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View Full Version : Need help discussing Anger with my TBI BF (ASAP)


LuvMKISA
11-10-2008, 12:00 PM
1st let me say that I love my boyfriend, and truly want to be supportive of him.

Heres my problem. What I’d like to know is how do I approach him to talk about TBI? What are your experiences with this? I’d like to here from both sides of this experience. Early on he said he did not want to discuss his injuries in detail so I let it go. I do know that he suffered traumatic bodily and brain injuries; and has made great progress……..except that jealousy trigger.

Background: We have not been dating ‘long” and we’ve been fighting like cats&dogs for the past month. Jealousy and Insecurities were driving me crazy.
He did not want me speaking to guys; got mad if he thought someone liked or was attracted to me, etc. We live and work in a 75-80% male environment so there’s no way I could “accommodate” his demands.
He’s dumped me 3x the past month, has dumped on me several times, and is currently NOT speaking to me.
I was totally prepared to walk away and leave this “caustic” relationship alone; because it’s not good for either of us. It seemed that he wanted “control” of me.

Problem identified: This past Saturday while watching Discovery Health, I came to realize that TBI might be the issue here. Dr. Drew gave a description similar to: head injury may cause emotional volatility (intense mood swings or extreme reactions to everyday situations). Such overreactions could be sudden tears, angry outbursts, or laughter. It is important to understand that the person has lost some degree of control over emotional responses
At that point the battles all made sense, and I also realized that I’d handled everything wrong (I would have reacted differently had I’d know that TBI was the issue). Early on he said he did not want to discuss his injuries in detail so I let it go. I do know that he suffered traumatic bodily and brain injuries; and has made great progress……..except that jealousy trigger.

It’s now Monday, and I’d like to dialogue with him on this, if not for “our sake” then for His. Avoidance is not a “healthy” choice. IMHO

Bandi
05-12-2009, 07:24 PM
I know this was posted a long time ago but I have the same problem. My boyfriend had a TBI several years ago. He has lasting vision, memory, and anger issues. Jealousy is also major trigger for him. He has gotten to the point of not wanting me to leave his side. When I do, I get barraged with accusations from the time I leave till I get back and he calls and texts every 10 minutes it seems. It has broken us apart several times and I am having a hard time dealing with it because I have never cheated on him and have no intention to. I love him very much and have addressed it as a symptom of his TBI but he doesn't believe it is. He thinks I have lied and gotten away with many things and it is a matter of time before he catches me. Were you able to address this productively with your boyfriend? I am almost feeling mentally abused but am trying to be understanding of his limitations.

lfaitel
05-16-2009, 10:19 AM
I am a TBI survivor and kind of like as a woman I don't like to be told my actions are because of my menstrual cycle, I never wanted to be told something was due to the head injury I suffered. One day I was talking to my psychologist saying how worried and jealous I was, and that I asked my finance every day if he was cheating on me.

My doc said: "If you ask him everyday if he is cheating on you,eventually that will drive him to cheat." That is all it took, I never questioned my fiance again and we have been married 20 years.