Congratulating myself

[peglem]

My arm is getting sore from patting myself on the back, so maybe you all can take over.

I've been working hard at changing my behavior and interactions with Allison to be more "RDI" compatible.

So one of the things I've been working on is using declaratives, instead of imperatives. This is much harder than it sounds. I've been alot more conscious (obsessed?) with catching myself imperativising (that one goes in my dictionary) and formalizing in my mind ways to use a declative instead in each instance. Today, I'm beginning to feel like its coming more naturally. When Allie threw her bus harness in the middle of the floor, I said, "Uhoh, somebody's going to trip on this." She immediately picked it up and put it away. When she left her dirty bowl on the table, I said, "Hmm, this bowl needs to be washed." She immediately picked it up and put it in the sink.
Amazing to me, because she usually ignores me when I tell her to do these things- then I have to work at getting her to do it anyway. (with resistence from her)

The other thing...She wanted to get the lids off the dry goods canisters to play with. Apparently somebody has not been putting the lids on tightly enough (she can't get them open when I tighten them). So, I hear a crash and find the sugar canister dumped on the floor. Allie is standing there with 2 lids in her hands and sugar all over the floor. (the other jar was still on the shelf, not spilled) I didn't get crazy! I just said, "Ohoh, we need to clean this up." Then I held out the sugar canister and she put the lid back on. I held out the other canister and she put the lid back on. I got the broom and dustpan...I've tried sweeping and letting her hold the dustpan....it doesn't work-she doesn't hold it tightly enough. So I decided to give her the broom. She sorta pushed it around with one hand. So I put both hands on the handle for her and I held the dustpan. She swept kinda haphazzardly, but did get a lot of it into the dustpan. Then I gave her the dustpan to dump in the garbage. A lot of that sugar ended up back on the floor- but I ignored that. So, what would have been a frustrating ordeal was flipped into an opportunity for positive interaction!

Okay- just don't pat me too hard...

[Aspigander]

Good job Peglem! Good job Allie!

What would you do if she doesn't *get* a declarative hint? I'm thinking with the harness on the floor for instance...had she not picked it up right away, would you have pretended to trip over it?

[peglem]

Good job Peglem! Good job Allie!

What would you do if she doesn't *get* a declarative hint? I'm thinking with the harness on the floor for instance...had she not picked it up right away, would you have pretended to trip over it?

I might have...But, probably, I would have left it there until I could think of another way. Or maybe, I would have then gotten more direct- Like, "This needs to be put away." The idea is to work from the least obvious prompt down to the most (hand over hand making her do it). Because she has trouble picking out what in the environment it is important for her to focus on and attend to, I try to (or really I'm getting practice doing it) spotlight what she needs to notice, without telling her directly what to do about it. Then she has to process that bit of information and form an action plan to deal with it....small things right now. But, I'm amazed that she's doing so well at responding to the info I spotlight...

[milivica]

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! WHERE TO BEGIN THE PATTING!

>>>Today, I'm beginning to feel like its coming more naturally. When Allie threw her bus harness in the middle of the floor, I said, "Uhoh, somebody's going to trip on this." She immediately picked it up and put it away.

Perfect! You spoke nt-speak (aka declaratives) and she totally got it!

>>>When she left her dirty bowl on the table, I said, "Hmm, this bowl needs to be washed." She immediately picked it up and put it in the sink.

Another slam dunk!

>>>>Amazing to me, because she usually ignores me when I tell her to do these things- then I have to work at getting her to do it anyway. (with resistence from her)

Cool! Maybe instructional is a)boring and b)more confrontational. Know what I mean? Plus declaratives being new in her brain might feel new and interesting - smart asd's too often get spoken to at school like they're not to smart.

>>>Then I held out the sugar canister and she put the lid back on.
Nice collaboration!

>>>I held out the other canister and she put the lid back on.
Again nice! And all using body language too, not words. Wow you're good!

Can you see it? You are planting those seeds Peg! You are planting those seeds!

>>>I got the broom and dustpan...I've tried sweeping and letting her hold the dustpan....it doesn't work-she doesn't hold it tightly enough. So I decided to give her the broom. She sorta pushed it around with one hand. So I put both hands on the handle for her and I held the dustpan. She swept kinda haphazzardly, but did get a lot of it into the dustpan.
Great!

>>>Then I gave her the dustpan to dump in the garbage. A lot of that sugar ended up back on the floor- but I ignored that.
Right, sharing the clean up mattered, not how accurate she did it. And did you spotlight the moments she did right, when she dumped it in the can for instance (even though it spilled) or did you say "we're a great team" or "Thanks Allie, wow you really helped mommy"

You are doing very very well with this.

>>>So, what would have been a frustrating ordeal was flipped into an opportunity for positive interaction!
Yet another RDI perk, it flips situations that would have been bad.

[peglem]

or did you say "we're a great team" or "Thanks Allie, wow you really helped mommy"

Something like that- I think it was , "wow we work great together!"

[milivica]

Hey I just thought of something...now do you understand why I was all crazy happy when she took my water bottle at the park (I just held it toward here but didn't speak) and not yours after you asked her. Remember I was all "Did you see that did you see that" and you were all, "Yeah, so she took your water" or something unimpressed. Or maybe you were just looking out for potential zombies.

So you see why I was so cranked now, yes?

[peglem]

Yeah, yeah, but, its not like she swept your floor, or willingly put lids back on the jars (she gets a bit obsessed with lids):D. But yes, I get ya!

[peglem]

BTW, Lisa, The sweeping thing was very much inspired by your gerbil/bathtub story with Vince. When I saw the mess, I consciously thought, "getting upset will not clean up the sugar." What a simple idea, with a huge impact!

[Kristen (ColeysMom)]

Great job Pegs! And WTG Allie too!

I've been trying really hard to do things like this with Coley too...I do find that questions work well with him 9maybe because he likes the challenge), but often I forget...it IS hard...so this is a HUGE HUGE HUGE pat...because generally habit takes over and then an hour later I realized I missed an opportunity...I'm no where near seeing an opportunity and maybe not coming up with the right words at times...I'm completely missing a ton!

So WELL DONE!!!! :D

I wanna hear more too...so keep us posted!

[peglem]

I've been kinda rehearsing mentally every time I made a mistake for a couple months now. So, that was a lot of mistakes getting to this point, and I don't have a toddler preoccupying me as well.

[RathyKay]

Wow! Great job! I can almost see the wheels turning. I guess I need to get my act together and do some more with Tom. And I don't have a toddler to blame... just Neopets.:rolleyes:

[Nikabee]

That's so awesome! :) Thank you for sharing that because (being new to all this) I'd never heard of this approach. I tried it out with my son today and... it worked! I'm assuming they've been working on this at school and I just wasn't aware of it.

I need to be better educated, that's for sure. Can anyone recommend a good "just starting out" book about this?

[peglem]

That's so awesome! :) Thank you for sharing that because (being new to all this) I'd never heard of this approach. I tried it out with my son today and... it worked! I'm assuming they've been working on this at school and I just wasn't aware of it.

I need to be better educated, that's for sure. Can anyone recommend a good "just starting out" book about this?

Oh, no, no, no...I don't blame you for not reading my gigantic IEP thread- its pretty overwhelming, even for me. I'm having trouble getting school to use anything other than ABA, which (according to their own data and by their own admission) isn't working.

RDI= Relationship Development Intervention
You can get more info from Their website:
http://rdiconnect.com/

They sell books on their website- The one I'd recommend is The Relationship Puzzle. But I haven't read the new one that just came out. Its supposed to be more up to date. I think Mili is reading or has read it, so she can tell you more.

That's so cool that it worked so easily for your son! My daughter is the queen of resistance, which makes such a simple technique seem nothing short of magic to me!!

[milivica]

BTW, Lisa, The sweeping thing was very much inspired by your gerbil/bathtub story with Vince. When I saw the mess, I consciously thought, "getting upset will not clean up the sugar." What a simple idea, with a huge impact!

It's wonderfully unexpected, when your kid does something 'bad' and all you see is 'opportunity for growth'. Your kid does something that would be frustrating and your brain snaps into all the ways you can 'use' the situation for your current RDI objective.

What gerbil bathtub story? Vince is like the mess-master, hard to keep track of them all.

And yes I would very much advise you getting The RDI Book. It will explain autism and explain the program...which...is the first one I ever found that works for autism always.

[peglem]

What gerbil bathtub story? Vince is like the mess-master, hard to keep track of them all.
When he replaced the gerbil(maybe it was hamsters- I'm not a rodent afficianado) water dish with Barbie's bathtub, which was too light and so got spilled by whichever rodent was using it.

[milivica]

Oh yeah, that was the rats, I think last week. Yeah that part of the floor is still clean, hee hee.

[Anka]

wtg, I'll try this on Kassandra...see if I can get her attention. Great achievement! Congrats!

[Nikabee]

Thank you for your help. I'm definitely going to check this out.

btw~ I tried it again at dinner time and he totally ignored me... go figure huh? lol

[peglem]

Thank you for your help. I'm definitely going to check this out.

btw~ I tried it again at dinner time and he totally ignored me... go figure huh? lol

What did you try? There's abit more to it than just using imperatives...maybe we can help.

[Nikabee]

Oh, I can definitely use all the help I can get! :)

Here's how it went and maybe you can tell me how I can do it better:

1st time: He walked in from school and plopped his backpack and jacket in my lap... then turned on the TV. I spead my arms out and said something like, "Huh? This isn't my jacket." He looked at me, but didn't make a move. So I said, "MY jacket is hanging on the hook." And *poof*! He got up, took his jacket AND backpack from me and hung them up.

2nd time: Just before dinnertime - I was busy cooking and the cat needed to be fed (which is Kaelen's job). Kaelen was whining that he was 'starving to death' and asking how long before dinner (pretty much a routine in our house! lol). I answered with how long it would be and then said, "I think the cat might be feeling 'starved to death' too." Nothing. "Is the cat hungry?" His response was, "Yeah, probably. His bowl is empty." Still he sat there. :D At that point, I gave up and just asked him to please feed the kitty so I could continue cooking.

Now, obviously, I missed the 'key ingredient' somewhere there! lol I'm going to order that book on payday, but I would love some critique in the meantime. Also, how important would you say those seminars are to your total success? They have an RDI-approved center near my hometown, but I'm not sure how that will fit in our budget just now.

Thanks!

[peglem]

1st time: He walked in from school and plopped his backpack and jacket in my lap... then turned on the TV. I spead my arms out and said something like, "Huh? This isn't my jacket." He looked at me, but didn't make a move. So I said, "MY jacket is hanging on the hook." And *poof*! He got up, took his jacket AND backpack from me and hung them up.

Beautiful!

2nd time: Just before dinnertime - I was busy cooking and the cat needed to be fed (which is Kaelen's job). Kaelen was whining that he was 'starving to death' and asking how long before dinner (pretty much a routine in our house! lol). I answered with how long it would be and then said, "I think the cat might be feeling 'starved to death' too." Nothing. "Is the cat hungry?" His response was, "Yeah, probably. His bowl is empty." Still he sat there. At that point, I gave up and just asked him to please feed the kitty so I could continue cooking.
Wow, those were some great clues! Loved the way you related his feelings to the cat. Actually, loved his response, yup, his bowl is empty.:rolleyes: The only thing I can think to try differently, is before going to the direct imperative, you could have said, "The cat food is over there." and pointed. I notice though, that he did respond with an answer when you asked him a question, so I don't think he was actually ignoring you so much as not realizing that he was supposed to respond.

I didn't attend the seminar. (Um, hello? I have an autistic kid. I can't go traipsing off for a few days at a time!) But they have a "parent training" component now. It cost us $1300. Yikes, that took a bite out! That you should be able to get through a consultant. I tried to get started on the cheap by borrowing ideas and getting advice from people who were already doing it. I had a pretty good understanding of what RDI was about, but didn't know where to start or what I should do. (and I'm absolutely just starting-just 4 months into it). And, the thing is...it depends on the child, where they are developmentally and what not. I would say you cannot really do it without a consultant.

[Nikabee]

Yeah, I laughed my butt off afterwards at his response. He was like "DER mom, of course he is!" :D

So, you're saying to try combining a visual AND a verbal cue? Thanks, I'll keep trying. I will admit that probably the reason I gave up so quickly and just moved to the imperative was cuz I was stressed myself, trying to get dinner on the table before he "starved to death." lol I forsee that being at least 1/2 my battle. My stress level tends to lead some of my more "stellar" (ha ha) parenting moments!

HA! You read my mind about the seminar thing! How the heck would I work that out when I have a hard enough time getting the grocery shopping done every week? lol

Ouch, $1300 will hurt, that's for sure. That'll take a few months to squeeze out of the budget. I'll check and see if the consultant-route would work better then. At the very least, I'm thinking it might break that $ amount up a little bit for us so it's more managable. Thanks for the input! It's much more helpful to get advice from other parents than to just rely on his teachers who see it as 'their job' and not 'their life.' ;)