PDA

View Full Version : Another Loss..........


lonelyjulia
07-17-2009, 12:43 PM
Hello,

I had another loss, which I have been dealing with, which is why I have been missing in action. Between the losses of my parents, I have been completely devastated. I am tired all the time. I am still missing my mom so much. My siblings are not 100% emotionally supportive to me, and there's no other family members to turn to. My siblings are very close, and I learned why when I read my father's will: money (which don't include me in his will).
My 87-year-old father passed away at a nursing/rehab facility on July 1, 2009, and he was only there 2 weeks. My father had to be transferred there from the hospital.
As a matter of fact, my father had been going downhill for years, and he would be really mean to my mother and I, it was so traumatizing, and there was no intervention from any one so he could get the need he needed. No one listened to me, since I was not his POA. My sister had been his POA, and over the years she did nothing as his POA, in order for him to get the help he truly needed. Every time, I told my sister what was going on with my father, my sister got so upset with me (she would get so mad about it), as though she did not want to hear any thing about it.
I had a talk with my father's physician about a month ago, and he expressed about when my father started wandering,
and that was confirmation about what was wrong with my father - dementia or Alzheimers. Aren't there any laws out there if someone is not fulfilling their responsibility out there as a POA? It looks like, for some, a POA is just a title.
Thank you for letting me vent.:confused:

moose53
07-17-2009, 03:16 PM
((((((Julia)))))),

I'm sorry about your losing your Dad :( When we get to a certain age, the losses seem to pile up too high ... too fast ... don't they...

I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but, your Dad sounds like my ex-husband ... a manipulator. It's not a 'defect' ... it's a 'feature' :D My ex-husband had a house that he inherited from his favorite Uncle. The house meant a lot to him. He used to use the house as a sort of 'carrot' to get people to do what he wanted. I'd much rather have people doing stuff for me because they wanted too, not because, the old 'carrot' had been hauled out.

All of us carry baggage around with us. Bad childhoods. Misunderstandings that come from childhood. Survival skills, that no longer serve us well, that we learned as kids. All sorts of stuff. Some people have money as baggage. It might have been that they were around during The Great Depression. It might have been that they were raised by a single parent and never had enough money. Maybe there were too many kids in the family to allow for 'extras'. All sorts of baggage.

The one thing that you can count on, Julia, actually two things, are personality and intentions. Your intention was apparently to take good care of your Dad, even though it probably wasn't allowed. That intention counts for a lot when Judgment Time comes. It's obvious, to me, that you're basically a person who deserves better than this.

I'll say a quiet prayer for your Dad tonight. I'll throw in a few special requests for you, too.

Just know, Julia, that WHO you are speaks volumes. You're someone who tried her best to take good care of her Dad when he needed it and when he and the rest of the relatives weren't being so great, personality-wise. I don't think you should have any regrets, Julia. AND, I certainly think that you deserve praise for NOT getting involved in the old "carrot versus stick" game.

BIG HUGS.

Barb http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v90/moose53/MINIS/PRAYERS/th_sad-candle.gif