My son's friend comitted suicide

[batsinwonderland]

My 24 year old son lost his friend a few days ago. They both had been depressed together back in high school...my son has recovered, his friend did not. I bought my son a black suit for the funeral, because he asked me to. I told him my daughter and I also want to go to pay our respects to the family. I told my son he could call me anytime if he wanted to talk. Aside from that, I can't think of anything else I can do. It feels so inadequate. It is so sad. Poor guy was depressed. I told my son he had a disease. He said he knows. Any suggestions?:confused:

[clouds z]

im sorry he died
i hope things get better

[KathyM]

Alice

I just saw this thread. :o My heart goes out to your son. It's so hard to lose a good friend when we're young - to lose them in this manner can be devastating.

My son's friend did the same thing on Christmas Day, following 9/11. I told my son life was just too hard for him, and he could find no other way to relieve his pain. Naturally, I had to add the fact that it's NOT the answer to pain relief, regardless of the severity - though I MIGHT give him a break if he has a doctor's note saying he's headed out the door. :rolleyes:

You did the right thing. :) He knows you're there for him if he ever needs to speak with you. That's a very comforting feeling for a child to have. :cool:

[Idealist]

I'm so sorry your son lost his friend. Especially in this way. It creates a situation full of questions that can never be answered. A sense of guilt which can never be erased.

I've spent so much time ruminating on the subject of suicide. I mean, what do you say to someone who's in so much pain that they no longer want to live? My sister suffers from the condition, as do I and many of my internet friends. Telling someone that they need to hang on for the people around them seems so lame. Especially since most people with depression truly believe that their demise would be beneficial to everyone else.

I believe that physical contact is the best way to help. A spontaneous touch on a knee. A pat on the shoulder. The worst thing is to sound condescending or judgemental. It's important to talk about a person's depression with them seriously. Don't discard what they say just because you realize it's untrue. Instead, try to lead them to the same conclusion.

Anyway, none of this will help your son's friend now. I'm sorry for getting carried away. It's just that this is a subject I personally care deeply about. So many people I've known have chosen this route out of the world.

I hope you find a way to give your son real comfort, and help him through the difficult feelings he must be experiencing right now.

My very best of wishes,
Idealist

[batsinwonderland]

My son went to his friends memorial and gave a speach about how his friend had impacted his life in a good way. He wore a new suit and got past his fears of public speaking to face over 200 friends and family to honor his friend. I am proud of my son. He is a good man and a good friend.

[KathyM]

Alice

It was a good thing for him to do, and I like what he said about his friend. He can continue to honor his friend by living a good life, overcoming obstacles with a strong heart, and cherishing the gift of life. Looks like his friend already helped him in overcoming his fear of public speaking. :p

May his friend rest in peace.

[batsinwonderland]

Kathy, Good point. Eric still is helping him. I am glad my son talked to me about it because I shared with him what I noticed helped my friend Mary's mother 8 years ago when she died. In that way, Mary helped me help my son. All our relations walk with us.