Sept. 14 roll call

[teddiebears]

Hello everybody!

We've been having August temps in September and it's just too hot for me! LOL They say in a few days it'll drop back into the 70's (like it should be). One bad thing is that we haven't had any rain in September. It's getting really dry. We've had to water our outdoor plants to keep them alive.


A reading for today from Gentle Reminders - Daily Affirmations for Co-Dependents by Mitzi Chandler -

The fellow who's always leaning on the family tree never seems to get out of the woods.

We can blame the past for our misery until the cows come home, but we won't find a way out of our misery until we stop dwelling in the past. There is no question that we suffered as children and were helpless to find a way out.

Blaming our parents keeps us stuck in bitterness and resentment. These feelings are as deadly to our well-being as being caught in quicksand, the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. We need to reach for a lifeline and help ourselves out of this quagmire.

Taking hold of our own life and letting go of blame is the way out of our struggle. This frees us to begin looking at how our own dysfunction affects our present life and relationships.

When I stop blaming, I can start reclaiming my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been able to work through many resentments or "blaming" in regard to my parents (both dead now), but I have been having some trouble in connection to my brother (who was killed by a drunk driver 16 years ago) and my younger sister.

There are some 'family' issues that were never confronted when my brother was alive, so I'm trying to find some other outlet for those feelings to be able to finally 'let them go' and move on. There definitely are times that I do feel like I'm in quicksand and sinking fast, no matter what I try to do.

I did stop blaming my sister regarding most of our childhood issues, but there are more recent events (in the past 2-3 years especially) that I'm having trouble dealing with. I keep telling myself that I don't have to let myself be sucked in to the situations she is experiencing and I've been able to distance myself somewhat, but I find I still 'blame' her and I'm holding on to resentments instead of letting it all go.

However, right now it's not things from my childhood that are causing me the most distress. I'm having a hard time letting go of resentment toward some extended family members (aunts & uncle) and a couple of 'supposed' friends who just turned their backs on me 4 years ago during the total upheaval of my life due to divorce and having to move. :(

I get to a point where I think I'm doing okay and then it hits me like a ton of bricks again and I feel like I did when it all originally happened. I'm trying to work on this - at least I think I am. But maybe I'm just caught up in the quicksand and the moments when I think I'm doing okay are simply times when I'm not struggling so I'm not really making progress at all, I'm simply keeping still and stuck in the same place. Maybe I'm not really 'reaching for a lifeline'. Maybe I'm just letting myself get more comfortable with the resentment and bitterness that drags me down. I guess that sort of explains why my depression has been deeper in recent months. :rolleyes:



What about you????

[Phil]

Dear Teddiebears,


I really, really enjoyed your post. I tend to forget a lot but I think this particular post is the best one I have ever seen you discuss/post. My HP is God and I try and give everything to him. I have come a very long way with resentment and anger issues. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I am proud of myself for having come this far. I don't blame my parents for a thing. I simply forgave and have moved on. My mother will be 73 and I will cherish what ever remaining time I have left with her.

I can't imagine anyone's HP being anyone other than God but it is not my place to judge. I hope those in recovery will eventually realize that God is the only true HP. Again, this is just MHO. No one likes anything shoved down their throat.

I admire tha fact that you have set goals for yourself and continue despite medical issues. I think about you everyday too.

Please accept my deepest condolences regarding your brother. Resentments are very hard to let go of, especially when we are the one's who have been hurt.



I am a work in progress. My new therapist is wonderful and I really enjoy talking to her. It really took me many years to even realize that I was full of hate and resentment. Hate and resentment can manifest themselves in many ways and really, we are pnly hurting ourselves my holding onto the past.

For anyone I have ever hurt I am truly sorry. I wish Rhonda was still here and feel in part responsible for her leaving. I too hope that what ever remaining problems you have with your sister are resolved. I'll be the first to admit that it can take a very LONG time to resolve conflict, especially when we consider ourselves to be the victims of injustice.

I forgave my father after his death and I so wish I had done it before he died. I felt as though I could never forgive him and I never took the time to stop and think about it while he was still alive.

One of my diagnoses is Anhedonia which basically means the inability to to experience pleasure. Maybe I think I don't deserve any pleasure.

I think sometimes that I forget what this forum is really for...and I'm glad you reminded me. I don't always participate and I guess it's because of major depression.

It was a little hot today as well but overall, we have had a mild summer. I don't miss temps of 90 and 100. It also makes breathing more difficult.

It seems like I just cut the grass and when I looked today, it needs mowed again. If I do decide to move, it won't be any place where I have to cut the grass although it's great exercise.

I am in line to view a facility to see if I like it or not. I do know that if my cat can't come then I won't be coming either. I've had her for many years.


Big ((((Hugs)))) to everyone!!


Phil