How to gain flexibility?

[Aspigander]

My mom and I just had a phone conversation. It turned comical. But before it turned comical, she called me (not inaccurately) an inflexible aspie. Well perhaps the fact it was able to turn comical instead of meltdownish (is that a word? Well it is now!) is a slight improvement on my part.

Anyway, inflexible aspie. As I said that's not inaccurate. As I mentioned in my packrat thread, nothing happens tonight with the bedroom because she ran out of energy (or more accurately decided to work outside and get stuffed up because of it). Now like I said in the other thread I really wasn't wanting to do anything as I had a bit of a headache and certainly didn't want to try to get rid of stuff coming off of it (well I'm actually pretty beyond it now) because it would likely lessen my ability to fight against meltdown. So trying to declutter in that state would probably be a disaster. I might have just done it anyway though, probably because of my inflexible aspieness. When it turned comical was when I told her I wasn't so sure I wanted to do it anyway (after she told me she was running out of energy) coming off of a headache.

BUT still, likely due to my inflexible aspieness, it drove me nuts that she mentioned not doing it, when she assured me earlier we would do it. This is kind of one of those common things that leads to issues. She'll say she'll do something, and then "something comes up". I get that may sometimes happen, and she says no one else would be bothered by it, but she does it so darn chronically that I wonder if people are truly unbothered by it as she says they are, or if it is just the NT way not to say anything about it.

Perhaps one way of dealing with the anxiety, is I will form a plan in my head, what I call a "mental blueprint", and when someone says they're going to do something, I put it in that blueprint. Of course, that really backfires when things get changed around. More of the inflexible aspieness.

Does anyone have any ideas how I might go about developing some flexibility?

[peglem]

Honestly, so many of the things you ask about on here are addressed by the RDI program. And the fact that you are so aware of your deficits and so eager to work on them, well, I just think you'd LOVE it.

[Aspigander]

I probably would. Thing is, from what I've read it's pretty expensive. And I don't think my mom has the time (nor inclination, probably) to be the master/coach/whatever the 'leader' of the relationship is called.

[peglem]

I probably would. Thing is, from what I've read it's pretty expensive. And I don't think my mom has the time (nor inclination, probably) to be the master/coach/whatever the 'leader' of the relationship is called.
My consultant specializes in teens and adults. I asked about adults doing it with no coach and she says it can be done.
It just seems like you'd really, really grow quickly from it- like you know exactly what you need, just don't know how to get it.

[Aspigander]

like you know exactly what you need, just don't know how to get it.

That's what I'm starting to feel like.

[Aspigander]

Peglem (or Mili even), if I may ask, is the RDI program as cost prohibitive as it seems from what I've read? I mean evidently not for you, but even if I don't need a coach, I rely on SSI for ALL of my living expenses, so if RDI is as expensive as I have read, even if I can do it with no coach it's still pretty much a non-starter. So that's why I was asking.

[peglem]

Well, I put off trying it for a couple of years, looking for ways to finance it. It was very frustrating for me because Allie's medical is paid by the state. (well, sorta, -the state picks up the difference between what our private insurance pays and the total cost) She qualifies for just about every therapy under the sun. But, everything we've tried hasn't worked. So, RDI seemed like the one thing that WOULD work...it just makes sense, but not covered under either insurance.
But, I have read where some RDI consultants are liscenced therapists (none in my state are) and provide services that would be covered. So, like a speech therapist would use RDI to enhance communication and it could technically be covered under S&L. So there can be instances where is might be covered by insurance. Out of pocket is tough and we're kinda using our dwindling savings combined with help from my MIL when we need it.

[roadracer]

I rely on SSI for ALL of my living expenses
did you qualify for the SSI because of the VI or because of aspergers or was it a combination, was it hard to get? Do you think you will ever want to work? I currently have no income and people here have told me I should apply, but I am going threw vocational rehabilitation, not really sure how it will workout, as I am able to work, but the social/communication issues have got in the way and caused the end to every job I have tried.
I have so many skills and am a jack of all trades, trained in masonry, was licenced overhead crane operator, worked as a welder, worked running heavy machinery like my last job I ran front end loader and dump truck, backhoe, tractors, etc. 'Grab your children and run, roadracers coming with the bulldozer', lol. Sorry for getting off topic again

[Aspigander]

Asperger's was undiagnosed at the time, I was like 18 or 19. So it was purely for the VI. Also got Medicaid at the same time (I think the Medicaid came with the SSI). I don't remember it being particularly difficult, but my mom (who did the paperwork) might have a different story. lol

The training center I went to a couple years ago (again, strictly because of VI), part of that was a bit of vocational rehab. I'd love to support myself, but so many different people would have so many different opinions. I had instructors there tell me I don't quite have the skills employers are looking for, at least one instructor and the occupational therapist said of course I have some marketable skills. The OT had certain ideas, but the VR counselor who was my case manager there didn't really like her ideas, and two of the OT's reports that she submitted to the VR counselor mysteriously grew legs and wandered off (I understand a report getting lost, maybe two reports from two different staff, but, and I really don't like thinking badly of anyone, but two consecutive monthly reports, with recommendations we know the VR counselor disagreed with, from the very same staff member, turning up missing, I have to say that's kind of suspicious).

At one point during my time there, they started what's called a college evaluation to see if I would do well in college. The occupational therapist (who I'd say was the one staff member who understood me the best, one other did pretty well but I'd say the OT actually *got* me the best) I think could see where it was headed from a mile away. On Thursday of my first week in the college eval, I had my first ever non-parent-present public meltdown. Fortunately it was in occupational therapy. The OT told me I had a right to drop the eval, which is what she was recommending (she wondered why they put me in it in the first place...like I said I think she saw what was coming a mile away), and that's what I wound up doing. It would still be another year before the Asperger's was diagnosed. I have to say that was the most frustrating and aggravating four months I remember ever having (the whole time at the training center I had problems). The OT didn't rule out college at some point, but felt at that point in my life I just didn't have the wherewithal to handle it. Considering the meltdown/anxiety attack I had four days in, I think that was pretty obvious.

So as for work or college, that's all pretty much up in the air.

ETA: Wouldn't hurt to apply. I don't think you have to be VI to qualify, as long as you have some kind of disability. Heck, since you have worked in the past, I think you would likely qualify for SSDI.