Cry Tears
12-03-2006, 07:28 PM
My mother was DX with ALZ last year. I knew this diagnoses was coming long ago. She's had a very weird personality...is very narsisstic and self focused. Has been this way her entire life.
She depended on me way too much when I was a child because her work as an RN came first.
She put me in charge and I did everything a mother should do.
I never had a childhood and even my basic needs were never met.
My mother used me in everyway.
She'd cry on my shoulders,seeking solace from a 12 year old child.
My body began breaking down due to the heavyness of it all.
When I became too ill to continue caring for my mother like she was used to, she turned against me.
On top of my other health issues, I had an intestinal anuerism that bleed for years causing my life to be a virtual ngihtmare.
When ever I tried to seek compassion from her, she ran!
It was no longer all about her!
When I called her she'd hang up on me. This went on for half a year.
She has used shunning as a way to punish any of us whenever we "sinned".
So our entire family has been fractured and non of us are in communication with eachother.
My sisters and one brother has very minimal contact with her because she's never been a real mother to any of us.
Now she's needing my help and I'm not really wanting to.
She came to visit for a few days.....she got angry with me because I had told her that I felt her doctors had unfairly contacted DMV to cancel her drivers lic. I then said I would help her try and see if she can get it back.
How could this be taken negatively?
I even explained to her that I was on her side and only wanted to help get her lic back.
She's driving around town anyway without one...thinking making only short trips is OK.
I explained to her that she could be arrested for driving and if she had an accident and killed someone she could be charged with murder.
I said this in as loving manner as I could...but she turned every word that I said to get angry with me.
So for the 3 days she was here she wouldn't talk to me. Her husband tried to get her to see that I had only tried to help, not make fun of like she was "thinking".
Everything I say she gets it mixed up and uses what I say to turn against me.
I get angry with this....can't help it. I know her brain is screwed up big time.
But she only does this to me and not my siblings.
But then they won't have her in their home for more than a few hours once a year....and she comes here to stay for weeks at a time.
It ALWAYS ends up with her throwing a royal tantrum, crying, screaming, yelling....and me ending up a basket case....trying to get it turned around.
For instance...I went downstairs one morning....after 2 days of her complete silence and hiding in the room....I went in to the room and told her "Mom, I'm so sorry for anyting or anyway I've hurt you...please forgive me"...and I tried putting my arms around her. She shrugged me off and spit out a long line of angry words....then called me names.
She told my 8YO grand daughter the reason I'd gotted kidnapped by a 45 YO man who then drugged and raped me when I was 14 was because I had my legs spread for any guy that came my way:eek: ....and when I was 5 years old, I deserved being molested by my uncle because I was percosious and too freindly. I was never allowed to tell anyone only because it would have made her look like she was a bad mother...she said besides, in those days when those things happened they didn't talk about it. WHAT?!?! It would have taken up her precious time away from her work if she ever had to do anything for me!
How could anyone forgive their mother for this? She's very "religeous", is highly critical and judgemental.....my siblings destined for eternal damnation for them not attending same church as her's.
Its hard for me to not feel terribly hurt by the way she treats me. It goes way back....she never cared about me and only used me like she did.
I think she can see what she is doing to me....a few weeks later, she'll call me and tell me she is sorry for what she did and states she doesn't know why she does this to me. So this tells me she knows what she's doing.
If I try and talk about my pain or problems she ignores what I say then tells me about her pain.
My husband had deadly form of mouth cancer and its returned several times. He's once again having more issues. When I told her about this she told me that she has a toothache....maybe its cancer.
When I told her my doctors suspected I have urethral cancer...she said "I have terribl bladder problems". Its like she doesn't hear me...or doesn't beleive me, then refocuses on her issues and makes things up.
Rigth now she's blaming me that she has pnuemonia because she had to get out of the car to let someone out....like 1 minute of getting out causes that!
Then her leg suffered injury because I had her sit in the seat where she did instead of up front. That my houses stairs causes her legs to hurt. Gosh, is this my fault?!?! She complains about my stairs constantly any time she is here. Keeps telling me I need to sell this house..too many stairs. I need to tell her "Dont come here because of my stairs!" But I don't.We've been here 16 years....and yes the stairs are sometimes a problem, but I love it here.
Does ALZ take an already messed up brain and make an already weird personality worse?
Does she really know what she is doing to me? She says she does a few weeks after she's reduced me to rubble....then seems remorseful for the way she treated me.
Do any of you have a similar situation? Siblings not wanting to deal with her and only see her as little as they can.
She doesn't pull this type behaviour on them....how can she be so selective?
They don't think her ALZ is bad...in fact they dont' think she has it, but then why are they distancing themselves from her.
But her doctor told me she needed to be put in a care facility along with her new husband....he too has issues....about the mind of a 8 year old kid. She said my moms is an agressive form. She quit seeing this doctor because she got angry about her diagnosing her with Alzheimers! This doctor has been the only one who was willing to take an intrest in what is going on with her brain. My mom did have brain surgery for no reason whatsoever!
She insisted this doctor go inside her brain to correct what she thought was an anuerism. It was just a crooked artery, very common. All the doctor did was go in....didnt do a single thing inside her brain. He had wanted my mother to wait till she had a 3 D MRI...but the MRI machine was broken at that time. Our family insisted she go to UCLA where theirs was working plus they have better doctors who do brain surgeries. But my mother was stubborn and insisted the doctor do the surgery immediatly without waiting...that she felt she was going to drop dead.
What a fiasco that was. After it was over and done with she asked me why that doctor did the surgery. I handed her his $65,000 bill and said "this is why!...bottom line...money!" Plus she insisted he do the surgery without waiting for proper imagaging. This caused her personality to change a bit and was the start of her Alzheimers.
Help! I'm about to go insane...I don't know what to do, what to think.
I somehow have got to come to the realization that I'm dealing with a very sick woman...that her brain is fried even though she can act normal for my sibling. How or why does she do this? She's only 75...but 10 years ago her doctor agreed with everyone that she was beging to have ALZ. But she was furious that we had thought this of her and refused to let them test her.
Now she goes around stating "I get my words mixed up....I keep forgetting what I need to say...the doctors are giving me medication for this"....repeating this several times in one hour...did this at my bible study group.
But then if I mention or try to address that something is wrong with her brain...that I'm worried and only want to get help to stop it from getting worse, she gets horribly upset and angry with me....and I pay dearly for anything I try in helping her.
Blessings, Cheryl
She depended on me way too much when I was a child because her work as an RN came first.
She put me in charge and I did everything a mother should do.
I never had a childhood and even my basic needs were never met.
My mother used me in everyway.
She'd cry on my shoulders,seeking solace from a 12 year old child.
My body began breaking down due to the heavyness of it all.
When I became too ill to continue caring for my mother like she was used to, she turned against me.
On top of my other health issues, I had an intestinal anuerism that bleed for years causing my life to be a virtual ngihtmare.
When ever I tried to seek compassion from her, she ran!
It was no longer all about her!
When I called her she'd hang up on me. This went on for half a year.
She has used shunning as a way to punish any of us whenever we "sinned".
So our entire family has been fractured and non of us are in communication with eachother.
My sisters and one brother has very minimal contact with her because she's never been a real mother to any of us.
Now she's needing my help and I'm not really wanting to.
She came to visit for a few days.....she got angry with me because I had told her that I felt her doctors had unfairly contacted DMV to cancel her drivers lic. I then said I would help her try and see if she can get it back.
How could this be taken negatively?
I even explained to her that I was on her side and only wanted to help get her lic back.
She's driving around town anyway without one...thinking making only short trips is OK.
I explained to her that she could be arrested for driving and if she had an accident and killed someone she could be charged with murder.
I said this in as loving manner as I could...but she turned every word that I said to get angry with me.
So for the 3 days she was here she wouldn't talk to me. Her husband tried to get her to see that I had only tried to help, not make fun of like she was "thinking".
Everything I say she gets it mixed up and uses what I say to turn against me.
I get angry with this....can't help it. I know her brain is screwed up big time.
But she only does this to me and not my siblings.
But then they won't have her in their home for more than a few hours once a year....and she comes here to stay for weeks at a time.
It ALWAYS ends up with her throwing a royal tantrum, crying, screaming, yelling....and me ending up a basket case....trying to get it turned around.
For instance...I went downstairs one morning....after 2 days of her complete silence and hiding in the room....I went in to the room and told her "Mom, I'm so sorry for anyting or anyway I've hurt you...please forgive me"...and I tried putting my arms around her. She shrugged me off and spit out a long line of angry words....then called me names.
She told my 8YO grand daughter the reason I'd gotted kidnapped by a 45 YO man who then drugged and raped me when I was 14 was because I had my legs spread for any guy that came my way:eek: ....and when I was 5 years old, I deserved being molested by my uncle because I was percosious and too freindly. I was never allowed to tell anyone only because it would have made her look like she was a bad mother...she said besides, in those days when those things happened they didn't talk about it. WHAT?!?! It would have taken up her precious time away from her work if she ever had to do anything for me!
How could anyone forgive their mother for this? She's very "religeous", is highly critical and judgemental.....my siblings destined for eternal damnation for them not attending same church as her's.
Its hard for me to not feel terribly hurt by the way she treats me. It goes way back....she never cared about me and only used me like she did.
I think she can see what she is doing to me....a few weeks later, she'll call me and tell me she is sorry for what she did and states she doesn't know why she does this to me. So this tells me she knows what she's doing.
If I try and talk about my pain or problems she ignores what I say then tells me about her pain.
My husband had deadly form of mouth cancer and its returned several times. He's once again having more issues. When I told her about this she told me that she has a toothache....maybe its cancer.
When I told her my doctors suspected I have urethral cancer...she said "I have terribl bladder problems". Its like she doesn't hear me...or doesn't beleive me, then refocuses on her issues and makes things up.
Rigth now she's blaming me that she has pnuemonia because she had to get out of the car to let someone out....like 1 minute of getting out causes that!
Then her leg suffered injury because I had her sit in the seat where she did instead of up front. That my houses stairs causes her legs to hurt. Gosh, is this my fault?!?! She complains about my stairs constantly any time she is here. Keeps telling me I need to sell this house..too many stairs. I need to tell her "Dont come here because of my stairs!" But I don't.We've been here 16 years....and yes the stairs are sometimes a problem, but I love it here.
Does ALZ take an already messed up brain and make an already weird personality worse?
Does she really know what she is doing to me? She says she does a few weeks after she's reduced me to rubble....then seems remorseful for the way she treated me.
Do any of you have a similar situation? Siblings not wanting to deal with her and only see her as little as they can.
She doesn't pull this type behaviour on them....how can she be so selective?
They don't think her ALZ is bad...in fact they dont' think she has it, but then why are they distancing themselves from her.
But her doctor told me she needed to be put in a care facility along with her new husband....he too has issues....about the mind of a 8 year old kid. She said my moms is an agressive form. She quit seeing this doctor because she got angry about her diagnosing her with Alzheimers! This doctor has been the only one who was willing to take an intrest in what is going on with her brain. My mom did have brain surgery for no reason whatsoever!
She insisted this doctor go inside her brain to correct what she thought was an anuerism. It was just a crooked artery, very common. All the doctor did was go in....didnt do a single thing inside her brain. He had wanted my mother to wait till she had a 3 D MRI...but the MRI machine was broken at that time. Our family insisted she go to UCLA where theirs was working plus they have better doctors who do brain surgeries. But my mother was stubborn and insisted the doctor do the surgery immediatly without waiting...that she felt she was going to drop dead.
What a fiasco that was. After it was over and done with she asked me why that doctor did the surgery. I handed her his $65,000 bill and said "this is why!...bottom line...money!" Plus she insisted he do the surgery without waiting for proper imagaging. This caused her personality to change a bit and was the start of her Alzheimers.
Help! I'm about to go insane...I don't know what to do, what to think.
I somehow have got to come to the realization that I'm dealing with a very sick woman...that her brain is fried even though she can act normal for my sibling. How or why does she do this? She's only 75...but 10 years ago her doctor agreed with everyone that she was beging to have ALZ. But she was furious that we had thought this of her and refused to let them test her.
Now she goes around stating "I get my words mixed up....I keep forgetting what I need to say...the doctors are giving me medication for this"....repeating this several times in one hour...did this at my bible study group.
But then if I mention or try to address that something is wrong with her brain...that I'm worried and only want to get help to stop it from getting worse, she gets horribly upset and angry with me....and I pay dearly for anything I try in helping her.
Blessings, Cheryl