Kashis
05-05-2009, 10:45 AM
When it all begins your spouse puts you on a pedistal builds your self esteem self confidience and the bam becomes jeckyl and hyde I am sure we can all relate to this then it becomes a love and hate relashonship sometimes you go days months years without abuse physical mental etc... You put your spouse in jail for abuse and then wonder why you went back we sometimes say well I didn't have a choice I have nothing or nowhere to go I need them but truth is you do have a choice and a choice for change
You always tend to remember day one when you were on that pedistal living in the fairy tale that this will happen again I did it and I know alot of others that have done this deep down knowing this is wrong I am better then this but to afraid of what could be in some ways or what will that person do to you
you tend to find alot of blame in yourself when it first begins he had a bad day I did something wrong he was in a bad mood I knew he would like chicken over chops anything to blame yourself you fall into a vortex of excuses constantly making them been there myself its not shameful to admit any of this
You don't trust yet we try and lie to our ownselfs maybe in someways to keep sain you ask how do I learn to trust again yet your back in the situation which shows your already trusting
When it comes to the abuser they say things like I blacked out I dont' know what happen I am sorry and later on it becomes you deserved it your not worth nothing wow see how quickly the self esteem and confidence starts falling as you go down the road
You feel you must hang on to what you got as you are convinced that you got or get what you deserve you always say I forgive him and in all reality you could take a note book and write down every beating in detail to the last hurtful slap punch kick etc... but we know you can always forgive but never forget
You want to believe deeply its not your fault just can't its almost impossible as of the control that your partner has over you he does as he please and you obey at all times as you fear the beating an yet your right where they want you totally controlled
You do want them to feel the pain that you feel but they never will they will never care
once a partener has control there is no making him feel your pain they made you feel they know it and it don't matter
when you do get out you will have the urge to go back as its what your used to I hate to say comfortable with but its ok to go get help
If and all you do get out there will come a dating time again sometime in your life then it all begins again as the damage that was done to you
You wait and expect it again its so hard to love after abuse but it can happen and trust to but that takes alot of help and coping from people who have been there before or know what its like or your always going to live looking behind your back and if you keep waiting for what was you will start to tear yourself apart
and yes Charming doesn't mean someone doesn't have a dark side I hear from alot of people that ask how do you know my thought would be do some checking I hear it all the time how a spouse told the new partner the truth and what they walked into after they have healed and they get slammed this person could never do this etc... they never did that your lying it happens all the time could it be denial could it be they just don't know yet one will never know abuse usually repeats itself I have learned this from all my talks and writings it has no judgement of color race sex age etc...
If you leave until you see a professional that says it is ok to go back THEN DON"T DO IT AS YOU ARE MORE THEN LIKELY IN DANGER
although seeking help is hard its out there I just wish I could say it was when I was abused GET OUT GET HELP
Hugs Krissi
You always tend to remember day one when you were on that pedistal living in the fairy tale that this will happen again I did it and I know alot of others that have done this deep down knowing this is wrong I am better then this but to afraid of what could be in some ways or what will that person do to you
you tend to find alot of blame in yourself when it first begins he had a bad day I did something wrong he was in a bad mood I knew he would like chicken over chops anything to blame yourself you fall into a vortex of excuses constantly making them been there myself its not shameful to admit any of this
You don't trust yet we try and lie to our ownselfs maybe in someways to keep sain you ask how do I learn to trust again yet your back in the situation which shows your already trusting
When it comes to the abuser they say things like I blacked out I dont' know what happen I am sorry and later on it becomes you deserved it your not worth nothing wow see how quickly the self esteem and confidence starts falling as you go down the road
You feel you must hang on to what you got as you are convinced that you got or get what you deserve you always say I forgive him and in all reality you could take a note book and write down every beating in detail to the last hurtful slap punch kick etc... but we know you can always forgive but never forget
You want to believe deeply its not your fault just can't its almost impossible as of the control that your partner has over you he does as he please and you obey at all times as you fear the beating an yet your right where they want you totally controlled
You do want them to feel the pain that you feel but they never will they will never care
once a partener has control there is no making him feel your pain they made you feel they know it and it don't matter
when you do get out you will have the urge to go back as its what your used to I hate to say comfortable with but its ok to go get help
If and all you do get out there will come a dating time again sometime in your life then it all begins again as the damage that was done to you
You wait and expect it again its so hard to love after abuse but it can happen and trust to but that takes alot of help and coping from people who have been there before or know what its like or your always going to live looking behind your back and if you keep waiting for what was you will start to tear yourself apart
and yes Charming doesn't mean someone doesn't have a dark side I hear from alot of people that ask how do you know my thought would be do some checking I hear it all the time how a spouse told the new partner the truth and what they walked into after they have healed and they get slammed this person could never do this etc... they never did that your lying it happens all the time could it be denial could it be they just don't know yet one will never know abuse usually repeats itself I have learned this from all my talks and writings it has no judgement of color race sex age etc...
If you leave until you see a professional that says it is ok to go back THEN DON"T DO IT AS YOU ARE MORE THEN LIKELY IN DANGER
although seeking help is hard its out there I just wish I could say it was when I was abused GET OUT GET HELP
Hugs Krissi