New it happens But?

[DlH]

Well i have seen the Stats. But Never new I Would Be One of The Stats.Now what? OH Well Sorry For Asking:(

My Wife has Asked For A Divorce.


David.

[Linda C]

So sorry. But just take it one day at a time and keep breathing. Your going to be on a rollercoaster with your emotions. Secure your support system and know you are not alone.
Blessings,
Linda C.

[DlH]

thanks Linda For responding So Quick!
That was Sweet Of You,And it Sounds Like Good Advice!



Thanks,David

[Virginia]

Good advice from Linda! Definitely get your support network around you, and know that there will probably be some highs, and a lot of very lows. Try to know who you can call on for help when the lows begin to get to you. Also, remember the initial anxiety and stress will start to get better, but only with time. The amount of time depends on the person, but you will survive. Just keep on keeping on and eventually you will begin to come out of the lows.

Sorry you are going through this.

Virginia

[DlH]

Thanks Virginia,

Also Good advice!



David

[lady_express_44]

Hi David,

Sorry to hear. This is a difficult time for you, I'm sure . . . and nothing I say will likely mean a whole lot right now . . . BUT . . .

This may END up being a blessing in disguise, as it was for me and many others that have gone throught this same change.

Marriage is meant to be in sickness and in health, but I really don't think too many people give a lot of thought to the "sickness" part of the vows we made. That's probably true for those of us who are ultimately the "sick" partner, as well as those of us who are the healthy spouse.

No one can possibly anticipate how we will react, change, etc. during such a challenge, and sometimes it's just not manageable with the person we chose, once upon a time . . . This disease is life-altering, no doubt . . .

However, things are the way they are, just with this partner. There are MANY others out there who can accept us for who we are and what we've got to offer right now. We aren't the same, but we are still very valuable.

This will be a difficult transition, but you will get through. I am one who has faith that there is a reason for everything - even if we can't see it right now.

Hang in there,

Cherie

PS, I am happier now - 5 yrs after seperating - then I ever was married. He did me a favor!

[cricket52]

DIH:

Sorry, this is a major blow for anyone and you have enough on your plate battling MS.

No man is an island - the others are right, you need a good support staff.

And I am inclined to agree with Cherie - my hubby asked me to leave a year ago and I have never been happier. I had great support.

When my husband and I were chatting recently he told me it has been a terrible year. He has no friends, no therapist, no support.

Whatever illness I have it's not going to get better, just worse. He can't cope. I feel sorry for him. My life is full and happy in spite of the physical limitations.

We have to grieve the loss of a marriage. It hurts. Life goes on and eventually you too will move on. It's a choice we make.

All the best DIH.

[curiousforever]

I'm so sorry...

[karilann]

My divorce was after 20 years of marriage. Thought I was going to die....but I didn't. I actually became a stronger person.
Big Hugs to you, David.

[Maine/Boston]

My husband after 36 years has told me he does not want to be married our son just graduated from high school so he now tells me this, he also said it has nothing to do with the MS. I am devastated and cry all the time. I have no family nearby. I feel thrown away. I would never have left him if the situation was reversed and he says he wishes he could take away the MS but he is not in love with me any longer.


MS sucks and some spouses.

Jan

[renee]

I am so sorry.
Geez I still believe there can be a happily ever after somewhere!!! if one spouse cuts out.

I left my protem/sig other after 23 years.
It was so horrible- he couldn't adapt to my major MS changes.
I felt non- existence or even death would be preferable so I split after 5 years of trying to hold things together w/a chronic illness.

Best thing I could have done for me and for us. Its hard.

With time...may your heart be very, very full again.

[Gunner]

:) We love ya, warts and all:D

This in time will allow you to be in charge of what and how you want to live.

Make the most of it.

Support is the key.

Let yourself be helped. It makes others feel good that they can do

somthing. And it makes you count your blessings.

You are kept in prayer.

Jim

[elizabeth]

I am so sorry. This is a really hard thing. Is she sure that's what she wants? Is she amenable to at least talking about it and maybe trying some counseling before throwing in the towel and calling it quits for real?

It's scary. When I was diagnosed, the MS seemed like just one more thing in a long line of horrendous bad luck for me/us, but I was terrified my husband would see it as the straw that broke the camel's back and leave our marriage. Fortunately for me, he didn't -- we are still together, against all odds, after 15 years of LOTS of adversity. I am not sure, sometimes, exactly how we manage to weather all that's happened, but I love him madly and he tells me the same. I REALLY wish the same were true for you. I want you to know it was not always this idyllic for us, and it has taken some (sometimes very hard) work to get to "happy together."

One thing, though, is that we do spend a LOT of time talking to each other about our hopes and our fears and what the set-backs and problems we now encounter mean for each of us in terms of our daily lives, personal goals and dreams. We talk very specifically -- what it means in terms of everything from grad school plans (his), to taking out garbage, to how much sex we can have, to who washes the dishes more, to who showers first on weekdays, etc. It sounds insane, but it's been healthier for us, and we undertsand each other's needs and desires and frustrations and concerns much better. He KNOWS what MS is like because I have gotten better about saying it... I know what living with me (and caring for me at times) is like because he tells me. (and so on...)

It helps that we were very close friends before we got married, and we still are, but it's hard to be really brutally honest in the face of disappointments and uncertainties -- and MS can raise plenty of them, if you didn't have some others to start with before the MonSter butted into your marriage! My husband and I have been through 4 MS flares (mine), encephalitis and meningitis (his), near bankruptcy, the divorce of his parents, my mom's cancer, our son's illness, my broken arm & leg, etc. all in the last 2 years -- and those have been the CALM years! Full catastrophe life can be one way to stay together if you can find humor in the situation -- it's there, but it can take a while, and sometimes professional help, to find it! I think it's worth trying, if you can garner her cooperation...

I hope that you can find some peaceful time to talk to your wife and come to a place of healing in your heart, whether that means saving your marriage relationship or not. It's a very painful thing to go through, and stressful, too, and it can wreak havoc on you and your health if you are not careful to take good care of yourself. PLEASE be sure to guard your wellbeing through this hard time and try to stay well.

I hope that it's not REALLY over and that the request for a divorce is really a cry for help, in much the way that a suicide attempt is a cry for help (usually). As a former family law lawyer, I want to tell you that there is HOPE: in asking for a divorce, your wife may actually be asking for work on the marriage -- it's possible, so please be brave and talk about that possibility first and don't give up if you don't want to. It's hard to crawl and scrabble back from that edge once the "D" word has been spoken, but it's so worth it. You have a LOT invested with your wife, and she with you, whether either of you really feels it significantly right now. Recovering the happiness and vision in your history is really crucial to being able to go on with her -- so I hope you can see if she wants to try, at least. Good luck!

All blessings to you... :)

[terrijean]

Thinking of you in prayer...... I cannot even imagine what your going through....

Everything will be alright.....the best wishes to you!:)

[DlH]

I Dont Know what i Would Do Without Brain Talk!!And The Support of all the Folks on here!!!!Great Advice By All


Thanks Again All






David