When should a friend intervene?

[lfaitel]

I am posting this everywhere looking for opinions, please help!

???
Background: Someone I know professionally and consider a friend has had a stroke. She is my editor for "Am I Brain Damaged?" a book I wrote to support anyone involved in brain injuries. I am a TBI survivor from 1986.
My editor is a friend from a group I have been apart of for 5 years. I am a professional COTA-Occupational Therapist. My friend is recuperating well.

I have been asked by my friend's in-laws to back off with intervention because they want "only hospital personnel working with her". I am struggling because I know early and frequent intervention provides the utmost return in for any brain damage-stroke, embolis, concussion, coma, TBI......The in-laws are not medical professionals and I am sure they are overwhelmed, afraid of any further damage.

What should I do???

Everyone on this site, myself included has been in the injured shoes- share your insights with me please

[Daisy]

I think you hit the nail on the head, they are overwhelmed and they are likely scared. The last thing they want is to be pushed and to be told they don't know what is best. They want to trust what they are being told even if it isn't the best advice they can be getting.

If what your communicating isn't working you have to consider another way to communicate with them. I had experience with the medicare system, with the financial side of dealing with the medical side of it, getting appropriate care, etc. from dealing with my Gram, when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. At the beginning my Mom didn't want to hear from me. She had the doctors, my older brothers, and other family members giving her advice and while the information was WRONG it was from a source she felt she could trust. It was frustrating watching her make choices that I could help her with but I found a different approach to talking with her and eventually she let me in and help her with the financial stuff and I was able to reverse some but not all of the mistakes that people had led her into making financially with the paperwork and tied her into resources to get the final care my Dad needed and to keep her promises she had made to him.

What I learned from that is that having the knowledge isn't enough, you have to find the way to give the information to someone that they can accept it and utilize it, otherwise the information is useless. It takes patience, humbleness, and a willingness not to give up.

I wish you the best in finding a way to reach the in-laws so your friend gets the best possible options for treatment. I would urge you to consider your approach because it really is one of the few things you can control in this situation. Is there someone else you can find in the hospital that can speak to them and share some of the same information but have it come from a professional source they might trust? I know in my case I brought in a hospital social worker who said almost exactly what I tried to tell my Mom in my failed first attempt at explaining how she had better options than what the doctors were telling her. Hearing it from a professional seemed to convince her and get her to move forward. Perhaps if you can find someone with credentials they'll trust you can get them to listen that way.

[Smithc]

I have been asked by my friend's in-laws to back off with intervention because they want "only hospital personnel working with her". I am struggling because I know early and frequent intervention provides the utmost return in for any brain damage-stroke, embolis, concussion, coma, TBI......The in-laws are not medical professionals and I am sure they are overwhelmed, afraid of any further damage.

What should I do???

What does your friend want? Can she communicate w/you?

I guess the in-laws are the closest relatives w/medical POA?

I would not back off but as Daisy suggested maybe find someone else (like a medical professional who is also a good friend of your friend) to try to convince them.