3 kids all in trouble with drugs and alcohol!

[JAVISI]

I have 3 children, my oldest is on probation after serving almost a year for DUI, flight to avoid arrest, hitting a sheriffs car, and then the deputy. My daughter, my middle child, her house was raided and she was arrested along with her boyfriend, their son was taken away for a few months. That was an eye opener for the both of them. They are both in drug court. Now a week and a half ago my yongest son got a DUI, That cost me part of my Christmas money.

It breaks my heart, I feel guilty. I have never been a drinker but married an alcoholic, and a physical and emotional abuser for years. I left him when all of the kids were grown. I feel guilty for not leaving sooner maybe none of this would have ever happened. How do I move on and not feel so guilty and so terribly sad!!!

Why did they all turn out like their dad. They are slowly one by one turning into more like me. My Oldest is 24, my middle child id 23, and my youngest is 21.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Dreaming Big and Reaching for the Stars, Javisi

[Buttons2]

First a big hug (((()))))and welcome back Laurie! I was so surprised to see your post. My dear friend none of this was your doing, I cannot stress that enough. Your kid's all made their own decisions. Some of it may have been based on their father's behavior-but not yours! You were strong,you GOT out. And I know how much you went through to get to that point.

About guilt,well any mother would tend to feel that way I think. However I've said more than once that guilt is a self-imposed emotion. In reality what do you think you could have done differently? You stayed with your husband because he was abusive & had threatened you.....you didn't want to have a broken home & that was because of these kids in many ways. You finally found the strength to leave,and this was on top of your declining health! In my mind you showed your kid's a better way when you left.

They are grown up's now Laurie,and responsible for their own decisions. If anything you have bent over backward's to teach them & be there for them when they got in trouble. You could have walked away & let them suffer their own failures-but you didn't. You stood by them in everything right?

Question: how is son on probation doing? He had a rough time (so did you!) while paying for his mistakes & I hope he did learn his lesson & is getting on with his life. As for daughter,she knew she was taking a risk & for whatever reason she chose that lifestyle. It had nothing to do with you! Please don't play the blame game. Drugs are horrid (especially meth) and I really feel there was not one thing you could have done to prevent this.

I'm sure your heart aches about granddaughter & am hoping you get to see her! You have alot of strength Laurie,you've been through too much already. Please try the best you can to get on with your own life (I'm hoping marriage is still in your future), and let those kids face up to their own mistakes.

I don't know one family that hasn't been touched in some way by alcohol and/or drugs. There comes a time when "tough love" must be practiced for your own sake & perhaps that time is now.

Take care of YOU

[JAVISI]

Pati,
You always seem to come to my rescue. You have been with me through the roughest times of my life and the triumphs! Thank you for that! I guess I just wonder why out of 3 childrens they all turned to drugs and alcohol. Not one of them realized that they could get in serious trouble. I just wish they wouldn't have followed in their dad's footsteps. They use him for an excuse. My youngest thinks it was destiny that he would have an addiction problem because he has a dad that has a addictive personality, and their is addictions on both sides of his family. I know that it is just an excuse! I have had a serious talk with him, I think he got the point!

My oldest is doing great he is on probation until 2009. He doesn't drink at all. He has his life on track now and comes out here to hunt with Dan most week-ends, I then get to enjoy my grandaughter, I so want my strength so she can spend the night. She begs everytimes she comes here but I just am not up to it yet.

My daughtert has made great progress she is in drug court. She says that she feels so much better now that she is clean and you can tell it by her and her boyfriends lifestyle. They are doing great! I am so happy to say that she calls me at least twice a day. My grandkids are thriving because they are the first on both of their agendas.

My youngest has quit drinking and smoking weed. He hasn't even to court yet. He is doing good, I hope it stays that way. I worry about him the most. He was beat down the most by his dad. He was always treated unfairly by his dad and he did the most for his dad! I don't understand. He gave the other 2 kids money a few days before his birthday, His dad didn't give him money or acknowledge his birthday. Yet when my oldest son's birthday came around he was here to celebrate!

I could go on but you get the drift. He calls me at least once a day so I know how he is doing. He hates me worrying about him. But I think I will always worry about my kids!

Sorry my update took so long. I often just go though the recent posts and am exhausted, But I realized today that I am missing out of a lot of posts. I am trying to get back into the routine of helping others, posting to people that no one has posted to! That is my purpose in life! I know that it is yours too. Thank you for that. You have been such a good friend I could never thank you enough! HUGS, Laurie

[Buttons2]

Laurie,I'm so glad things are improving for your children. To me they seem very young since my son's are 39 & 40 now! My youngest son likes to live on the edge,I was just thinking the other day about when he got a DUI (he was 19 at the time). He lost his new car,lost his license for 6mos. Might have spent a night or so in jail even......I refused to help him.

I'd have white hair if I fretted over my kids too much! All we can do is love them & then let them reach their own conclusions. My son's are as different as day & night. So only some things can be tied to heridity (sp) and you're absolutely right...that's just an excuse.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex favors one son over the other,maybe that goes back to how he grew up? Life's just not always fair. You know that & they will come to accept it as time goes by.

Your kids don't know how lucky they are to have you in their lives,alot of parents would just show them the door!

Hopefully neither of us will have more heartache over our kids,but if we do I think we'll always be there for supporting each other & that is such a wonderful thing.

((((HUGS my dear cyber friend))))

[JAVISI]

Pati,
First off thank you, you have been in the thick of it with me. I am glad that my children are grown and on their own, Although I love them with all my heart. I wish I could go back and change a few thing but that is impossible so now I must let things happen and try to go with the flow. I have always been a worrier. But it is nice that I don't have to worry so much any more.

I have an idea why my ex favors one son over the other. He favors his first born that will carry on his name, Plus he looks just like my ex! Unlike my youngest that takes after my side of the family 100%. That sure isn't a good reason to favor one over another. Although my kids have different personalities, I love them all the same and alwys will!

I am not sure what is going to happen with this DUI, I helped him pay his fees to get his lisence back last year, This time he will have to do it on his own! I hope I can be firm with that. I am kind of a push over when it comes to my kids.

I sure do miss a lot of people that I used to post to that have moved on after the crash! But I think we now have a strong group of people that are the best of friends!

It is coffee time, Hugs, Laurie