Leealle

[houghchrst]

Lee how good to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time to respond and check up on me. So far so good. I am sitting here in hot rollers after just coloring my hair because I have a wedding to go to. I can't remember the last time I put in hot rollers and got to dress up so for now I am distracted and have only happy thoughts and am managing not to stress too much, except about making it to the church on time. The bf is gone and has to take a shower still lol.

Yes sometimes I get so tired and I know that if I just get through that moment it passes it is just that with this particular problem it really hit me hard, one of my worst fears. I don't know if you read on the Emotional Forum about my son but he has started using, lightly but using nonetheless and he will soon be reaching an age where it will be out of my hands. HE is high risk genetically and mentally, bipolar and other mental issues and though his entire life he has been told he is high risk he has been using anyway. Mostly out of loneliness for his friends who took that route and experimentation. One big deterrent for me is I don't want to be a hypocrite lol.

So I go through my days from moment to moment, some with tears and prayers, some with sleep and some like you said, vegetative lol.

Thanks for checking on me. Let me know how you are doing, I haven't heard from you in a while and I am such a scatterbrain I do a lousy job of checking on people, one of my major downfalls.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

I tried to email you back but well you know.

[Leeaelle]

Hi Christina ~

Yes, I read your post in the Emotional Support forum, and believe me I know what you're going thru. While my son doesn't use drugs, he's an alcoholic just like his Mom and Dad. I've tried to cram it in his head since his childhood that he was pre-disposed to it, since my grandparents were, my parents were, and of course myself and his father were alcoholics. I even had him in rehab at 19, but of course back then I didn't know much about this and he went for ME, not for himself. So of course it didn't work!!!

So I know you have sleepless nights, worry yourself sick, etc. I joined Al-Anon so I could learn how to deal with it ~ and Christina it was the BEST thing I could do for myself. I learned that there isn't a THING I can do about it. I know your son is a minor, but STILL ~ you can't stop him if he's hell-bent on using. And all you'll do is make yourself crazy and put your OWN sobriety at risk.

I don't mean to just "forget him" but stop obsessing. It hasn't done you any good so-far, has it? It won't help by worrying yourself sick anymore either. I HAD to stop cause it was making me nuts, and I was on the verge of drinking again ~ and I couldn't let him do that to me. Sure your son is a minor but he still doesn't have the right to put you thru this ~ and he KNOWS how this affects you. All you can do, you've DONE. If this is what he chooses after what you've shown him and after what he's lived, then there's nothing else you can do. You are GUILT FREE. You can't do ANY MORE short of locking him up for the next 5 years. LOL. Give yourself a break and live YOUR life for YOU ~ not for him. It's up to him now to make an informed choice. You've given him the tools and plenty of them. I care about you sweetie ~ I don't want you to make yourself sick. God bless!! Love & hugs, Lee