my brain problems that won't go away!

[dfowler1976]

It all started for me 4 1/2 years ago. Over a two month period my memory and cognitive abilities rapidly declined. It was so bad I couldn't even understand what I was watching on television. This lasted for two years I think. Than my memory quickly got somewhat better as well as my cognition. I was learning and understanding again! Plus I could remember a few things.

Now my memory and cognition is still terrible and I also feel like I'm in a fog all the time. I'm only 32 years old. I past the mini brain exam and I've been to three neurologists. I also have three therapists including one psychiatrist.

They all think it's psychological and think I'm Schizo-affective because of feeling flat, depressed as well as having delusions and memory and learning problems. I looked up this diagnoses and I agree I have those symptoms. Here is a list of my symptoms and this goes on everyday, all day and has been going on for 4 plus years!

flat affect (little emotions)
feel disconnected from the world
feel 2 dimensional and copy of a copy
feel spacey and really "out of it"
brain often feels like it's made of concrete
had delusions that gov was out to get me. don't anymore
have difficulty learning new concepts
feel like I have slower thinking with less thoughts at one time
sometimes feel faint
can't think ahead but good organization of thoughts
little interest in anything
no sex drive
don't get any effect from alcohol
little to no energy
brain feels blank most of the time
hear a slight faint buzz in left ear

I also had two MRI's done, to see if there was a tumor, brain damage etc. and both came out normal. Some days are better than others and overall I've made some progress with some days feeling somewhat sharper. I'm posting this message to multiple forums to get all the help I can get. At worst this is torture and best it's mild torture!

PLEASE feel free to email me or PM me if you would rather at fowlerdevon@gmail.com

thanks!

Devon

[dfowler1976]

Hi my doctors have said this may be depression related. It tend to think it may be more serious. This is copy pasted from my notes and maybe a bit scattered. So I apologize in advance!

My symptoms initially: this all started 4 1/2 years ago where suddenly one day, and over a 2 month period I lost alot of my memory and
learning abilities and from than on I've been suffering ever since. Here are my current symptoms. They fluctuate but most of these
I still have to some degree. My symptoms pretty much never go away, and they're there 24/7. Seems chronic. Can't work right now ,
let alone get out of bed. Some of my memory and learning abilities have come back but since last year it's plataued. Maybe I've gotten
better cognitively. Definitely show signs of improvement in reading and some memory. I Should note that
I tested in the above average range for IQ when I was in second grade, and always was smart, even though a lazy student. For instance my
SAT's, which were in the 1100's, reflected my above average intelligence.

And this was factoring in my OCD symptoms which made it hard
for me to concentrate in school. Possible link to possible BI at birth and concentration and overall learning problems? Could possible
BI have caused late onset damage? What about causing Schizo-Affective problems? I did have
some learning problems in high school and college. Concentration was bad, and it was hard for me to absorb and memorize. Now it's become
that much worse. Plus I was a lazy student and often didn't go to high school. In College I had other difficulties like
a botched chin augmentation operation which made it hard to focus one semester. I've had these symptoms NON-STOP for about 4 1/2 years.
and I have made some improvements, although not as much as I would like.

Cognitive Difficulties

-terrible short, short to long term memory. (struggle with reading retension, remembering clearly past events, and in general information.
I forget most of what I read and struggle with memorizing things from simple to complex. Past events seem like their in a fog.s)
-can't "think ahead" and get lost in middle of sentences
-learning deficit, (takes many times longer to learn new concepts and sometimes I never learn them)
-fogginess of thought (this varies from day to day, but I feel like I'm in a haze of sorts.)
-head feels like it's filled with concrete. Feels that only a small part of my brain is in use.
-feels like brain damage. I feel like neurons are dead but don't know if this is so.
-feel cognitively blocked. Like something is blocking me from thinking and feeling. Again feel really in a fog.

Mood and other physical symptom difficulties

-anhedonia (I feel unemotional and uninspired. Nothing is fun or interesting anymore. Very rarely do I enjoy something.)
-feel flat which is different, I think, from flat affect.
-feel blank mentally (like few thoughts are going through my head at given moment)
-feel like a copy of a copy sometimes
-feel 2 dimensional (often feel like a robot)
-low libido, (often can't ejaculate)
-for a while had decrease in vision.(got better)
-little to no alcohol effect (I find this bizarre)
-brain supplements and psychotropic drugs don't seem to work, (at least not well.)
-feel disconnected from senses and often reality (don't feel like I'm getting the whole human experience.)
-lots of anxiety!
-often feel lightheaded and feel faint. (This is a scary feeling and it used to be much worse especially when talking to people I would
sort of zone out.)
-no energy most of the time (feel really run down and terrible)
-sometimes feel lightheaded like I'm going to faint, (almost did once. Doesn't seem like schizo-affective to me!)
-general intense uncomfortability (which is somewhat different than feeling anxious imo)
-few thoughts in head at one time (can't stress this enough)
-feel faint buzz in my ear (used to be louder)
-several times, although not recently I started fixating on dirt and patterns on wall. This is followed by voices, but it's my thoughts
being spoken through other's mouths. so it's not like the older voices I heard. (This is a weird phenomenon and concept.)
-weird dreams that happen ALOT, where I feel brain damaged in them.
-feel often feverish but this maybe due to the flatness and uncomfortability, don't know. (I don't actually have a fever.)



Panic symptoms

-whole chest gets warm
-heart pounds
-a couple of times I got the terrible sensation of my whole brain dying. I got tunnel vision, everything went darker and felt like some
force was trying to kill my brain. Hard to describe but very painful, and very scary.


what about electromagnetic radiation poisoning from cell phones? What about a dual diagnosis? My current Psychiatrist, who once told me
I had Schizo-Affective Disorder, now says do to the fact that I no longer hear voices, or have delusions, thinks maybe I have symptoms of a
mood disorder. But such a RAPID decrease in memory and cognition over a 2 month period doesn't seem like this is a mood disorder,
but maybe something neurological? Do you think the cognitive problems and panic attacks are related? It doesn't feel like a mood disorder.
In the last month my flatness has gotten worse while my cognitive problems have remained stable and maybe better. But I it's almost
impossible to learn hard stuff and don't' think I could go back to school now. What about testing for medical conditions? mention possible
brain injury at birth.

[Bev R]

have you considered an assessment of yor visual processing skills. You would need to see an optometrist who works in behavioural vision care. If problems are found you could end up with spectacles for specific purpose use and rehabilitation with vision therapy.
Bev R