where IS everyone?

[yoyo_girl]

i'm liking the private messaging, but I am concerned that maybe most people do that instead of posting maybe? I know some people never came back after the crash.

where is everyone else? Waves? Anna? nanc? bobbi? highhat?

calling all bpers...

[Jaye]

Seems like i saw some of those names in Neurotalk (just Google "neurotalk bipolar" without the quotes). PM me if you have difficulty. If there is a rule here against naming that forum, I am unable to find it. I think the value of reuniting you with your support network far outweighs the hazard of me violating a rule.

Blessings,
Jaye

[yoyo_girl]

i am well aware of that forum. I'm not going. I miss a lot of people here, but this is my home.

[yoyo_girl]

ok. Now I *know* I am racing. I can't do anything about it until after the weekend. I'll just have to be careful and keep it leashed in as much as possible.


Buzz buzz buzz buzz.... :D:D

i think it's stress...probably stress... i'm facing some big hurdles...HEY! Hurdles rhymes with Girdles! :D:D:D Anyway, I am facing some big stuff... and i can't afford to fall flat right now. It would be better to risk becoming more hypomanic than to have that happen. It's theanxiety/anticipation around these hurdle-girdles that is making me all wacky.

ever notice how when things are intense for some reason the songs on the radio seem to all be about whatever you're thinking about?

why is it color seems so much more brilliant now? I just had a coffee with a friend and it was the BEST COFFEE EVER. WHy is that?

[bizi]

Dear Yo yo girl,
I want to say something to you and please don't get me wrong.
If you are getting hypo then you have got try not to get too deeply into your past. When we get this excited...at least from my experience...
I am easily vulnerable.
I hit on one of my professors in collage because he listened to me.
*bizi shaking her head....
anyway...I can see you becoming overly dependant on this therapist.
Just be careful
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[Bdix30]

I'm here :)

hypo actually sounds tempting in a way right now. I am dragging SOOOO bad! My poor son is in a mixed cycle right now. Dagnabbit winter :(

I've decided Im not going anywhere either. I care about our bunch a lot, but it just doesn't feel right.

So whats your gameplan with the racing? Have you called the doc yet?

(((hugs)))

[waves]

It's great to see you! :)

If your h/mania starts to escalate please call in to your pdoc right away, or if you have meds already for intervening please take them. High roller coastering is to be avoided at this juncture. If already you can't concentrate, head races, disorganized... call the doc.

Ironically, i am happy to see you hypomanic: I can relate to how after feeling rottener than rotten a little zingyzing feels better than ever.

But best your bipolar bear :D stay kenneled right now, if possible. While you have the high, try to channel it positively, buy yourself a pot of daisies, catch up on some things, ... you know - do practical things to try stay out of trouble.

stay OFF the caffeine. OFF. No tea, no coke, no chocolate, no coffee yogurt or icecream or anything. limit your sugar.

hugs

~ waves ~ from across the ocean

p.s. I am here. At BrainTalk. Neurotalk is another kettle of fish.

[yoyo_girl]

off caffeine? don't talk that way in front of my coffee!! :eek: No. Just no. I don't do drugs, i don't smoke and I rarely drink... well, ok i do drink more lately BUT I will not give up my one sin. there... ppppfffftttt :p

you're right bizi... i see it too. i can't help it. there are really powerful reasons this is happening... things I can't explain here because it could identify me. Peeling the lid off, looking for those personal demons happened so fast... I never expected this... but I was almost instantly back in a very precarious mindset. This isn't something I have a choice over right now. :( :(

the good part is that i do see, i have brought it up with him already. He understood instantly what I was getting at. i connect with him very well. The way I see it right now is that I have to worry about that dependence later... right now I have other unavoidable issues and I need him for those, and right now.

unlike before, THIS guy is highly trained... a full blown psychologist PHD. He is very intuitive, gentle and seems to actually give a crap. I don't feel as psychologically threatened in his hands at this point.

i recognize that i am in a bad mental space.. and that the past that I am reliving drove me into suicidal depression and strong hypomania. But with or without him, the cat is out of the bag now. Nothing I can do to stop that train... so I feel better with him.

the dependence also relates to the extreme fear and self confidence issues i have. i have to do some scary things right now and I need to feel he has my back in a way.

the panic over him the other night was never about him really, but he is a powerful symbol for me.

there... insightful enough yet?

yeah hypo feels pretty freakin good right now. it let up a bit today. i had to stick to a schedule and that helped keep me in line more.

no, haven't called the pdoc yet. he has told me what to do when it acts up and i think i could handle that. i may call him if it gets worse or lasts too long. More likely though is I am about to add an intense dose of anxiety to the mix. That will SUCK. I am something to see when I am both hypo and extremely anxious.

i am afraid.

notice the time this was posted... dang.

[yoyo_girl]

oh one other thing... here it sits: I am dependent right now on some people who are not doing right by me. I am dependent on people who are not caring about the damage they are doing to my soul. The idea is, my idea anyway, is to switch the dependency in the short term to someone who does care and has the training to help me and nurture my low confidence and esteem. He becomes a surrogate of sorts, as a parent, lover, friend.... but not in the physical sense.

my anxieties about seeing him, the panic about him not being there, are because I know i have become extrordinarily vulnerable... like your example with the prof. If I had any sense he were in any way deviant I'd run... because, quite frankly, if he hit on me I'd probably have sex with him then and there.

oh yeah. i am pretty sure i see the reality of where i am at.

[bizi]

hugs to you dear girl....
(((((HUGS))))
bizi