add*a*girl
02-07-2009, 08:37 PM
hi all i,n new here.i,m sorry for all your losses.
my mom died on dec.17 about a month and a half.she had conjestive heart failure.we all thought she would die 2 yrs ago.we finally got her home(asisted living) but you must be able to care for yourself in your apt.
once home she told me"i`ll tell you when i need to go to the hospital ever again"
she always wonderd why GOD kept her alive.she was a stubern lil thing.no help except familyit was just me and my brother.he stayed away and i still don,t know why.
to make a long story short i wound up just about moving in.(i am 56 with my hubby of 31 yrs,5 children,5 grandchildren) so i had my life.
this is what hurts.there we,re times i wanted my life back how could i ever feel like that.it was always just me and mom dad was a violent alkaholic.
we used to say we party at nite.it was a ritual put the phone to bed lock the door get in nighties(at the end she wore them every day after each tubby)
we had our own shows etc. she went to 67lbs and never missed a thought.
her mind never went.
the time came dec 16th she said the dreded words so we cleaned up.
she did not want hospice at home nor would she come live with me.
that nite she was out so i went home.came back she had a room.when the priest came in he talked to her very loud even though she was comatosesd
i asked him why so loud he said the hearing was the last to go.
so i just about climbed in bed with her.kissed her all over her fase talking loud in her ear then i said ;well its just you and me again mom.then she was gone
now i have a huge whole in my heart now.i keep going over why didnt i put water on her lips sooner.why didnt i blow a kis when they took her in the ambulance why why why screams in my soul never did i think i would feel like this my heart is broken forever.i just want to talk one more time,i know it was herd caring for her.i have multiple sclerosis that didnt help then or now
sorry so long.im having a flood gate open right noww thanks for listening to this long post bless you all in your pain
my mom died on dec.17 about a month and a half.she had conjestive heart failure.we all thought she would die 2 yrs ago.we finally got her home(asisted living) but you must be able to care for yourself in your apt.
once home she told me"i`ll tell you when i need to go to the hospital ever again"
she always wonderd why GOD kept her alive.she was a stubern lil thing.no help except familyit was just me and my brother.he stayed away and i still don,t know why.
to make a long story short i wound up just about moving in.(i am 56 with my hubby of 31 yrs,5 children,5 grandchildren) so i had my life.
this is what hurts.there we,re times i wanted my life back how could i ever feel like that.it was always just me and mom dad was a violent alkaholic.
we used to say we party at nite.it was a ritual put the phone to bed lock the door get in nighties(at the end she wore them every day after each tubby)
we had our own shows etc. she went to 67lbs and never missed a thought.
her mind never went.
the time came dec 16th she said the dreded words so we cleaned up.
she did not want hospice at home nor would she come live with me.
that nite she was out so i went home.came back she had a room.when the priest came in he talked to her very loud even though she was comatosesd
i asked him why so loud he said the hearing was the last to go.
so i just about climbed in bed with her.kissed her all over her fase talking loud in her ear then i said ;well its just you and me again mom.then she was gone
now i have a huge whole in my heart now.i keep going over why didnt i put water on her lips sooner.why didnt i blow a kis when they took her in the ambulance why why why screams in my soul never did i think i would feel like this my heart is broken forever.i just want to talk one more time,i know it was herd caring for her.i have multiple sclerosis that didnt help then or now
sorry so long.im having a flood gate open right noww thanks for listening to this long post bless you all in your pain