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add*a*girl
02-07-2009, 08:37 PM
hi all i,n new here.i,m sorry for all your losses.

my mom died on dec.17 about a month and a half.she had conjestive heart failure.we all thought she would die 2 yrs ago.we finally got her home(asisted living) but you must be able to care for yourself in your apt.
once home she told me"i`ll tell you when i need to go to the hospital ever again"
she always wonderd why GOD kept her alive.she was a stubern lil thing.no help except familyit was just me and my brother.he stayed away and i still don,t know why.
to make a long story short i wound up just about moving in.(i am 56 with my hubby of 31 yrs,5 children,5 grandchildren) so i had my life.
this is what hurts.there we,re times i wanted my life back how could i ever feel like that.it was always just me and mom dad was a violent alkaholic.
we used to say we party at nite.it was a ritual put the phone to bed lock the door get in nighties(at the end she wore them every day after each tubby)
we had our own shows etc. she went to 67lbs and never missed a thought.
her mind never went.
the time came dec 16th she said the dreded words so we cleaned up.
she did not want hospice at home nor would she come live with me.

that nite she was out so i went home.came back she had a room.when the priest came in he talked to her very loud even though she was comatosesd
i asked him why so loud he said the hearing was the last to go.


so i just about climbed in bed with her.kissed her all over her fase talking loud in her ear then i said ;well its just you and me again mom.then she was gone
now i have a huge whole in my heart now.i keep going over why didnt i put water on her lips sooner.why didnt i blow a kis when they took her in the ambulance why why why screams in my soul never did i think i would feel like this my heart is broken forever.i just want to talk one more time,i know it was herd caring for her.i have multiple sclerosis that didnt help then or now
sorry so long.im having a flood gate open right noww thanks for listening to this long post bless you all in your pain

Buttons2
02-07-2009, 10:16 PM
I haven't lost either of my parents yet,so can't possilby know your pain. However I wanted to welcome you to BT & I truly hope you will feel at home here. There are many supportive & understanding people here.

The MS forum is very active,I hope you'll join them & become part of their "family".

I also want to invite you to join in on the Emotional Support forum,there are other's there that have had recent or past loss of family members.

I think it's good to write down your thoughts. You had no way of knowing it was the end! Please cherish the memories & try really hard not to beat yourself up over "could have's". Your mother knew you loved her & that's what counts.

(((((gentle hugs from a stranger))))

add*a*girl
02-08-2009, 02:43 PM
thank you so much for the welcome:)
when i said no one understands i really know people do. and feel the hurt.
but everyone around thinks i should be over my grief because my mom was sick so long.
good to be here
girl

Buttons2
02-08-2009, 05:25 PM
Girl please try to ignore people that tell you to "get over it". Not only is that insensitive,it's just plain cruel in my opinion. I've lost a few family members & it took me 2 years to finally accept my BIL's death. We all grieve in our own way,it's very personal & only what is in our own heart.

Some people may feel since your mother was ill for so long that you had already been grieving. Just because someone has a terminal illness doesn't lessen the pain when they do pass on.

In fact I think it may worsen it....knowing there is nothing you can do to keep them here.

Is there no one in your life that understands? You need a real hug from someone in your life now,plus a shoulder to cry on. And do let those tears flow.....

Not everyone here on BT will notice this thread (or try to avoid it for their own personal grief). So please introduce yourself on Emotional Support thread & I just know you'll be engulfed with cyber hugs & understanding.

Take care as best you can right now (((hugs)))

jess2002
02-11-2009, 03:58 AM
Welcome to bt I am so sorry for your loss. Jess