feeling down

[oldakasha]

AHhh Gwyneths behavior lately has me so down. I feel like my child hates my guts. The only time she wants me around is at bedtime other than that if I get within a foot of her she is swinging and hitting or crying. I don't understand. She doesnt seem to do it to the therapist and she doesnt do it to her grandma who lives with us WHY me. She just is so aggitated. I don't know what to do or how to feel about it.She seems to cry non stop most days unless she is being left alone to watch movies in her bean bag chair. She used to be so much more active. I am just truly sad. I feel like I am failing as a mother.

[grace]

I know the feeling but no answers.

Mostly it sounds like she is depressed. What do you think?

maybe she's scared and doesn't want to show you so she vents instead.

Maybe she heard you say you feel bad or something so she believes somehow that you caused this...or at least you made her go to the doctor and the doctor discovered this so she may think you took her somewhere that made her sicker not better. After all, she's too young to comprehend, she might have pieced things together wrong and is lashing out in anger for your part in this (according to her).

Maybe you are just the safe one to lash out to. Kids often hide their feelings from others more easily than from their parents. even grandma.

My eldest son often hates me, except at bedtime too. For him, he's mad and he blames me for his problems even though I didn't do anything most of the time. Well, I did give him schoolwork to do, and yes, I did give birth to him, and true, I gave birth to his brothers, and no, I didn't cook his favourite meal AGAIN today so in a sense, yes, I am to blame but not in any real sense of the word.

I don't understand him and it is very frustrating so I know the feeling you have. But, you can't take it to heart. They need space to work things out in their own way too. That's not failing them if you are there when they do need you to be there and you accept her regardless.

Maybe, if you don't think it is emotionally based, maybe she is overloaded. Too much sense input. maybe she feels secure in her beanbag chair and when she gets up she feels lost in the ocean of the world...perhaps give her something to create that secure feeling elsewhere may help????

Maybe her body hurts to be touched. like it is achy and picking her up feels like being poked and yanked so she avoids it.

Maybe she is on a med that triggers the moods. Or maybe her issues are caused by something effecting that area of the brain that controls emotion.

I don't know, just giving thoughts in case they trigger any of your own ideas.\

Mostly, I just want to send some support cuz its tough.

Hopefully it's short lived and she shows some of her old sparkle soon.

all the best,
lucinda

[Donna Thomson]

I hear your pain. You need to speak to a psychologist in your child dev. team who can speak to you. You need to share this with a professional so that all the load is not on your shoulders alone. Our children have behaviours that are so mystifying and painful and sometimes it's behaviour and sometimes, it's something more medical. The first thing I would do is keep diary to see if there is anything else that could be triggering this. Bedtime? Foods? See a shrink for the support and some strategies. Good luck and breath deeply. Donna

[fireweed]

i too thought of the idea that you are the safe one to lash out at.

i hear your sadness - and your worries. my child went through a really bad degenerative period in his life - he lost all his skills. his behavior was awful. and i don't think i realized until later how hard it was for him. i am much more protective now of his psychological health as a result of this.

he was scared, just like i was. he was overwhelmed. and mommy's get the tough stuff - our babies expect us to 'make it better'. It's been what they know - what they've been taught. even though it's harder for us when we can't - it can still be hard for them too.

my husband has worked with children who experience behavioral difficulties for years. he often has said that some who provide care are safe people for children to let their anger out on - people who will not judge, or punish because of the anger.

my heart aches for you - i hope you find some answers soon. for us, finding just one very kind doc on the team, our ped, helped some. she can't 'make it all better', but she changed the tone of the whole care to be supportive of my child and me emotionally, and it helped a lot.

hoping this evening finds your family at peace,
fireweed