tgrimes
05-21-2009, 12:46 AM
This is kind of another 'underdiscussed' topic here, the situation with siblings losing time to the one in the family with the most problems. I remember this a few different ways:
First, having to make a lot of concessions with my daughter who is oldest, at the time her younger brothers were a handful, and those days it seemed like all the extra time was spent on either dealing with my oldest son's problems, or trying to remediate them. Theo was a relatively 'easy' and happy toddler excepting seeming 'a little behind' and being fairly obsessive and oppositional, and had quite lorge tantrums when he got mad, but no one seemed to concerned, because toddlers have have those issues a lot, and things change. The worst problem it seemed at the time was theat he refused to walk even though he knew how, (I had seen him!)
At that time it was mostly his older brother having a lot of unusual problems that were an issue at school, and once special ed and a diagnosis of 'autistic spectrum' came, we really started spending even more time. Also at the time I was pregnant with fourth child. And thankfully, Theo had decided to start walking again by then.
Later, almost immediately upon bringing baby brother Carter home from the hospital, there was a change in Theo. He hated the 'thing' that we called his brother. He became even more stubborn, became withdrawn, and would not 'acknowledge' this change in our family.
later he was diagnosed as having some kind of spectrum disorder too, but at that time we considered it less severe than Gatlin's. Theo had good Eye contact, and would engage (as long as everything was goin his way), did not have 'stiffness' to his muscles and gait that his older brother had even still.
But now, and for the last few years, it seems that Theo dominates the family, both in energy spent , and cause for worry. It seems that his coexisting conditions have caused more problems than whatever mostly neurological problms his older brother had.
The last few years, homeschool has solved a lot of the problems we have had with remediation being put at top priority, but i still can't help feeling a little guilty about Carter. Sometimes I think things were not so bad at school for him, i could have gotten him through his stress, but I just was looking for a reason to homeschool him, to make up for lost time!
Not trying to be negative here, just want to make a thread for those that have the similar probelm, what are some of the things we all do to make up for a little lost time?
What are good strategies, or do we need anything more than just lots of love, (and lots of explanations)?
First, having to make a lot of concessions with my daughter who is oldest, at the time her younger brothers were a handful, and those days it seemed like all the extra time was spent on either dealing with my oldest son's problems, or trying to remediate them. Theo was a relatively 'easy' and happy toddler excepting seeming 'a little behind' and being fairly obsessive and oppositional, and had quite lorge tantrums when he got mad, but no one seemed to concerned, because toddlers have have those issues a lot, and things change. The worst problem it seemed at the time was theat he refused to walk even though he knew how, (I had seen him!)
At that time it was mostly his older brother having a lot of unusual problems that were an issue at school, and once special ed and a diagnosis of 'autistic spectrum' came, we really started spending even more time. Also at the time I was pregnant with fourth child. And thankfully, Theo had decided to start walking again by then.
Later, almost immediately upon bringing baby brother Carter home from the hospital, there was a change in Theo. He hated the 'thing' that we called his brother. He became even more stubborn, became withdrawn, and would not 'acknowledge' this change in our family.
later he was diagnosed as having some kind of spectrum disorder too, but at that time we considered it less severe than Gatlin's. Theo had good Eye contact, and would engage (as long as everything was goin his way), did not have 'stiffness' to his muscles and gait that his older brother had even still.
But now, and for the last few years, it seems that Theo dominates the family, both in energy spent , and cause for worry. It seems that his coexisting conditions have caused more problems than whatever mostly neurological problms his older brother had.
The last few years, homeschool has solved a lot of the problems we have had with remediation being put at top priority, but i still can't help feeling a little guilty about Carter. Sometimes I think things were not so bad at school for him, i could have gotten him through his stress, but I just was looking for a reason to homeschool him, to make up for lost time!
Not trying to be negative here, just want to make a thread for those that have the similar probelm, what are some of the things we all do to make up for a little lost time?
What are good strategies, or do we need anything more than just lots of love, (and lots of explanations)?