Deja Vu

[houghchrst]

Well if we aren't doing this all over again. Mom is back to drinking though she thinks I don't know, unless the drunken brother told her. I told him I know she is. She has managed to cancel all of her medical appointments for reasons that at the time made sense but she never rescheduled or took care of the problem that caused her to need to cancel them in the first place.

I am not pushing, I flat out told my brother that if she falls again or continues to decline then she is going in a home. My brother is mentally and emotionally exhausted from taking care of her but as long as she pays him to stay drunk then he will continue to do it. In other words they are accelerating their suicides. She is far more capable than what she projects but she stopped physical therapy so soon she isn't even going to be able to use the walker. Her primary won't give her a permanent disability car tag because as far as he is concerned if she is doing what she is supposed to then she won't need it. I am sick of the ride, my brother is sick of it and the oldest has completely disappeared. My mother is devastated that she hasn't seen him and has no idea why. Even I haven't heard from him which is odd.

I wonder what she would say if I were to put it to her that way. Just flat out say that she is paying her son to kill himself. I don't think that her fore brain thinks of it that way but I bet in the back of her mind she has to know. He can barely walk because his knees, legs and back are so messed up yet he walks 2 miles once or twice a week to his girlfriends and will walk almost a mile to get his booze. He won't go to the doctor despite the fact that he cries most days cause of the pain.

[joy]

i am so sorry, with my limited time on computer these days, i fail to check in here or at the alzhimer's forum as well.

i think myself at this point, you should say just whatever is on your mind to your mother. i know if it was i, age 63 right now, if it was intended that i enter a home if i had a bad fall, and the implication was that i would stay there, i would really want to know this. and it would be a kindness to yourself if you told her this. that way if she could and only if she could, she might stop that drinking.

i fear that your mother uses that drin to kill her pain, much as you or i would search for another pill or pills to kill ours. it is what she know and is easily availiable.

i fear i may have said too much already but it is true, i'd want to know. that way there can be no surprises for her if she continues to fail. i wish there was some way that families could continually care for their own but that is just impossible in todays world it seems.

[houghchrst]

Joy you could never say too much you know that. I keep thinking that maybe if I made her aware that it would be my intention if she were to become more disabled due to her drinking then she would go to a home. My brother is definitely sick of caring for her. He bugs the crap out of her to go to the doctor, to eat, to take her meds, to get some exercise but she does what she wants. I have made my brother aware that if she falls again and hurts herself to the point of becoming even more disabled then she is going into a home and I am sure that he has told her. She has said nothing to me about it. She expects him to take care of her and he will as long as he wants money. Their drinking keeps them connected. If one or the other ever got serious about stopping their drinking they would be screwed.


I am in no condition mentally or physically to take care of her. I have a hard enough time taking care of my family. Also I would become angry because she does not take care of herself like she should so she remains sick. That I cannot deal with.

[joy]

christina i just erased a long paragraph again. i can be wrong but on this, my gut says IF you look your mother in the eyes and tell her what is the truth, you are covered.

you will need to know you have done everything you can. she can't say she didn't know if you pick a day when she is sober you will know she was told.

that might save your sanity later on. i am sorry to be so adamant about this, maybe your brother is better than mine with words, mine is so wish wasy and mealy mouthed, HE WOULDN'T Tell OUR MOTHER ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

maybe yours is better.

see, another long speall again. i'll shush up now maybe.

you said it, you have loved ones yourself. two sons and a man that loves you. even on my worst guilt days now, it is sinking in to me that i owe my hubby a lot as he was here every day and night right along with me. i need to shake my what if or wish it's and be over it. i am getting there truthfully. and it's just been 5 years of it , way to long for sure. this is harder than when i put my dad in the ground and i was young then. the finality of it. and i believe in the after life at that. i just know it won't be the same type and i am counting on that part;)

it is is hard on anyone that has as much going on wrong as we do with our bodies and bad health. it drains our minds and leaves us about helpless.

if you can't tell, it does get worse. that use to be my favorite saying, things can always get worse. then it meant that i was handling things, that i knew it wasn't so bad. but not now, it can get pretty bad if your own health is bad as well.


i can't do anything but tell you what i have learned myself. it is not nearly enough hon and i'm sorry for that.

right here, i believe this part myself


I am in no condition mentally or physically to take care of her. I have a hard enough time taking care of my family. Also I would become angry because she does not take care of herself like she should so she remains sick. That I cannot deal with.
Yesterday 10:47 AM

christina, you have the right to be angry !!

it is up to her and make sure she know it . i know it won't be easy but you can't do it for her or you would. you have not slipped yourself, you are doing what every you can to stay as good as you can for yourself, mentally and physically.

i am proud of you - I want things to be so much better for you hon. this has not been an easy thing for you to do, i know. but you've done it. i don't want for you to lose any gounds cause it will get tougher and mother needs to do her part. tell her that much. i don't care what else you say to her, love her, hate her whatever truthfully, i don;'t think that part is all that important right now.

and please, if anyone disagrees, i would appreeciate your saying so, i really would. i don't claim to know it all. i do know how it has gone down with me. i was the one protesting my mother would not go into a home and we all know how that was going to turn out. my mother did too. so in that, i did break my word, it couldn't be helped, my head knows this, my heart is just not been coorperating so well. it is a hard thing to have to deal with, no one will ever say otherwise if they have any feelings themself.
.

but it is so good that we have others here to help us as best as we can.

[houghchrst]

Joy, I get it now, my brother is a mealy mouth, insert his version plus throw in his two cents type so even if he does tell her it is not the same as what I said. I am just so afraid. I feel like the awful daughter who just doesn't want to change her mother's diapers, or feed her so throw her in a home. That is how my brothers will look at me even though none of them will step up. That is how I will feel even though I also know what I am and am not capable of. I can't bear to look into her face and tell her. She has always said that she would never want us to take care of her and she has it set up that there will be no extra measures taken to save her life if it comes down to that in the future. Yet she is setting it up now that someone is going to have to take care of her. She really is too young to be in a home, I think her insurance will pay for a small amount of home care. Blah, blah, blah.

I know I need to do this it just hurts me so terribly. The thought of it brings me to tears. I understand now what you are trying to say. I need to do it to her face so that she understands and so that I know that I made sure she understood what would happen.

[joy]

i had read and not said anything so many times until i finally just had to tell you what i did..& rewrote it etc.

seldom does anything bother me this much but i do feel strongly about it and just couldn't keep my trap shut after all.


the ages could be so much worse for all involved in your situation. I had passed menopause :D :D and all and my kids were grown :D. i already had 1 grandkid here and one was on the way.

i do think things out way too much at times. but then i think you are so worth it :p

[dawnmn]

Sorry I'm going to jump in here. If it gets bad with your mother with your brother taking care of her you call social services. My dad was sick for a long time and my mom tried to take care of him but it was wearing her down. She felt that she was suppose to be this perfect wife. My brother call social service to get someone in there to watch over her and my dad. At first they had nursing come in and help with the daily things but they were the ones that suggested he go into a nursing home. It was kind of a forced issue. Was a blessing to everyone concerned. Social service doesn't tell who called. To this day my mom and siblings don't know how social service got involved.
It seems to me that your mom and brother feed off of each other.
In the end you need to take care of yourself and your family. If the situration is causing you to stress out it's not good for any of you. I wonder if your mom knows if she goes into a nursing home or assited living care, that she won't be able to drink.

[joy]

thanks dawn ;)

[Nana4&cntn]

Christina,

Sorry I missed this post also, Boy am I behind!

I agree with what Joy says about telling your mom how you feel, and what may be in store for her if she doesn't stop drinking. At least she has informed consent. Either she helps to take care of herself or someone will step in. This is where Dawn's suggestion would come in to action.

She currently isn't able to take care of herself and is drinking herself to death. Your brother isn't capable of taking care of himself let alone your mom. You have a family plus a host of medical problems. Adult Protective Services would be who to contact. They can place her against her wishes, if that is what you think she needs.

I just can't imagine being in your position. It is tough when parents get older and just don't seem to care about their health. I watched my MIL give up and it broke my heart to know my kids would lose their Granny.

I guess the best I can do is to send you a BIG HUG and keep my nose out of it. I just want you to have some stress free hours each day.

HUGS,
me

[houghchrst]

Thank you so much all. I feel much better knowing what I need to do and that there is help if I reach a point where things are worse. You are all such wonderful friends.

[tic chick]

chris,

this kind of parallels my own experience with my mom, except my mom has alzheimer's.

i knew she had been having memory problems for the past 2 years. the last 6 months it was undeniable.

my brother and sister were not understanding that these were not normal age-related problems. or they refused to believe it was anything more serious.

that's why it's the pits being the responsible child most of the time.

i had my mom sign the power of medical attorney papers, knowing i was going to put her into the nursing home within a few months. sometimes i lied to her to keep her from being scared and combative, because tootsie said it was kinder and less stressful.

i didn't make me feel better, but that's the way it is when you're the responsible one.

i think your brothers will feel a huge weight lifted off their shoulders if you take charge.

you won't.

do it anyway.

((((hugs and more hugs)))),
jeannie

[houghchrst]

Thanks Jeannie. I know. Only the one even really comes there and that is because his money is there. If there were no money he wouldn't be there taking care of her I don't think.

[houghchrst]

Well I took my shortcake his noon meds for a current ear infection and suddenly was on my way to my mom's and I realized I was going to tell her. Tell her that she needs to stop her drinking, stop giving money to my brother to drink, start making those doc appts, the physical therapy appts. or I am calling Adult Protective Services.

I think I am going to call them to see what kind of rights I have, what they will do if I call them. My state is so underfunded, understaffed that I am not even sure that they will do very much. She is liable to lie her head off to them.

I got there and of course it is 12:30 and she is still in bed so either she was up all night and drank, her new thing is she can't sleep unless my brother is there, and went to bed this morning, or she slept then got up very early and drank and then went back to bed. I never know which. She lies. The only time I can tell she is doing good is when she is up sort of early and looks well, not all puffy faced and dragged out.

[tic chick]

chris...i was looking at this because i thought that i might need it in the future. you can petition the state of michigan to make you guardian for your mom, if you think she is a danger to herself. you would have to fill out forms, of course. then they would have someone visit your mom and if they saw what was really going on, they would take your side in court or tell your mom she could voluntarily make you her guardian to avoid court. at least this is how i understood it.

just look up michigan department of social services on google and then find the guardianship page.

but, see what they will do if you just call them.

it's hard, chris.

(((((BiG HUGS)))))
jeannie

[houghchrst]

When I pulled into my mom's driveway my brother was out in her little bit of woods sitting on a log just watching the birds and critters but I just ignored him and I know he saw me as I was leaving. Of course not long after I got home he called and I just said I hadn't seen him cause he wanted to know why I hadn't come out to talk to him. Said I knew mom needed food but she was still sleeping and missed out then I started crying. Didn't tell him why but he figured as much that I was worried about my mom.

Told him to make a small list of groceries and I would go get them and he said he would watch shortcake. So later I go over and he is gone, my mom tells shortcake he can't stay because she is sick, NOT, so he comes out to the car with the list and is broken hearted and starts crying. I am flaming so I sit for a second and then I leave and decide her shopping is going to have to wait. Can't take a broken hearted kid to the grocery store. So I call and ask if brother is there thinking he is passed out but no had a chance to make money so is gone. She says just to wait to shop until today. So soon I am driving and crying, I am broken hearted, it is near dinner time, I am depressed, have a kid who is crying another at home who will start whining the second I walk in about how he is hungry, no money, my mom, my brother, I have just crashed and burned.

I pull into a gas station. Do what I don't want to and call my mom. Ask if I can have some money to buy dinner and stupidly start crying on the phone. Then find out big mouth brother told my mother about me crying on the phone about her earlier. So it all comes out, my take on the whole situation. Her paying for her own son's suicide, her son helping her with her suicide. Did she ever look at it that way? No, she hadn't. 'Stop worrying about me' her mantra. Thinks that if I magically stop worrying about her then I will be fine whether or not she is. Tells me that they are in denial. 'Look, take a $100 out of the bank and get dinner, don't order pizza have something good.' Suddenly I think, she is buying my complacency. I almost say it out loud. Figured what the hell, take the money. 'Tell shortcake I am sorry, I love him and give him a big hug for me.' She knows what she did.

I don't say anything about Protective services or anything, a gas station parking lot over the phone is not the place or the time. I need her to understand how far I am willing to go.

I also have been thinking do I have the right. I mean I know I have the right, but should I. This is her life. Well in a sense it involves the whole family but if she wants to live this way. Should I just let her go til she can't go anymore and she winds up in a home. Then I think that is just my was of avoidance.

[Daisy]

Has it occured to you that the two of them really aren't healthy for one another and yet that's why it's easier for them to be with one another? As two acholics living together they know they can't trust each other to be honest about what needs to be done because neither is honest with his/herself. So they are waiting for someone from the outside to take control because frankly with their addictions neither is capable of doing so.

Your brother can't take care of himself let alone another human being adult or child. Ask yourself honestly if he was in a custody situation for a child do you think any judge would award him custody with his constant achol issues? Yet, for your Mom he is the ultimate enabler and she wants that because she shares the same addiction he does.

If you want the problem to end I would suggest consulting a senior social worker to find out what your options are for getting her help. While your brother may not appreciate your intervention now, in the long run it gives him the choice to only be responsible for his own destruction. He can choose life and getting help or as you suggested he can find his own destruction in the bottle but it will be his destruction, not your Mom adding the guilt of hers to his.

[houghchrst]

Hi Daisy, you might want to check where the discussion of my mother's drinking really begins way back in the addictions section. Where I also discuss my recovery and difficulties. This has been a long ongoing discussion.

First of all I am well aware and they are well aware of the situation. Just because my mother drinks does not make her ignorant to the reality of the situation. She has her full mental faculty and is extremely intelligent. She is only 64. She knows full well that they are enabling each other and she knows what it will take for her to quit her drinking. She is no longer bed bound or even wheel chair confined for that matter. She will always be disabled but I believe not to the point of needing round the clock care if she quit drinking and took care of her health and she knows that. We have talked about it. She is by no means in denial.

As a recovering addict I have plenty enough experience in the tricks, the lies we tell ourselves and others, the different ways we enable or even trick others into enabling.

According to my mother since I accused her of helping my brother's self imposed suicide, and her own, and told that I knew she was back to drinking and just how long. She has once again stop drinking. I know this is a long, painful, on again, off again, self searching process. I also know that it cannot be done unless they both quit or he moves out. The problem with my mother is that he has no where to go. He has a girlfriend but she is a loon and has actually pulled a gun on him a couple of times and hit him with her truck once. She has her own mental issues. Plus she only really calls him when she has stuff she wants done.

He would make a wonderful father, he is kind, thoughtful, generous, intelligent, loving. All the things that would make a wonderful father and husband if only he didn't drink. Sadly that is usually the case.

Anyway, that is a bit off topic. Thank you Daisy for noticing and posting.

[houghchrst]

Well I finally got up the nerve yesterday to go to my mom's and make a proposal.

My son had gone and stayed over there for a couple of day's and my mom pretty much stayed in her room to give my son some privacy, don't know why, her house. Anyway while he was there he saw first hand my brother stealing money, using her debit card without permission, stealing food to take to his lady friend's house, he made lewd and lascivious comments to my son's 16 yr old friend on the phone, my son had to snatch the phone back. They almost got into a number of fights. My son kept telling my mother and she just kept telling him to back off she would take care of it. My brother has now gone on a liquor drinking binge and he gets really bad, mean, thoughtless during these. Normally he is just a nasty, sloppy, beer drinker.

So, yesterday I went over there and told her that I knew that he was robbing her blind. I set up her online banking and pay her bills so I can see the activity. I know he is stealing her food. Oddly enough this makes her the maddest. His girlfriend wasted all the money she got from the accidental death of her husband and since she can't afford to feed him cause all her money goes on pill and pot he steals my mom's food. I went grocery shopping for her and I can tell ya I will go over there and there had better not be any food gone.

The proposal is that I will go over there and do her laundry, make her meals a couple nights a week, make sure she has left overs. Make sure she has clean sheets on her bed. Whatever she needs; I already take her to doc appts. But she has to stop forking the dough out to my brother. I don't want any money or anything. I don't even care if she drinks but I ain't buying it. I mean, my God my brother is taking like a hundred out of the ATM every day or every other day, smoking her cigarettes and of course when he leaves he takes a pack or two and food and whatever cash is laying around. When he is broke then it is time to come back to my mom's. When it comes time to pay bills sometimes I can't pay her bills.

She said she would think about it. I know she is considering the logistics of getting her wine if she decides my brother gets no more money. He gets his when he goes to get hers. I did not tell her that I am going to call Adult Protective Services if it doesn't stop. We were there yesterday and went grocery shopping, I call from the store my brother answers sober. By the time we were done he was passed out. She was laying down on her bed watching TV, so we put the groceries away and I tried to find a knife to spread mustard on a sandwich for her and every single piece of silverware was dirty. He hasn't even been doing his job anymore. We were so mad that we put away all the groceries did the thank yous and I love yous and I am thinking about it. Bet he had the kitchen cleaned today. Gotta collect those brownie points.

Now let's see if she turns me down if I have the nerve to tell her about APS.

Thanks all.

[joy]

good for you, you have done it. she needs to do some real thinking about things for sure!!!

[tic chick]

well....

there are always two sides to look at in every situation, including the differing viewpoints here.

in the end, we have to do whatever is speaking to us from our minds, hearts and guts.

cause the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

it's a hard decision whatever you decide.

(((hugs)))
jeannie

[houghchrst]

You know Jeannie I am so torn. There are days when I think, you know it is her life, if she doesn't care whether or not she is going to survive to see her grandchildren then that is on her, if she knows my brother is ripping her off and is continuing to allow him to have the opportunity to do so then it is on her, if she can live seeing us less often then that is on her. But dammit I miss my mom, and I want her to get better and she is not going to get better like this. I figured if I throw her a life line then maybe she would grab on.

I call my mom's after ignoring my brother's 5th call to see what he wants and woo hoo he is sober and he apologizes for leaving a nasty message on my machine and what had happened with my son and I try to tell him that it wasn't even really about all that but I couldn't tell him it was all about him robbing our mother and stealing her food. I figured that was on her and he says hang on mom wants to talk to you and as soon as he lets go of the phone I am crying, just losing it.

He was/is my favorite brother, I friggin' love him so much yet I hate who he has become I hate this so much.

My mom comes on and I am sobbing and I finally manage to tell her why. She knows, she feels the same way. She tells me just not to think about. It just now is occuring to me that she keeps saying this to me, don't worry about it, stop thinking about it, this is what she does. Drinking is how she does it. Dammit this is just now as I type this occuring to me. I am inflamed that I am so dense. She has been telling me this for years. Just don't think about it!!!! For years. Don't worry about it! There is nothing you can do about it!!!!! This has been her response for almost everything!!!! Never, see if there is something you can do about it, it's just don't think about it! A major part of her mental illness that I never saw until now.

Has this contributed to the immense amount of worry that I have, the anxiety that plagues me. Is it possible that I took on the worry that she managed to slough off. Now it has become a part of me.


So this morning my son comes over after stopping at my mom's to visit and my brother is gone to the liquor store. My mom is sitting there waiting for him to get back. I don't think I am going to bother with Adult Protective services. She will probably invite me not to come back, take her car and tell me not to worry about it.

I just don't think I am going to worry about it anymore.

[tic chick]

chris,

no doubt you did the worrying for your mom. you are the sober one. addiction carries with it the denial of one's own feelings, which leads to lower self-esteem and finally to self-hate or destruction.

i really hope you can stop worrying about it now.

because i think you're going to need a lot of strength when it all comes tumbling down.

*smallheart jeannie

[houghchrst]

Yes tumbling down, now if I can just remember to breathe until then.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

[naveed123]

some peoples can't like the good thing and they just sleeping in the day and also at the night.
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[joy]

We are trying our best to help you now Chris.

I figure your MOm isnpt old enough to ask for help just yet.

I KNOE because i cried when they came out to help my mom. I was thinking right then that my age, I am NOW 63, so you gotta figure I really wasn't all that old then, :o

I am far to bad off, I really need some help and no one can help me for free.

I do really figure figure it will be awful years ahead for you Chris. I figure the last few years has been pretty awful for you mom as well.

It ain't going to be pretty and you will need us more and more so please don't let all this get you down too much.

after all, i survived my mom's death, i did everything i could and the caregiver i had called and begged to help even. it was money from their pockets and it was good enough for them.

yet the did come and do all they could. at least find out how your state
works, Call the place and see just how old she has to be before YOU can get help with all of this. It does happen but you have to be an older person.


I am past help and refus to go the surgery route myself. I am waiting to see if a much younger person does. She is the mother of the 3 young kids that rodeo. I see her pick up her 4 year old every time he needs it at some of the events.

He is way old enough to walk, she know it, but a mom will do what she can to help her siblings, ;), even young ones.

So I hope you can handle everything better than I di and at least I hope it doesn't take you as long to get over it, just 5 mere years without my mother, and I am over it. and everyone did their part, it all had to come from within ME.

so help befor or after she is gone. you will have to call someone on your brother at somew point. and your mother knows it now.

so take as least amount of work off your shoulders. Shortcake has seen his grandmother at her worst already, don't you think?.

I am so hoping that your mother will see this as well. And know that you should put shortcake through much of seeing her and brother at her worst.

after all they may thing he came over to just spy. and I know you did not mean for that to happen. But mom is in no place to be a grandmother right now.

at least my grand child comes to my messy house that there are just trails through. and i llet her be a KID and not make her be responsible for much.

after all her mother is living with a drun, no good person and she is nothing but a glorified dog keeper to him by now.

and i have told her if it is too much for her, to plead a bad back and get out after 20 long years of it!

I don't want my 9 year old to understand too much. So i protect her more than you do shortcake probably. Sure I could tell her dad is a no good person. But do I want her to know? nope.

and when she doesn't want to go see the grat aunt that is dying, she stays with me. and when she goes home to visit with her mom and dad, she goes, just as she goes to vsit her other grand parent. even tho i disagree with how she is paying for her son's upkeep.

so i may be one of the only person here that truly does understand how you feel. I have been on all side of this.

I say, do as much as you can because you know the end result. Mom will be gone, son will still alib=ve if he doesn't drink himself to death and you will be left with nothing if he runs through all the money that i know you could use yourself.

you can have you read a person who has lived through ti all say that I wouldn't want shortcake seein such a mess and wondering if it was part of his future to come. :( and no money, then she will be old enough hopefully it lasts til then. I doubt it tho.

and it will always fall on the responsible shoulders of the sibling that can do best. Doesn't it always.

just take on as much as you can handle and don;t figure in on any money. Cause it will all be gone by the time your mother is in all concievable ways to look at it. so take some money, of hers and do what you can. you told her now it is up to her to make some tough decisions as well.

and hubby and i still say if we get down bad, we don';t want our little ones seeing us. We don't want her staying here and going to college if that is not what she wants. We say let her go, she will do better where ever she likes but she has to get good grades.

stuff like that, isn't that what you want for shortcake, is reasonable adults in his life. and youyr mom is past being reasonable if she has to be the provider for herself and your brother. there will be no watching her get old at all.

I know as remember i am 63, and it gets really bad. it did making those apple pies with horrible back pain and nasuau. but i did it. your mother just can't right now. you know abouyt addictions very well and you know you did it. I am thinking your mother is dreading her future as much as i am mine right about now.

and it ain't going to be a pretty sight. and if our little one doesn't want to visit, well she won't at all. end of it! I do think your mother has tried to be a good grandmother to B but she just doesn';t have it in her to be as good to shortcake. I don't for my second one. want to know why? well you don't but I know why myself. :o

sorry just repeating myself and too tired to go back and change anything. and hoping i won;t delete this at all. but i may since i know how tired you are. and just know I am pulling for you chris. it is never easy being he responsible one at your age either. but someone has to be that one. tag, i thiunk you are it now at much too young an age.!

[houghchrst]

Joy I am glad you didn't go back and delete it. Not to worry it is not shortcake that is suffering the situation. Just missing his grandma a bit because we don't go as often as we use to.

No it is my oldest son, 17, that has been staying there. He knows exactly what is going on and while he is affected by it he knows there is not much he can do about it and he chooses to be there. I would rather he didn't but his choice.

I have learned that there is not much I can do about the situation there either so I stand by unless I am needed for Dr. appts., shopping or something or other. Sometimes if I get lucky and happen to get there while she is sober I may stick around to visit but that is few and far between. That is her fault that she is missing out on her grandson, and me. I refuse to accept any of the blame. Not putting myself in the situation nor my son.

I know that I have a lot of hurt coming when this comes to a head, no idea what will happen to my drunken brother. Where will he go? He will have no where to live. I get the house and he will have to move out. I have to not think of that. I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Thank you sweet Joy for thinking of me. Please do take care of yourself. I need you around for a good long time to help me get through when the time comes.

[joy]

i am thinking it so i might as well say it.

i knew where that sleep doctor was going besides that i might have alzheimer's.

okay. so i started looking at my own sleeping habits. i have gotten so use to watching tv or getting onto the computer. i am thinking that you need to shorten your time on the computer if you are posting that late at night honey. sorry but even if you are not sleeping, i know just what sitting in the very best computer chair will do to a spine.

far to well, do i know.