Talk to me people

[houghchrst]

This is what happened, I will try to make it short, those who know me know I can be long winded lol.

As we are going into a restaurant yesterday we notice a a couple with their young child, look like they are on vacation too, good looking couple, he stops and bends down for a couple of seconds to tie his shoe or something then they move on cause we are coming up behind them. As the BF opens the door for me I go to take a step and there on the sidewalk is a nice neat baggie rolled up with a big fat bud of marijuana in it. I freeze, look at him and we both look down. He picks it up and says 'throwing that away' and we laugh because okay......we are recovering addicts and this nice looking couple, he of the multipocketed pants dropped their bag of smoke and are not going to be happy. Quite funny.

We are on the next leg of our trip and I realize he hasn't thrown it away. Then he makes a comment in the next town about following the speed limit.

SLAM!!! Comes back the memories of all the paranoia of carrying, or being high. Almost a loss of freedom to move about in the world without feeling as though you are carrying a heavy weight. I realize that I feel lighter just with the knowledge that I am free from all that.

Problem, I am pretty sure we still have it. I know that all the way home yesterday he is thinking the same thing I am thinking. We could sit at home with a couple of movies, some take out food, smoke a joint and see if it is the same. Will it make me not hurt. Can I smoke and have it take the edge off without taking these nasty meds.

I haven't asked if he still has it yet because I just remembered and he is gone.

Another thing is that there is probably enough there for two. We all know the just one rule.

[joy]

you know i don't have that addiction. but i do have a sil who does. so bad he never works!! and if i had only known this before daughter married him, he'd not be my sil if there was anything strong enough to prevent her from marrying him at all.

and this is the worst part ever, he gets paid to do nothing because his mother wants him to buy for her. now how sick is that? and you know of my daughter's plight in life. the inlaws have enough money so much that they keep her scared of losing thr kid. and we all know she'd be better off without that lug. as yes he does hurt her and his last threat was to take her head down and say don't you tell you daddy. and all the while he runs to his folks squealing on her big time.

you don't want to there.

[outlaw2]

Hi Christina,
I had something similar walking the dog one morning feeling pretty awfull. I was looking at all the junk in the piles of melting snow and I saw a corner of a baggie with a bud in it.
My first intentions weren't to smoke it but I wouldn't flush it either.
Thought the same thing maybe it will take the edge off.
It was a total drag the first 20mins were ok but the rest of the day my mind just raced wacky and I just wanted it to end.
Then i really was kicking myself because looking for a job I'd been taking a lot of drug tests. Fortunately it didn't come up but I'd have been so pissed to loose an oppurtunity because of some out of the blue test.
I wouldn't hessetate to flush it now.
Pat

[tic chick]

chris...

i know you well enough to know that you will hate yourself for doing it...you'd feel you let yourself down.

one day at a time...throw it away!

HEY, GUESS WHAT I DID????

(((((HUGS))))),
jeannie

[Buttons2]

Chris,this wasn't an incident like "pennies from heaven". Maybe this was a test of some kind however? Trade it for something you KNOW will do no harm!

(((hugs))))


And flushing it down the toilet seems like a good idea also. Then go treat yourself to an ice creamor whatever you deserve!

[houghchrst]

Thanks guys, you know, we still have it but it is no longer we. He still has it. I finally asked him why he still has it and he says it is in case I need it. He has seen me in my deepest darkest depressive hole, wanting to die rather than live another day in the hole. Crying, moaning and rocking in the fetal position wracked with pain and I think he is looking at it as though it is the holy grail of medicines. He is at a loss when it comes to what to do for me when I am in these states and I think his having this he feels he has a bit of power to help me now. He has no intention of using it he has been saving it for me.

In a way it changes the way I look at having it. It has lost some of it's power over me and I have lost that butterfly in my tummy feeling. Almost as though it has taken on the same meaning for me as for him.

I have done the research regarding pot and it's medicinal uses for depression and pain for the last 3-4 years. I know the pros and cons but what they never figure in there is the recovering addict.

It is true I would hate myself for using. I would feel sick and as though I had disappointed a whole community of recovering people not to mention myself.

Thank you everyone.