wallyw1
11-25-2008, 01:58 PM
Hi Group,
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
Here is a part of a letter that Wally has been writing to his Gram Marjie. At this point he has been working on the letter oner a year and it is about 65 pages long. Before this letter, we didn't know anything about synesthesia and didn't know that Wally had it.
Wally's Dad, Wally's Mom, and Wally,
11/10/08
Wally, how are you doing today?
TERRIFIC. READ ME THE BOOK THAT I READ EARLIER. THE PIECE ON SYNESTHESIA.
Do you want me to read this to you now before we work on Gram’s letter?
YES. I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO MY LETTER TO GRAM.
The book is: A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES by Diane Ackerman. The chapter on SYNESTHESIA.
Wally, did you get anything out of this chapter now that I have read it to you?
NOTE: Add this conversation between Wally and Dad to Gram’s letter AS PER Wally’s request.
YES, I PERHAPS AM LIKE THE PEOPLE WRITTEN ABOUT IN THIS CHAPTER. I NEED TO DO CERTAIN THINGS BEFORE I WRITE. FOR EXAMPLE, I MUST BE ASKED HOW I AM, OR I MUST NOT EAT TOO MUCH BEFORE I WRITE. THINKING ABOUT THE PART OF THE CHAPTER ON THE INFANT THAT MAURER WROTE IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF WHAT I WAS EXPERIENCING BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE. ONCE COMMUNICATING, I WAS ABLE TO GET MY MODALITIES OF SENSATION SEPARATED AND WORKING PROPERLY TO RELATE TO MY BRAIN THE CORRECT SINGLE SENSATION THAT EACH WAS INTENDED TO REPORT.
I KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR WORLD BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE BECAUSE MY SENSES WERE MIXED UP. PERHAPS MY LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WORLD HAD THE EFFECT ON MY SENSES OF CONFINING EACH OF THEM TO THEIR INTENDED JOB. IN ADDITION, I WONDER IF MY LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE AND LEARNING TO USE LANGUAGE AS YOU DO HAD SOME EFFECT ON MY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR MY SENSES TO NOW WORK AS THEY SHOULD?
WHEN I THINK BACK TO MY INFANCY, THE DESCRIPTION IN THIS CHAPTER OF HOW AN INFANT’S SENSES ARE BLENDED AND THUS SUPPLYING THE BRAIN WITH MIXED SIGNALS WHEN ENCOUNTERING THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF HIS MIND IS EXACTLY WHAT I REMEMBER MY PERCEPTIONS OF YOUR WORLD TO BE. I HAD THIS MIXING OF MY SENSATIONS FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER BACK TO THE TIME IN UTERO. I STILL HAVE THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA AS AN ADULT, HOWEVER, MY FIVE SENSES ARE OPERATING IN A NORMAL FASHION NOW BUT WHEN THE SENSORY SIGNALS REACH MY BRAIN IS WHERE LIES THE PROBLEM. THE SIGNAL FROM MY EARS STIMULATES THE VISUAL AREA OF MY BRAIN AS WELL AS THE AUDITORY PART OF MY BRAIN FOR EXAMPLE, DELIVERING TO MY MIND BOTH AUDITORY AND VISUAL STIMULATION. THE SAME TYPE OF THING HAPPENS WHEN I SEE SOMETHING. I SENSE WHAT EVER MY EYES SEE, BUT I ALSO WILL HAVE ACCOMPANYING TACTILE SENSATIONS. IN OTHER WORDS IF I SEE SOMETHING, MY MIND, IN ADDITION TO VISUALIZING THE OBJECT I SEE, WILL ALSO EXPERIENCE PRESSURE ON SOME PART OF MY BODY. LOOKING AT MY OTHER SENSES WILL YIELD THE SAME TYPE OF DUALISM WHEN MY MIND INTERPRETS THE INCOMING SIGNALS FROM MY SENSORY SYSTEMS.
The following excerpt from the chapter, SYNESTHESIA, found in the book, A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES by Diane Ackerman is the information that Wally is referring to and wants to add to Gram’s letter:
“A creamy blur of succulent blue sound smells like week-old strawberries dropped onto a tin sieve as mother approaches in a halo of color, chatter, and a perfume like thick golden butterscotch. Newborns ride on intermingling waves of sight, sound, touch, taste, and, especially, smell. As Daphne and Charles Maurer remind us in The World of the Newborn:
His world smells to him much as our world smells to us, but he does not perceive odors as coming through his nose alone. He hears odors, and sees odors, and feels them too. His world is a melee of pungent aromas-and pungent sounds, and bitter-smelling sounds, and sweet-smelling sights, and sour-smelling pressures against the skin. If we could visit the newborn's world, we would think ourselves inside a hallucinogenic perfumery.
In time, the newborn learns to sort and tame all its sensory impressions, some of which have names, many of which will remain nameless to the end of its days. Things that elude our verbal grasp are hard to pin down and almost impossible to remember. A cozy blur in the nursery vanishes into the rigorous categories of common sense. But for some people, that sensory blending never quits, and they taste baked beans whenever they hear the word "Francis," as one woman reported, or see yellow on touching a matte surface, or smell the passage of time. The stimulation of one sense stimulates another: synesthesia is the technical name, from the Greek syn (together) + aisthanesthai(to perceive).”
WHILE DAD WAS READING THIS CHAPTER TO ME, I WAS ABLE TO PLACE MY MIND WITHIN THE WORDS THAT WERE WRITTEN BY THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK, DIANE ACKERMAN. WHEN, UPON HEARING THE CHAPTER READ TO ME, I TOLD MY IMPULSIVE WILL TO EXIT MY MIND BECAUSE I WANTED UNINTERRUPTED WORDS TO FLOW INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS. IF MY IMPULSIVE WILL WERE PRESENT WHILE MY MIND WAS ABSORBING THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THE CHAPTER, I COULD NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT WITH THE DEPTH THAT I WANTED. I REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE AT AS EARLY AN AGE AS POSSIBLE NOW THAT I HAVE READ AND HEARD THE INFORMATION PRESENTED BY ACKERMAN. EDUCATION WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH EASIER FOR ME HAD I READ THIS INFORMATION 35 OR 38 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS ATTENDING THE DAY PROGRAMS. I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD THE CHAPTER THEN, BUT WONDER IF THE PROFESSIONALS INVOLVED IN MY PROGRAMS WOULD HAVE REALIZED THE RELEVANCE OF ITS IMPLICATIONS IN MY CASE. I REALIZE NOW THAT THIS SYNESTHESIA WOULD NOT HAVE EXPLAINED MY AUTISM. HOWEVER, HAD I KNOWN ABOUT SYNESTHESIA AND ITS IMPLICATIONS I MIGHT HAVE, AT AN EARLY AGE, BEEN MORE ABLE TO RELATE TO PEOPLE, TO ASK BASIC QUESTIONS, TO HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF, AND TO HAVE BETTER UNDERSTOOD MY INTIMIDATION BY THE IMPULSIVE AUTISTIC WILL THAT RESIDES IN MY LIMBIC SYSTEM OR THE VERY PRIMITIVE PART OF MY BRAIN. HAD I KNOW ABOUT SYNESTHESIA WHEN I WAS A YOUNGSTER, WOULD I HAVE BEEN MORE WILLING TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD WHEN I MADE MY BRIEF VISITS?
WHEN I THINK BACK TO THE TIME BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE, I REMEMBER WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT THE WORKING OF THE RADIO. I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THE PHYSICS INVOLVED IN GETTING THE PERSON’S VOICE FROM A STUDIO IN ALBANY, NY TO TRAVEL THROUGH THE AIR WITHOUT WIRES TO A RADIO RECEIVER IN MY ROOM AND THEN TO MY EARS TO HEAR. I KNEW THIS AT AN EARLY AGE FROM READING THE BOOKS AND OTHER INFORMATION THAT WAS AVAILABLE TO ME. WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW AND ASKED DAD WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TO FC WITH MY QUESTION, “HOW DOES A RADIO WORK?” WAS HOW THE RADIO COULD INCLUDE THE WAVES OF VISIBLE LIGHT THAT I WOULD SEE WHEN I LISTENED TO CLASSICAL OR ANY TYPE OF MUSIC WITHOUT REQUIRING THE USE OF A SCREEN SIMILAR TO A TV. I DID NOT HAVE THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA WHEN I HEARD VOICES EMANATING FROM THE RADIO, TV, OR LIVE CONVERSATIONS. I DID NOT GET THE ANSWER FROM MY DAD THAT I WANTED BECAUSE AT THE TIME OF ASKING HIM THE QUESTION, I DIDN’T HAVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH TO CONVEY MY REAL QUESTION WHICH WAS ABOUT THE RADIO’S ABILITY TO TRANSMIT THE COLORS THAT I EXPERIENCED WHEN I HEARD THE MUSIC EMANATING FROM MY RADIO. I MUST ADD HERE THAT THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA ARE STILL PRESENT WHEN I HEAR MUSIC FROM ANY SOURCE ALTHOUGH THE SECONDARY MANIFESTATIONS I EXPERIENCE WILL VARY DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF MUSIC. THIS, AS WELL AS OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SENSORY SCRAMBLING THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL OF MY LIFE WERE ANSWERED FOR ME AS I LISTENED TO DAD READ THE CHAPTER ON SYNESTHESIA TO ME AGAIN FROM ACKERMAN’S BOOK. READING THE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION THAT DAD FOUND ON THE INTERNET WAS OF HELP, TOO, IN UNDERSTANDING THE CONDITION.
THE EXAMPLE THAT I GAVE EARLIER IN THIS LETTER ABOUT SEEING SHAPES OF VARIOUS TYPES WHEN I HEARD THE POLISH OR IRISH MUSIC IS IN REALITY WHAT I ENVISION WHEN I HEAR THIS NATIVE MUSIC. THE MUSIC I REFER TO WHEN I TELL OF THE COLORS BEING VISUALIZED IS CLASSICAL MUSIC, MUSIC OF BEETHOVEN, DVORAK, BACH, RIMSKY- KORSAKOV, OR OTHER CLASSICAL COMPOSERS. YOU REMEMBER THAT I MENTIONED SEEING SHAPES WHEN I LISTENED TO PAVAROTTI. OPERA DELIVERS SHAPES TO MY MIND. I WONDER IF THIS DIFFERENCE IN SECONDARY EXPERIENCES FROM DIFFERENT KINDS OF MUSIC HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY MENTAL FILING SYSTEM THAT I EMPLOY FOR THE VARIOUS TYPES OF MUSIC. MAY BE THAT THE CLASSICAL MUSIC IS STORED IN AN AREA NEAR A COLOR MAPPING PART OF MY BRAIN AND THE OPERA AND NATIVE POLISH AND IRISH IS STORED NEAR A PART OF MY BRAIN THAT DEALS WITH SHAPES. WHAT EVER THE CAUSE, IT DOESN’T CAUSE ME ANY DISCOMFORT BUT IT IS WELCOMED AS AN ENJOYABLE SENSORY EXPERIENCE IN ADDITION TO THE MUSIC.
YEARS AGO, EACH OF MY SENSES WAS REPORTING TO MY MIND THE REALITY THAT IT WAS STIMULATED BY. I, ON A CONSCIOUS LEVEL, ACCEPTED WITHOUT QUESTION, WHAT WAS REPORTED TO MY WAITING BRAIN AND THE EXPERIENCES THAT FOLLOWED. THE PROBLEM, AS I UNDERSTAND SYNESTHESIA, IS NOT WITH THE SENSES THEMSELVES, BUT LIES WITH THE BRAIN’S INTERPRETATION OR HANDLING OF THE INCOMING SIGNAL FROM THE SENSES. THINKING THAT EVERYONE THAT I KNEW PERCEIVED REALITY THE SAME WAY I DID LEFT ME NO REASON TO QUESTION MY PERCEPTIONS OF THE WORLD THAT EXISTED OUTSIDE OF MY BODY. RECENTLY, I WAS READING ANOTHER BOOK, THE BRAIN THAT HEALS ITSELF, AND READ ABOUT A LADY WHO HAD SYNESTHESIA WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER. THERE WERE NUMEROUS PARALLELS IN HER LIFE TO MINE THAT I IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZED. YET, THE PIECE THAT I JUST READ AND HAD DAD READ TO ME FROM ACKERMAN’S BOOK PUT MY MIND AT EASE IN RESPECT TO MY SCRAMBLED SENSES AS THEY WERE WHEN I WAS AN INFANT.
QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SENSORY PERCEPTIONS OF THE WORLD THAT I LIVED IN SELDOM WERE ASKED BY ANYONE, INCLUDING MYSELF, BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE. EVEN NOW, I RARELY ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DUAL PERCEPTIONS. I HAVE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS HOW TO KEEP THE REAL SENSORY INFORMATION SEPARATED FROM THAT GENERATED BY THE SYNESTHESIA THAT I HAVE HAD AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER. EVENTUALLY, IN THE MID 1990’S, THE QUESTIONS THAT I HAD ABOUT THE DUALISM THAT I EXPERIENCED WITH MOST OF MY SENSES WERE ADDRESSED WHEN I READ THE BOOK, THE MAN WHO TASTED SHAPES BY RICHARD CYTOWIC. THE SENSORY PROBLEMS THAT I EXPERIENCED AT THIS TIME WERE PROBLEMS FOR ME ONLY WHEN I TRIED TO INTERACT WITH YOUR WORLD.
BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE, ALL OF THE IMAGES THAT I EXPERIENCED IN MY MIND WERE REAL TO ME BUT WOULD AT THE SAME TIME BE CONFUSING TO OTHERS IF I RELIED ON THEM EXCLUSIVELY TO ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS. IN OTHER WORDS, I WOULD HAVE TO TRY TO GIVE THE REAL ANSWER TO A QUESTION AND NOT MY SYNESTHIA INFLUENCED ANSWER WHICH, AT ONE POINT, I ALSO CONSIDERED TO BE A VALID ANSWER. THIS CONFUSION, ALONG WITH MY PROBLEMS UNDERSTANDING YOUR LANGUAGE, CAUSED ME MUCH INCONSISTENCY IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH YOUR WORLD. IF I STAYED WITHIN THE MENTAL CONFINES OF MY WORLD I HAD NO PROBLEMS. GIVEN MY PROBLEMS IN TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WORLD EACH TIME I ENCOUNTERED IT, I THINK THAT I RATHER ENJOYED THE WORLD THAT I LIVED IN AT THIS TIME, MY WORLD. WHEN I WOULD TRY TO ESCAPE FROM MY WORLD TO YOURS, I WOULD ALWAYS RETURN TO MY WORLD WHERE, IN ITS STARK DARKNESS, I COULD ENJOY THE DUALITY OF SENSATIONS THAT THE SYNESTHESIA PROVIDED WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN MY MUSE TO ANYONE ELSE. THE WORLD THAT I ENJOYED FOR MANY YEARS WILL ALWAYS BE AS CLOSE TO ME AS ONE OF MY THOUGHTS.
YEARS OF LIVING IN THE REALITY OF A NON-VERBAL AUTISTIC SYNESISATE TRULY WERE VERY ENJOYABLE AND REWARDING. I SAY THIS IN ALL HONESTY, THAT THESE YEARS OF IGNORANCE WERE, FOR ME, VERY ENJOYABLE. I LOOKED AT PEOPLE THEN WITH A SENSE OF DISBELIEF IN MY MIND WHEN THEY COULD NOT COMPREHEND MY THOUGHTFUL ANSWERS TO THEIR RATHER DUMB QUESTIONS. I WOULD ASK MYSELF, “ WHY ISN’T THE SUM OF 1 PLUS 1 RED?” OR, “WHY ISN’T VIOLET THE ANSWER TO WHAT IS THE SUM OF 5 PLUS 5?” TO ME, MY ANSWERS WERE VERY LOGICAL AND CORRECT. THIS WAS THE WAY I SAW NUMBERS AND ASSUMED THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAW NUMBERS IN THE SAME WAY. IF THIS WAS THE CASE, AND I HAD NO REASON TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE, THEN WHY DIDN’T OTHER PEOPLE ACCEPT MY ANSWERS. THE EASY WAY MY MIND ANSWERED MY QUESTION WAS THAT MY ANSWERS WERE CONSIDERED WRONG BECAUSE I WAS AUTISTIC AND DIDN’T HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO COMPREHEND WHAT NUMBERS WERE ALL ABOUT ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOULD ANSWER A MATH QUESTION WITH A COLOR. REALIZING THE MINDSET OF THESE PEOPLE, I RETREATED FURTHER AND FURTHER INTO MY WORLD OF AUTISM. MY WORLD IS ONLY THE WORLD THAT I CAN ENJOY TOTALLY ON MY OWN. REALITY FOR ME WAS THE REALITY OF PARALLEL THOUGHTS THAT, IN MY MIND, EVERYONE HAD. MY WORLD EASILY EXHIBITED THEN, THE SENSITIVITY OF THE 5 MAJOR SENSES PLUS THE ADDED SENSITIVITY OF THE DOUBLING OF THAT NUMBER DUE TO THE SYNESTHESIA. THIS TRULY WAS MY WORLD’S WAY OF GIVING ME THE COMPLEXITY THAT I CRAVED AS WELL AS THE REWARD THAT I WAS DENIED FOR ANSWERING IN WHAT I CONSIDERED A CORRECT AND VALID MANNER.
THE YEARS THAT I WAS IN RETREAT EVENTUALLY CAME TO AN END ONCE I COULD COMMUNICATE. THE TIME SINCE I COULD ASK QUESTIONS AND EXPLAIN MY MANY ODD BEHAVIORS WILL ALWAYS BE VIEWED BY ME AS MY ELEMENTARY EDUCATION. IT STARTED WHEN I WAS 25 YEARS OF AGE, WHEN I FIRST LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE, AND CONTINUES EVEN NOW. THE MOST ENJOYABLE PART OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN THE PAST 15 OR 16 YEARS WHEN I COULD COMMUNICATE MY THOUGHTS TO OTHERS. THAT WINDOW THAT WAS OPENED BY BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WAS THE ENTRY WAY TO MY THOUGHTS. SLOWLY, I REJOINED YOUR WORLD, BUT WANT TO ONLY VISIT AND NOT TAKE UP PERMANENT RESIDENCE. I REALIZE THAT I AM DIFFERENT FROM MOST PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN YOUR WORLD BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THEY ARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE OF US WHO LIVE IN MY WORLD OF AUTISM.
I HAD THE ABILITY TO SEE IN MY MIND MULTIPLE CORRECT ANSWERS FOR MOST ACADEMIC QUESTIONS. I WOULD SEE THE NUMBER TWO WHEN ASKED WHAT WAS THE SUM OF 1 PLUS 1, I WOULD ALSO SEE A REDISH COLOR IN ANSWER TO THE SAME QUESTION. TO ME, EITHER THE COLOR OR THE NUMBER WAS THE CORRECT ANSWER. MY RELUCTANCE TO FORCE MYSELF TO CONFORM TO THE RULES OF YOUR WORLD’S ACCEPTABLE NUMBER FORMAT FOR ANSWERING MATH QUESTIONS WAS NOT PALATABLE TO MY MIND WHEN THERE WAS THE POSSIBILITY OF USING CORRESPONDING COLORS. I HAD THE SAME FEELINGS ABOUT OTHER DISCIPLINES AS WELL THAT LIMITED MODES OF ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ONLY ONE. UPON UNDERSTANDING MY SYNESTHESIA I LIMIT MY RESPONSES NOW TO THE COMMONLY ACCEPTED FORMATS FOR ANY SUBJECT. YET I FIND THE ONE CORRECT ANSWER FORMAT TO BE SOMEWHAT BORING AND TEDIOUS. THE WORLD WOULD CERTAINLY BE A MORE INTERESTING PLACE IF THERE WERE MULTIPLE MODES THAT COULD BE USED WITHIN THE SAME LANGUAGE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT OTHER PEOPLE DID NOT SEE THE WORLD IN THE SAME WAY THAT I EXPERIENCED IT, I WAS SAD. SAD, NOT FOR MYSELF, BUT SAD FOR THE OTHERS WHO DID NOT SHARE IN THIS SENSORY RICHNESS THAT I EXPERIENCED.
THE SYNESTHESIA IS STILL A PART OF MY LIFE AND I HOPE IT ALWAYS IS. I HAVE LEARNED THOUGH TO NOT EXPRESS THE ALTERNATIVE SENSORY ANSWERS WHEN ASKED A QUESTION. I PREFER, INSTEAD, TO ENJOY MY WORLD WHEN EVER I CAN IN THE SOLITUDE OF MY MIND THE WAY I DID BEFORE I LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU WITH YOUR LANGUAGE.
I WAS PERHAPS TOO WILLING TO LET MY IMPULSIVE AUTISTIC WILL TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. THE WANTING FOR AND NEED OF ORDER IN MY LIFE AT THAT TIME LEFT ME NO ALTERNATIVES TO ACHIEVE THESE ENDS. REALIZING THAT I WANTED ORDER AND WOULD DO MOST ANYTHING TO ACHIEVE IT, I FOCUSED MY ATTENTION ON THE REALITIES OF MY MIND. WHEN THE WORLD APPEARED TO MY MIND TO BE A BLENDING OF MY VARIOUS SENSES I WAS NOMINALLY RELIEVED TO LEARN FROM READING CYTOWIC, ACKERMAN, DOIDGE, AND MAURER, THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAD THE SAME PROBLEM THAT I HAD AND THAT THESE SYNESTHETES THAT WERE MENTIONED FIT INTO SOCIETY VERY WELL. AMONG THESE PEOPLE ARE: RIMSKI-KORSAKOV, NABOKOV, FAULKNER, VIRGINIA WOOLF, AND JOYCE.
WHEN I READ ACKERMAN AND CYTOWIC YEARS AGO, SOME OF MY QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED AT THE TIME. AFTER READING THE BOOKS, I KNEW THE INFORMATION PRIMARILY ON AN ACADEMIC LEVEL. IT WASN’T UNTIL I REREAD THE CHAPTER IN ACKERMAN’S BOOK A FEW DAYS AGO (11/10/08) THAT I MADE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN THE SYNESTHESIA AND WHAT I HAD BEEN EXPERIENCING ALL OF MY LIFE. WHEN I READ THE CHAPTER MYSELF AND HAD DAD REREAD THE SAME CHAPTER TO ME, I WAS ALMOST GIDDY WITH EXCITEMENT AS I MADE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN THE INFORMATION THAT ACKERMAN PRESENTED AND MYSELF. UPON READING THIS CHAPTER I WAS ABLE TO MAKE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN NOT ONLY ACKERMAN’S WORK BUT ALSO THAT OF CYTOWIC FROM YEARS AGO.
REALIZING THAT I HAD MADE THIS CONNECTION, I WAS ECSTATIC TO SAY THE LEAST. YET, I THOUGHT WHAT POSSIBILITIES I WOULD HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD OF MY EXPERIENCES THROUGH MY WRITING. I LIVED IN THE WORLD PARTIALLY EXPERIENCING IT SAFELY FROM BEHIND THE VEIL OF AUTISM AND EXPERIENCING IT AT THE SAME TIME WITH THE INFLUENCES OF SYNESTHESIA. WHEN I THINK BACK TO MY YOUTH AND TO THE PARADE OF PROGRAMS AND PEOPLE THAT I BECAME ACQUAINTED WITH, I THINK NOW, THAT I UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER, THAT I WANT TO TELL THESE PEOPLE THAT I AM EXTREMELY SORRY FOR THE WAY THAT I ALWAYS PERFORMED IN THEIR PRESENCE. I REALIZE, NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND, THAT I WAS APPLYING MY PRIVATELY HELD RULES ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT GOVERNED REALITY TO THEIR REALITIES WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION BY ME TO GUIDE THEM IN THEIR ATTEMPTS TO SHARE THEIR WORLD WITH ME.
THE REALITY THAT ONLY I KNEW WAS NOT WITHOUT ITS RECENTLY UNCOVERED HINTS. ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, IN MY WRITING, I ELUDED TO MY PERCEPTIONS OF MY WORLD THAT, I DID NOT CONSIDER AS BEING OUT OF THE ORDINARY AT THE TIME, BUT NOW REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE WORDS THAT I WROTE. PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THE PIECE THAT I WROTE TO THE BAKEMAN’S A YEAR OR SO BACK. IN THIS LETTER, THE PICTURES THAT I WROTE ABOUT SEEING AS I REVISITED SCHOODIC GAVE ONE THE IMPRESSION OF BEING THERE. THIS ATTEMPT AT CAPTURING WITH WORDS THE DELUGE OF IMAGES, SOUNDS, AND PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS THAT I EXPERIENCED WHILE AT SCHOODIC PAILS IN COMPARISON TO THE KALEIDOSCOPIC MENTAL IMAGES OF SHAPES, COLORS, SOUNDS, AND FLAVORFUL PRESSURES THAT I EXPERIENCED IN MY MIND AS EACH OF MY SENSORY SYSTEMS QUIETLY PRESENTED ITS SENSATIONS TO MY BRAIN. THEN, THE SENSORY REPORTS WERE MULTIPLIED SUPPLYING MY MIND WITH MULTIPLE REALITIES WHICH I ACCEPTED AS TRUE REPRESENTATIONS OF THE WORLD THAT WAS OUTSIDE OF MY BODY.
WHILE I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS SECTION ON SYNESTHESIA I HAVE ALSO BEEN LISTENING TO THE CLASSICAL MUSIC STATION ON THE RADIO THUS BRINGING THESE TWO SENSORY SYSTEMS TO THE FOREFRONT OF MY CONSCIOUS MIND. I WANT YOU TO KNOW TOO THAT OTHER OF MY PRIMARY SENSES HAVE ALSO BEEN ACTIVELY DELIVERING STIMULATION TO MY BRAIN WHILE I HAVE BEEN WRITING. TO MAKE THE EXPLAINATION LESS COMPLICATED I WILL ONLY TELL YOU THE CONSEQUENCES TO MY MIND OF MY AUDITORY SYSTEM THAT BRINGS THE SENSATION OF THE CLASSICAL MUSIC TO MY BRAIN, AND THE SENSE OF SIGHT THAT PROVIDES VISUAL STIMULATION TO MY BRAIN AS I WATCH THE WORD-SHAPES APPEAR ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN AS I TYPE. THE OTHER SENSORY SYSTEMS WILL NOT BE ADDRESSED IN AN ATTEMPT TO KEEP MY EXPLANATION AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE. AS I HAVE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TO YOU IN THIS LETTER, CLASSICAL MUSIC WILL EXPRESS ITSELF TO ME WITH TWO REALITIES THAT MY MIND CONSIDERS AS TRUE REPRESENTATIONS OF THE WORLD THAT IS PRESENTING ITSELF TO ME. THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR MY SENSE OF SIGHT. THE PRIMARY REALIZATION FROM MY AUDITORY SENSE IS THAT OF THE CLASSICAL MUSIC. THE SECONDARY REALITY THAT MY MIND EXPERIENCES WHEN I HEAR THE CLASSICAL MUSIC IS THAT OF COLORS THAT PRESENT AS DOES THE LIGHT SHOW FROM THE AURORA BOREALIS THAT I AM AWARE OF THROUGH READING AND FROM WATCHING A FEW SCIENCE PROGRAMS ON THE SUBJECT. THE TIMING OF THE LIGHT WAVES AND THE INTENSITY OF THE COLORS AS WELL AS THE COLORS THEMSELVES SEEM TO BE GOVERNED BY THE MUSIC’S TEMPO, THE MOOD OF THE PIECE, AND THE INTENSITY OF THE MUSIC. THIS ALL CHANGES WITH EACH PIECE I HEAR.
WHEN I AM TYPING, THE PRIMARY SENSATION THAT MY MIND RECOGNIZES IS THE WORD-SHAPES THAT I EXPERIENCE ON THE SCREEN AS I TYPE. THE SYNESTHESIA INFLUENCED EXPERIENCE IS ONE WHERE EACH LETTER I TYPE IS IN A SPECIFIC COLOR THAT CORRESPONDS TO THE LETTERS RELATIVE POSITION ON THE VISABLE LIGHT SPECTRUM WHERE THE LETTER A IS RED, THE LETTER G IS ORANGISH, AND THE LETTER Z IS VIOLET IN COLOR EXPERIENCE. THE WORD “RED” WOULD PRESENT A THREE COLORED WORD WITH EACH LETTER BEING REPRESENTATIVE OF ITS RELATIVE POSITION ON THE VISABLE LIGHT SPECTRUM. THE “R” WOULD BE BLUISH; THE “E” REDISH ORANGE; AND THE “D” WOULD BE REDDER ORANGE.
THE WORDS THAT I TYPE ARE MULTI COLORED AS I EXPERIENCE THEM ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT THEY ARE IN REALITY BLACK ON A LIGHT GREY BACKGROUND. THE CLASSICAL MUSIC THAT I HEAR IS GIVING MY MIND THE ADDITIONAL SENSATION OF SHEETS OF UNDULATING COLOR BEFORE MY EYES. THE COMBINATION OF THE REAL(THE MUSIC, AND THE WORDS AND LETTERS ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN) ALONG WITH THE VERY REAL EXPERIENCES IN MY MIND OF THE SECONDARY EFFECTS OF THE SYNESTHESIA TOGETHER AT TIMES PRODUCE THE EXAGGERATED EFFECTS ON MY MIND THAT I CERTAINLY ENJOY BUT CAN’T EXPRESS TO YOU. YET, I CAN SAY THAT THE PLEASURE MY MIND ENJOYS WHEN TWO OR MORE OF MY SENSES ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY STIMULATED IS MORE THAN THE SUM TOTAL OF THE NUMBER OF INDIVIDUAL SENSES IF THEY COULD SOMEHOW BE ADDED TOGETHER. THE INCLINATION TO THINK IN MULTIPLE SENSORY MODES IS NOT ACADEMICALLY DRIVEN BUT IS PLEASURE DRIVEN FOR ME.
WHILE I COULD ONLY PRINT WORDS ON PAPER, I RELIVED EACH SENSATION THAT I EXPERIENCED WHILE AT SCHOODIC WITH THE REALITY THAT BROUGHT THE EXACT SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TASTES, AND TACTILE SENSATIONS TO MY EXPERIENCE AS IF I WERE AGAIN PRESENT AT SCHOODIC. THE EASE WITH WHICH I CAN REVISIT MY PAST SENSORY EXPERIENCES AND EXPERIENCE THE SENSATIONS AS I ORIGINALLY DID, WHETHER TACTILE, OLFACTORY, GUSTATORY, AUDITORY, OR VISUAL, WAS ONE OF THE HALLMARKS THAT IS COMMON AMONG MANY NONVERBAL AUTISTICS AS WELL AS AMONG THOSE WHO ENJOY SYNESTHESIA IN ONE DEGREE OR ANOTHER. I WONDERED OF THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO CONDITIONS ESPECIALLY WHEN I BECAME AWARE OF OTHER SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THEM. THE NEED FOR ORDER; THE ABILITY TO RECALL THE EXACT PLACEMENT OF ITEMS WITHIN A ROOM; THE ABILITY TO RECALL THE REFERENCE NAME OF A PERSON IN LIEU OF RECALLING THE PERSON’S EXACT NAME ARE COMMON IN BOTH CONDITIONS. MORE SPECIFICALLY, THERE IS THE BRAIN ACTIVITY IN THE LIMBIC SYSTEM THAT IS COMMON IN BOTH CONDITIONS.
THE SENSATIONS THAT I EXPERIENCED AT SCHOODIC WERE AS PLENTIFUL AS IF HAVING MULTIPLE SENSORY SYSTEMS ALL WORKING AT THE SAME TIME BUT AT 300% CAPACITY. MY EARS HEARD THE WAVES AND THE SEA GULLS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME FROM THE SAME ORIGINAL SENSATION, MY MIND SAW SHAPES. MY MIND PERCEIVED SHAPES THAT MY SENSE OF SIGHT DID NOT EXPERIENCE. THE LIGHT REFLECTING FROM THE OCEAN PRODUCED A SWEET TASTING PRESSURE ON MY BODY WHILE I SAW THE WAVES SPARKLING LIKE GLASS ORNAMENTS. THE TASTE OF THE SALT AIR ON MY TONGUE AROUSED IN MY MIND THE SENSATION OF WALLS OF GREEN. WHEN I WROTE THE LETTER TO THE BAKEMANS, THE IDEAS THAT I HAD IN MY MIND OF THESE ODD EXPERIENCES WERE SUPPRESSED BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO EXPRESS MY MOST INNER PRIVATE EXPERIENCES. I DID THIS BECAUSE I WAS NOT SURE THAT I COULD PUT THEIR BEAUTY INTO WORDS THAT WOULD CONVEY THEIR TRUE MEANING TO ANOTHER PERSON. INSTEAD, I PRESENTED PICTURES WITH WORDS OF WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED WITH MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES AND USED METAPHORS TO ELUDE TO THE POSSIBILITY THAT I EXPERIENCED MORE THAN I HAD THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS CLEARLY.
IN MY LETTER TO THE BAKEMAN’S, I ELUDE TO MY THOUGHTS WHEN I TELL THEM OF HOW I EXPERIENCED THE FIR TREES AS SINGING, AND THE ROCKS ON THE SHORE THAT WERE PAINTED IN ONE COLOR. THE SHAPE OF THE POINTED FIRS WILL ALWAYS BRING TO MY MIND THE IMAGE OF CHILDREN SINGING IN A CHOIR. THE ROCKS ON THE SHORE, WET WITH SEA WATER, BRING VISIONS OF THEM BEING PAINTED BY THE MAGIC BRUSH OF NATURE THAT LEAVES NO BRUSH MARKS. THESE IMAGES ALONG WITH MY NORMAL SENSORY IMAGES INTERMINGLE IN MY MIND AS IF I WERE SEEING REALITY IN TWO DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AT THE SAME TIME. THESE IMAGES, THAT ARE UNMISTAKABLY REAL ONLY IN MY MIND, ARE SPANNING MY THOUGHTS THOUGH I RARELY WRITE OF THEM. EACH THOUGHT THAT I WRITE ABOUT OF THIS NATURE GIVES ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLORE THAT OTHER PART OF MY MIND THAT I AM NOW BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND AND HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED. WITHIN MY MIND’S PURVIEW THE REAL AS YOU KNOW IT IS TITRATED AGAINST THE REALITY OF MY MIND, YET I TOO NOW KNOW THE DIFFERENCE THAT SEPARATES THE TWO. TEACHING THE NONVERBAL AUTISTIC PERSON ABOUT THE CONDITION OF SYNESTHESIA WOULD HELP HIM REALIZE THE ANSWERS TO MANY OF HIS QUESTIONS THAT NORMALLY GO UNANSWERED, IN MY CASE TO THE AGE OF TWENTY FIVE OR TWENTY EIGHT YEARS.
THE SYNESTHESIA I EXPERIENCE IS PLEASURABLE TO MY MIND. I EXPERIENCE MY REALITY AS YOU WOULD EXPERIENCE THE MUSIC OF AN ORCHESTRA WITH BLENDED TONES AND NOTES FROM A VARIETY OF INSTRUMENTS. THE INSTRUMENTS, PLAYING AS A UNIT, REWARD THE LISTENER WITH AN AUDITORY DISPLAY OF PLEASING SENSATIONS. THE LEAD INSTRUMENT OF ANY SECTION OF THE ORCHESTRA CAN BE HEARD DISTINCTLY IF ONE LISTENS INTENTLY WHILE THE OTHER INSTRUMENTS’ SOUNDS BLEND INTO A MÉLANGE OF PLEASURE.
THE SENSORY EXPERIENCES THAT I HAVE ENJOYED OVER THE YEARS, INCLUDING THOSE I EXPERIENCED AFTER LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE, ON MOST OCCASIONS ARE NOT AS SUBTLE AS THE MUSICAL BLEND EMANATING FROM AN ORCHESTRA. MY MIND INTERPRETS WHAT IT IS SUPPLIED FROM MY SENSES. THE STIMULATION FROM EACH OF MY SENSES CAN BE ISOLATED AND EXPERIENCED SEPARATELY MUCH AS ONE CAN ISOLATE THE LEAD INSTRUMENT OF ANY SECTION OF THE ORCHESTRA IF ONE LISTENS CLOSELY ENOUGH. THE OTHER MENTAL EXPERIENCES THAT ARE CAUSED BY THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA THAT I HAVE WHEN I EXPERIENCE THE PRIMARY SENSATIONS OF THE 5 SENSES ARE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS IF THEY WERE THE SECOND OR THIRD VIOLIN, TRUMPET, OR CLARINET. I HAVE, OVER THE YEARS, LEARNED TO SEPARATE THE IMAGES IN MY MIND THAT ARE FROM MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES FROM THOSE IMAGES THAT APPEAR AS REAL EXPERIENCES THAT ARE CAUSED BY THE SYNESTHESIA. YET, I ESCAPE TO MY WORLD ON OCCASION TO ENJOY THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP MY REALITIES ALIVE IN MY WORLD OF MY MIND.
THE PICTURES THAT I HAVE IN MY MIND OF MY MANY EXPERIENCES TRULY ARE PICTURES THAT I CAN NOT FULLY DESCRIBE ADEQUATELY AT THIS TIME BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE LANGUAGE SKILLS TO DO JUSTICE TO THE POWER OF MY MIND. I CAN ONLY ADEQUATELY DESCRIBE WHAT I FEEL, TASTE, HEAR, SMELL, OR SEE. I CAN ALSO TELL YOU IN YOUR WORDS WHAT I EXPERIENCE AS REAL WHEN MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES REPORT THEIR FINDINGS OF YOUR WORLD TO MY BRAIN WHICH THEN BLENDS THE SENSATIONS TO CAUSE ANOTHER ETHEREAL REALITY THAT I EXPERIENCE SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH THE REALITY THAT YOU ACCEPT. PERHAPS SOME DAY I CAN GIVE YOU, IN WORDS, THE COMPLETE MULTILAYERED MENTAL PICTURE OF WHAT MY MIND ACTUALLY EXPERIENCES WHEN IT IS STIMULATED BY ONE OR MORE OF MY PRIMARY SENSES RATHER THAN DESCRIBING IT IN SINGLE LAYERS AS I NOW MUST DO.
TO GIVE YOU SOME IDEA OF THE COMPLEXITY OF THE PICTURE THAT I MIGHT WANT TO DESCRIBE TO YOU IF I TOOK INTO ACCOUNT THE MULTIPLE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA ON TOP OF THE 5 SENSES JUST PICTURE THE FINALLY OF THE FOURTH OF JULY FIREWORKS EXTRAVAGANZA AT WASHINGTON, DC, OR NEW YORK CITY. IMAGINE IF YOU WILL WHAT IS HAPPENING ON A SENSORY LEVEL AT EACH OF THESE EVENTS WITH FIREWORKS EXPLODING AND FLASHING IN THE NIGHT SKY, BANDS PLAYING THE 1812 OVERTURE, CROWDS OF THOUSANDS OF CHEERING PEOPLE, FLAGS AND BANNERS FLYING, THE AROMA OF POPCORN AND HOTDOGS WITH MUSTARD, THE TEXTURE OF PINK COTTON CANDY IN YOUR MOUTH, THE SMELL OF SWEAT, TOTAL CHAOS AND MAYHEM IN THE PARKING LOTS AND SURROUNDING HIGHWAYS, AND THE NATURAL BEAUTY OF THE WARM JULY EVENING WITH THE CHIRP OF CRICKETS AND BEING ABLE TO ZERO YOUR ATTENTION IN ON THE BUZZ OF A SINGLE MOSQUITO THAT IS TRYING TO FEED FROM YOUR RIPE BODY. TRY TO DESCRIBE THIS, ALONG WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED, WITH THE UNDERSTANDING AND LANGUAGE OF PERHAPS A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY FOR ONLY A FEW YEARS. IF YOU CAN EXPRESS THIS IN YOUR WRITTEN WORDS THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY LIFE ON MOST DAYS WHEN I MUST SORT THROUGH ALL OF THE SENSORY STIMULATION THAT MY MIND IS BOMBARDED WITH AND STILL BE ABLE TO SWAT THE “BUZZING MOSQUITO” THAT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION.
I REST NOW. I AM TIRED.
Wally, you have done a great job explaining synesthesia to Gram. Are you finished with this part on synesthesia now and do you at our next session want to go back to your original letter and continue editing?
I WANT TO FINISH EDITING THE LETTER. WAS IT TIME TO END THE SYNESTHESIA DISCUSSION?
Wally, as far as your letter to Gram Marjie is concerned, I think that you have covered the subject very well for her to understand your involvement with synesthesia.
When ever you want to write more on the synesthesia please feel free to do so. I am very interested in what you have to tell about it.
OK.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
Here is a part of a letter that Wally has been writing to his Gram Marjie. At this point he has been working on the letter oner a year and it is about 65 pages long. Before this letter, we didn't know anything about synesthesia and didn't know that Wally had it.
Wally's Dad, Wally's Mom, and Wally,
11/10/08
Wally, how are you doing today?
TERRIFIC. READ ME THE BOOK THAT I READ EARLIER. THE PIECE ON SYNESTHESIA.
Do you want me to read this to you now before we work on Gram’s letter?
YES. I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO MY LETTER TO GRAM.
The book is: A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES by Diane Ackerman. The chapter on SYNESTHESIA.
Wally, did you get anything out of this chapter now that I have read it to you?
NOTE: Add this conversation between Wally and Dad to Gram’s letter AS PER Wally’s request.
YES, I PERHAPS AM LIKE THE PEOPLE WRITTEN ABOUT IN THIS CHAPTER. I NEED TO DO CERTAIN THINGS BEFORE I WRITE. FOR EXAMPLE, I MUST BE ASKED HOW I AM, OR I MUST NOT EAT TOO MUCH BEFORE I WRITE. THINKING ABOUT THE PART OF THE CHAPTER ON THE INFANT THAT MAURER WROTE IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF WHAT I WAS EXPERIENCING BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE. ONCE COMMUNICATING, I WAS ABLE TO GET MY MODALITIES OF SENSATION SEPARATED AND WORKING PROPERLY TO RELATE TO MY BRAIN THE CORRECT SINGLE SENSATION THAT EACH WAS INTENDED TO REPORT.
I KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR WORLD BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE BECAUSE MY SENSES WERE MIXED UP. PERHAPS MY LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WORLD HAD THE EFFECT ON MY SENSES OF CONFINING EACH OF THEM TO THEIR INTENDED JOB. IN ADDITION, I WONDER IF MY LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE AND LEARNING TO USE LANGUAGE AS YOU DO HAD SOME EFFECT ON MY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR MY SENSES TO NOW WORK AS THEY SHOULD?
WHEN I THINK BACK TO MY INFANCY, THE DESCRIPTION IN THIS CHAPTER OF HOW AN INFANT’S SENSES ARE BLENDED AND THUS SUPPLYING THE BRAIN WITH MIXED SIGNALS WHEN ENCOUNTERING THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF HIS MIND IS EXACTLY WHAT I REMEMBER MY PERCEPTIONS OF YOUR WORLD TO BE. I HAD THIS MIXING OF MY SENSATIONS FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER BACK TO THE TIME IN UTERO. I STILL HAVE THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA AS AN ADULT, HOWEVER, MY FIVE SENSES ARE OPERATING IN A NORMAL FASHION NOW BUT WHEN THE SENSORY SIGNALS REACH MY BRAIN IS WHERE LIES THE PROBLEM. THE SIGNAL FROM MY EARS STIMULATES THE VISUAL AREA OF MY BRAIN AS WELL AS THE AUDITORY PART OF MY BRAIN FOR EXAMPLE, DELIVERING TO MY MIND BOTH AUDITORY AND VISUAL STIMULATION. THE SAME TYPE OF THING HAPPENS WHEN I SEE SOMETHING. I SENSE WHAT EVER MY EYES SEE, BUT I ALSO WILL HAVE ACCOMPANYING TACTILE SENSATIONS. IN OTHER WORDS IF I SEE SOMETHING, MY MIND, IN ADDITION TO VISUALIZING THE OBJECT I SEE, WILL ALSO EXPERIENCE PRESSURE ON SOME PART OF MY BODY. LOOKING AT MY OTHER SENSES WILL YIELD THE SAME TYPE OF DUALISM WHEN MY MIND INTERPRETS THE INCOMING SIGNALS FROM MY SENSORY SYSTEMS.
The following excerpt from the chapter, SYNESTHESIA, found in the book, A NATURAL HISTORY OF THE SENSES by Diane Ackerman is the information that Wally is referring to and wants to add to Gram’s letter:
“A creamy blur of succulent blue sound smells like week-old strawberries dropped onto a tin sieve as mother approaches in a halo of color, chatter, and a perfume like thick golden butterscotch. Newborns ride on intermingling waves of sight, sound, touch, taste, and, especially, smell. As Daphne and Charles Maurer remind us in The World of the Newborn:
His world smells to him much as our world smells to us, but he does not perceive odors as coming through his nose alone. He hears odors, and sees odors, and feels them too. His world is a melee of pungent aromas-and pungent sounds, and bitter-smelling sounds, and sweet-smelling sights, and sour-smelling pressures against the skin. If we could visit the newborn's world, we would think ourselves inside a hallucinogenic perfumery.
In time, the newborn learns to sort and tame all its sensory impressions, some of which have names, many of which will remain nameless to the end of its days. Things that elude our verbal grasp are hard to pin down and almost impossible to remember. A cozy blur in the nursery vanishes into the rigorous categories of common sense. But for some people, that sensory blending never quits, and they taste baked beans whenever they hear the word "Francis," as one woman reported, or see yellow on touching a matte surface, or smell the passage of time. The stimulation of one sense stimulates another: synesthesia is the technical name, from the Greek syn (together) + aisthanesthai(to perceive).”
WHILE DAD WAS READING THIS CHAPTER TO ME, I WAS ABLE TO PLACE MY MIND WITHIN THE WORDS THAT WERE WRITTEN BY THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK, DIANE ACKERMAN. WHEN, UPON HEARING THE CHAPTER READ TO ME, I TOLD MY IMPULSIVE WILL TO EXIT MY MIND BECAUSE I WANTED UNINTERRUPTED WORDS TO FLOW INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS. IF MY IMPULSIVE WILL WERE PRESENT WHILE MY MIND WAS ABSORBING THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THE CHAPTER, I COULD NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT WITH THE DEPTH THAT I WANTED. I REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE AT AS EARLY AN AGE AS POSSIBLE NOW THAT I HAVE READ AND HEARD THE INFORMATION PRESENTED BY ACKERMAN. EDUCATION WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH EASIER FOR ME HAD I READ THIS INFORMATION 35 OR 38 YEARS AGO WHEN I WAS ATTENDING THE DAY PROGRAMS. I KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD THE CHAPTER THEN, BUT WONDER IF THE PROFESSIONALS INVOLVED IN MY PROGRAMS WOULD HAVE REALIZED THE RELEVANCE OF ITS IMPLICATIONS IN MY CASE. I REALIZE NOW THAT THIS SYNESTHESIA WOULD NOT HAVE EXPLAINED MY AUTISM. HOWEVER, HAD I KNOWN ABOUT SYNESTHESIA AND ITS IMPLICATIONS I MIGHT HAVE, AT AN EARLY AGE, BEEN MORE ABLE TO RELATE TO PEOPLE, TO ASK BASIC QUESTIONS, TO HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF, AND TO HAVE BETTER UNDERSTOOD MY INTIMIDATION BY THE IMPULSIVE AUTISTIC WILL THAT RESIDES IN MY LIMBIC SYSTEM OR THE VERY PRIMITIVE PART OF MY BRAIN. HAD I KNOW ABOUT SYNESTHESIA WHEN I WAS A YOUNGSTER, WOULD I HAVE BEEN MORE WILLING TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD WHEN I MADE MY BRIEF VISITS?
WHEN I THINK BACK TO THE TIME BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE, I REMEMBER WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT THE WORKING OF THE RADIO. I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THE PHYSICS INVOLVED IN GETTING THE PERSON’S VOICE FROM A STUDIO IN ALBANY, NY TO TRAVEL THROUGH THE AIR WITHOUT WIRES TO A RADIO RECEIVER IN MY ROOM AND THEN TO MY EARS TO HEAR. I KNEW THIS AT AN EARLY AGE FROM READING THE BOOKS AND OTHER INFORMATION THAT WAS AVAILABLE TO ME. WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW AND ASKED DAD WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TO FC WITH MY QUESTION, “HOW DOES A RADIO WORK?” WAS HOW THE RADIO COULD INCLUDE THE WAVES OF VISIBLE LIGHT THAT I WOULD SEE WHEN I LISTENED TO CLASSICAL OR ANY TYPE OF MUSIC WITHOUT REQUIRING THE USE OF A SCREEN SIMILAR TO A TV. I DID NOT HAVE THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA WHEN I HEARD VOICES EMANATING FROM THE RADIO, TV, OR LIVE CONVERSATIONS. I DID NOT GET THE ANSWER FROM MY DAD THAT I WANTED BECAUSE AT THE TIME OF ASKING HIM THE QUESTION, I DIDN’T HAVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS SOPHISTICATED ENOUGH TO CONVEY MY REAL QUESTION WHICH WAS ABOUT THE RADIO’S ABILITY TO TRANSMIT THE COLORS THAT I EXPERIENCED WHEN I HEARD THE MUSIC EMANATING FROM MY RADIO. I MUST ADD HERE THAT THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA ARE STILL PRESENT WHEN I HEAR MUSIC FROM ANY SOURCE ALTHOUGH THE SECONDARY MANIFESTATIONS I EXPERIENCE WILL VARY DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF MUSIC. THIS, AS WELL AS OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SENSORY SCRAMBLING THAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL OF MY LIFE WERE ANSWERED FOR ME AS I LISTENED TO DAD READ THE CHAPTER ON SYNESTHESIA TO ME AGAIN FROM ACKERMAN’S BOOK. READING THE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION THAT DAD FOUND ON THE INTERNET WAS OF HELP, TOO, IN UNDERSTANDING THE CONDITION.
THE EXAMPLE THAT I GAVE EARLIER IN THIS LETTER ABOUT SEEING SHAPES OF VARIOUS TYPES WHEN I HEARD THE POLISH OR IRISH MUSIC IS IN REALITY WHAT I ENVISION WHEN I HEAR THIS NATIVE MUSIC. THE MUSIC I REFER TO WHEN I TELL OF THE COLORS BEING VISUALIZED IS CLASSICAL MUSIC, MUSIC OF BEETHOVEN, DVORAK, BACH, RIMSKY- KORSAKOV, OR OTHER CLASSICAL COMPOSERS. YOU REMEMBER THAT I MENTIONED SEEING SHAPES WHEN I LISTENED TO PAVAROTTI. OPERA DELIVERS SHAPES TO MY MIND. I WONDER IF THIS DIFFERENCE IN SECONDARY EXPERIENCES FROM DIFFERENT KINDS OF MUSIC HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY MENTAL FILING SYSTEM THAT I EMPLOY FOR THE VARIOUS TYPES OF MUSIC. MAY BE THAT THE CLASSICAL MUSIC IS STORED IN AN AREA NEAR A COLOR MAPPING PART OF MY BRAIN AND THE OPERA AND NATIVE POLISH AND IRISH IS STORED NEAR A PART OF MY BRAIN THAT DEALS WITH SHAPES. WHAT EVER THE CAUSE, IT DOESN’T CAUSE ME ANY DISCOMFORT BUT IT IS WELCOMED AS AN ENJOYABLE SENSORY EXPERIENCE IN ADDITION TO THE MUSIC.
YEARS AGO, EACH OF MY SENSES WAS REPORTING TO MY MIND THE REALITY THAT IT WAS STIMULATED BY. I, ON A CONSCIOUS LEVEL, ACCEPTED WITHOUT QUESTION, WHAT WAS REPORTED TO MY WAITING BRAIN AND THE EXPERIENCES THAT FOLLOWED. THE PROBLEM, AS I UNDERSTAND SYNESTHESIA, IS NOT WITH THE SENSES THEMSELVES, BUT LIES WITH THE BRAIN’S INTERPRETATION OR HANDLING OF THE INCOMING SIGNAL FROM THE SENSES. THINKING THAT EVERYONE THAT I KNEW PERCEIVED REALITY THE SAME WAY I DID LEFT ME NO REASON TO QUESTION MY PERCEPTIONS OF THE WORLD THAT EXISTED OUTSIDE OF MY BODY. RECENTLY, I WAS READING ANOTHER BOOK, THE BRAIN THAT HEALS ITSELF, AND READ ABOUT A LADY WHO HAD SYNESTHESIA WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER. THERE WERE NUMEROUS PARALLELS IN HER LIFE TO MINE THAT I IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZED. YET, THE PIECE THAT I JUST READ AND HAD DAD READ TO ME FROM ACKERMAN’S BOOK PUT MY MIND AT EASE IN RESPECT TO MY SCRAMBLED SENSES AS THEY WERE WHEN I WAS AN INFANT.
QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SENSORY PERCEPTIONS OF THE WORLD THAT I LIVED IN SELDOM WERE ASKED BY ANYONE, INCLUDING MYSELF, BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE. EVEN NOW, I RARELY ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DUAL PERCEPTIONS. I HAVE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS HOW TO KEEP THE REAL SENSORY INFORMATION SEPARATED FROM THAT GENERATED BY THE SYNESTHESIA THAT I HAVE HAD AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER. EVENTUALLY, IN THE MID 1990’S, THE QUESTIONS THAT I HAD ABOUT THE DUALISM THAT I EXPERIENCED WITH MOST OF MY SENSES WERE ADDRESSED WHEN I READ THE BOOK, THE MAN WHO TASTED SHAPES BY RICHARD CYTOWIC. THE SENSORY PROBLEMS THAT I EXPERIENCED AT THIS TIME WERE PROBLEMS FOR ME ONLY WHEN I TRIED TO INTERACT WITH YOUR WORLD.
BEFORE I COULD COMMUNICATE, ALL OF THE IMAGES THAT I EXPERIENCED IN MY MIND WERE REAL TO ME BUT WOULD AT THE SAME TIME BE CONFUSING TO OTHERS IF I RELIED ON THEM EXCLUSIVELY TO ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS. IN OTHER WORDS, I WOULD HAVE TO TRY TO GIVE THE REAL ANSWER TO A QUESTION AND NOT MY SYNESTHIA INFLUENCED ANSWER WHICH, AT ONE POINT, I ALSO CONSIDERED TO BE A VALID ANSWER. THIS CONFUSION, ALONG WITH MY PROBLEMS UNDERSTANDING YOUR LANGUAGE, CAUSED ME MUCH INCONSISTENCY IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH YOUR WORLD. IF I STAYED WITHIN THE MENTAL CONFINES OF MY WORLD I HAD NO PROBLEMS. GIVEN MY PROBLEMS IN TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR WORLD EACH TIME I ENCOUNTERED IT, I THINK THAT I RATHER ENJOYED THE WORLD THAT I LIVED IN AT THIS TIME, MY WORLD. WHEN I WOULD TRY TO ESCAPE FROM MY WORLD TO YOURS, I WOULD ALWAYS RETURN TO MY WORLD WHERE, IN ITS STARK DARKNESS, I COULD ENJOY THE DUALITY OF SENSATIONS THAT THE SYNESTHESIA PROVIDED WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN MY MUSE TO ANYONE ELSE. THE WORLD THAT I ENJOYED FOR MANY YEARS WILL ALWAYS BE AS CLOSE TO ME AS ONE OF MY THOUGHTS.
YEARS OF LIVING IN THE REALITY OF A NON-VERBAL AUTISTIC SYNESISATE TRULY WERE VERY ENJOYABLE AND REWARDING. I SAY THIS IN ALL HONESTY, THAT THESE YEARS OF IGNORANCE WERE, FOR ME, VERY ENJOYABLE. I LOOKED AT PEOPLE THEN WITH A SENSE OF DISBELIEF IN MY MIND WHEN THEY COULD NOT COMPREHEND MY THOUGHTFUL ANSWERS TO THEIR RATHER DUMB QUESTIONS. I WOULD ASK MYSELF, “ WHY ISN’T THE SUM OF 1 PLUS 1 RED?” OR, “WHY ISN’T VIOLET THE ANSWER TO WHAT IS THE SUM OF 5 PLUS 5?” TO ME, MY ANSWERS WERE VERY LOGICAL AND CORRECT. THIS WAS THE WAY I SAW NUMBERS AND ASSUMED THAT OTHER PEOPLE SAW NUMBERS IN THE SAME WAY. IF THIS WAS THE CASE, AND I HAD NO REASON TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE, THEN WHY DIDN’T OTHER PEOPLE ACCEPT MY ANSWERS. THE EASY WAY MY MIND ANSWERED MY QUESTION WAS THAT MY ANSWERS WERE CONSIDERED WRONG BECAUSE I WAS AUTISTIC AND DIDN’T HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO COMPREHEND WHAT NUMBERS WERE ALL ABOUT ESPECIALLY WHEN I WOULD ANSWER A MATH QUESTION WITH A COLOR. REALIZING THE MINDSET OF THESE PEOPLE, I RETREATED FURTHER AND FURTHER INTO MY WORLD OF AUTISM. MY WORLD IS ONLY THE WORLD THAT I CAN ENJOY TOTALLY ON MY OWN. REALITY FOR ME WAS THE REALITY OF PARALLEL THOUGHTS THAT, IN MY MIND, EVERYONE HAD. MY WORLD EASILY EXHIBITED THEN, THE SENSITIVITY OF THE 5 MAJOR SENSES PLUS THE ADDED SENSITIVITY OF THE DOUBLING OF THAT NUMBER DUE TO THE SYNESTHESIA. THIS TRULY WAS MY WORLD’S WAY OF GIVING ME THE COMPLEXITY THAT I CRAVED AS WELL AS THE REWARD THAT I WAS DENIED FOR ANSWERING IN WHAT I CONSIDERED A CORRECT AND VALID MANNER.
THE YEARS THAT I WAS IN RETREAT EVENTUALLY CAME TO AN END ONCE I COULD COMMUNICATE. THE TIME SINCE I COULD ASK QUESTIONS AND EXPLAIN MY MANY ODD BEHAVIORS WILL ALWAYS BE VIEWED BY ME AS MY ELEMENTARY EDUCATION. IT STARTED WHEN I WAS 25 YEARS OF AGE, WHEN I FIRST LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE, AND CONTINUES EVEN NOW. THE MOST ENJOYABLE PART OF MY LIFE HAS BEEN THE PAST 15 OR 16 YEARS WHEN I COULD COMMUNICATE MY THOUGHTS TO OTHERS. THAT WINDOW THAT WAS OPENED BY BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WAS THE ENTRY WAY TO MY THOUGHTS. SLOWLY, I REJOINED YOUR WORLD, BUT WANT TO ONLY VISIT AND NOT TAKE UP PERMANENT RESIDENCE. I REALIZE THAT I AM DIFFERENT FROM MOST PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN YOUR WORLD BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THEY ARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE OF US WHO LIVE IN MY WORLD OF AUTISM.
I HAD THE ABILITY TO SEE IN MY MIND MULTIPLE CORRECT ANSWERS FOR MOST ACADEMIC QUESTIONS. I WOULD SEE THE NUMBER TWO WHEN ASKED WHAT WAS THE SUM OF 1 PLUS 1, I WOULD ALSO SEE A REDISH COLOR IN ANSWER TO THE SAME QUESTION. TO ME, EITHER THE COLOR OR THE NUMBER WAS THE CORRECT ANSWER. MY RELUCTANCE TO FORCE MYSELF TO CONFORM TO THE RULES OF YOUR WORLD’S ACCEPTABLE NUMBER FORMAT FOR ANSWERING MATH QUESTIONS WAS NOT PALATABLE TO MY MIND WHEN THERE WAS THE POSSIBILITY OF USING CORRESPONDING COLORS. I HAD THE SAME FEELINGS ABOUT OTHER DISCIPLINES AS WELL THAT LIMITED MODES OF ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ONLY ONE. UPON UNDERSTANDING MY SYNESTHESIA I LIMIT MY RESPONSES NOW TO THE COMMONLY ACCEPTED FORMATS FOR ANY SUBJECT. YET I FIND THE ONE CORRECT ANSWER FORMAT TO BE SOMEWHAT BORING AND TEDIOUS. THE WORLD WOULD CERTAINLY BE A MORE INTERESTING PLACE IF THERE WERE MULTIPLE MODES THAT COULD BE USED WITHIN THE SAME LANGUAGE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT OTHER PEOPLE DID NOT SEE THE WORLD IN THE SAME WAY THAT I EXPERIENCED IT, I WAS SAD. SAD, NOT FOR MYSELF, BUT SAD FOR THE OTHERS WHO DID NOT SHARE IN THIS SENSORY RICHNESS THAT I EXPERIENCED.
THE SYNESTHESIA IS STILL A PART OF MY LIFE AND I HOPE IT ALWAYS IS. I HAVE LEARNED THOUGH TO NOT EXPRESS THE ALTERNATIVE SENSORY ANSWERS WHEN ASKED A QUESTION. I PREFER, INSTEAD, TO ENJOY MY WORLD WHEN EVER I CAN IN THE SOLITUDE OF MY MIND THE WAY I DID BEFORE I LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU WITH YOUR LANGUAGE.
I WAS PERHAPS TOO WILLING TO LET MY IMPULSIVE AUTISTIC WILL TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. THE WANTING FOR AND NEED OF ORDER IN MY LIFE AT THAT TIME LEFT ME NO ALTERNATIVES TO ACHIEVE THESE ENDS. REALIZING THAT I WANTED ORDER AND WOULD DO MOST ANYTHING TO ACHIEVE IT, I FOCUSED MY ATTENTION ON THE REALITIES OF MY MIND. WHEN THE WORLD APPEARED TO MY MIND TO BE A BLENDING OF MY VARIOUS SENSES I WAS NOMINALLY RELIEVED TO LEARN FROM READING CYTOWIC, ACKERMAN, DOIDGE, AND MAURER, THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAD THE SAME PROBLEM THAT I HAD AND THAT THESE SYNESTHETES THAT WERE MENTIONED FIT INTO SOCIETY VERY WELL. AMONG THESE PEOPLE ARE: RIMSKI-KORSAKOV, NABOKOV, FAULKNER, VIRGINIA WOOLF, AND JOYCE.
WHEN I READ ACKERMAN AND CYTOWIC YEARS AGO, SOME OF MY QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED AT THE TIME. AFTER READING THE BOOKS, I KNEW THE INFORMATION PRIMARILY ON AN ACADEMIC LEVEL. IT WASN’T UNTIL I REREAD THE CHAPTER IN ACKERMAN’S BOOK A FEW DAYS AGO (11/10/08) THAT I MADE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN THE SYNESTHESIA AND WHAT I HAD BEEN EXPERIENCING ALL OF MY LIFE. WHEN I READ THE CHAPTER MYSELF AND HAD DAD REREAD THE SAME CHAPTER TO ME, I WAS ALMOST GIDDY WITH EXCITEMENT AS I MADE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN THE INFORMATION THAT ACKERMAN PRESENTED AND MYSELF. UPON READING THIS CHAPTER I WAS ABLE TO MAKE THE PERSONAL CONNECTION BETWEEN NOT ONLY ACKERMAN’S WORK BUT ALSO THAT OF CYTOWIC FROM YEARS AGO.
REALIZING THAT I HAD MADE THIS CONNECTION, I WAS ECSTATIC TO SAY THE LEAST. YET, I THOUGHT WHAT POSSIBILITIES I WOULD HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD OF MY EXPERIENCES THROUGH MY WRITING. I LIVED IN THE WORLD PARTIALLY EXPERIENCING IT SAFELY FROM BEHIND THE VEIL OF AUTISM AND EXPERIENCING IT AT THE SAME TIME WITH THE INFLUENCES OF SYNESTHESIA. WHEN I THINK BACK TO MY YOUTH AND TO THE PARADE OF PROGRAMS AND PEOPLE THAT I BECAME ACQUAINTED WITH, I THINK NOW, THAT I UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER, THAT I WANT TO TELL THESE PEOPLE THAT I AM EXTREMELY SORRY FOR THE WAY THAT I ALWAYS PERFORMED IN THEIR PRESENCE. I REALIZE, NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND, THAT I WAS APPLYING MY PRIVATELY HELD RULES ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT GOVERNED REALITY TO THEIR REALITIES WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION BY ME TO GUIDE THEM IN THEIR ATTEMPTS TO SHARE THEIR WORLD WITH ME.
THE REALITY THAT ONLY I KNEW WAS NOT WITHOUT ITS RECENTLY UNCOVERED HINTS. ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, IN MY WRITING, I ELUDED TO MY PERCEPTIONS OF MY WORLD THAT, I DID NOT CONSIDER AS BEING OUT OF THE ORDINARY AT THE TIME, BUT NOW REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE WORDS THAT I WROTE. PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER THE PIECE THAT I WROTE TO THE BAKEMAN’S A YEAR OR SO BACK. IN THIS LETTER, THE PICTURES THAT I WROTE ABOUT SEEING AS I REVISITED SCHOODIC GAVE ONE THE IMPRESSION OF BEING THERE. THIS ATTEMPT AT CAPTURING WITH WORDS THE DELUGE OF IMAGES, SOUNDS, AND PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS THAT I EXPERIENCED WHILE AT SCHOODIC PAILS IN COMPARISON TO THE KALEIDOSCOPIC MENTAL IMAGES OF SHAPES, COLORS, SOUNDS, AND FLAVORFUL PRESSURES THAT I EXPERIENCED IN MY MIND AS EACH OF MY SENSORY SYSTEMS QUIETLY PRESENTED ITS SENSATIONS TO MY BRAIN. THEN, THE SENSORY REPORTS WERE MULTIPLIED SUPPLYING MY MIND WITH MULTIPLE REALITIES WHICH I ACCEPTED AS TRUE REPRESENTATIONS OF THE WORLD THAT WAS OUTSIDE OF MY BODY.
WHILE I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS SECTION ON SYNESTHESIA I HAVE ALSO BEEN LISTENING TO THE CLASSICAL MUSIC STATION ON THE RADIO THUS BRINGING THESE TWO SENSORY SYSTEMS TO THE FOREFRONT OF MY CONSCIOUS MIND. I WANT YOU TO KNOW TOO THAT OTHER OF MY PRIMARY SENSES HAVE ALSO BEEN ACTIVELY DELIVERING STIMULATION TO MY BRAIN WHILE I HAVE BEEN WRITING. TO MAKE THE EXPLAINATION LESS COMPLICATED I WILL ONLY TELL YOU THE CONSEQUENCES TO MY MIND OF MY AUDITORY SYSTEM THAT BRINGS THE SENSATION OF THE CLASSICAL MUSIC TO MY BRAIN, AND THE SENSE OF SIGHT THAT PROVIDES VISUAL STIMULATION TO MY BRAIN AS I WATCH THE WORD-SHAPES APPEAR ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN AS I TYPE. THE OTHER SENSORY SYSTEMS WILL NOT BE ADDRESSED IN AN ATTEMPT TO KEEP MY EXPLANATION AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE. AS I HAVE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TO YOU IN THIS LETTER, CLASSICAL MUSIC WILL EXPRESS ITSELF TO ME WITH TWO REALITIES THAT MY MIND CONSIDERS AS TRUE REPRESENTATIONS OF THE WORLD THAT IS PRESENTING ITSELF TO ME. THE SAME CAN BE SAID FOR MY SENSE OF SIGHT. THE PRIMARY REALIZATION FROM MY AUDITORY SENSE IS THAT OF THE CLASSICAL MUSIC. THE SECONDARY REALITY THAT MY MIND EXPERIENCES WHEN I HEAR THE CLASSICAL MUSIC IS THAT OF COLORS THAT PRESENT AS DOES THE LIGHT SHOW FROM THE AURORA BOREALIS THAT I AM AWARE OF THROUGH READING AND FROM WATCHING A FEW SCIENCE PROGRAMS ON THE SUBJECT. THE TIMING OF THE LIGHT WAVES AND THE INTENSITY OF THE COLORS AS WELL AS THE COLORS THEMSELVES SEEM TO BE GOVERNED BY THE MUSIC’S TEMPO, THE MOOD OF THE PIECE, AND THE INTENSITY OF THE MUSIC. THIS ALL CHANGES WITH EACH PIECE I HEAR.
WHEN I AM TYPING, THE PRIMARY SENSATION THAT MY MIND RECOGNIZES IS THE WORD-SHAPES THAT I EXPERIENCE ON THE SCREEN AS I TYPE. THE SYNESTHESIA INFLUENCED EXPERIENCE IS ONE WHERE EACH LETTER I TYPE IS IN A SPECIFIC COLOR THAT CORRESPONDS TO THE LETTERS RELATIVE POSITION ON THE VISABLE LIGHT SPECTRUM WHERE THE LETTER A IS RED, THE LETTER G IS ORANGISH, AND THE LETTER Z IS VIOLET IN COLOR EXPERIENCE. THE WORD “RED” WOULD PRESENT A THREE COLORED WORD WITH EACH LETTER BEING REPRESENTATIVE OF ITS RELATIVE POSITION ON THE VISABLE LIGHT SPECTRUM. THE “R” WOULD BE BLUISH; THE “E” REDISH ORANGE; AND THE “D” WOULD BE REDDER ORANGE.
THE WORDS THAT I TYPE ARE MULTI COLORED AS I EXPERIENCE THEM ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THAT THEY ARE IN REALITY BLACK ON A LIGHT GREY BACKGROUND. THE CLASSICAL MUSIC THAT I HEAR IS GIVING MY MIND THE ADDITIONAL SENSATION OF SHEETS OF UNDULATING COLOR BEFORE MY EYES. THE COMBINATION OF THE REAL(THE MUSIC, AND THE WORDS AND LETTERS ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN) ALONG WITH THE VERY REAL EXPERIENCES IN MY MIND OF THE SECONDARY EFFECTS OF THE SYNESTHESIA TOGETHER AT TIMES PRODUCE THE EXAGGERATED EFFECTS ON MY MIND THAT I CERTAINLY ENJOY BUT CAN’T EXPRESS TO YOU. YET, I CAN SAY THAT THE PLEASURE MY MIND ENJOYS WHEN TWO OR MORE OF MY SENSES ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY STIMULATED IS MORE THAN THE SUM TOTAL OF THE NUMBER OF INDIVIDUAL SENSES IF THEY COULD SOMEHOW BE ADDED TOGETHER. THE INCLINATION TO THINK IN MULTIPLE SENSORY MODES IS NOT ACADEMICALLY DRIVEN BUT IS PLEASURE DRIVEN FOR ME.
WHILE I COULD ONLY PRINT WORDS ON PAPER, I RELIVED EACH SENSATION THAT I EXPERIENCED WHILE AT SCHOODIC WITH THE REALITY THAT BROUGHT THE EXACT SIGHTS, SOUNDS, SMELLS, TASTES, AND TACTILE SENSATIONS TO MY EXPERIENCE AS IF I WERE AGAIN PRESENT AT SCHOODIC. THE EASE WITH WHICH I CAN REVISIT MY PAST SENSORY EXPERIENCES AND EXPERIENCE THE SENSATIONS AS I ORIGINALLY DID, WHETHER TACTILE, OLFACTORY, GUSTATORY, AUDITORY, OR VISUAL, WAS ONE OF THE HALLMARKS THAT IS COMMON AMONG MANY NONVERBAL AUTISTICS AS WELL AS AMONG THOSE WHO ENJOY SYNESTHESIA IN ONE DEGREE OR ANOTHER. I WONDERED OF THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO CONDITIONS ESPECIALLY WHEN I BECAME AWARE OF OTHER SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THEM. THE NEED FOR ORDER; THE ABILITY TO RECALL THE EXACT PLACEMENT OF ITEMS WITHIN A ROOM; THE ABILITY TO RECALL THE REFERENCE NAME OF A PERSON IN LIEU OF RECALLING THE PERSON’S EXACT NAME ARE COMMON IN BOTH CONDITIONS. MORE SPECIFICALLY, THERE IS THE BRAIN ACTIVITY IN THE LIMBIC SYSTEM THAT IS COMMON IN BOTH CONDITIONS.
THE SENSATIONS THAT I EXPERIENCED AT SCHOODIC WERE AS PLENTIFUL AS IF HAVING MULTIPLE SENSORY SYSTEMS ALL WORKING AT THE SAME TIME BUT AT 300% CAPACITY. MY EARS HEARD THE WAVES AND THE SEA GULLS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME FROM THE SAME ORIGINAL SENSATION, MY MIND SAW SHAPES. MY MIND PERCEIVED SHAPES THAT MY SENSE OF SIGHT DID NOT EXPERIENCE. THE LIGHT REFLECTING FROM THE OCEAN PRODUCED A SWEET TASTING PRESSURE ON MY BODY WHILE I SAW THE WAVES SPARKLING LIKE GLASS ORNAMENTS. THE TASTE OF THE SALT AIR ON MY TONGUE AROUSED IN MY MIND THE SENSATION OF WALLS OF GREEN. WHEN I WROTE THE LETTER TO THE BAKEMANS, THE IDEAS THAT I HAD IN MY MIND OF THESE ODD EXPERIENCES WERE SUPPRESSED BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO EXPRESS MY MOST INNER PRIVATE EXPERIENCES. I DID THIS BECAUSE I WAS NOT SURE THAT I COULD PUT THEIR BEAUTY INTO WORDS THAT WOULD CONVEY THEIR TRUE MEANING TO ANOTHER PERSON. INSTEAD, I PRESENTED PICTURES WITH WORDS OF WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED WITH MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES AND USED METAPHORS TO ELUDE TO THE POSSIBILITY THAT I EXPERIENCED MORE THAN I HAD THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS CLEARLY.
IN MY LETTER TO THE BAKEMAN’S, I ELUDE TO MY THOUGHTS WHEN I TELL THEM OF HOW I EXPERIENCED THE FIR TREES AS SINGING, AND THE ROCKS ON THE SHORE THAT WERE PAINTED IN ONE COLOR. THE SHAPE OF THE POINTED FIRS WILL ALWAYS BRING TO MY MIND THE IMAGE OF CHILDREN SINGING IN A CHOIR. THE ROCKS ON THE SHORE, WET WITH SEA WATER, BRING VISIONS OF THEM BEING PAINTED BY THE MAGIC BRUSH OF NATURE THAT LEAVES NO BRUSH MARKS. THESE IMAGES ALONG WITH MY NORMAL SENSORY IMAGES INTERMINGLE IN MY MIND AS IF I WERE SEEING REALITY IN TWO DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AT THE SAME TIME. THESE IMAGES, THAT ARE UNMISTAKABLY REAL ONLY IN MY MIND, ARE SPANNING MY THOUGHTS THOUGH I RARELY WRITE OF THEM. EACH THOUGHT THAT I WRITE ABOUT OF THIS NATURE GIVES ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLORE THAT OTHER PART OF MY MIND THAT I AM NOW BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND AND HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED. WITHIN MY MIND’S PURVIEW THE REAL AS YOU KNOW IT IS TITRATED AGAINST THE REALITY OF MY MIND, YET I TOO NOW KNOW THE DIFFERENCE THAT SEPARATES THE TWO. TEACHING THE NONVERBAL AUTISTIC PERSON ABOUT THE CONDITION OF SYNESTHESIA WOULD HELP HIM REALIZE THE ANSWERS TO MANY OF HIS QUESTIONS THAT NORMALLY GO UNANSWERED, IN MY CASE TO THE AGE OF TWENTY FIVE OR TWENTY EIGHT YEARS.
THE SYNESTHESIA I EXPERIENCE IS PLEASURABLE TO MY MIND. I EXPERIENCE MY REALITY AS YOU WOULD EXPERIENCE THE MUSIC OF AN ORCHESTRA WITH BLENDED TONES AND NOTES FROM A VARIETY OF INSTRUMENTS. THE INSTRUMENTS, PLAYING AS A UNIT, REWARD THE LISTENER WITH AN AUDITORY DISPLAY OF PLEASING SENSATIONS. THE LEAD INSTRUMENT OF ANY SECTION OF THE ORCHESTRA CAN BE HEARD DISTINCTLY IF ONE LISTENS INTENTLY WHILE THE OTHER INSTRUMENTS’ SOUNDS BLEND INTO A MÉLANGE OF PLEASURE.
THE SENSORY EXPERIENCES THAT I HAVE ENJOYED OVER THE YEARS, INCLUDING THOSE I EXPERIENCED AFTER LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE, ON MOST OCCASIONS ARE NOT AS SUBTLE AS THE MUSICAL BLEND EMANATING FROM AN ORCHESTRA. MY MIND INTERPRETS WHAT IT IS SUPPLIED FROM MY SENSES. THE STIMULATION FROM EACH OF MY SENSES CAN BE ISOLATED AND EXPERIENCED SEPARATELY MUCH AS ONE CAN ISOLATE THE LEAD INSTRUMENT OF ANY SECTION OF THE ORCHESTRA IF ONE LISTENS CLOSELY ENOUGH. THE OTHER MENTAL EXPERIENCES THAT ARE CAUSED BY THE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA THAT I HAVE WHEN I EXPERIENCE THE PRIMARY SENSATIONS OF THE 5 SENSES ARE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS IF THEY WERE THE SECOND OR THIRD VIOLIN, TRUMPET, OR CLARINET. I HAVE, OVER THE YEARS, LEARNED TO SEPARATE THE IMAGES IN MY MIND THAT ARE FROM MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES FROM THOSE IMAGES THAT APPEAR AS REAL EXPERIENCES THAT ARE CAUSED BY THE SYNESTHESIA. YET, I ESCAPE TO MY WORLD ON OCCASION TO ENJOY THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP MY REALITIES ALIVE IN MY WORLD OF MY MIND.
THE PICTURES THAT I HAVE IN MY MIND OF MY MANY EXPERIENCES TRULY ARE PICTURES THAT I CAN NOT FULLY DESCRIBE ADEQUATELY AT THIS TIME BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE LANGUAGE SKILLS TO DO JUSTICE TO THE POWER OF MY MIND. I CAN ONLY ADEQUATELY DESCRIBE WHAT I FEEL, TASTE, HEAR, SMELL, OR SEE. I CAN ALSO TELL YOU IN YOUR WORDS WHAT I EXPERIENCE AS REAL WHEN MY FIVE PRIMARY SENSES REPORT THEIR FINDINGS OF YOUR WORLD TO MY BRAIN WHICH THEN BLENDS THE SENSATIONS TO CAUSE ANOTHER ETHEREAL REALITY THAT I EXPERIENCE SIMULTANEOUSLY WITH THE REALITY THAT YOU ACCEPT. PERHAPS SOME DAY I CAN GIVE YOU, IN WORDS, THE COMPLETE MULTILAYERED MENTAL PICTURE OF WHAT MY MIND ACTUALLY EXPERIENCES WHEN IT IS STIMULATED BY ONE OR MORE OF MY PRIMARY SENSES RATHER THAN DESCRIBING IT IN SINGLE LAYERS AS I NOW MUST DO.
TO GIVE YOU SOME IDEA OF THE COMPLEXITY OF THE PICTURE THAT I MIGHT WANT TO DESCRIBE TO YOU IF I TOOK INTO ACCOUNT THE MULTIPLE EFFECTS OF SYNESTHESIA ON TOP OF THE 5 SENSES JUST PICTURE THE FINALLY OF THE FOURTH OF JULY FIREWORKS EXTRAVAGANZA AT WASHINGTON, DC, OR NEW YORK CITY. IMAGINE IF YOU WILL WHAT IS HAPPENING ON A SENSORY LEVEL AT EACH OF THESE EVENTS WITH FIREWORKS EXPLODING AND FLASHING IN THE NIGHT SKY, BANDS PLAYING THE 1812 OVERTURE, CROWDS OF THOUSANDS OF CHEERING PEOPLE, FLAGS AND BANNERS FLYING, THE AROMA OF POPCORN AND HOTDOGS WITH MUSTARD, THE TEXTURE OF PINK COTTON CANDY IN YOUR MOUTH, THE SMELL OF SWEAT, TOTAL CHAOS AND MAYHEM IN THE PARKING LOTS AND SURROUNDING HIGHWAYS, AND THE NATURAL BEAUTY OF THE WARM JULY EVENING WITH THE CHIRP OF CRICKETS AND BEING ABLE TO ZERO YOUR ATTENTION IN ON THE BUZZ OF A SINGLE MOSQUITO THAT IS TRYING TO FEED FROM YOUR RIPE BODY. TRY TO DESCRIBE THIS, ALONG WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED, WITH THE UNDERSTANDING AND LANGUAGE OF PERHAPS A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS COUNTRY FOR ONLY A FEW YEARS. IF YOU CAN EXPRESS THIS IN YOUR WRITTEN WORDS THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY LIFE ON MOST DAYS WHEN I MUST SORT THROUGH ALL OF THE SENSORY STIMULATION THAT MY MIND IS BOMBARDED WITH AND STILL BE ABLE TO SWAT THE “BUZZING MOSQUITO” THAT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION.
I REST NOW. I AM TIRED.
Wally, you have done a great job explaining synesthesia to Gram. Are you finished with this part on synesthesia now and do you at our next session want to go back to your original letter and continue editing?
I WANT TO FINISH EDITING THE LETTER. WAS IT TIME TO END THE SYNESTHESIA DISCUSSION?
Wally, as far as your letter to Gram Marjie is concerned, I think that you have covered the subject very well for her to understand your involvement with synesthesia.
When ever you want to write more on the synesthesia please feel free to do so. I am very interested in what you have to tell about it.
OK.