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roadracer
05-20-2009, 04:21 AM
Was what famous cyclist Lance Armstrongs named his book.
So inorder to tell what cycling did for me, I have to start with a message of how life was growing up, when I was not good enough

While growing up,
When everything is not good enough everyone wants you to give it your all, to try everything you can, to progress, to be normal, pressure to do well and to show progress.
When you never do well enough, it is like you are getting it ponded into your head that you are not good enough, reminded that you are flawed, reminded that you never achieve enough, when doing your best is never good enough it makes you question why you try.
When you are pushed to try to achieve so you can meet the benchmarks made by your normal peers, you are continually reminded that you are not as good as your peers, that you are not good enough to meet the benchmark. That you only fail even when you succeed, so why even try.
When only the idea of what you need to achieve and the reminders of your failures are pounded in your head threw 12 years of school you only see your weaknesses compared to other peoples strengths.
You remind yourself that you have this disorder or that diagnoses to try to justify why you are not good at xyz, but it is not good enough because you are supposed to defeat it and are taught to never use it as a excuse or a crutch, so you try to go strong, try to fit in, try to hide as much as you can, because you learn that these symptoms are things you want to do away with or get better at, so you equal it to meaning you should be ashamed of it. You feel not good enough, you do not meet the standards of everyone else.

Do you spend as much time embracing strengths as much as you work on weaknesses?

For me it took cycling to prove to myself that I could achieve. Every time I beat a group over a climb or placed good in a race, every great cycling legends I have meet along the way, olympic gold medalist, world champions, all had a lesson to teach. To be able to prove to yourself, that you are a worthy human being, is the best thing ever. It is my way of defeating my problems, above and better then treatment. Before started racing I was so depressed, I didn't want to live anymore because I was not good enough, cycling taught me that I am good enough, good enough no matter what dx or deficits, good enough no matter how functioning you are, good enough for sucsess.

So that was my first part, for anyone wanting to read it I will post below my story of how I got into cycling (Mili wanted me to ;) so here you go Mili)

roadracer
05-20-2009, 04:44 AM
I will try to make it a short story, as to not put people to sleep attempting to read this.

From the first time I got onto a bike at 6 years old and rode down the street, I wanted to race, that evolved into wanting to be a pro bike racer.
I once had a special education teacher who was a cyclist, was big time into biking, and always had cycling magazines in his classroom. I would read threw them, seeing the news about races and dreaming that I was there in the race. A couple years later I was buying my own cycling magazines with the little money I would save up and we where trading them and he would tell me about cycling and how great it is. At the time I was riding a cheap mountain bike, I would ride whatever I could get, usually something I would have to scrap the rust off of, because we were a poor family my parents buying me a bike was not possible.

After I graduated I got my first couple jobs and saved until I finally had enough money to buy my first road bike. The guy at the shop told me about local group rides I should go on, so I did and meet up with my old teacher again, and so many other people. It was a challenge at first, I could hardly keep up with the fast guys, but by the end of my first summer on the bike I was the fastest guy on the rides, so I decided it was time to try racing. So my first race ever my old teacher happened to be there to cheer me on, it was a great feeling, the people cheering, the sound of people ringing cow bells, the atmosphere was so awesome, and I got 7th place.

Then it was winter, and I got a invitation to join my first ever cycling team. I joined and when summer came was all excited to do my first real race, race with my team. I got a few miles into it and crashed hard, ended up having to go to the hospital. I could have gave up right then and there, said racing was not for me, but I couldn't give up on myself and my teacher and my team. Now way was I going to tell myself that I was not good enough, so I showed up to the next race and I never looked back.

5 seasons latter and I found myself racing with the pros, thinking how and the heck did I get here. I would show up to a race and look around me and be surrounded by pro teams and some people who have been in the olympics and some guys you read about in magazines. One memorable race, it was very fast and hard, I was not feeling so great that day and was not able to stay up, so I fell off the back and found myself riding by myself, thinking why did I give up so easy, then another racer rode up beside me, who had fallen off a couple laps before me, so we just rode along, him talking to me, and me smiling and nodding my head. He was telling me all about just getting back from the olympics and his time there, and I thought to myself, hell I didn't loose this race, most people would dream of moments like this. Imagine being with someone you dream of meeting, or throwing a football will talking to your favorite NFL player. I had enough exposure with the different levels of cycling that I never gave it much thought, but that one time is when it ocured to me, that even if I never get a pro contract, that I still had success beyond what I would have ever thought just trying to get there. Its when I really figured out everything I said about in my other post above.

milivica
05-20-2009, 11:42 PM
That is so cool!!! Where are the pictures?

I didn't realize it was something you were always interested in, that's amazing. I don't think I ever knew what I wanted to 'do' or 'be' when I was younger, still don't!

So when you'd go on rides with your teacher, how did that go, how often. Do you have talks while you cycled with him, or you have to conserve your air and focus on the cycling....did you guys form a cool friendship with all that cycling? You said you still cycle with him sometimes.

Glad you finally posted about your biking, very very cool!
Lisa

roadracer
05-22-2009, 03:44 AM
I really dont want to tell everyone who I am to public that is why I didnt post the pictures. If anyone want to see pics of me racing I could PM them to them.
But here are some old ones I am in, (but not saying what racer I am :D)
http://toddmann.smugmug.com/photos/537284452_TPEcr-L.jpg

http://toddmann.smugmug.com/photos/537283950_o9Ws7-L.jpg

http://toddmann.smugmug.com/photos/537282045_2S2zf-L.jpg

http://toddmann.smugmug.com/photos/537280890_LCDpg-L.jpg

http://toddmann.smugmug.com/photos/537281856_XmYCe-L.jpg

The teacher, I only see him when he pops up every now and then, really not friends I guess, just seems to be one of those people who pop up at the most important times, just by chance.

Keggy
05-22-2009, 08:58 AM
ahhh its like like cycle-zen... well put. love how you got into just being in the moment instead of the competition..... its fantastic.

tgrimes
05-22-2009, 08:47 PM
:I think i see you. You are the one who looks like he is worrying whether a person can choke on their own saliva given enough g-force. :D

(Sorry couldn't resist, hyper-chondriac joke.)

lisa6wks
05-23-2009, 11:15 AM
RR,
How amazing, you must be quite the natural athelete. My ex husband was like you in many ways, he didn't have AS, but he did have very severe learning disabilities and was waaay ADHD. But he was an amazing athelete from the time he was a very little boy and remained so until he died.
It probably would have helped you a lot if someone had recognized your talent when you were a child so that, like you said, you could have begun then to emphasize your strengths instead of worrying about your weaknesses.
It sounds as though you have a lot of anxiety and maybe PTSD from your childhood and who wouldn't??? I am a fully functioning (ha ha) wife, mother and teacher and I have some of the same issues you do, problems with math calculations (I can't tell you how many times I have messed up a checking account) and worries that I will do something wrong like not having enough money when I get to the checkout line. I also forget things cooking on the stove and had to buy an iron that automatically turned off so that I didn't burn down my whole house.

Lisa