Hmmm...I can foresee a problem

[Aspigander]

As I've mentioned I have a new cell phone I can enter reminders in to do things. I have just a few, I should start adding a few more. I'm trying to just add one or two or three at a time, so as not to overwhelm myself by adding everything I want/need to do/improve on all at once.

I've mentioned my previous phone being a problem with entering reminders because it didn't have a keyboard...I took care of that problem with the knew phone. The other problem that has caused routines to fail for me is, even if I start getting a routine down, whenever I go to my parents' house to take care of dogs, it falls flat. For example, one of my reminders is wash dishes -- this can carry over because I can (and my mom would love it if I did) wash what I use there. But another reminder is what I've entered into my phone as "clutter roundup" where I go through my apartment and make sure things are picked up so clutter doesn't breed. This can't carry over. Oh my parents' house is loaded with clutter but it's not my clutter. lol

If I'm going to start working on getting out of my comfort zone while at the apartment, I should enter a reminder for that. Doing what I did yesterday or at least checking my mailbox daily would probably be a good start. That's not something that can really carry over (oh I can get their mail or get outside, but my comfort zone at their house is larger as their property is rural).

So my mom asked yesterday if I'd come over next weekend. She thinks they're leaving Friday and coming home Sunday night (so I'd probably get home Monday). I said sure, not putting too much thought in. But I'm realizing that my phone's going to be giving me reminders and some things just might not carry over and that's going to cause problems when it comes to getting back into it once home. I'm talking about reminders I've programmed to go off daily. So I'll get a reminder for something that can't really carry over (such as clutter roundup), not be able to do it, and either I think I'll get anxious that I can't do it, or, I'll get home and when I get the reminder back here, I'll not necessarily see it as important...having not done it for a couple days would have made it lose value I'm afraid.

I'm starting to wonder if I should tell my mom she needs to find someone else, but if that's the case I'd have to decide that soon because it may take some doing trying to find someone who will take care of the in house dogs several times per day. She always has someone to take care of the kennel dogs, but that's once a day and the house dogs need more than that so they can go outside to potty (that's why she likes to have me there). Plus, my Nera needs her temp checked daily, and I'm not sure if my mom would be able to find someone willing to stick a thermometer up a dog's butt. lol

I don't want to start making progress and have it go belly up when I just get started. But I'm not sure if I can go back over while I'm so new into the process, mainly because of the issues with those things that I can't carry over.

Anyone got any ideas?

[peglem]

Can you turn off reminders while at your parents house without deleting? Then just do what you usually do when you're there. It'll be like a vacation. You must be doing a good job at your parents' home while they're gone, or they would get someone else. Your parents are relying on you to do them this favor and I don't think you should bail on them.

Then when you return home, turn your reminders back on.
If your phone reminders interfere with you leaving your home to spend time in another environment, and doing something that you have done in the past...um, is that helpful? I mean, you've done this for your parents, many, many times. If you have this thing where you get anxious about not following the rules you made for yourself, then make a new rule that those things are only rules when you are at home.

Or, maybe I'm not understanding? Is this what your mom would call "pre-worry"?

[Aspigander]

Eh, I'm not sure I do so well there. She has said maybe she should find someone else when I call her umpteen times when something isn't going quite right, or when she gets home to find a sink full of dishes (this is a reminder that can carry over, so the dishes problem should be helped by that particular reminder). I'm starting to think she has me over mainly because I have Nera there, who, being a dog I can't have at my apartment. She has said before it would be easier to have someone else do it (wouldn't have to get me over, make sure there's food, deal with a bunch of phone calls when something's not going right, not have to deal with the general issues we have when we're around each other during the times before they leave and after they get home, etc.). So I'm not sure if I'm actually doing them a favor or if they still just let me do it because of Nera being there.

I just checked, and I don't see a way to turn reminders on and off. If they're set, they'll just go off how often they're set to recur unless deleted. Plus, if I did turn them off, I'll have to remember to turn them back on.

I'm not sure that I'm pre-worrying, as it has happened where I've started to have a period where I'm doing pretty good at some part of what needs to be done, like keeping clutter at bay, then go over there where I can't continue that practice, and that just collapses any progress. So I'm not sure I'm pre-worrying as much as drawing on past experience, and trying to figure out how to prevent such a collapse happening again. Then again, maybe having those reminders will be helpful because when I'm back home they're still there. I am just worried they'll lose their value (that might be pre-worrying).

The way I'm seeing it right now, I have the following options:

1. Go over and hope my new system doesn't collapse in its infancy with the back and forth.
2. Ask her to find someone else, and then just feel guilty even though she's told me on multiple occasions it would be easier for her if she had someone more self-sufficient/functional/less idiosyncratic do it.

Those aren't good choices. I'm starting to get anxious thinking about them. Go take care of the dogs at the risk of my own progress and hope it all goes seamlessly, but know the system will crash if it doesn't, or stay home for the benefit of my progress and feel like I'm letting them down (even if my mom will deny it).

Is there a third option I'm not seeing? If I could just turn reminders on and off and maybe set a one-time reminder when I'm due home to turn the others back on, that might work. But there doesn't seem to be that option to just turn reminders on and off.

[roadracer]

Is there a third option I'm not seeing?
Yes
3. Turn the phone off for when you are at there house (and tell your parents you will be turning the phone off)
4. Leave your phone at home (and tell your parents that you wont have your phone)
5. Just ignore the reminders
6. Look at the reminder like you normaly do, but just ignore it if you dont have to do it while at there house
7. look threw the manual to see if there is a way to turn the reminders off
8. If you cant read that tiny manual print go to the phone manufactures website and download the manual to your computer
9. If you still cant find anything about turning the reminders off e-mail tech support and they will be able to tell you
10. ANY of the above
11. All tech. gadgets have flaws, because it was made by humans and incorporates tons of human error
12. Always remember about the flaws, because if your phone breaks one of these days, what are you going to do then? You will be without your reminders then
14. Had to skip 13 because it is not lucky
15. Make sure you back up those reminders on paper incase you do something like accidentally drop your phone in the toilet
16. My mom has droped her phone in the toilet a few times, so dont think it wont happen to you

[peglem]

14. Had to skip 13 because it is not lucky

:D very funny :D

[Aspigander]

Roadracer, you are good at troubleshooting! I guess there are quite a few options, aren't there?

15. Make sure you back up those reminders on paper incase you do something like accidentally drop your phone in the toilet
16. My mom has droped her phone in the toilet a few times, so dont think it wont happen to you

That reminds me of something that happened at the boat last summer. I was sitting on the side of the boat, the one that does not have dock on that side to step out onto. I was trying to put my phone back in its case when I started to drop it. I fumbled for a moment and then got control of it. My dad commented that I almost lost my phone over the side of the boat. I go: "No, had I dropped it it would have landed on the inside. I was just fumbling." He goes: "Yeah, that's usually how people lose things over the side of the boat, by fumbling."

[Nikabee]

Oh, I can vouch for dropping the phone! I've dropped mine in the fish tank and the toilet (twice!). :D Thank goodness mine is insured!

Those are all great ideas. Personally, if all else fails, I'd just leave the phone at home. You haven't gotten to the point where it's a 'routine' yet, so it shouldn't be too disruptive.

Is it possible that you can keep the reminders and just make substitutions when it goes off? Obviously some you can carry over (as you mentioned), but maybe instead of 'clutter control' in the house, you can clean up the yard? (just as an example) That way, you're still getting up to respond to the reminder and you are doing an activity that's similar, if not exactly the same. Maybe we can help you brainstorm some alternatives? I've had to tweek Kaelen's routines like that on occasion. Believe it or not, his room doesn't *need* to be cleaned everyday! :) (but the living room does!)

[Aspigander]

I think I've come up with an idea for those reminders that don't carry over. In fact now that I'm thinking about it I'm going to pause to do what I've thought of before I forget. Okay, done. For those that don't carry over (right now the only one being clutter roundup), I went in and edited and put in parentheses "(if at home)". This way I'll know that if I'm home, I do it, if not, I don't.

Leaving my phone at home/turning it off isn't the best idea, as I'm to get food ready for the kennel dogs for who my mom has coming over to take care of them. They call me to let me know when they're coming. And I don't answer their landline. So my cell phone being with me and on is pretty much a must. But I think with putting the if at home note on the ones that don't carry over, I've probably solved the problem.

[roadracer]

I went in and edited and put in parentheses "(if at home)". This way I'll know that if I'm home, I do it, if not, I don't.


:D lololol, sorry but I got to ask, are you sure your aspie?
Now I hate to pry... but you need to make sure you acidently dont start cleaning your parents house, because your phone told you to? :D

[Aspigander]

:D lololol, sorry but I got to ask, are you sure your aspie?
Now I hate to pry... but you need to make sure you acidently dont start cleaning your parents house, because your phone told you to? :D

LOL! I'm sure but I wondered the same thing about you when you gave me that long list of options. lol Do you mean because I came up with something other than what you or Nikabee suggested?

As long as my mom doesn't come home to a sink full of dirty dishes that I've used but not washed, I think things will be okay. :)

[roadracer]

LOL! I'm sure but I wondered the same thing about you when you gave me that long list of options. lol Do you mean because I came up with something other than what you or Nikabee suggested?

As long as my mom doesn't come home to a sink full of dirty dishes that I've used but not washed, I think things will be okay. :)

I knew that was going to go way over your head :D (and that means you didnt get it, not something ten feet tall)
I was saying that I thought that was very aspie thing to put beside some of the reminders "(if at home)" like are you really doing to start cleaning your moms house because you phone told you to, and you didnt put "only if at home", I really dont think that would happen.
It is sort of like if I made a list up that said
wash car (at car wash)
get groceries (at grocery store)
feed the dog (only the dog at my house)
so that is why I thought it was funny

[Aspigander]

LOL! I'm laughing over here so hard I'm snorting! LOL! I get it now. :)

The reason for the (if at home) note is that I'm afraid if I just ignore the reminders while over there, they'll lose their value, and that when I get home the value will be diminished and I might ignore them at home as well. So the (if at home) note tells me that reminder only has value at home, not at my parents' house. I suppose that is a pretty aspie thing. :D

It is sort of like if I made a list up that said
wash car (at car wash)
get groceries (at grocery store)
feed the dog (only the dog at my house)
so that is why I thought it was funny

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nikabee]

lololol, sorry but I got to ask, are you sure your aspie?
Now I hate to pry... but you need to make sure you acidently dont start cleaning your parents house, because your phone told you to?

ROTFL! :D That's soooo funny! :D Geez, you crack me up sometimes RR! I especially like the "accidently start cleaning" part! From my perspective as a *mom* of an aspie, that's just hilarious!

[roadracer]

AspiG you should go to autreat, heck everyone here should go to autreat, we could all meet up and have a great time, get lost in autie land.

[Aspigander]

AspiG you should go to autreat, heck everyone here should go to autreat, we could all meet up and have a great time, get lost in autie land.

What is that?

[roadracer]

It is a 5 day retreat for ALL people who are aspie/autie or anyone who wants to come and enjoy it (so parents are welcome also). There are seminars/workshops going on the whole time, but the focus is for everyone on the spectrum to get together. No reason to worry about anything or have any anxiety the whole time you are there because you are with people who are like you. It is a great time to meet up with different people you have meet online and online friends. People come from all over the country for it. You should come aspieG., it will be a experience you will never forget
http://autistics.selfip.org/aut09.html

If you decide you want to go, you will need to figure out a way to get there, and if you dont have the money, you will have to figure out a way to get it or raise the money. Everything else is provided, meals, a room, etc.

[roadracer]

almost forgot to mention a autie from this very board (okay one that has not been around in awhile) is going to be a speaker there!!!

[Aspigander]

LOL, with my current comfort zone so small, I think it would be a loooooooong time before independent travel takes me out of Michigan. lol

[roadracer]

LOL, with my current comfort zone so small, I think it would be a loooooooong time before independent travel takes me out of Michigan. lol

That is why I said you would have to find a way there. Like see if your parents could take you and come get you, or if you could take a bus ride there, or train, or airplane if it is that far away. You could get a parent to drop you off at the bus station, or airport, not like you would have to walk there.
Anyway, I would say consider if you want to go there FIRST, then if you really want to go, then find out a way you can get there. If you just say for everything, 'you cant do it because you have issues', you will never get out of the house to ever do anything. It is a retreat for people on the spectrum, so I am sure you would not be the only one who had a rough time getting there ;).
Also wanted to add you should challenge yourself every now and then.

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Lauren, I think all those reminders about things for you to do at home will be n/a if you aren't thee, right? Like clutter round-up...I'm assuming it would have been picked up the day before, so since you aren't there there is no one to 'clutter' it up, right?

So I think for the most part when you get back it'll be easy to just go back to the routine at home, right?

I think you may have solved the 'reminder' problem with the (if at home) thing, but wasn't the purpose of the reminders to help you to be more self-sufficient & all? I would suggest that you take a look at all those reminders and decide how they will 'translate' at your mom's...like clutter round up could mean just making sure that you haven't left your stuff around your moms, or whatever.

And I agree you should do all those things, like dishes at your moms, just as you are trying to do at your house.

I don't know what all your reminders are, so I don't know if this makes a whole lot of sense...but hopefully it helps some...

Good luck!

[Nikabee]

IF you were interested in going to that retreat, it might be a good thing for your parents too, if they are open to it. It would be a great 'no pressure' way for them to become educated and you could spend some quality time together and apart. It might help them to hook up with some other parents too and share their thoughts and feelings. *shrugs* Just an idea.