AWOL check in: Dewey? RainsongRaven? RavensWing? Salsa? JustJacquie?

[waves]

BrainTalk to BrainTalkers... we're BAAAAACK... :)

hope you are ok and that you will check back and find us.

~ waves ~ of wintry wishes from across the ocean

[Salsa]

I'm here. Just got back from hospital. I kinda flipped out. I think it was acute mania. That or a long series of panic attacks. (???) Sort of felt like a long seizure. My mind just kept racing and "going in circles," as I put it at the time. Lasted quite a while too. (On and off for about 24 hours). The worst part was last Monday when it went on for hours with only a few breaks. My mind went just about every direction.

A friend from church took me up to Iowa City (University Hospital). He was very helpful to get me past the hump until I came back down to earth. Did lots of praying with me. My talking must not have been very good, but I'm told I did a lot of sign language. I remember signing "God," "Worthy," (must have been with the prayer), and "Help."

The pdoc wanted to put me on ZYPREXA, but I didn't want the side effects (sexual, weight change, ?diabetes). Same with RISPERDOL, which he also wanted to put me on. I refused both. He did prescribe GEODON which I'm taking twice a day (40mg and 40mg).

The doc said my TEGRETOL level was way too high and he lowered it from 1200mg to 800mg a day. I also had started taking Lamictal (for seizures) about 2 or 3 months ago and I've read where it can/has brought on mania in some people. There were no changes made with the Lamictal, though. I was at the hospital a week to make sure the meds in my system were right.

Besides all that, I've been experiencing a lot of crying lately. (Belated grief, I think) for my daughter, Jennifer. Add that to the holidays, perimenopause, job stress (I work for "Head Start" full time, now) and you've got a handful, huh?? I'm feeling much more level now. You know, "moderation." That seems to be the magic word in our house lately. (A good word).

Thanks for remembering me. :)

[waves]

Of course I remember you Sandy! :)

I'm glad you're back safe and sound from that horrific experience, and that your friend was there to help you through. Sounds like a real dependable, and understanding friend, not always to be found. But there are some, thank goodness. I OD'd on Tegretol once. it was not my fault and it was horrible. ER for me too, and they called a 3-headed pdoc to make sure i hadn't "tried it." i choked out to all of her three heads if she really thought i wanted to end up like this, then pointed to the kidney dish which she handed me and left without waiting for the oro-biological performance which ensued.

I can make no real guess as to what happened to you but, yes, Lamictal can be activating, and occasionally result in mania. but if it was already giving you better seizure control... i wonder if it was an affective response as a consequence. How much Lamictal are you taking... still titrating? I wonder if lowering the Tegretol wasn't more the culprit here... be it mania or seizures...

Is it possible you had SEP for a couple days? rom what you said... that it felt like one long seizure. I had an experience - very mild which was probably SEP(? not sure)... for a day and a half. another story.

Read the article Linda poste on Zyprexa. Scary. I use it as an emergency med as in do or die. Can't get Geodon here... I hope that helps.

I feel for you about Jennifer. I am not a mother. Almost. But not. So in truth I can't imagine such a huge loss - only intellectually. A former counselor once told me that as we grow, we sometimes need to work out old issues differently... in ways that our new maturity allows us... grieving (that was the subject at the time) is a process that continues and changes as we grow. I thought her words made sense, though it didn't take away the pain i was feeling, of an experience i thought i had mostly "sorted out." By the way, a good while back, I looked up your old web page - the one with the house - and saw the dedications to Jenny. She seemed so sweet.

How are the other gals? I remember you were concerned about Elizabeth for the move. I hope Robin is well, and supportive of you. And YES, you DO have a handful!

Go easy on yourself, and vent as you need. I'm glad to see you back here! :)

~ waves ~ from across the ocean

[Salsa]

Waves,
It may have been a long simple-partial. It's very similar to this, but it's hard to say. I think that a SPS is probably much (in how it feels, but not biologically or chemically) like a panic attack.

Lamictal will raise the levels of Tegretol in your system, which is why it was lowered in the first place-- just not lowered enough. I used to take 1400mg of Tegretol a day. It was down to 1100-1150 a day. I'm only taking 800mg since last week.

I don't see Elizabeth too often since she's 70 miles away and I don't drive. :(
I saw her on her birthday (October 1st) but not since. I called there on Christmas to see how she was doing. I don't hear anything negative. I bought her a yellowish green sweater for Christmas. Bought it online. I think at Amazon, believe it or not. Hope to see her again soon.

Made tamales when I got home. We couldn't find any ojas (corn husks) at the grocery store to wrap them in, so I used parchment paper instead. (That's a first for me, but I thought of how they wrap the processed/canned ones that you buy from the store). I made 11 dozen tamales in all. :) It was nice to come home and have something to keep me busy.

I want to eat all the time anymore when I get bored. (I always have but even moreso since being on Lamictal). I'm really good about journaling what I eat (almost obsessively), but when I don't journal, I eat too much and then end up gaining weight. (I know, I've tried a couple times). :rolleyes: I gained 2 or 3 lbs the 5 days I was in the hospital. :mad: Now how do you take in that many calories in 5 days??? My scale is a bit goofy, though. Well, anyway, I try to keep myself busy (not always a good thing), but it helps me stay out of the refrigerator. :o

Thanks for the hello. How have you been doing??

[Smiling Angel]

Hi waves and everyone else on this board, this is "Just Jacquie", now known as Smiling Angel, but don't go back and look for posts from SA either, as I have basically, out of necessiity, stopped writing on any forums, except for a note here and there...:o I'm at the point where my life has just become way to complicated and busy, and I just don't have the free time anymore that I used to. I have been working for ten months already! Boy, time sure does fly by! I really enjoy my job at SSA as a disability claims adjudicator, although I have to tell you that the bulk of my workday revolves around reading medical records and files of the claimants right off of the computer screen. I guess that is a BIG factor in why I don't spend too many more hours per week on the computer at home (I am, however, at lunch right now - first day back after the New Years holiday!) I just had to cut down on the computer use from home.

Also, my husband and I are still running an eBay store, which can be found at www.tommytunesetc.com . We worked like little beavers over this past holiday season and, if last year is any indication, we can't expect much of a slowdown now either - maybe it's all the folks spending their holiday cash!? ;) We sent out HUNDREDS of packages from mid-November up till now, but, on the plus side, almost ALL of my Christmas shopping was done using the proceeds of our business! I have asked (make that begged) my husband to slow down or stop altogether, but, being stubborn and bipolar, he won't - he says he enjoys this little side business of ours. :rolleyes: He is what I would call the oldest hippie of the baby boomer generation - has subscribed to Rolling Stone since he was in college - and has an unbelievable wealth of knowledge about today's music, as well as the music of our 'youth'!

So, there you have it-- I want to also fill you all in on how my daughter, who will be 24 on the 24th and is also bipolar, is doing, but that will have to be in a part II, when I have some more free time.

Until then, I want to wish all of my friends here a HAPPY 2007! May you all find happiness, peace and prosperity in the coming year!

Hugs, Jacquie :)

[waves]

Hey! Great to see you Jacquie! :) And your Smiling Angel lives up to his name - compliments.

my life has just become way to complicated and busy, and I just don't have the free time anymore that I used to. I have been working for ten months already! Boy, time sure does fly by! I really enjoy my job at SSA as a disability claims adjudicator, although I have to tell you that the bulk of my workday revolves around reading medical records and files of the claimants right off of the computer screen. [...] I just had to cut down on the computer use from home. That is just wonderful about your job... and being something that you enjoy, too. i understand about the computer screen thing. i had same problem when i was employed coz i wrote code. :o

Also, my husband and I are still running an eBay store [...] We worked like little beavers over this past holiday season and, if last year is any indication, we can't expect much of a slowdown now eitherThat's great! You sound really excited about it too... not sure it's all hubby there! ;) :D Just don't overstep your own boundaries as far as what you can reasonably do. I meant this directed at you as an individual... but I guess it applies to businesses too.

Well, Happy New Year ... to you and your dear ones: health and happiness throughout 2007.

I'll sure miss you, and other folks too, I know. Do pop by whenever you like you are always welcome!

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~

[Bdix30]

Jacquie! Its been forever!
Glad to see you back! Nice work on the ebay store; the whole ebay system confuses me to tears lol.
Hope to hear more from you!
Bobi

[Smiling Angel]

Hey - surprised to see me again?! Thanks for your lovely reply, waves, and you, too Bobi! I miss the 'old days' when I was at home all day and could spends hours reading and writing here and there....

Now I wanted to tell you the exciting news about my daughter. She finally screwed up the courage, and had her breast reduction in early November! The doc removed over SIX pounds, and still left her at about a DD! She and I are now the same size:o ...She really couldn't have gone too much smaller, as her weight gain of about 20 pounds in the past 2 years would make her look out of proportion. She's thriilled when she can put on shirts that she bought before the surgery that only fit me - now they're back in her closet. She is also determined to lose at least 20 pounds, and has begun to eat only the 'good stuff' - mostly fruit, vegetables, yogurt, nuts, cottage cheese, etc. She's even lost a few pounds, even tho it was the holidays. I did no baking, which was probably a very good thing - I or my hubby don't need the extra weight, either :rolleyes: .

We're trying to help my daughter be more independant, and care for someone else besides herself. To that end, she got two kittens (sisters) in mid-December, and has taken over all responsibilitiies involving their care, including taking them to the Vet for shots, etc. She does drive, and has done so since she was 17, and she's very responsible when it comes to that. She has made great strides in many areas - quit smoking before surgery, and is still doing well in that regard, too. She is taking her medicine as prescribed, and that's making a huge difference, too. We are THRILLED, as, usually, in winter she basically hibernates and sleeps up to 15 hours or so a day! She has also been going out with a guy that has been a 'friend' for years, but now has basically gone to the next level, if you know what I mean! That also keeps her spirits up, but we have also talked about not getting too attached and totally emootionally invollved, because we all know what happens when a relationship like that ends - she always takes it very badly. This guy knoows about her psychiatriic problems, and still comes around - that, in itself, is a good sign, as he likes being with her, faullts and all!

We went to her pdoc appt yesterday evening, and her main complaint is still her anxiety and 'emotional volatility'. If she gets upset about something, you can almost 'see' her working herself up to a frenzy. She would like an increase in Xanax, but her doc is not for that at all. Instead, he is suggesting that she try another anti-pssychotic drug, ABILIFY. He would eventually like to get her doosage up enough so that she can stop the SEROQUEL - the main culprit in her increasing weight. We're hoping that this will be successful, but shee really reliies on the SEROQUEL to help her sleep, so not sure about if the ABILIFY will do the same?! It's allways a 'crap shoot' when you start playing with the meds...:rolleyes:

Well, sorry this is so long, lunch is over, I don't even have time to proofread, so please excuse the typos :o .

Hugs, Jacquie :)

[waves]

I am glad to hear the wonderful news about your daughter. I remember how bad off she was before and how you felt at such a loss to help her.

She really sounds like she's making a huge effort too... and life is rewarding her ... that is the way (uh-huh uh-huh, i like it, uh-huh uh-huh) sorry couldn't resist my mind wanders...

I hope the abilify works out.

it's nice to see you here again.

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~ still scattered

[Smiling Angel]

... that is the way (uh-huh uh-huh, i like it, uh-huh uh-huh) sorry couldn't resist my mind wanders...

~ waves ~ still scattered

http://bestsmileys.com/dancing/6.gif
Glad to see some of the spring back in your step!!

Hangin' in, Jacquie