shout out to Christina

[teddiebears]

Hey there, Christina!

It's been a couple of weeks since you last posted and I was just wondering if you're okay. Please pop in soon and say "hi" if you can.

[Phil]

Hello Christine,

I hope that your okay. Please let us know how you are.

Love, Phil

[houghchrst]

Hey guys I am here. I seem to be in minimal mode. Hard to explain but I have reached a new low level of apathy, depression almost as though my brain is in reserve mode. Trying to keep from overtaxing itself.

I am just mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can't even express the level of exhaustion I am at.

My pdoc has tweaked my AD and I am trying a new anxiety med, Vistaril?, and I am just trying to find the times of day that the add ons will benefit me.

My house is a sty and while I have lately kind of gotten a handle on things it still bums me out that it is not the level I would like. I don't know what I expect because it never really has been.

Suicide has been on my mind more in the last couple of months but only to the point that I want an escape and I know I won't, I have two children and too much to live for.

My pain, aahh......I am so sick of being in pain. I am going to have a talk with my doc. This taking as needed meds because what I have is highly addictive and I am afraid we need to have a talk and/or decide on something else.

My bf still has that pot we found early spring. These last couple months have been so painful that he has come close to getting it out. He has saved it for when my pain meds no longer work. Yes I have been there. When the pain is at a 10 and you could probably go to the hospital. I don't. I just cry uncontrollably when he says he has it because I am so miserable with hurt and depression and I am almost willing to try anything but I made a whole lot of people a promise to never use again under any kind of circumstances.

Me, God, my children, my family and I would feel horrible if I broke that.

Are there ever extenuating circumstances? What if nothing else works to help me?

Crap I made myself cry.

Thanks for asking about me guys. I haven't even gotten this far down the page except for like once.

[Leeaelle]

Hi dear Christina ~ YES, there ARE extenuating circumstances. When you have tried everything and nothing relieves your pain, and you just cannot stand it anymore, GET OUT THE WEED!!! ;) Afterall, I don't know about YOUR state, but in mine, they've made it legal now for medical uses. My doc said he'd prescribe it for me if I wanted, but then he said "Then you wouldn't need your meds anymore!" WHAT??? Is he crazy or something??? Marijuana doesn't last THAT long, for heavens sake, and any that I have tried didn't relieve my pain anyway!!! I tried some a few years ago when I didn't have any pain meds, and it did NOTHING. All it did was make me a little more relaxed, but did nothing for the pain.

Anyway sweetie, if it helps your pain, I'd go ahead and use it as long as you do NOT use it to get high! If you find that you're doing it for that reason, then put it away ~ throw it out ~ bury it, and all of the above! LOL. But there's no reason to suffer if you don't have to. And hurry and talk to your doc, dearheart. God bless. Peace, Lee :D

[houghchrst]

Lee, you and I are in the same state lol.

I think I would just feel like such a disappointment, like I failed at the one major accomplishment I had in my life. What if it did work? There will be other times when I hurt that bad. Seems like every other day.

I am just afraid, I will talk to my PM doc.

Thank you Lee.

[Leeaelle]

Hi Christina ~ whooops ~ you ARE in Michigan, aren't you!!! Anyway, what's the difference between taking narcotic pain meds and PRESCRIBED marijuana? Why would you feel like a disappointment any MORE by using the prescribed marijuana than you would by using the prescribed narcotic pain meds?? Some people in the program think we shouldn't use ANYTHING, but to them I say "walk a mile in my shoes!" God didn't say we had to suffer. He gave us brains to use. He gave us medicine so that we could ease our pain. He gave us a conscience so we know when we ARE abusing and AREN'T abusing. Chronic pain patients very seldom abuse their meds ~ all they want is to get relief from their chronic pain!

It's good that you have a conscience, but don't let it get too over-active. Pain is inevitable ~ Suffering is Optional. God bless. Love, Lee ;)

[houghchrst]

Lee, the voice of sanity lol. I get it. In comparison I really hate taking the pills. The horrible things they do to your body and your brain.

Then again pain does horrible things to your mind too. I get it. I will talk to my doc and see about alternatives and we will speak of everything. I will also talk to my therapist and my psych too.

If it comes down to it as a last resort I want to have all my cards on the table and make sure everyone is on the same page.