Someone please tell me not to worry!!

[wheeliebird]

My advocate Samantha was here today. She works for an agency that helps people and it covers a big part of VA. She found out today that a co worker's sister was in a bad accident and he has to take 12 weeks off to care for her. He covers an area of VA that's a good distance from here and Samantha might/rather most likely will be covering his clients which would mean someone would get her clients, including me! I know it wouldn't be the end of the world and it wouldn't be forever but when someone is with you an hour at a time 3x a week and who knows practically everything about you it's a little hard to hear you might not have contact with them during that time!! I would have someone else but it won't be the same. Samantha knows me inside and out, if I'm upset or sad she picks up on it right away, I can't hide anything from her, its as if she has a radar to my feelings before I do!!! LOL I feel comfortable talking to her about anything!!! I'm trying to think positive here, she may not go but I'm so afraid she'll come tomorrow and say it will be our last visit for 3 months. Don't get me wrong my Prayers go out to her co worker's sister and I Pray for him to, to get through this but I wish there were someone else they could send besides Samantha. I'm sorry if I sound selfish but Samantha is more like a friend to me then someone who just gets paid to be with me!! Thanks for letting me get this out, it helps me to pound on these keys and type it out!!! Tomorrow afternoon I'll find out!!

[Ladybug]

I'm sure it will be just fine, honestly. Samantha knows you well and whether she can be with you or not, she sounds like the kind of person that knows you well enough tomake sure you are taken care of and I'm sure that is exactly what she will do. So don't worry, either nothing will change or maybe you will get a temporary advocate that will totally surprise you and be off the charts. Let us know when things are sorted out. She's probably more worried about it than you are.

[wheeliebird]

Thank you Ladybug. I know its weighing heavy on her mind too. She has about 8 or 9 of us and to start with a whole new bunch who she has never met before I know can't be easy. I know the person who would be taking her place and she is nice and will be a good advocate for me I'm trying my hardest not to be to upset so that she doesn't feel worse then she already does. Ladybug, I have to tell you I love your username because that's Samantha's nickname for me!! :) BTW...how did you come up with your username, I love it!! :) Thank you for your kind words, and words of encouragement. I'm ready to head for bed as its 12:30am here and I'm tired.

[Paul from Australia]

Hey Robin.

Samantha sounds wonderful. Can we have her :D

If it seems that she will be gone for a while, then we need to look at the positive side and that is that she will be back later on :)

I am sure that she will have a couple of shadow shifts with the new person so that she can fill the new person in regarding your specific needs etc.

Robin, it will work out for the good. You just wait and see.

With love,

Paul, Alison and Grant.

[Carly'sMa]

Robin,

It is great that Samantha knows you so well. But, it's a good idea to have a number people who know you well. That way, if one gets sick or can't be there, there is someone else who can substitute who knows you, too. Maybe this is an opportunity to increase that circle of people who will know you and can be available to you.

[Denae]

((((Robin))))))

I know exactly how you feel. Rileys nurse, Angela, was like that. She was the only person from the agency that I trusted 100% and could leave Ri with and not worry.. I hated it when she had to take off, and hated it even more that they wouldn't let her work her overtime hours with Ri (Ri got 50 hours a week of care) but they would let her go to another home.

I hope that Samantha doesn't have to go anywhere!!!

[skigirl1689]

I know exactly how you feel, I had the same issue with substitute aides. But usually it was fine when I got to know the person and realized I was capable of communicate my needs to the person and they did fine taking care of me. I think we just fear the unknown, not knowing what is going to happen is the worse. Trust me, whatever happens, it will be ok in the end, it always works out somehow. Now if I could take my own advice:rolleyes:

[Lauren88]

((Robin)) Ditto what everyone else has said - I think it is a good idea to get to know a number of people in a similar way so they can substitute, like Deb says, and Samantha does sound like the kind of person who will put her all into getting the right person for you and filling them in as much as she can, but I know it doesn't take your anxiety away. I like the idea of the new person shadowing Samantha a couple of times to ease the transition - that's what my old social worker did with me and my new one. In addition to that, do you have an e-mail address or other contact with Samantha so if you are feeling stressed you could send her a message and get it off your chest?
I know it's hard, but I also know that you are a wonderful, strong woman and will be a pleasure for the newbie to have! When is she due to start, if she does?

Hugs

[wheeliebird]

Thanks everyone, and like you said Paul it won't be forever!!! Her and I just click and we have great times together!! The person who's taking her place she's filled in for Samantha while she's been on vacation and I know her. She's great and I know she'll do a good job but it's just a matter of missing Samantha. Deborah, I hear you too and I know its good for someone else to know me also!!! Anyway, she'll be here in about 1 1/2 hour so I'll let you know what she said!! I know this isn't easy for her either so I'm going to try and be as possitive as possible when she comes!! :)

[lacyndarella]

I want to say what others have said too...you need more than one aid you can trust 100%. I am sure it will only be temporary and will work out. She is being very up front with you. Try not to worry. But the truth is, I would be a little scared too, if I were you. It is a scary situation, needing to give up someone you trust for someone you don't know. Know that you have us all here to talk to about it if you need. Chin up, Robin. All will be well.

[wheeliebird]

Well Samantha came this afternoon and yes she will be leaving me, and I'll have someone else, the news is even grimmer her boss told her she's not sure what will happen after the 12 weeks are up, she may get her old clients back or they may move her to a different area!! :( My heart is really heavy tonight with saddness. Why do I let myself get so close to people like this?? Why wasn't she this meanie, but instead she has the kindest most understanding person. The next group of clients she gets will be so lucky to have her. I'm not setting my hopes to high that I'll get her back because if I don't I won't come crashing down. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how the afternoon went. Tracy my friend thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder today, I Love You!!

[Paul from Australia]

Dear Robin,

Is it possible for Samantha to request that she works with you again? If she is in the area, that should be possible surely. We know things will work out positively for you.

With our love.

Paul, Alison and Grant.

Well Samantha came this afternoon and yes she will be leaving me, and I'll have someone else, the news is even grimmer her boss told her she's not sure what will happen after the 12 weeks are up, she may get her old clients back or they may move her to a different area!! :( My heart is really heavy tonight with saddness. Why do I let myself get so close to people like this?? Why wasn't she this meanie, but instead she has the kindest most understanding person. The next group of clients she gets will be so lucky to have her. I'm not setting my hopes to high that I'll get her back because if I don't I won't come crashing down. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how the afternoon went. Tracy my friend thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder today, I Love You!!

[Denae]

((((oh no))))))

Robin, I am so sorry.. My heart is broken for you. I know that feeling too well. Do you know that Riley has only asked Santa for Miss Angela back..

I wish I was close enough to come help out.. want to move to Winston-Salem???

[wheeliebird]

Paul, I don't think Samantha can request me because that would be showing favortism and I think they frown on that.

Denae, Right about now I feel like running away, maybe I'll run there!!! :) Come to think of it, when my parents were researching the area before I moved here I think they were researching Winston-Salem.

[Lauren88]

((Robin)) :( I am so sorry to hear that! I can see their point possibly about favouritism, but equally Samantha knows you and they wouldn't have to set you up with a new person so surely that would be more efficient?
Anyway I know bureaucracies' policies don't always follow logic so ((hugs)) anyway. I'm sure you mean an awful lot to Samantha though and I'm sure she will do her best to continue her relationship with you on a personal level as friends even though she isn't assigned to you anymore. Were you able to ask if she had an e-mail address or phone no or anything you could have to keep her posted on how you're doing?
I know it will be hard to adjust though. It does make us kind of vulnerable when we have helpers in our lives, often many days a week, and build up relationships with them, and then we have to separate. I know the feeling very well with one of my best friends/PAs at uni - I dread the day she leaves too. ((hugs))
Hang in there and we are here for you!

[wheeliebird]

Thank you Lauren!!! :)

Well I went to my volunteer job today, still feeling sad, but at least not bawling. I came home and got a call from Samantha's replacement saying she's coming on Monday afternoon to go over goals and what we're going to be working on. I was fine on the phone, held it together, hung up, and yep the water works started again but at least for only a couple of minutes this time and pulled myself together. I Pray after I get the first initial visit over with her replacement then I can move on and not feel so sad, I'm Praying, not holding my breath but Praying!! I do know this person she's filled in for my case worker, someone who's a step above thier position, and she's seen me upset before so I know she'll understand if I do get upset, but Praying I don't. I want to share with you a letter I e-mailed Samantha last night.


As I type this e-mail I'm thinking, why couldn't I have had my computer in front of me today when I was a blubbering somebody when I was trying to talk to you. For some reason I can type my feelings out better then trying to express them verbally. Samantha, I truly didn't want our last time to be like that, I wanted to be having a good time and laughing not bawling like I was a blubbering idiot!! I was trying to look out for your feelings also, I couldn't imagine being told in one days notice that I'm getting a whole new group of clients. I really did value our times together and will truly miss you. You showed me that life is what you make it and the love and guidance that you showed me will be etched in my brain for a lifetime!! I wish you all the luck in the world whatever life brings you. Your new clients wil be very lucky to get you.

I Love You my friend,

Robin

When I said, I wish you all the luck in the world whatever life brings you. I said that because I didn't want to seem as though I wasn't preasuring her into seeing me, know what I mean?? I truly believe with time and after she gets adjusted to her new clients she'll be in touch. I know her and I think she wants to give me time to adjust to her not being around.

[Denae]

don't think Samantha can request me because that would be showing favortism and I think they frown on that

you are right.. DO you know thats why our case manager took Anglea from us? she said she had gotten too close to us. Tell me how someone can spent hours a day (10) with you and not start to care? If they didn't I wouldn't want them helping me!

I pray that Samantha will still be able to come back to you..

and hey- if you decide to move W-S is a nice big city with public transportation and even better that that... US!!!!


- you were posting at the same time I was... your letter to Sam is beautiful and very heart felt..

((((dear Robin)))) I am an emotional wrreck right now and it just brings me to tears for you.. You have come so far and are so strong.. you deserve the best..

[wheeliebird]

DO you know thats why our case manager took Anglea from us? she said she had gotten too close to us. Tell me how someone can spent hours a day (10) with you and not start to care?

Denae, how long did it take you to get over and to get used to Anglea not being there everyday?? I mean I know Samantha wasn't with me 10 hours a day, but the time she was with me were spent talking about things I would never share with my Mother!!! :p :D It was things you would share with a close friend or sister. And the laughs we had and the understanding she has about my disability is why I'm taking it so hard I guess!!! And I'm sorry, I'm sure you guys are getting sick of reading about this, but I find it theraputic pounding on these keys and getting it all out!! So dear Denae, you truly know how I'm feeling!!!

[KellyC]

Robin,
I sent you a private message. Check your box. Sorry I'm late chiming in, but I have been a little out of commission mentally myself this week. I have been there too, and there's a similar person in my life. ((((Robin)))

[wheeliebird]

Kelly, I got your PM and will respond tomorrow as its 12:30am and for the last 2 nights I've been throwing "all night parties" where I haven't been sleeping and laying awake all night, believe me I didn't want to lie awake all night bt just couldn't sleep so I'm going to go to bed now. I'll get back with you tomorrow. Thanks for your support!!