Tuesday ** Terrified, Poss. Triggers**

[resqgirl911]

Today is sunny here but chilly. I have began to have anxiety at work because we have had a lot of mental health consults. The intake counselor stares at my arms but doesn't say anything. I have seen how people can be treated in ERs when they have mental health issues, and it makes me terrified to ever get help if I need it. I am a healthcare professional, and shouldn't feel that way, but I am truly terrified. I was the same way when we had clinicals at the inpatient mental health facility. At that time I was suicidal and cutting, and I was terrified to end up there. It seems like there are professionals out there that don't want to help. They catagorize the patient as being "whiny" or "faking" to get money and attention. It really scares me to know that if I need confidential help from another professional that it won't be there, they will cause me to lose my job, and my medical insurance. I really don't know that I want to go to a doctor once I move out just because of that.

[KellyC]

((((Resq)))) I am sorry you are having thoughts like this. I can't be of much help, only to say I know what you are going through because I have been there. I was treated poorly on my last visit to the ER for mental health issues. I was having a hard time sleeping, and hadn't slept in almost 2 days prior. I was so sluggish that they were sure I was doing some sort of drugs. They ran a tox screen on me and everything. I was eventually admitted to the hospital but it was a nightmare. I will tell you that since I have an advocate, every time I have a mental health issue and have to get help, I am treated with the utmost respect. It may make a difference if you take someone with you to the doctor/hospital/ when you can and do reach out for help. I have seen the difference and it is tremendous. Don't let this stop you from getting help, because I really and truly am worried about you, and have been for some time now. Like I said, the best advice I can give, is take a friend or someone you trust with you that can help advocate for you. This has been the change for me in the last 1 1/2 years. I have had an advocate and it looks really bad on their parts if they treat you bad with someone with you. Just a suggestion.... I really do care and want to see you get the help you need. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and getting help is the first step. I will say that it takes a very strong person to admit, even on here, that they need help, and I admire you for that. Hang in there, hun!

[resqgirl911]

The thing is I don't need anyone else to go with me. Its my business and everyone I know would go spreading it around. I am just having to sit on seeing anyone till I get moved out. I will have the money after working double time Christmas Eve/ Day so that will be almost a two week paycheck and I will have my paid per call from the FD. I just have to have the motivation and courage to pack and get out. I need help packing, but my parents won't help for sure. They will try everything short of chaining me to the bed to keep me here.

[Linda25]

(((hugs))) Resqugirl

I'm sorry you are feeling terrified and in distress. When I was in my 20's I too was terrified that I was "going crazy" and didn't want anybody to know what I was going thru. I was afraid any visits to a psychiatrists or counselors were going to go onto some kind of permanent record that would keep me from getting a government job (what I wanted)

A lot of people have these concerns, but fortunately most of these worries are myths or just plain misinformation:

1. Having even severe depression, severe anxiety, brief hallucinations or voices, suicidal thoughts and cutting does NOT mean you are "going crazy" or becoming permanently psychotic. It is common for very depressed people to have psychotic symptoms - that does not mean you are schizophrenic.

2. Going to psychiatrists, even for 30 years (as I have) and going into a psychiatric hospital voluntarily will not go on any state or government permanent record. - they are private medical records - doubly protected now by HIPPA rules.

3. If you actually have a lethal suicide attempt (shoot yourself with a gun or take a MASSIVE overdose of pills that requires hospital intervention) the worst that will happen to you is that you will not be able to buy a gun and you may have to spend a short INVOLUNTARY amount of time in a psyc. hospital - like a week or 2- you will NOT lose your RN license.

Now if you try to kill somebody else - then you could lose your license, but I don't think you have ever indicated that you are a violent person or have any plans to kill someone.

4. No psyc. professional is going to put you in a hospital against your will, report you or cause you to lose your lisence due to cutting. you could be sent to a hospital if the cutting is so severe that you almost bleed to death or you sever tendons and arteries.

5. Basically the ONLY way you are going to lose your RN license is to commit a violent crime or threat against another person - and even that could be appealed if you are found to be "mentally incompetent" at the time of the threat.

6. The Americans With Disabilities act protects workers with mental illness - there is a lot more protection and tolerance for people with depression and anxiety today than there was in the past.

7. A doctor or therapist is most likely not going to "spread it around" that you are a patient of his/hers - they would be risking their own license for breaking confidentiality - why would they do that?

Your suffering is so intense, there is no reason to wait till you move away from your parents - in fact, I think they are a big part of your problem. Maybe you could see a therapist/doctor who doesn't practice in the area of the hospital you work at (like the next town over).

Don't wait until you feel you HAVE to go to an ER for help, go now.

I DID go to an ER for help when I was feeling very suicidal and was treated very well. They evaluated me and had me go to a psychiatric hospital voluntarily - it was a strange, but good experience, I felt relieved to be in the hospital and didn't have to worry about anything. I was embarrased because I knew one of the workers there and was afraid she would judge me, but she was very kind, and when she saw me socially months later, she never mentioned it to me or anyone else.

I was a social worker and now I'm a suicide/crisis worker and none of my psyc. history has ever been used to take away my work privelidges or graduate degree or certifications

good luck to you, please get help - you deserve it

love,
Linda25

[Singing]

Dear Resq ~

I think Linda25 has said it very well.

I too think your parents are a great deal of the problem and their doing anything short of chaining you to the bed is one big indication.

Sometime, much as I've hated to admit it, I've had to get the help I needed to get on the right track and was very glad I did.

Sending a warm hug to you...

Renee