My brother,Jim took his life 4 weeks ago

[RUTHIE]

Hi,
My name is Ruthie, my brother Jim shot himself in the head and we found him dead in his house 4 weeks ago.
I or my siblings don't know why he did this as no note was left, we have just been left with deep sorrow and alot of questions, there was some money and girlfriend problems and he was an alcoholic he was 53 years old,
I survived a ruptured brain aneurysm and had brain surgery and very nearly died myself 4 years ago, and truely value my life on this earth and cannot at all understand how he could do this, i miss him so much. Any input would appreciated, thanks
Ruthie

[houghchrst]

Ruthie I am truly sorry. Often alcoholism masks severe depression. While that may not be the case with your brother the same happened to my uncle. He was an alcoholic, had been for most his life, money trouble, wife trouble, no note.

I know the leaving with no explanation can often be the hardest part. So confusing, and feeling as if there is no closure. Then you hear the platitude 'he is in a better place'. Often you become angry because that doesn't cover up the pain and missing your brother even if it is true.

You most likely won't ever get your answer as to why and I won't leave you with a platitude but I will pray that someday you will make peace with his passing and the pain in your heart will be less when you think of him.

((((HUGS))))

[Buttons2]

Ruthie,I'm so sorry you & your family are going through this loss. Christina is right in what she said about alcohol/depression. And I just want to stress that even though it's normal for the one's left to feel guilt....wondering why they didn't notice,second quessing if they could have prevented him from doing this,etc. There was nothing any of you could have done! I realize you didn't mention guilt but I know for myself & many others this is something we have to face down.

It does help to get your feelings out. We'll be here for you. Time is the healer & you're still in a state of shock most likely. It took me 2 yrs to accept my BIL's suicide. And of course there is no time limit on grief.

You didn't mention any children, if he had some I would urge them to get counseling. In fact that goes for all family members & the GF. Suicide can have a very profound effect on those left behind.

You also might be feeling alot of anger,this is normal also. One thing you might do is write him a letter,you'd be surprised how much we can vent our feelings when writing. If you keep the letter you can go back in a few months or years & see what you've managed to let go of. Or have a letter burning ceremony.

Of course you miss him,and you feel cheated & probably ask yourself what you could have done to prevent this from happening. His life experience wasn't the same as yours. You value your life especially since you had a close call with death. He could not have understood that,we only walk in our own shoes.

[joy]

i can teel you what i was told as an EMT. the people in charge told us if we had any encounters with people trying to commit sucide, to NOT say think of your spouse, children etc. they told us that the person trying to kill themself had thought of all that and that their pain was such that they could not live with it for another day.

not at all reassuring to you i'm sure. but it is the truth as to what we were taught so as to not get ourselves hurt or killed. they meant that such person going that far thought they had nothing that would keep them here for another length of time. such pain i know i have never experience and pray that i never do.

i hope you come to a place where you do find peace and soon. i also hope what i've told you doesn't make your pain worse.

[clouds z]

thats sad

did he try to get help?

sorry for your loss