was dis-respectful. I replied that *I* thought I had asked her if she could do it, and told her she could get the 800 number and call.
No dice. It was entirely my fault, and she got more angry.
I began to see 'the handwriting on the wall'... this, like many other incidents, would soon escalade into a tirade of her yelling at me, saying all sorts of rotten, foul things. Believe me, I do NOT relish the experience.
She wanted the bedroom and volunteered to pay the lion's share of the place (even though the entire price was currently on MY card). The first night ($299) was non-cancellable. She refused every suggestion I made (such as she could go and I would still pay my share). I finally said I would be leaving ... if she wanted to go w/ me I asked only one thing - that things remain civil between us.
We get to the hotel -internally I have this sense of impending doom, knowing how EVERY other conflict w/ her has ALWAYS enupted into her yelling explitives at me and mocking me when I suggested we attempt to talk quietly, listen to one another, etc.
Believe me, it is very hard to feel relaxed when you are fairly certain things are NOT going to get better. I tried, but my stomach was in knots.
Free happy hour - we go. I'm standing in line for a drink -... she appears peeved that I didn't go to another bartender and get something faster. I didn't wear a sweater to the happy hour because it was inside. She wanted to sit outside (she smokes) and when I got outside I said 'this is too cold - I can't sit outside'... she said I was 'acting like a *****' when we sat inside. I got up and left.
The hotel had some music, starting at 8:30. Jazz. I(1) wear hearing aides, so noisy places sound virtually painful to my ears - and I can't understand what anyone says, (2) don't care for jazz - have NEVER cared for jazz, (3) did not recognize the first music that was playing, and (4) was freezing - even after putting a sweater on.
We sat down. She was offended that I didn't know the music. She said 'you're acting weird' - I said (truthfully!) that I was shivering. Before we left she asked me to just stay at least 5 minutes 'for me'. After 2-3 songs had played, she said 'you can leave now', so I did.
She returned an hour later (I am guessing she had some drinks) - she was berating me for not staying. I tried to explain ... she never let me complete what I attempted to say. She just continued to get angrier. I suugested we drop the arguement - its not doing anyone any good - and leave one another alone.
3 minutes later, she is continuing the arguement re: my not staying and listening to the jazz. I again try to 'explain' - she continues the tirade and starts pulling anything/everything she can in her anger... as though she is quite literally taking an axe and trying to chop down/destroy any modicum of frienship.
Finally I said, 'I can't deal with this... I am leaving' and she REALLY went into over-drive - she came over to me and was loudly yelling, saying 'you F--'in C---! you were gonna LEAVE me!' She was yelling at the top of her lungs. She went and took my keys from my purse and said 'you ain't going ANYWHERE tonight' and shut the bedroom door.
That REALLY got me - I went to retrieve them, she was laughing hysterically as though I was some demon - she threw them and narrowly missed knocking over a lamp.
I was feeling absolutely sick, physically and mentally. I want to (1)leave and (2)get away from her.
I gathered my bags, etc., and started to go. She yelled YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME! and followed. I attempted to put my bags in the trunk and sit in the car to be away from her. She pounded on the window and screamed. I opened the door,,, she got in and said angrily, ok let's go...(expletive).
I just sat there and covered my head. She then yelled to anyone in the parking garage 'THIS DRIVER IS DRUNK AND WANTS TO DRIVE - CAN YOU HELP ME?' I asked her to stop - told her I FEEL SICK. She yelled it again.
I got up, took my purse and keys and returned to the hotel room to lie down, alone.
About 20 minutes later she came in, utterly enraged - she yelled YOU BETTER GO TO THE FRONT DESK BECAUSE I AM PAYING FOR TONIGHT - AND YOU BETTER CHECK YOUR '****' - IT'S ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT'.
My suitcases and stuff were lying in a haphazard heap next to the car. Both side doors were wide open.
I put the stuff in the car and climbed in. I fully expected her to return and continue the tirade. But I couldn't leave because I thought I would really be the bad person if I left her there (an hour's drive from home).
So I spent the night trying to lay low in the car. I was awake and upset the whole time. I didn't sleep a wink.
At 7:20 I finally got up and went to see if I could get into the room, in case there was anything still there of mine. The key wouldn't work - she quite literally had locked me out.
I went to the desk and learned she had changed the name on the account - all I owed was the parking fee. I paid, and then called the room to see if she wanted to at least go home with me. She said I had 'drumped' her there - I guess she failed to remember she told me to 'check my '****'' and changed the registration so my key was no longer good - and I couldn't get it - she had indeed locked ME out.
I think she was slightly speechless when I reminded her (1) she dumped my '****' out, and (2) she locked me out of the room.
She apparently didn't want to return with me (even though she could have at least returned to get her own car and drive back) so I left. I was civil and at least she didn't yell into the phone.
I have no idea how she got home.
When I got home, I called a friend to see what she was doing for New Years' eve. We got together, played cards, had some wine and were asleep by 10:30. At least getting out of the house was a genuine attempt at trying to not feel so dastardly about the previous 24 hours.
It's New Years day. Of course, we're not talking... I am absolutely convinced she thinks EVERYTHING was my fault - that I runied her plans for New Years.
Believe me, in the past I have tried - over and over again - to find some way for things to be resolved, for there to be some amicable mindset between us. I don't think that living in fear or hate of another person is very good, especially when you live with that person!
I like living here (not with her!). I looked at what was available on the rental market and there was nothing appealing - if it was, it was completely out of my price range. We're cosigners on the rental. Buying in this area is absolutely out of the question - condos, etc., start in the low $400,00's.
OK - now that I have, in essence shared what seems to be as hopeful of the Titanic's crossing of the ocean ... got any brilliant solutions? ANYTHING?