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View Full Version : Roll call for Monday - Aug. 31, 2009


teddiebears
08-31-2009, 04:03 AM
Hello everyone. It's good to be back!! :) lol

I'm posting a reading for today from the book Forgiving & Moving On (by Tian Dayton) that I think is quite appropriate in light of recent posts --

Calming Down

I can let myself calm down when I am upset. When I am stirred up inside and my emotions are very agitated, life looks different to me than when I am not. When I was growing up, I repressed my feelings because I had nowhere to go with them. Because that was true yesterday, it does not mean that today I have to over-react to each and every feeling I have so as not to fall into the same trap. When I am wrought up inside, it is okay to let myself just calm down and relax and know that when I have done this, things will look different. Rash action happens when I can't stay with and feel my feelings. The actual experience of feeling makes me so uncomfortable that I act out.

I can let myself calm down.

Often the test of courage is not to die but to live. -- Conte Vittorio Alfieri


*************
Don't you agree that this reading fits well with some of our recent posts and comments?? Sure seemed like it to me. ;)

I think what I wrote on one of the other roll calls is similar to what this reading is saying. And it definitely fits the idea of 'getting out of your own way' that is part of Step Seven.

I have to say that I feel the final quote in that reading is extremely powerful and very true -- "Often the test of courage is not to die but to live." -- Conte Vittorio Alfieri. I've said something very similar to that for many years. Dying is the easy part, it's living that takes courage. :rolleyes:

I guess one main issue for me that I take from this reading is that I do NOT have to repeat the same patterns concerning my feelings that I used when I was growing up, not to mention what I 'continued' to use into adulthood. :confused: Let's face it - it was a lot easier for me to "hide" (repress) my feelings than it has ever been for me to be aware and in touch with them. :rolleyes: More food for thought here!! ;)


What do you all think??



Okay - just to update a bit -- one morning shortly after I last posted my request for us all to agree to 'commit' to the forum, I was involved in a minor traffic accident (riding with a friend). We both went to the ER just to be 'safe'. I hit my head - not too hard, but hard enough to cause a slight concussion, I guess. And for some reason, I had an irregular heartbeat (and elevated blood pressure) after the incident, :eek: and with my history of hypertension and my heart attack 4 years ago, the doctor felt I should stay at the hospital awhile for "observation". I ended up spending about 30 hours there. :rolleyes: The heartbeat irregularity and elevated blood pressure became more 'normal' in a matter of hours. As more time passed, my headache was getting better too so they sent me home the next day. :) However, I was very sore all-over my body (with a few good-sized bruises here and there), so I didn't spend much time on the computer because it hurt to sit very long. Basically, I checked email and my ebay listings and that was it - lol. But I'm feeling okay now. I just have a couple of those beautiful purply-green remnants of bruises left, but they don't really hurt anymore. lol

Then - as if the universe had something against me - lol, my computer hard drive died. :( So I had to order one (get the best prices that way) and wait about 4 - 5 days for that to get here.... and then wait awhile for my son to be able to stop over to install it for me. :rolleyes: So - that's what kept me away from posting. Sorry - but I'm sure glad I'm back now. :D :D

batsinwonderland
09-01-2009, 01:23 AM
Hi Teddie, Sorry to hear about you accident. I am glad you are okay.
I am in agreement about living taking courage. I have just started dating again and it is different. After all the bad relationships I had in my using days, it takes alot of courage to put myself out there. I have never gotton to "know" someone sober. One day at a time, I am doing it and having fun!

houghchrst
09-01-2009, 09:44 AM
Teddie I am so happy that your accident wasn't more severe. Bad enough hunh? Nothing like adding insult to injury with your dead computer.

Bats, or Alice right? Duh me. Dating? that is awesome. How scary but scary fun. Good for you.

I think that if anything were to happen with the relationship I am in currently, almost 12 yrs, then I would just stay single. I can't imagine having to start all over again. I don't have the energy.


Ahh feelings! I think my biggest problem is that when I become upset or angry it is more because I feel that my feelings have been ignored or invalidated. I feel slighted or hurt. I am what I refer to as a feeling hoarder. I hoard all those angry, slighted feelings. I use to hold them for days and make the slighter pay for days, not my children though, sadly my other half mostly, now I am learning to get past that. Sometimes I can let it go right away sometimes not for a couple of hours.

I am not a talker, I can't sit down and say hey, look you hurt my feelings. There is this whole stupid process that has to be done to get to that and I don't know why. I guess it is an acknowledgement thing. Now that I write it down it sounds stupid lol.

batsinwonderland
09-01-2009, 07:04 PM
Christina, I know about dragging around that "box of rocks" I don't know what I will do when I get a relationship, but I am in therapy, so Leila will help me. HP, my therapist and my sponsor. I am learning a new way to live. Recovery to me means more than just not using, I am trying to let my HP have my character defects. Wish me luck. Blessings everyone! :)

Phil
09-03-2009, 11:39 AM
Hello Teddiebears,

Welcome back!! I'm glad you were able to have your computer fixed. Mine is on the brink and once it breaks, that's it. I do have another one but they both have windows XP and I don't think your allowed to have more than one computer with that operating system....and I can't afford to buy another computer right now.

I'm terribly sorry about your accident. I hope there are no lingering symptoms. Did they do x-rays or an MRI? Head injuries can be very serious. You can be okay one minute and not the next. Please be alert for symptoms...even the smallest one. I would look in the mirror and make sure your pupils are the same size...an ice pack may be of benefit also.

I don't know why our forum has been the target of drug dealers. I do my best to report them as I'm sure others have as well. The last post from a drug dealer was up for about half an hour so the moderators have been doing a good job in deleting them. No one here is interested in buying drugs on line. It is dangerous to buy drugs on line as a lot of the time they are not what they say they are.....and probably illegal.

I am sorry about your medical problems. I didn't know you had had a heart attack. How scary!! I was diagnosed with CHF and also had high blood pressure. I think the CHF was from Verapamil which I do not take any more. My blood pressure has normalized so I no longer take medication for it.

I'm glad to that at least a few of us are posting. The Internet is my connection to the outside world.

I need to get outside and cut the grass. I think it's been a month since I cut it. I also have a lot of cleaning to do. I don't cope well and it all seems overwhelming. I don't tolerate the slighest bit of stress. I guess I am dysfunctional.

I am glad I am sober. A beer sounds good but the hangover, possible DUI, etc. doesn't sound good. I remember my now deceased room mate guzzling straight vodka. He was an alcoholic. I have to remember he had a disease.

- - - - -

Christine,

I know things are rough right now and I'm so sorry. I wish there was some way I could help. I guess the old saying is true. Take it one day at a time. I admire your courage. While it's not a good thing, I ignore everything bad, only dealing with what I choose.


Hello Alice,

You said I am learning a new way to live. Recovery to me means more than just not using, I am trying to let my HP have my character defects. Wish me luck.

How true!!...and what an excellent way to live your life!!

Take care everyone!!

Phil