no patience!! Him, not me!

[JoyceS]

How do I handle my husband's impatience with his situation? He has chronic pain from nerve damage (left arm numb and painful, spasms, nonworking 3, 4, and 5th fingers on left hand) and has tried a number of meds that are supposed to help his pain, including Lyrica, gabapentin, and a number of others. Nothing seems to help, and most of the time the side effects are bad enough that he can't continue. When the latest plan hasn't produced the desired result, he nags me to find something that will work (i.e., pesters me to phone the doc...again...;to contact a specialist...whatever one some guy he meets on the street says will cure him...; to buy some herbal thing that promises miracles...and doesn't work; etc.) and gets obsessed with the idea that if I don't do what he wants right away, I am not caring. That hurts. He is 80, so I think some of his problem is his age, but it is wearing on me when he goes on like this. Any ideas? :eek:

[tic chick]

welcome, joyce*bunch

i truly sympathize with you.

has the doctor tailored the doses of pain meds to your hubby's age? older people metabolize drugs slower, so what might be a normal dosage in a younger patient would be too much for him. if one of the drugs works, but has too many side effects, you could ask the doc to lower the dosage. see if that helps your hubby.

you seem comfortable with the computer. when your hubby asks for the latest herb or supplement, go to www.google.com and type in the drug and see what it says about it. then you can show hubby what it says on the computer.

maybe he is depressed from the pain, too. ask hubby's doctor during his next appointment if an antidepressant might help.

there is also a "chronic pain" forum here for you to post, also "peripheral neuropathy". check out these forums and post there, too. you might get better advice from people who live with this on a daily basis.

it is hard to be a caregiver for someone in constant pain. i think your hubby is looking for relief, but you have to tell him to be polite. when he is making demands, say calmly, "honey, i'll try and do something as soon as possible, but please stop being so impatient, because if i don't feel well, i won't be able to take care of you the best way i can. i do care about you". this is making your feelings known. your hubby may or may not listen, that is up to him, but you have the right to say that you want to be treated better to him.

please keep posting, joyce. i think you will find support here for your probs. i invite you to join our support group in the emotional support forum. just introduce yourself on any of the threads that are busy.

take care of yourself!
jeannie

[dawnmn]

(((HUGS))) joyce this must be a hard time for you.

[joy]

Dawn, I'm so proud of you for sticking with us and all. I FORGET to look for new posts way to often. I am making a reminder note for myself to check forum out. I subscribe to many and keep up with things that way. But that's how I miss the new ones so gotta do better.

Looks like Joyce has her hands way to full as she never came back. It is not only hard on the person suffering but on the spouse as well. Ackk, it's awful for all.