satman next generation
12-15-2006, 12:30 PM
8 MORONS OF 2006
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter
who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside
his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up!"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to
withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the
take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the
counter himself for three hours until police showed up and
grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words:
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted,
"This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Hellooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA,
some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard
they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It
was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter
how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell
them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything in perfect working condition. The engine
ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the
propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of
the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard. (NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place ...
was the trailer!
God Bless....In HIS Service....Dan
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter
who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside
his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in
the police line shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up!"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to
withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the
take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the
counter himself for three hours until police showed up and
grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words:
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's
not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted,
"This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Hellooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA,
some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard
they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It
was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter
how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby
marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell
them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything in perfect working condition. The engine
ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the
propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of
the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard. (NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place ...
was the trailer!
God Bless....In HIS Service....Dan